7 month old with no routine, co-sleeping, settles only on the boob!

[javic]

My DS is 7 months. Up to 3 months he slept in a moses basket next to our bed, which worked well - he got to sleeping 8 hours a night a few nights. Then he got too big for the basket and at the same time the weather was far too hot for him to wear his sleeping bag and I think the change over to a cot and not wearing his bag unsettled him.

After that, he didn't sleep as well and spent half the night in with us. At four and a half months we went away and had no cot for him, so he ended up sleeping with us all night. Since then, he has been full time in with us. During day sleeps, he mostly sleeps in our arms.

Thing is, I worry he is not getting enough sleep - as he is disturbed much easier in our arms, only goes to bed when we do (midnight) and wakes for feeds a few times in the nights. He also has no routine as it never seemed possible to get it to work for him. When I tried to put him down at the same time every day he just wouldn't go to sleep.

Lately, I have had more success. He wakes at 7.30 or 8am, has breakfast, then goes back to sleep on the boob at 10am. I have been putting him in his cot after that to sleep but he only wakes up 20 minutes later. Then I try to feed him to sleep again, but he wakes when I move him back to his cot. I have tried not feeding him when he wakes, just patting him to sleep - but he gets hysterical.

I also tried feeding him through the cot bars so I didn't have to move him. This worked for a couple of days, but then he started waking up five minutes after I took my boob away. Nothing else will calm him but my boob. If we try rocking or patting him to sleep he justs ends up screaming. We tried giving him a bottle of formula instead but he clamps his mouth shut. I tried so many things and eventually, one night, I just left him in his cot crying and walked out in tears to my husband who said it was not right and went to get DS out of his cot.

I do not know what to do. I CAN go on like this but it is pretty tiring and I worry DS is also not getting enough sleep. Also, there is a temptation just to leave him on our bed to sleep on his own but that is a bit dangerous as we have wooden floorboards and it would really hurt him to fall.

I also worry that he will not learn how to settle himself to sleep. Does anyone have any advice for me on how they got their babies to fall asleep without a feed? I don't mind carrying on like this but I just wonder when it will end - at 12 months I plan to stop breastfeeding and wonder if it will be a nightmare with him screaming then.

Also, what to do about the routine. Is it very important? If he goes down to sleep at 10am and then wakes up 20 minutes later what should I do? If I feed him again he might sleep for another 20 minutes, then wake again. Then, if I try to feed him again, he gets bored and rolls away to start playing. Should I be making him stay in his cot in his room for two hours even if he is not asleep - just so he gets used to it?

Any advice would be much appreciated. I think the controlled crying thing might help babies sleep but my husband certianly does not approve and it makes me so upset as well. I would like to find a solution that does not involve letting baby cry. My DS really gets upset with no booby and I can't stand to see him like that.

Sorry for the huge post and thanks in advance for reading. Just to summarise, my main questions are:

how do babies eventually learn to settle themselves once breastfeeding stops - is it always a painful experience? how can I get my DS to self settle?

and

how should I go about establishing my DS's routine when he keeps waking up and will not stay down for two hours - should I feed him again and again or keep him in his cot regardless of whether he is awake or asleep and just make sure I am there keeping him calm until the two hours are up?

[BabyMama]

Hi Javic,

Firstly - what a wonderful mum you are. You sound as though you are very sensitive to bub's needs and doing a fantastic job of caring for him.

It's so hard to know the best thing to do isn't it. My DS was a shocking catnapper - would only sleep for 20-45 mins at a time. For me, I cuddled him to sleep and I found that he couldn't self-settle after that one sleep cycle (he wanted to be cuddled again to fall back asleep). In the end I helped him to learn to fall asleep without the cuddle and that made a dramatic difference to the length of his day naps as well as his night sleeping. He's still not the best sleeper but he's a lot better.

I can highly recommend the book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. It provides practical advice on how to help bub fall asleep without the boob/rocking/dummy using gentle methods. You won't have to let bub cry to sleep.

About the routine - I don't really watch the clock but I find if I look for bub's tired signs and put him to bed then, it works fairly well. DS sleeps for about an hour for two naps a day. Also, I have a pre-bed routine which helps bub read the 'cues' so he knows it's sleep time and this also helps him wind down.

You're doing a great job - not having that break from bub in the day while he sleeps is so hard. Maybe have a chat to your DH and see how you're both feeling about it all - if you're doing ok with things the way they are then that's fine. And if you feel you want to try a change, then maybe make a plan together on how you might do that (again, the book is great for developing the plan).

Most of all be kind to yourself