Hi Snow Diamond,

Welcome to BB, I am fairly new to the forum too! I think we all struggle with keeping faith that we will actually have a healthy pregnancy and a snugly baby in our arms. I am a mother of a four and a half year old boy already so I know the joy and heartbreak of being a mother. I didn't think it would be hard to give him a sibling though.

We have been trying for a little while now and because of my history, age (38 - blush!) and now we have found that my DH and I both have some fertility issues (a bit of a shock as DH is only 34) we are going to try IUI next cycle. We have just done one cycle of Clomid and my OB/GYN wants us to move to the next stage due to sperm issues.

I am a bit terrifyed. Thats ok too as I know it will be worth it. I know I am meant to be a mother and that my family is meant to be bigger than my DH and DS. I guess its haveing faith, mixed with hope. But gee it gets hard to find sometimes, like a little flame that needs coaxing and feeding to ignite and blaze again. I am lucky in that my DH and sister are great supports. I always imagined myself as a mother. After career, early to mid thirtys - dreams are great but as we well know it doesnt all go to plan. Thats when it gets hard. Have you got good supprot, I mean someone who really belives this will work out for you?

Do you have a special image in your head to go back to that helps when the hope dims? I went through an awful time with my DS needing lots of heart surgery and I always kept an image of him on his first day of school just looking up at me. It really helped me have a future image to go back to to remind myself that it could happen, my sister even bought me a school tie that he will have to wear on his fist day to hold when he was in surgery to make the image clearer. It really helps me.

Are you on any meds to reduce your m/c risk? I am on 100mg of asprin and 5mg of folate (ten times normal dose) as well as 100mg of B6. As soon as we start the IUI I think I will be on heaps of other things (incl injections OUCH).

Wishing you joy...