Wow lulu - Your doing an amazing thing!!!
I know how it is to take a teenager in... It kinda interrupts the flow of things but only for a while... I wish you smooth sailing from here on in... Think you might need to change your sig ;)
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Wow lulu - Your doing an amazing thing!!!
I know how it is to take a teenager in... It kinda interrupts the flow of things but only for a while... I wish you smooth sailing from here on in... Think you might need to change your sig ;)
I hope its going OK lulu, its a hard road with teenagers but you are making such a difference to this girl's life, I really admire you.
Its going fine so far - she's great. My DD still leaves alot to be desired in the attitude department!
D ran into her mother the other day who cried with relief to see her and she stayed the night at her house. There are already 3 kids there (the mums BF's) so I imagine there is no room for D. Her mum dropped her back here, came in and cried so hard and thanked me for helping out. D has a babysitting job, but when her mum suggested she do it full time, I objected and said I'd rather she was at school. Mum said all my rules are fine and for D to do everything I ask, its all fine with her.....but I sort of think she has given her to me now. I'm happy mum is happy, but I was sort of hoping she would give some more input or keep the role of 'mother'. DYKWIM? I'm still mulling it over really. I'd like someone to help/do all the school enrolments or offer to help pay for books and uniforms..not just assume I can do it. I'm sure she must know I can't :redface:.
I'm off to Clink today to organise her FTB, I really hope there is enough to buy her some towels, sheets etc of her own. We are in the process of making Ds room her own, and I can see her start to relax a little - going to the fridge or making a drink etc.
D had a wonderful Xmas with us, Dp mum gave her $50! I bought her a straightener too, and my mum had something under the tree for her too. She didn't see her dad or sisters...apparently she's not part of the family anymore :o and in the words of her father "Xmas is getting cheaper every year". So he has kicked out 3 of them and has 3 to go :wall:
hun, you're doing a great job - it's going to be hard for a while - as D is only 15 (i'm guessing from the sig) FTB should be max rate (if you still on ISP) backdated to the day she moved in. if you get it before school it should help out with costs.
if there is anything i can help out with give me a yell. not exactly swimming in cash, but helping out with small things like stationary and stuff - i'm there!
I have no words Lulu...to be honest Im sitting here crying over how truely wonderful you are. thre need's to be so many more people like you in this world.
I also see that she has a special place too....your ticker says it ;)
Luce your doing an amazing job honey and believe me the changes you are making in D's life might not be apparent now but trust me when I say she is going to thrive being in a healthy and happy environment and it's gonna make all the difference to her future....
xoxoxox
WOO, I forgot about the sales! I got her 2 new pillows for $12, a sheet set for $20 and ahem....I did buy her a new doona cover...but I liked it so much I kept it for me and gave her one of my old ones that it is a bit more teenagy. There wasn't much to choose from.....see I'm not THAT good :redface:
you gave her a doona cover of her own - whether its one you just bought, or one you've had for a while, you still gave her something that is HERS! she doesn't have to share with your DD - how can you say you're not "that" good!
pfft - sorry hun, your cover is blown! you've been outed as a nice person!
:yeahthat:
Be careful honey...one of us might have to lag you in to Take 5 or That's life :nahnah:
I'm gonna go kick the dog or something then....!
Hey BG - thank you so much for the offer...I went nuts when DD started Yr 7 and I STILL have enough paper and folders to last till UNI! *drool Officeworks...
i have just read all of that and wow your fantastic.
good on you for being so brave and helping out XtraD as you call her :)
:
i'm much the same hun - and have so many pens and stuff - all the pretty colored papers, gel pens - the whole works! i'm a nutter!
no point kicking the dog - you'd just feel guilty and spoil it even more than you do already!
I'm so glad that things are going well Lu. :) Sounds great. Don't be discouraged if you hit a rough patch, any relationship hits rough patches, but it sounds like such a great thing is happening at your joint. :thumbsup: You're ace.
wow lulu,
you are doing a amazing job!!!
glad everythins goin ok.
love rach xxx
Lulu - glad things are starting to feel settled. I know what you mean about her mum... talk about being in a rock and hard place.
Someone that has known my neice all her life, and cares about her a great deal, had lunch with us before he went back to sea on monday. As he left he said to me, please let me know how I can help finacially - with school uniforms books etc. It meant so much to me - she isn't even related to him!!! Just the offer of assistance was a random act of kindness. I am receiving FTB for her now, and it was backdated to when she arrived - so you should get that too. One other thing don't forget about medicare card. I have to organise through child safety for them to provide me with a letter so I can get one for my neice. She is now on my health care card, which is good.
We have had one exchange of words - because I wouldn't allow her to go out with the person mentioned above with out my supervision. Initially her response was typical teenage girl response - "well I may as well go back and live with mum - and put up with all the men in the house, and everything else, at least she will let me go and see him. and no one wants me here anyway!" tears and a little attitude. I gently said to her "that I'm sorry that you feel that way L - but you are here at least until the 22 Jan, so these are my rules" I went on to explain to her also that because child safety have placed her in my care, that anyone she has anything to do with her unsupervised by me, needs to be approved by them. It ended up being a great opportunity for everyone to get stuff off their chest - Laura and nathan vented as well and clear the air. L went and laid down and had a cry. Nathan and aston were playing and I went and told her. she declined to join in to begin with then went and got up washed her face, and joined in. I was very proud of her, as she managed her behaviour, and made different choices to what she would have if she was with her mother. I do things very very different, and the relief she feels when there are boundaries, rules and routine put in place is physically visible.
sorry to hijack your thread. just wanted to share.
btw dont be surprised if your DD throws a wobbly - and throws things at you like "you make as well swap me - she is a better daughter, big sister etc etc etc!" Laura did - on Christmas eve. But we got through it. Ohhh its a journey. thats for sure.
:hug:
WOW girl, you are doing great stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please come on in and hijack - its not really hijacking anyway so don't worry!
About school and stuff - I am considered the guardian and sign stuff accordingly? I was going to ask that any bills are sent to her parents for school. I'm not getting saddled with that, some schools get really narky if you can't pay the 'voluntary' fees. I'll be calling Harrison Youth about help with books and fees etc in a few days. Hope they can help out, she wants to do the VET course in Hairdressing and that costs more than Belles VCE course!
hey lulu what is harrison Youth? is it something only down your way?
Yeah maybe - its through the Anglican Church I think.
vx - if you contact c'link they have a program called service finder - if you say you've taken in your niece and looking for additional financial support services in your area for help with her school costs, they'll see if anything is listed on there for you...
Thanks BG. will do that.
Public schools also have a fund, for families undergoing financial difficulty, to pay for excursions fees etc so just go and see the principal.
thanks Mrs Mac. will look into it too.
Things have been going along well. Had a few worrying moments when D wanted to go to a friends for NYE. The family are feral (sorry but they ARE) and I didn't quite know how to say no...until I said to my DD , hey the dad gets drunk and beats his daughter, so you really think I'm going to let you go there? And there's smelly boys hanging out there all day - it ain't gonna happen. So I think DD translated that to D and it was all good.
DD2 has had measles all week, so D stayed at her mums for the last 2 days and BINGO! They have talked and mum wants her to come live there. EXCELLENT outcome, she belongs with her mum.
So it was over almost as soon as it began but it has been lovely having her stay here, and its been an eye-opener for spoilt DD!
Thank you for all the ongoing support, it has helped more than you will know. You have been my village but D's too - she just didn't know it XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
im soo glad it got sorted...you did a amazing thing for D.
xxxx
Ah Lulu, that's fantastic news. You have done such a great thing for D and her family.
Excellent, excellent, excellent.
Glad it's been a bit of an eye-opener for DD.
What's your gut feel on how XtraD will go at her mum's?
Fi, I have to let it go actually.
DD was there babysitting with D on NYE. She said it was pretty feral, puppies and crap everywhere. The BF is all f this and ffn that...feral.
BUT its her mums house, her mum loves her and I think they need each other.
Yep, there's no way you can stand in the way and it's good that her mum at least wants her back. Hope it all works out, she sounds like a great kid.
I am so pleased it has worked out so well, you have been so good for that girl and she knows she has your suport which will make her stronger.
i agree with mrsmac - it might have only been a couple of weeks, but you've shown D what a real family SHOULD be like - and being with her mum, she might be enough of a positive influence to get her mum to sort her crap out
and if things go sour, she knows she has your family to turn to for support and advice. it really does take just ONE person to see the good in you, for you to see the good in yourself - and you've done that for XtraD hun!
I never lived with them, but when I had to leave home at 17 I was 'adopted' by a family with a wonderful mother and daughter not much older than me. They've had plenty of problems of their own, but I don't know what I'd have done without their support. Things were pretty ***** with my own family for many years.
Just being there for her will make all the difference. Having a safety net may give her the courage to make her own life what she wants it to be.
I know I'm not the only person who can look back and say, if it wasn't for someone in my life, who knows if I'd even be here today?
PS I hope things get better with your DD...
sigh.... I am posting here lulu because you have recently gone through a similar situation. As you know DN has been living with us since mid November. Last night we had a chat because she couldn't sleep. She thinks that she wants to go back to her mothers... two days previously she had asked me to find out about getting legal guardianship of her. While I can see how much she has grown as a person, she is still a kid - still learning how to make good decisions. I can't make her stay here. I told her that I would have to talk to childsafety on Monday, and that I thought it would be a good idea if she spent sometime with her mother before making a definitive decision. I hate that I have to stand still on this, that I can't jump up and down and go NO WAY... I'm sorry I'm rambling a bit now - I guess I just wish that my sister would get her ***** together and do the right thing by her kids - i know in my gut that it isn't going to happen, and while things may be ok for a couple of days, it will quickly go back to how it always is. I dont know what to do, I dont know what I want to do, I dont even know what I can do...........
V - given you have been granted interim custody of your DN, is it worth arranging mediation with her mum and access visits for a period of time? to show your niece you want her to reconcile with her, but you want to make sure it's on the best terms for HER. it doesn't sound like your sister has improved much, and you'd end up likely fixing up her stuff ups again, but it's also a situation that is damn hard to fix when your niece wants to be near her mum. you've shown her what a mum is supposed to be like, and she's probably hoping that going home will mean her mum will be what you've been - a positive and supportive role model
i guess i'm suggesting trying to make an arrangement so that your niece is still safe with you most of the time, but gets time with mum so that SHE can see over a period of time that mum hasn't changed. if she is visiting every week or second week, it won't take mum long to fall back into old habits
my heart goes out to you - you're doing all in your power to make a difference for your DN, and i can only imagine how hard this must be for you
thinking of you
BG
:hug: Hang in there Vx.
Wow, YOU need support. Its a hard one, because its very likely she may need to come back to you, and that's further upheaval for your family.
Can you ask child safety for some support for yourself?
xoxoxoxo thinking of you, let us know what they say.