Questions for late loss parents re: Bereavement room
This is a questions only for parents who have had a late loss/perinatal death.
Assuming you birthed you baby in a hospital, did your hospital have or offer the use of a bereavement room? A place to go after the birth for you to be with your little one to say goodbye and spend some time with that wasn't a birth suite or the maternity ward?
If you did, do you mind telling me which hospitals have bereavement rooms and what they're like? The only one I know of is at the Mercy in Melbourne, but I don't know what it is like.
If like me, you didn't have the option, what did you do? Did you go to the maternity ward? Did you have a private room? Was your DH able to stay with you? Were you able to have much time with your bub?
We stayed in the birth suite overnight and left the following afternoon. In our case, DS's death was unexpected and happened after birth, so they were not able to give us the birth suite they normally assign to stillbirth parents (assuming it was available). For after care, we had the option of going to the prenatal ward or the maternity ward. There were no private rooms available and I didn't want to go near the sound of crying babies or be near pregnant bellies, so our only option was the birth room. It had a quick tidy up, but there was still blood on the floor when my family came to visit. There were no roll out beds available (or there may have been, but the nurse on duty didn't know where they were), so I slept on the uncomfortable bed/table I birthed on and DH slept on a birth mat on the floor.
Since then, I've been talking to the hospital about the need for a bereavement room. They know the statistics better than me, they know how many they're dealing with each year. It's an uphill battle. There doesn't seem to be either the physical space or the funding for a bereavement room. My vision is it would be something like a hotel room, with an ensuite and access to midwives, as the mother still has post-birth requirements. But it would be a prettier room where family could visit and have a double bed so the parents could stay together with their baby.
What do you think of that idea? Do you think it would have helped in any way? Would you recommend the option to your hospital?
Any responses, either in the thread or via PM would be great.
i delivered at the mercy in heidelberg, and after delivery i had to go to theatre, but when i was taken back i was taken to a birth suite that was away from all of the other suites.
we were given as long as we wanted and i chose to leave ASAP
i think ur idea is fantastic! i only hope the hospital's can provide something like that, god any parent to suffer a loss deserves to grieve in comfort
I think that sounds like a nice idea, Tashy, particularly for hospitals that either don't have the rooms or the space.
With me, i went into hospital at 1:30 on the sunday morning, and after they couldn't find his heartbeat, they told me to come back on the monday night, ready to be induced on the tuesday morning. so they kind of 'prepared' for me. when we arrived on monday night, they took me and DH straight to a private room, on the maternity ward, but as far away from other people as possible. they also brought in a chair that turned into a fold out bed, and set that up so DH could stay with me. they also said that normally the hospital ward had strict visiting hours, but these didn't apply to me, i could have visitors basically anytime i wanted.
after J was born, we stayed in the birth suite for a little bit, but then they took us back to our private room and said he could stay with us for as long as we wanted (to a point.) they said they did need to take him back to the morgue for a little bit, but basically we could ask for him anytime, and they also said i could stay in hospital as long as i wanted, but as his birth was fairly easy and i had no stitches or anything, i went home on the wednesday.
all in all, i think my hospital handled our situation really well. they had time for me, and if i'd have asked for anything random, i think they would have bent over backwards to do that for us. we had privacy, but we were also well looked after. i had a few midwives in tears talking to us about it all, and most if not all hugged us heaps. they were really friendly and supportive, so i guess we couldn't have asked for a more lovely hospital.
so yeah.....hope that helps a bit? that was my situation, anyway
oh ps J was delivered at Hawkesbury Hospital, in Windsor.
Last edited by mummydreamer; June 6th, 2011 at 10:07 AM.
Ianto was born at the Northern Hospital, and there wasn't a special room. They did move us into a better birth suite to stay in once we found out he'd died though. They had another bed in there for Scott, so he slept in that the three nights we were in. I would have liked to share a bed, but I didn't mind - I was that grateful he was even allowed to stay, I suppose.
Sent from my iPhone so forgive the speelung misstacks
Hi Tash - I've heard of horror stories about this, so I applaud you in trying to do something.
For us, we were in very lovely surroundings. We birthed our boys at St John of God in Berwick. We were given the smaller birthing suite to begin with as there was another woman in labour and she was given priority (which was fine, it was still a lovely room). I was in the birth suite being induced for one day and one night, during which hubbie stayed on a trundle bed.
Once the boys were born and after we spent probably another hour or so in the birth suite we were all move to a private room a little ways away from the maternity section (I never saw or heard any babies during my stay in this room). They put a butterfly sign on the door (which is obviously code for angel baby) and we were kept very private and seperate from maternity. They set my call button to go through to the midwives desk. We could stay pretty much as long as we liked. Given I birthed the boys at 10am we felt we were able to go home at 7pm that night without staying the night. I believe the room had a single bed, but there would not have been a problem either moving to a double room (if one was available) or having the trundle bed again if we decided to stay the night.
The day our babes were having their life support removed we were taken into a big room that had a futon. It was on the same floor as NICU. I'm not sure if the room was especially for this or not, but maybe it was. It was kind of away from the other rooms and you couldn't see in. It was nice to lay the futon out and lay with our bubs between us..
There was also a parents room up the other end which had a fold out double bed, ensuite and a small kitchen. We stayed there the night Taite had his operation and we were also taken there the day they died to bath them.. What you are suggesting would be fabulous.. It is so important to have the room for family, and it's nice to be able to sleep in the same bed as your partner..
I gave birth to Riley at the Manning Base in Taree at 5.30pm in the birth suite and we were left there while all of our family visited. We were given the option to stay in a private room in Maternity but i couldn't handle all the other babies crying. So we left at about 10.30pm they did however tell us if we wanted to visit him again to come back and they would bring him to see us, i thought that was nice of them. The midwives were so nice and understanding.
It's a great idea, wish all hospitals could have the correct facilities.
I was a Nepean Hospital in Penrith.
It was poor really.
Milana survivied 2 days in Nicu, then we had to turn off life support.
She was placed in my arms. life support was switched off, then i had to be wheeled to a quiet room at the opposite end of Nicu, with everyone watching me talking to her while she died
I stayed in the quiet room for a couple of hours with her, then went back up to the antenatal ward in a private room, could still here all the babies crying though.
I am working with the hospital to change policy at the moment, I am working with the Director to implement a bereavement brochure and with the assistance of NICUPS we have fundraised and bought a Cold Cot (donated in memory of Milana), so all parents can spend precious time with there bubs.
Wagga base has a birthing room with private loo (all the others have to share a loo) that they only use for stillborns. but its doubled as a storage room so not particularly nice (none of the rooms are). they also have a postnatal room (the only single room) which has a double bed. Its on the ward but a good 20m to the nearest postnatal room. it doesnt have its own bathroom tho (even though the closest one isnt the main bathroom so only used when main one is full)
at tch (canberra) they didnt have a room but did have a special a4 picture of a flower to put on the door to make staff aware that the baby inside (with the parents) was stillborn.
I think these are needed everywhere. While I didn't have a stillbirth, when we took Sophie to the hospital they put us in a curtained area in the Emergency Department where the curtain didn't close properly. We could see all these patients and staff staring and hear them talking which made me so angry. I only stayed for 4 hours with her because I was tired of being on show. No precautions were made to protect us. I felt so let down.
My horrible experience started at the doctors, being told everything was fine, then sent to the hospital and after spending all day there and getting no answers I was finally told the horrible news at the imaging centre. The following day I went in to be induced and the only times they checked on me was to put in the gels, this was in the maternity ward (sharing a bathroom) and it couldn't have been harder hearing all the other babies, before I was moved into the birthing suite (which is also has a shared bathroom). Hubby was given no meals and was sent home over night, so at a time I desperately needed him I was simply alone.
28hrs later when Isabel was finally born they took her to be clean while I got cleaned up as well, then we were able to spend 2hrs with her in the birthing suite before being sent home. It wasn't enough time, in fact as I was leaving and still inside the hospital I fainted due to blood loss. They didn't even check to see if I was ok, hubby just had to continue helping me to the car. We left the hospital with nothing and even though they said they would call to check on us they didn't.
I've been back to that hospital with all my babies and they definitely treated me differently with Kate, and although they have all my records and should know that I might have been struggling after what I'd been through, they didn't even acknowledge my babies or even ask how I was coping (it's hard accepting/bond with a living baby when all you've experienced if loss).
Something definitely needs to be done, too many of us have received inadequate treatment at the time we need it most .
Questions for late loss parents re: Bereavement room
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