My Teen Daughter Is In Boarding School And It's Great... (I'm almost ashamed to say).

[Bathsheba]

Thankyou for being so understanding everyone! I knew i could trust you! i was agonising over whether to share this development with you because i do feel negative judgement from some extended family members (on DH's side who were close enough to help us if they really wanted to but didn't)... this doesn't include my extended family, especially my sister and BIL who have really taken DD under their wing as if she was their own DD... my family agree that this is a good school (they live in the area) and believe she is in a good place too. My sister is giving me almost daily feedback and various school staff members have also given us some very positive feedback regarding DD's positive body language and attitudes. She has already made friends it seems

Zaidie: so true! i told myself "why have children if you hand them over to others to care for" but at the end of the day if you trust the carers and it's bringing out the best in your child then sometimes it is the better option. She is still my daughter... through and through... she is as stubborn and determined but compassionate and forgiving and this is serving her well for the first time in over a year. I really do feel that the ex boyfriend was exploiting those attributes and turning her powers to evil rather than good he even rang us to see if he could play the same game with us; saying that he was a different person to the one that held up the service station with a weapon 2 years ago... all very well but why then are you selling drugs to 15yo girls??? Same mindset: total disregard to the law!

Anyhow, i know that this may not necessarily mean the end of all problems... teenagers are programmed to push boundaries... the staff know this and share my belief that you need to give them safe boundaries to push! It is not a stifling school... DD has already said that her teachers are so much more relaxed than the ones at her old school here in the city. I certainly got a good vibe from the senior staff... down to earth, friendly, but no nonsense when it comes to mucking up just for the sake of it. Looking back some of DDs teachers down here were a bit too softly softly "let's be friends" but all of a sudden getting strung out when the girls weren't respecting them. I think DD was a bit confused at times.

Another point that is spot on LZ is that DD is certianly meeting lots of girls outside her usual experience! Many, for example, come from remote farming stations... they have never really befriended a girl from the Big Smoke before. Apparently they thought it was hysterical that DD didn't know what a "plough" was! But DD said they weren't mean about it I think DD and i are both looking forward to the day that she gets invited out to one of these stations and experiences a very different walk of life.

[beetle]

A couple of my girlfriends went to boarding school and absolutely loved it. I think it can be especially good at around year 9, when girls are at their naughtiest. Teaches them maturity. I was desperate to go when I was a teenager - there was this school in NSW where you could keep your horse there and I pestered my parents for years to send me. But they didn't. (And they didn't buy me a horse either!)

Has your DD made some good friends yet?

[LionsandBears]

I think it sounds like a great decision for your whole family. My brother and SIL sent their eldest to boarding school fo year 12, as he was just getting violent and not studying and hurting the other kids. It cost a fortune, but they were very caring whilst also being strict and he seemed to respect the house masters' boundaries more than his parents, so it worked out really well.

[Salsa]

I wanted to go to Boarding School, and my parents nearly did send me to one, but I changed my mind because I had already been living with extended family for a while and missed my parents, so went to live with them instead.
Well they then sent me to a rubbish local high school... and I barely finished.

Things could have been quite different for me if my parents had been as good as what I get the impression your like as a parent. Im pleased your dd is settling and I hope it is the making of her - of course all the more because of the supportive committed mum she has.

[Nai]

I was a day kid at a school that had boarders, many from farms and it was a great experience from both sides of the fence. I went to my 20 year reunion recently and many of the borders who had been there together were still friends. For some it really does just work - I hope it's that way for your DD.

[Olive]

im proud of both of you!!
proud of for making a very tough decision for the greater good of your gorgeous DD and proud of DD for realising that she is getting a fresh start and a second chance at a fantasic education and hopefully turning things around for herself (still cant believe she's so grown up )

[Toomanytoomany]

Bathsheba we had similar issues with dd#2 and if I could have afforded to send her off to boarding school, I would have, in a heart beat. As it was, we had to just tough it out at home.

I'm glad your dd is settling in well. Do you worry about her escaping on little night adventures where she is?

[Bathsheba]

Escaping? LOL no chance! The school rang us last Friday to get verbal permission to let DD stay the night with my sister and her family... even though the staff have met her (sis)! Every time a student leaves the grounds it's a sign-in sign-out affair. There are at least 2 dormitory staff on duty at all times and even if she did escape the locals have been known to ring the school and ask why a student is doing this or that and does it have the schools' endorsement. My cousin who went through this school went with 3 other year 11 girls in a taxi to the boys school one night... the driver thought it was a bit odd so rang the school to check if that was ok... it wasn't and the girls were suspended for a week (sent home). They didn't do that again. My cousin loved going to the school and the last thing she wanted, at the end of the day, was to be expelled.

Update: Things have been going well. DD went through a phase of being friends with some year 9 girls (the year below her) who were known to push boundaries but it seems as if she has grown tired of them. The year 10 co-ordinator rang us and reported back to us that DD is doing very well in class. Unlike at her old school where DD had totally disengaged from actual learning she seems to have had a change of heart at her new school. It seems that down here in Vic the curriculum was ahead of the NSW one where is she... and for once in her life has found herself at the top of the class! She seems to be capitalising on this thankfully.

Next month we are going to fly her home for the school holidays... how time has flown!!!

Toomany: Hope your DD#2 has settled down now... everyone says years 9 - 10 at school are the rough ones for girls...

[fionas]

I tell ya what Bath, after the weekend we've had with DSD, I started looking into boarding schools myself last night too! Seriously. Not sure I will be able to cope with more DSD dramas on top of health problems, newborn and toddler.

It's great to hear that it's working out so well for DD and the rest of the family too.

[Toomanytoomany]

It sounds like a fantastic school, Bath. And yes, year nine is the PITS. I hate it. I am so not looking forward to it with #3. I can't quite figure out why that year is just so bad. I suppose the hormones and competing interests (boys/parents/school/puberty) are at their height there, they are experiencing such adult emotions and yet completely lack the maturity to deal with them.

My dd2 is getting there. She dropped out of school for a while but has gone back and is completing year 12 this year. She still has a few issues but is doing well mostly, and I really enjoy her company. In fact, she's one of my favourite people to hang out with, and if someone had told me three years ago I'd be saying that, I'd have laughed in their face!

[Toomanytoomany]

I tell ya what Bath, after the weekend we've had with DSD, I started looking into boarding schools myself last night too! Seriously. Not sure I will be able to cope with more DSD dramas on top of health problems, newborn and toddler.

It's great to hear that it's working out so well for DD and the rest of the family too.

What's she been up to, Fiona?

[mrsmac]

I think we make so many parenting decisions in our minds in advance then have to change once it becomes a reality! I know I have.
You have made the best decision possible and based it on love for your DD and the desire for her to have the best possible life which is unselfish and sadly obviously being made difficult by family.
I applaud your honesty in this thread as its very easy for people to judge when they haven't had teenagers!!
Its nice to have other people admit how dam hard it is sometimes cause its often a lonely road.

[Persephone1]

Bath,

I went to Uni in Armidale, NSW, which is known for it's quality boarding schools. In my experience, the schools are very much part of the community and the kids are given a varied, and supported education. A lot of the kids were country kids, but there were heaps of kids from the city whose parents knew that city schools weren't able to provide the education they wanted. I think your daughter will grow into a wonderful, strong, well-adjusted young woman, and some of that will come from her experiences at boarding school.

I hope things continue to be positive! GL!

[Bathsheba]

Thanks so much girls Just a brief update... have to go out soon... but we spoke to her last night and she sounded great. She already sounds a bit different... is speaking in longer sentences, offering more insight, more positive outlook... speaking more slowly and clearly.

Fiona: yes it was a tricky combination sometimes: having a volatile teen in the house with my much younger boys. When DH and DD clashed it got quite heated sometimes and this really upset my sensitive 6yo especially. If anything this little break has helped to calm everything down so that DH and I have a bit of clarity to think about the future. During this time DH has made some amazing decisions (which i had already decided on) which i never thought he would come to, mainly that simplifying our lives a bit more by moving back to my rural hometown is actually in the best interests of everyone, himself included. Previous to this he was hell bent on staying in the city and isolated. I really hope your tree change has a similar calming effect!

Toomany: well so far so good regarding this school... put it this way; she hasn't asked to leave! It must have something going for it. Like I said, my cousin played up a bit but at the end of the day she certainly didn't want to leave or be expelled... probably a bit like Harry Potter and Hogwarts! I guess kids are designed to push boundaries... DH and I were at the end of our capacity to deal with it and it's humbling to admit that someone else has to take over! There I was thinking i had child psychology sorted LOL the saying "pride cometh before the fall" is so true! I know though that DD is a great person underneath her angst... and I too am confident that one day I too am just going to be so proud of her and really start to enjoy her company again... and just as importantly maybe she will enjoy mine!!!

Mrsmac: thanks for your understanding and vote of confidence! So true! Everything you think you know about parenting is always challenged isn't it!? The hard part is finding the right support to back up your family values when they stop listening to you! I'm so grateful to the family in my hometown for stepping forward and offereing to help... DH's family down here in Vic are a bit surprised that it has worked out so smoothly... I think they are almost eating their words... not that that's my aim.


Persephone: yes! The schools at Armidale were our backup plan! It's so good to hear that you had a positive impression of those schools... yes, country boarding schools do really seem to have great integration into the community. I really do think that a country lifestyle will balance my children's education for the better Thanks again

[*Beema*]

I think you made a very difficult decision, but most definitely the right one four your DD and your family. It is wonderful to hear that she is doing so well in school and developing great relationships, and getting to know country folk like I was It is great that you havfe fmaily close by for her as well.

I would have gone to boarding school if we had the money, but it was outside of my parents ability to fund. A lot of the kids I went to school went from year 10 upwards, and I think it was a really positive influence on them all and the opportunites that they had infront of them were great

DH went to a private boarding school for his year 11 and 12 and his sisters from earlier on and they all gained a lot from the experience.

I look forward to hearing about your DD's achievements and am so happy for you all that she is on a much better path then the one she was following

[Bathsheba]

Beema: yes, it's a shame that some kids who would benefit from a boarding school experience have to miss out due to a lack of funds Wouldn't it be great if somehow there could be schools where the kids could kind of pay their way by doing enough work to keep the school going? They could either work in the kitchen/laundry/gardens/office etc. Like Raising Dancers saw: it's not cheap. We decided 7 years ago to sell our house and use the funds for our children's education... DH is making enough money in the shares he bought after the sale to keep us afloat... just! Once we move up there though the fees as a day girl are VERY reasonable... less than 50% of what we were payng for her fees in the city.... and the school has comparible facilities... even better in some ways. Thanks for sharing about your DH's and SILs experiences... love hearing that it has worked for other people!

[*Beema*]

Wouldn't it be great if somehow there could be schools where the kids could kind of pay their way by doing enough work to keep the school going? They could either work in the kitchen/laundry/gardens/office etc.

That is a great concept Especially for people like myself as I worked from 15 years of age and used that money to help my parents out, but if I was given the opportunity to work at the school, and help pay my way as such it would have been an opportunity I would have jumped at.

I went to a residential college in the city when I went to study at uni, we had a tutor on each corridor, and you could get extra help if there were people ahead of you in your course, and it was a great sense of community but quite different from boarding school in many ways as we were young adults, but the same comradery that you get from a boarding school environment. I was priviledged to receive scholarships while I was there which helped out a lot, and since leaving and earning my own money I have repaid those scholarships by donating back to the scholarship funds for current students

We had to all doing one or two weekends a year working in the college kitchen doing the dishes, but there were students who did do work in the gardens, another student worked in the kitchen all year round and when DH attended he painted the college over the holidays and received a discount in his fees.

So even though my experience in that type of an envornment was while I was at uni, it was certainly fours years that I will treasure and never forget and have developed life long friendships

[Bathsheba]

Sounds like you had a great experience Beema!

When i left home at 17 to go uni I lived in the pub next door and worked to pay for my board; most meals and accomodation, by working in the kitchen. I lived there with about 15 other students for 2 years... the pub was run by a large catholic family... strict but loving... it was great taught me so much about living away from home and with other people.