Being Ready

[~Hestia~]

This may be a bit of a ramble...

I wanted another baby so much, and since I lost it last month I feel like I've also lost a piece of myself. I'm never completely happy as it's always at the back of my mind. I still cry and cry when I'm alone. Everytime I see myself in a mirror I remember that I should've had a little bump by now. Whenever I have a drink I feel a bit startled that I can have alcohol, that there is no reason not to anymore.

I wanted this baby so much and now that it's gone I feel like all my hope went with it. I can't think about trying again. This has all come to a head as AF returned recently, I was expecting it to take much longer. We didn't even discuss TTC as it seemed so far off to worry about. Now I feel like we need to address it earlier than we wanted to or were ready to.

I don't want another baby. Well, not yet. I hope that changes. But what if it doesn't? How will I know that I'm ready?

I don't think that I'm scared of it happening again. I don't know what my problem is actually. I just don't have that longing. And I don't understand it.

[crumpet]

im so sorry for ur loss

when we lost DS i was terrified of trying again, for about 2 weeks but i suddenly got this over whelming feeling that i HAD to try again....

you will know hun, it will just happen, but until then take your time to recover and grieve and then when you have done that, the feeling to try again will come.

[Miss.B]

Hi sweetie. I am so sorry about your loss last month. What you are feeling is totally normal, you're grieving for your bub and that's why you don't want to think about trying again. You will know when you are ready hun. It took me a while to want to try again, but not too long as I remember longing to be pg again. For me it was the fear of what will happen next time that drove me insane.
Wishing you much healing hun, and huge hugs

[Amaunet]

I don't have any answers, but I'm sending lots of hugs and love

[NaeNae]

oh hun, I am so sorry

You are feeling this way because you HAVE lost a piece of yourself. Every miscarriage, every baby that leaves us, takes a piece of us with them. Not just the gene pool, but a piece of our hearts, a piece of our hopes and dreams.

Its a hard horrible thing and it stays with us always, that little piece gone, never to be replaced.

BUT

When the time comes and you're ready to try again (I am sure you will just give it time), even though that piece is missing, another baby will fill a larger part you didn't know existed.

You have SO much love to give, and I have no doubt you will find with a little time and healing you will want another baby. If you don't thats ok too <3

FWIW - I have 4 Angels now and 1 Child. My heart aches for the babies that are watching over us but for the parts that are missing, DD fills parts I didn't know existed, in my heart my soul and my very being. I thought I could NEVER love someone as much as Niki and its true but my love for DD is soooo different and she keeps my love bank over flowing every second of every day.



Time hun, give yourself some time

much love

[luna moth]

I think it is really strong of you to recognise in yourself that you're not ready. The time will come. You will know. You're a great mum, and the time will be right and it will be lovely. Don't push yourself, ok?

[MummaSue]

It sounds like you're still grieving honey and until you have gotten through that then it's really sensible of you to want to hold off for a bit.

[JustOneMore]

This may be a bit of a ramble...

I wanted another baby so much, and since I lost it last month I feel like I've also lost a piece of myself. I'm never completely happy as it's always at the back of my mind. I still cry and cry when I'm alone. Everytime I see myself in a mirror I remember that I should've had a little bump by now.

Hey Cheezelmonster,

I am in the same position. I am just so sad and crying all the time. I wanted my baby so much. I keep asking myself why me, I did two years of IVF, I finally got my little one only to have God take it away.

I was scared of trying again, what if it happens again.

I now know that if I don't try again there will always be the What If's.
I don't want to get to 80 years old and have the thought in the back of my mind what would have happened if I tried again. I want no regrets.
I just wished I had more time, as you can see I am not getting any younger.

I hope you get the strength to try again.

[mummylion]

I am so sorry for your loss, it is so hard to know when the right time is but you will know. Take the time to grieve your little one, we have included them in the family and where we have a scan photo they have 'gone in with their brothers'.
I secretly desperately want to try again, but DH is not happy about it

I am also scared that I will lose another one before I have even got used to having them, I suppose that it is a risk you take when you are ready.

When I had my first m/c last year, I was an inconsolable mess and just went with it, I cry loads when I am on my own for all the babies that have gone, but it does get easier.
Be good to yourself.
I now have a beautiful baby ring' that is always with me, I am now searching for another so that they are always with me. Whenever I miss him I touch the ring, silly but it helps.

Sending you lots of love and hugs

[Junglemum]

Oh Cheeze. It hasn't been very long. give yourself time. The longing will return. Your hormones will settle down and the desire will come back. I cried on and off for about 6 weeks i think. Half the time i didn't even know why i was crying. Then one day something inside me snapped, and i NEEDED to be pregnant again. And once i was, i spent the pregnancy in fear of it being taken away again. It didn't consume me but it was always there, that niggling feeling. It's a hard road, but you will heal, i promise.

Have you thought about talking to someone about it? I personally hate psychologists and councillors, but sometimes talking about it really is the best therapy.

[skybie]

sweetie, i wish i knew the answer. the 'i shoulds' are eating me up too.
i want another baby, but i dont want to be pregnant to get another baby ITMS?? the yearning to have another baby in our lives to love and care for and watch grow is still as strong as it was before we concieved Jack, so i'm not suprised that i do want another one so soon, but like i said i dont want to be pregnant to get that, it scares the pants off me tbh. so maybe im not ready, maybe i'll never be ready but will do it anyway? is this possible how ur feeling?

[Char-leighs mum]

So sorry for everyones loss.
I have lost 2 in 10 months :angle: at 6 wks and Char-leigh :angle: born sleeping @35wks.
Skybie I feel just like you too but am unsure about putting myself and DH through it all again. It's good to know I'm not alone with these feelings. I hoping 1 day I will be blessed again.

[ulysses_blue]

So sorry for your loss Cheeze Its really tough! I conceived within days of being told I wouldn't be able to without difficulty thanks to PCOS. After that kind of news conceiving was a huge surprise for myself and DH but then to have it taken away was devastating. I felt like I wanted to try again almost straight away but DH is so scared about another m/c. I had a horrible experience, losing 2L of blood and ending up in hospital for 3 days and requiring a blood transfusion. He is far more scared than I am. At the end of the day though, you need to know within yourself that you are ready. It might take days, or it might take years. Please don't think what you are feeling is 'unmotherly' or abnormal, everyone needs different amounts of time to begin to heal. You will always have a place in your heart for your beautiful angel and when you're ready, you will know.

Sending lots of love and hugs your way