my older 2 children (10 & 8) do not live with me
my eldest is 10 and last night i noticed when she got out of the bath she has pubic hair!!!!! i nearly died!!!! she has just turned 10....she also has quite developed breasts....we haven't had 'the talk' as yet..and i have no idea where to start....
HELP!!!!
whats next??? i started my period at age 11.... my poor baby is growing up before my eyes....
Oh wow, you'd better do it very soon, af is on it's way for sure!
Where to start - hmm, well I would get some good books - for you to read and then for her to keep and read and ask questions. Give her the basics in simple terminology, but be truthful, make sure you let her know how special these changes are.
I'd get her a cute zip up type small bath bag to put pads for school in, something discreet to stay in her bag just in case - also talk to her about what to do if it happens at school and who to go to - is her teacher female? Do they have a school nurse?
time to take AF outta the closet ! i remember that my mum started to leave her packet of tampons/pads out in the bathroom when i was getting that stage. and occasionally she would mention that her AF was making her tired etc etc. it was a small thing but i do remember clearly that it got me thinking ITMS....just an idea to slowly broach the subject...
Hi honey,
Its sooooo easy. Really its only as stressful as you make it. I also have a 10 year old girl and a 12 year old boy;both have absolutely no signs of hormonal changes-nothing. I probably started my talks with them when they were about 8. My mum started her periods at 9 eventhough i didnt till 15 i wanted the kids in the know. Not only for themselves but also so they can help there friends cause i remember when i was 12 my girlfriend got hers when we were skinny dipping(long story-girls only slumber party)and she thoughts sh'e durt herself. Her mum had told her nothing. So i told her and i had pads already for MY TIMe, so i fixed her up and took her to her mum. I remember being really angry at her mum because Julie was sooo frightened.
I started by introducing them to why i was crabby, or why i was a little weepy or why my tummy hurt, or why i wanted chocolate... Whatever goes on for you... Then just say Mummy is getting her period again. Grrrr mummy hates getting her period and tell them why.. Then just say "So babe/honey/chicken, has anyone talked to you about periods?" Do you know what one is? Maybe your friends have said something? I try and make it as casual as possible. You and her driving somewhere in the car.. Putting towels away while shes in the bathroom. Offer to wash her back and make a coment on how beautiful her changing body is. Lots of different ways. Its such a special way to establish that bond where she knows she can depend and trust her mum. Good luck with it all. I second the idea of a special little bathroom bag with pads,wipes and maybe a knicker change and something to cheer her up at the time;incase you arent there. Maybe a "Guess how much i love you sign"and a open in emergencies envelope with a 10 dollar coles gift card so she can by herself something to cheer her up and make her day special.
Love and light
Pauline
I agree about not making it stressful. If you get embarrassed, they will pick up on it and it could make it more difficult for them. I agree about sticking to the facts and keeping it simple. But be very clear in what you're saying, don't make it wishwashy or confusing (more than it already is!).
It might be a good idea to chat to the person she lives with to see if they have had "The Chat" at all - they may have done this. It might also be a good idea to chat to her school and see what (if anything) they have covered in school to date. From memory, they begin these sorts of discussion pretty early now... If they have begun having those sorts of chats at school, it will help you to gauge how much she knows and give you some ideas on how to broach it. It might also help you to work out how to raise the topic.
Wow - 10 is such a young age to learn to manage all of that for her and for you. I don't know if it helps much, but there are some resources available from the family planning website with fact sheets on different topics: Family Planning Queensland :: Topics (if you click on puberty there is a list of a few different topics to pick from - there is one called puberty for girls).
They probably aren't great for your DD to read by herself, but might be worth you having a look so that you can talk to her about the things written in it. They also answer some questions that she may ask like what does a period feel like? It might be worth preparing some answers for questions like that before you talk to her.
There are a few books out there which may be useful for opening up discussion. There is a book by Babette Cole called 'Hair in Funny Places'. It is a picture book for kids that explores puberty. I don't think there is enough detail in it for it to be the whole 'talk' but it might be a good starting place, especially for a 10 year old.
I know that carefree and libra have some really good information sheets to explain this kind of thing.
There is also a book that mum got me called Real Gorgeous by Kaz Cooke. We read through it together and explained things in fun way and not a really confronting way.
there is a kaz cooke book called "girls stuff" or something like that! nappy brained atm, cant quite rememeber
I bought it for my neice when she was 12, so a little bit older, but I had a good read of it first and let her mum have a good look thru it first jic she was a bit hesitant about her reading some of the stuff (also talks thru sex, alcohol, peer pressure, drugs, eating disorders, u think of it its there!) I suggested maybe just reading a few chapters with her to start with, but my neice is pretty mature for age so we just let her run with it.
The thing I really liked about it was there is a whole chapter about talking to your parents, how to do it etc, and explaining that they are probably just as uncomfortable talking about it as they are etc, also goes into detail about why we get periods, what is happening in their bodies, what to do. I would deffinately reccomend it.
good luck, hope its not too painful for you...
Hey Kat - have you spoken to her about people touching her in 'that area'??? it oculd be a good time to combine the 2.
Nikolaus asked us when I was pg with Vy were babies come from...we explained the best we could without being to gross and the used the situation to high light stranger danger. Also explained that girls have eggs that they sort of lay (he was 7) and then casue the mum's body was all ready for abby to start growing from the egg and its gone that the mums body has to release all the blood to get ready for the next time the egg comes.
Good luck babe
OH I really like the pad/tampoon thing being left out on the bench top to....I use cloth pads and Nikolaus knows what their for.
I just had the talk with my 10 yr old, and it went great.... but now whenever we leave the house, she asks me or her step dad should she bring some pads just in case she gets her period...
If you are really concerned about doing it yourself - Family Planning runs courses that families can enrol in and go together - they have really good visual resources and will touch on a whole range of topics from puberty, sex ed, making healthy choices, healthy relationships and belonging to self protective behaviours. In Queensland it costs about $12 per family to attend one of these courses. I don't know much about Family Planning in NSW but I imagine it is similar. You could try contacting them and see what is available.
I did a course on teaching sexuality education to primary schoolers and children with disabilities a few years ago while I was still teaching - FPQ ran it. I think their stuff is fantastic and takes a very wholistic approach to sex ed - looks at emotions and relationships not just the physiological side of sex and puberty. I like their open approach to the way that they talk about it without embarrassment and I learned a lot just from listening to the way the instructor approached the whole topic. I can't recommend them highly enough.
Just tell her the truth or maybe ask her what she knows already. she may surprise you and know alot more then you think. Always be upfront. I got mine when i was 10 ( ah so long ago) and my mum was honest with me and packed me a lil bag with my girly stuff in it.
how do i explain things to my daughter??
Reply With Quote
! i remember that my mum started to leave her packet of tampons/pads out in the bathroom when i was getting that stage. and occasionally she would mention that her AF was making her tired etc etc. it was a small thing but i do remember clearly that it got me thinking ITMS....just an idea to slowly broach the subject...
(he was 7) and then casue the mum's body was all ready for abby to start growing from the egg and its gone that the mums body has to release all the blood to get ready for the next time the egg comes.
Bookmarks