Tily, ahh, thanks for sorting that lil puzzle out for me....... Ultimately until you get to hold a healthy at term baby in your arms, you won't really believe in your heart of hearts that you can do it, but until then you will do the best you can... well in my experience, but until then it is possible to at least believe in each moment, even if you can't quiet imagine a happy ending. I never could imagine that it would be me to have a happy ending, and I spent a lot of time planning funerals whilst pregnant. The grim reality for angel mummas. When is your EDD for Lucy? Must be late February/early March? I wish you didn't have to be having these doubts, and this emotional confusion about how far you are along. I can't remember feeling that way myself, or at least I didn't let my self think about how far along I would have been had any of the other pregnancy''s not ended early? I just tried to live in the moment, Amelia, my first angel taught me that, from week 8 in our pregnancy. What a gift huh? It's hard to be pregnant and recently bereaved, but in a way I think it's harder not to be pregnant...? Anyway, do you have anything planned for Lucy's EDD? I've found it helps to try to have some things in mind in case you feel up to it, but if you don't, no harm, but if you do and no plans, it makes you feel even more like a dud than you already feel. It doesn't have to be much, but just something to mark the day and what might have been.