I think I might be going insane...

[AllyAngel]

Hi all. I don't chat much in the forum but I have been lurking for a while.

Today I just had to spill it all out.

I think I'm going to go crazy. I'm in the middle of an early miscarriage. This is my third early miscarriage. I guess I wouldn't even notice if I wasn't baby-obsessed and had my blood tests for HCG and progesterone twice this week. Does knowing make it worse, or better???

I also had a miscarriage at 10 weeks recently. After trying and wishing and waiting and counting and testing and surgeries and drugs and IUI and everything else...we finally fell pregnant on our own! I was so ecstatic. Honestly, the happiest I have ever been in my life. And then it just...ended.

I had to have a D&C, and even that was worse than I expected because they stuck me next to a screaming baby and his heavily pregnant mum in the pre-op ward. I couldn't sleep at all afterwards and sat alone in my hospital bed staring out the window for hours, watching the sun come up and thinking how unfair that it even could when my baby had died.

I've read books on miscarriage, talked, made my memory box, helped my hubby to heal too and kept a "positive attitude"...but I'm beginning to wonder if I'm destined to just keep doing this for the rest of my life. Getting pregnant and then bleeding, cramping and dying myself a little each time.

I'm obsessively trolling the net for positive stories after miscarriage...they're my little rays of hope. But am I mad to do that? All I can think about, talk about, dream about is having a baby. I've wanted to be a mum since I was six years old, and now I'm 32.

I just don't know what to do next. Keep trying? Take a rest? Even the thought of resting makes me panic...losing time, lost opportunity, will it ever happen?

Sorry to ramble on like this...I just ...had to get it out after all these months.

Thanks to anyone who pushed on through to the end of this!!!

Ally

[Rainbow_Mumma]

i know where you are coming from when my son died i was devestated, still am!Big hugs to you keep your chin up and positive thoughts and your time will come, sorry if this is going too personal just interested with you saying that you didnt really want to rest etc but have you and hubby had fertility testing, tried natural conception methods etc?

[AllyAngel]

have you and hubby had fertility testing, tried natural conception methods etc?

Hi Mrs S and thanks for your reply

Yes, we've done both. In fact, we've done everything except IVF (which is our next step I guess). We're able to get pregnant on our own, and even to stay pregnant for a while. There's no explanation for our miscarriages - we're apparently (according to all the tests) both healthy apart from me having PCOS and some mild endometriosis - and hubby even has super sperm ....lol (we take our smiles where we can get them!).

I've tried acupuncture, herbs, reflexology, meditation, etc etc.

I think that's why I'm a bit down today...just wondering what on earth WILL work!

[Rainbow_Mumma]

that must be so frustrating knowing everythings in working order, i found this for you probably not useful as its pretty common sense stuff:

How to Prevent a Miscarriage | eHow.com

[AllyAngel]

Thanks Mrs S - that's kind of you

[blessedatlast]

I am so sorry for your losses.. Big I hope that one day you will have that miracle in your arms..

[AllyAngel]

Thanks blessed - me too!! Maybe some & for all of us in 2010!

[JennaJayen]

Hi Ally.

*Big hugs* I'm so sorry for your losses.

I myself have 4 angel babies - 1 lost because of developmental problems diagnosed very early on, and 3 to m/c.
It's hard, but somehow we move forward and keep on going.

I now have a DS who is almost 1 now, so stay positive and don't give up as there is always hope, my DS is proof of that.

I hope you get your sticky bubba soon! Sending baby dust and sticky vibes your way!

[KitFaerie]

Your not going insane You lost someone you loved very much, and that you wanted, and your looking for hope and your looking for answers, and your a little bit scared of the future. That's totally normal.
It sounds like you and your DH have worked really well together so far, it sounds like the hardest thing is not knowing when it will all work out? I think that's the hardest thing for me too, I had a D&C on wednesday for a missed miscarriage.
There are sooo many stories of ppl who had recurrent miscarriages who went on to have healthy babies, my Dr told me his daughter in law had 3 m/c and then went on to have 3 boys in a row (my first thought was omg 3 boys, lol). As for what to do next? I think you've been doing all the right things so far, if you wanna rest, rest, if you don't, don't. I think your very committed, and I think if you know you were meant to be a Mum, you'll be a Mum

[minniemouse]

hi AllyAngel,

sorry to hear of your losses, i was wondering if you are on metformin for pcos ? some women take that as it is thought to reduce the miscarriage rate in women with pcos, if you google it you will find some information about it