Hi, my name is Deb, I am 37 years old and had a miscarriage two weeks ago. I was so happy to be pregnant, (I have a ten and eleven year old from my previous marriage) my husband and I were trying for two years. I gave up smoking, drinking tea ( I don't drink alcohol) and did everything right. Since losing baby, I feel almost obsessed with getting pregnant again, it's all I can think about. I feel jealous of women who are pregnant and feel empty. I Know all the doctors tell you to wait, but I don't want to. Is this normal, and can I try straight away?
Hi there Deb
Firstly, I am so sorry for your loss, it's an awful thing to have to go through.
What you are feeling is completely normal, I was exactly the same. A few years ago I miscarried around a week after I found out I was pregnant and although it was an early loss it was heartbreaking and all I wanted was to be pregnant again. I also became very jelous of other pregnant women and became obsessed with getting pregnant again.
I don't think there's any reason for you not to start trying straight away unless your doctor has told you differently.
I personally didn't start trying again for quite a while as I didn't feel emotionally ready and was scared.
Make sure you feel ready yourself before ttc again and don't be scared, I'm sure you'll have that lovely pregnant feeling again soon.
Take care and be kind to yourself.
Janine
Hi Deb and welcome to BB...it is unfortunate you find yourself among us BUT the gurlies here are great and will make your time here pleasant.
I too am 37 years old and trying desperately to have another child. I also have 2 children from a previous marriage...but we are hoping to be blessed with another child.
We m/c in December and haven't gotten pregnant again as of yet...I think you'll find many variances as to how quickly women have recovered and conceived following m/c.
What you are feeling is completely normal. I've been there.... 3 times over a 10 year period actually. I always found that TTCing straight away made me feel a lot better.... it somehow gave me a sense of power which got me away from that feeling of having no control that was there when the m/c occurred.
If it was an early loss there's probably no reason for you to wait. Doctors sometimes tell you to wait a while so there's no issue with dating a pregnancy should you fall pregnant without having a period first.
I had 3 pregnancies last year until I got one that stuck. It was an incredibly difficult year. Unfortunately past 35 the m/c risk is high but I'm sure you are already aware of this. Chances are you will conceive again soon, hopefully it wont take as long as last time. My pregnancies last year took 9 months, then about 4 months then about 3 months. I was shocked how quickly the subsequent ones occurred. My m/c risk is even higher than yours due to my age (42) yet I still managed to succeed. My little boy is now 6 weeks old.
After a while I found the best way to deal with my jealousy of pregnant women (and those with young babies) was to imagine that they too may have suffered miscarriage or infertility before they had their bub. I then felt happy for them, but still sad for myself.
I got a few glances during my pregnancy that I felt were from women who'd suffered losses or who'd tried for years to get pregnant - I could see the pain in their eyes. Little did they know I was once one of them.
Hi Kerrisgirl. All the ladies have given you great advice. I am very sorry to hear of your loss and we all understand the heartbreak of losing a much wanted baby.
As to when you start TTCing, I think it depends on a few things - did you mc naturally and how early as well did you have a D&C? If you had a D&C they do normally say to wait 2 weeks to allow for healing and avoid infection- and then they say to wait 1 cycle but as mentioned I believe this is for dating purposes. It is also very much dependent on whether you are ready? We knew from the moment we found out at the 20 week scan that we wanted to try again. I did ask my Ob what would happen if we didn't wait 1 cycle, and he said that my body would not allow me to fall pregnant before it was physically (and most likely emotionally) ready. I ended up falling pregnant on my 2nd full cycle - so three months after the D&C.
I hope you are doing okay and that TTC will be a short journey for you.
Hi. So sorry to hear your news. Here's my story... I have a 10 yr old from a previous marriage. Started TTC 3 months ago. Fell preg the first month. Was so excited, I told EVERYONE! Then I MCed at 5.5 weeks. My GP told me to wait a month, but I didn't listen to him. Fell again the very next month, and MCed at 4wks 3 days. I guess you call that a chemical preg, but I call it a MC. To me there was a bubba growing in there. My GP told me to wait a month. I asked him to refer me to a fertility specialist so I could get some progesterone pessaries. They won't go and do all the testing until 3 MC's in a row, so I figured, let's do this for this cycle and if I MC, at least I know it's not that. Also, my FS told me there was no need to wait, that's just an emotional thing. (I MCed early and there was no need for a D&C). I am now on my third month and we are trying again. I am confident that I will fall easily again and that this one is going to stick. I hope these replies have been helpful for you. Good luck when you TTC again.
Deb I'm so sorry to hear your news. I just wrote you a long reply, but for the 20th time today I got an error page.
In short - I felt the same, my doctor said we could start straight away if all went well with recovery after the m/c. Unfortunately it didn't with me (hormones took ages to return, and I had spotting for weeks), but if you had an early miscarriage and your body is OK then it's probably OK to start again (I'm not your doctor though, or a doctor at all).
Kerrisgirl - I am sorry for your loss - here on BB we understand how you feel. Come and visit us on the TTC after MC board. The girls there understand what you are going through and have shown me a mountain of support. Please be a little reassured that one MC is, though very upsetting, is unfortunately all too common. I have been told to wait for one or two periods each time after my procedures (and believe me this is tough as age is not on my side). But if you have MC early and naturally I think you may recover sooner.
Satya - your words are amazing!! I couldn't have written it better myself. God yes - I do feel sick when I see women with bubs or beautiful swelling bellies, even though I have the most beautiful DD to grace this planet. Your story is an inspiration. I really needed to read what you said today. Thanks x
I was diagnosed in 2005 with severe PCOS. When the Dr. sent me for an ultrasound, they found 11 follicles on each ovary. It explained why my periods were so incredibly irregular.
When we fell pregnant with Vincent, we weren't even trying. He was a miracle. When my cervix spontaneously and painlessly dilated when I was 22 weeks along, we were devastated. Again.
The first month after he was born, I couldn't look at other babies faces or even acknowledge pregnant women, at all. I've come a long way..now I try soo hard not to be resentful of all the bellies I see on women walking down the street, but sometimes, like if I've left the house without mentally preparing myself, it can't be helped.
Desperate to be pregnant again
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks