Trying to Conceive After Miscarriage/Loss July/August 2009

Hi everyone
I hope it's ok that I join all you lovely ladies and post here, I won't make this too long (hopefully!) but I hope I can share my story and get and give support here...I've been reading back through this forum and from what I've read, it looks AWESOME. So much love and support.
My DH and I were married in February this year and expecting our first bundle of joy in October. The first 12 weeks were rough but our baby was tough and a fighter. After the 12 week mark everything seemed to settle down and each day we fell more and more in love with our darling Spud and thought the worst was behind us. We had our 19/20 week scan on the Thursday and found out we were having a boy, although the sonographer was concerned about my cervix and suspected that I had an incompetant cervix and an appointment was made to discuss getting a stitch put in the following Tuesday. But we didn't ever get to the appointment, my waters broke at home on the Saturday night, the doctor up at the hospital wanted to induce me and give me an epidural so 'I didn't have to feel anything' which sounded great at the time but I'm glad now it didn't happen that way. A midwife checked me the next morning and because there hadn't been any further fluid loss and our baby boy still had a heart beat, there was a small glimmer of hope and I was sent home. However, by about 9pm that night I was EXTREMELY sick and feverish and managed to get some sleep, but woke up at 12.30am with contractions and our son was born naturally at 1.25am on the 8th of June. We take comfort in the fact that even though Brock had a heart beat in the morning, we believe he passed away before he was born and didn't suffer, a bitter sweet blessing I guess.
My husband was literally my saviour, he somehow managed to keep himself together enough to deliver our son, cut the cord, and then have the heartbreaking job of cleaning him, making him comfortable and driving me up to the hospital where I passed the placenta naturally at about 5.30am.
Thankfully I didn't have to have a D&C and I bled/spotted for 6 weeks after the miscarriage. I had an appointment with an obstetrician 2 weeks ago who said that everything with me was fine but he couldn't give us a reason as to why our son hadn't made it, but that it wasn't my fault. AF arrived this morning, I never thought I'd be happy to see it!! :D
We've decided to start trying again as soon as humanly possible, not because we want to replace our Brockie (that will never happen, he is always going to be our first born son) but because we want to have a family. The last 9 weeks have been the hardest we have both ever gone through. DH is coping ok, in a typical male way I think, I heard a great saying, men sigh and women cry. I have good days and bad days. The closer it gets to the due date the harder it is, we see babies and pregnant women and people who are due around the same time as me and its like a huge knife has been rammed into our chests and twisted around. I just want to know when the hurting will stop, why did God decide that OUR baby was better off with Him than with us??? We would give EVERYTHING to have Brock back, losing a baby is the MOST unfair and hardest thing that anyone could go through and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, and I am so so sorry that everyone here has gone through the same thing. It just shouldn't happen.
Thank you for letting me vent, I look forward to sharing this journey with you all, hopefully it'll be a relatively short journey, not just for me, but for all of you. :)
Natt XO

natty, i am so sorry for ur loss, thank u for sharing such a beautiful story, i felt ur love and ur loss with every word u wrote.
U have come to a wonderful place here on bb, the ladies here, are very kind caring and supportive.

NattyT :welcome:

Your story has touched me deeply. It must have been a very tough time for both you and your DH. Rest assured that you will find lots of love and support on this thread, the women on here (even though I have never meet any of them personally) are awesome, positive, deserving human beings and you will get all the support you need from them.

When I first came to this thread I was in a pretty negative place, I was TTC my 2nd child after having a mc in Dec 08. Only recently (prior to my BFP) I was starting to feel like myself again, positive and genuinely happy for people who were expecting.

I'm sorry that you have had to join us, and I hope that you get what you need in what I hope is a short stay for you.

:grouphug:

Me 32 DH 38
DS 5/1/2007
:angel: December 2009 (13 weeks)

Oh and the Pooch (nearly 7)

:welcome: NattyT i am sorry you have had to join us in this thread but you have definately come to the right place for all the support you need. Your story was very touching as i read it and it must have been extremely painful for you to go through. As for when will the pain go away, its a very hard question to answer, i asked myself that very same thing at the start and have come to realise that it probably will never completely leave but to just take each day as it comes, as they say take the good with the bad :)
Joshsmum im not too sure what you could tell the club, i was a bit the same when i was pg i felt i needed to tell them so they knew why i wasnt playing like i usually did but it was so early so was a bit lost. Ended up telling them and then mc the following week so would have been alot easier not too, but anyway. Is there maybe just 1 person you could tell and just tell the rest its personal reasons or that you have to work or something like that?? I live in camperdown in country victoria, not sure if you know where that is, its about 2 hours drive from melbourne and 45mins from warrnambool. Its a nice little country town, nice and quiet and quite a pretty place. I play for the camperdown magpies. Talk of moving to geelong its nice there i lived there for about 6 months or so and it was good. Dinner was beautiful, went to the local pub and last time we went there it wasnt all that good but think they may have a new chef and it was awesome and was good to catch up with the inlaws. Anyway better get going ttyl. Bye

Nattyt-I'm so sorry for your loss it brought back awful memorie's we lost our daughter at 19 week's 5 day's and not a day goe's by that i don't think of her it doe's get easier as time goe's by but the pain is alway's there and i just know that i will be with her again one day
The girl's on BB have really helped me deal with my pain they are there to listen and understand again i'm so sorry.

Morning everyone...I havent posted in about a week and now I have to post so I am kept in the loop! Nothing much to report with me...just waiting as usual...this time to ovulate - at least this is the fun bit, DP has been away in Bali for the past 3 weeks and gets home on Tuesday, CD10, perfect timing, nothing like a few weeks away to put the spark back into the baby dance - cant wait! Hoping I have a 28 or 29 day cycle rather than the 34 or 35 I had the month I fell and the month just gone! Long cycles suck - sorry for anyone who normally has these cycle lengths - they take forever! Temping to see where I am at. Does anyone else have weird cycles that are a week longer some months??? I wanted to do the OPK but that is too many sticks which I am sure would get expensive after a while...how many sticks does everyone else use a cycle???

Nat - welcome to our humble thread, sorry you had to join us but glad you are here for our support! Welcome to the baby making wagon once again...it is a rocky journey as we all know but hopefully it wont take too long!

Ferrals - I had a feeling Nats experience might have brought back memories for you, hope you are doing ok :grouphug:

Hope everyone else is enjoying their weekend, I am off to Byron for the day with the girls - should be nice!

Natty: Im so so sorry to hear your loss. I can't imagine what you're going through :hug: this is a GREAT place to be (BB) the women here helped me through my darkest times. Hope you're well on the way to getting a BFP soon!

What is it with Oct babies???? Ours was an Oct baby, cherished's was an october baby and there's someone else in here with an oct baby i think..What did they have to form a clique in angel heaven or something?? :dunno: *sigh*

:grouphug: ALL THE WOMEN in here are AMAZING! There is not one thing more tragic I think than losing a family member, whether it is one that you're expecting (which is worse..) or alive. I think we should all give ourselves a big pat on the back.

AFM: AF exited the buiding last night. My first real AF since the laparoscopy & endometiosis removal. I am soo amazed at how painless it was, how light compared to the previous ones, and how I didnt bloat AT ALL! WOO HOO!!! :hooray:

Now a little over a week till I ovulate then we're back in business! :D

We are going to be away going to mackay from august 14th and I dont know whether Im going to take my laptop or not...we're driving inland and not alot of mcdonalds in land..they all seem to be along to coast so not sure if there'll be any wireless. Anyway...I was thinking maybe I would be better not having the internet to obsess during the TWW? :lol:

Natty I want to give you and your dh a big hug, love and strength to you both, your story has really touched my heart and you will have your family soon :comfort:

Coco there is a McDonalds in Gympie on your way through on the highway and I'm sure there is one in Mackay

:hello: to all my other lovley BB friends, hope you are all well

AFM I've got acupuncture tomorrow and I have completely stopped bleeding after the D&C YAY, I also feel like I'm going to be o'ing soon, after my 1st loss I ttc straight after the D&C but we are waiting for one AF this time and it seems like such a waste of an ovulation to be doing nothing!.... Apart from that I'm doing good xoxo

Holey moley...wow!!!

:loveshower:

I am totally overwhelmed, thank you so much everyone for all the love and support after my first message, I am completely blown away and touched! Thank you for letting me share our story and for also sharing your stories with me, (I am so so sorry to hear about everyone's losses, I don't think anyone can understand the hurt unless they've actually been there) and for letting me be part of this group. I feel at home here already, thank you. :grouphug:

Coco and Cherished, what date in Oct were you due? (if you don't mind me asking of course - please tell me to pull my head in if it's too bold of a question) I had to grin in a bittersweet sort of way with what you said about October babies, personally I can't wait for October to come and go.

SuperstarMumsy - thankyou for the welcome too, hope you enjoyed Byron!

Ferrals - I am so so sorry for your loss too and I'm sorry it's brought back awful memories. :hug: If it doesn't sound silly, maybe our babies are growing up together now getting strong and healthy and they'll be perfect next time we see them. Hope that doesn't sound stupid.

Thanks Elise. :) I've almost come to the conclusion that the pain is always gonna be there in one way or another, but as you said, to take each day as it comes. It'd be nice sometimes to have a crystal ball though to see how the days are gonna pan out, because one minute I can be fine and the next I'm a mess after seeing a baby/expectant mother/or a customer at works asks me how my pregnancy is going. That's always a fun way to pass the day. My sarcasm dial has gone through the roof though since we lost Brock, I do have to watch myself at times! ;)

Josh'smum - thank you heaps too. Like I said, I am totally overwhelmed already by all the love and support after only my first message, I hope I can be of some help/support etc to everyone on here too.

Well, it's been a pretty quiet weekend, DH and I got out in the garden and did some weeding yesterday (strangely theraputic gardening, I never realised that before!) and today we just went out for lunch. We're in the middle of buying a house too but have hit a slight snag in that we thought we were eligible for the first home owners grant but turns out we're not (long story short, DH brought a house with his ex and was assured by her lawyer after the breakup that if he signed over the house then it wouldn't affect his future borrowings/first home owners grant in any way - f**ked over in a big way :angry:, sorry for the crudeness!) We're appealing the FHOG but don't hold much hope, but we are lucky in the fact that we know the person we're buying the house from and she's been great so we're in negotiations. I'm almost at my wits end though, I must sound like a big sooky la la which is frustrating 'coz I'm normally a pretty cruisey person, but it's just felt like everything that could've gone wrong this year has gone wrong. We seriously need a break.

Hehe I've done it again, thanks for letting me vent ladies! :grouphug: I tell ya, I haven't missed this :pms: thing though, I'd take AF any day without the hormonal crap!!

Hope everyone's had an awesome weekend, thank you so much again.

Natt XO

Hello Loviees:grouphug:
How is every one doing?

I already have broken our fragile hearts by testing. DH was so inquisitive.
Because the 1st time we tried for a baby, it exactly happened like it was a fairytale.

We started on 8th july and i had some symptoms really but on 30th july we tasted and it was -ve:wall:

But still feeling niggles so this time we will push it to 20th August. Having my toes and fingers crossed:pray:

morning all

Superstar-Thankyou so much for thinking of me yes natty brought it all back but im doing ok i'm happy i can be of some help to her during this awful time.

Coco- don't get me started on oct babie's just after we lost abbi i found out my GRRRR!!! SIL is having a baby in oct 2 of my closest freind's are due in oct and 2 girl's i work with are due late oct early nov i'm going to vanish in oct i don't think i will cope.

Natty-it dosn't sound silly at all our babie's can keep each other company until we see them again it also help's me that i believe abbi is in my grandmother's arm's as she passed away 6mth's before abbi i tell my nan don't let my girl be a tomboy like you nan and please don't teach her to burp like an old man like you taught my boy's and then i laugh as my nan would just tell me well it's better out than in.

Have to get boy's to school be back later.

Hi all

A non ttc post..

My mother has reared her ugly head again...

Its funny...my stars the other day said to batten down the hatches because a storm is brewing and will errupt in a few days time and to keep my distance...my stars today said that a family issue will resurface and begin problems and boil again...

My mother texted me "Im so sorry for letting you down"

and my response was "I know this isnt the resonse you're looking for, but I kinda expect it now"

She is just a horrible woman who needs to just back off. She didnt bother coming around when we lost the baby, and when I had the operation, she said she would come say bye to me at the hospital and she didnt turn up, then the day after she called and said Ill come over and help you out, do some washing for you and cleaning etc, and when I said that would be great, she said "oh you'll have to come and pick me up though" and I said "no...I cant drive????? I just had an operation and Im not meant to drive and not only that Im in pain! And if I could come pick you up, wouldnt I just be able to do everything myself anyway??"

The worst thing apart from kicking me out of home when I was 16 and apart from responding with "im too upset to talk" when I called to tell her about the baby; is that she just doesnt care???

I want to cut ALL ties with her but it isnt as easy as that when it's your mother... :(

Morning (afternoon) everyone :hello:

Natty I was due Oct 3rd and then I was due a the end of Jan with my 2nd. both dh and I are October bubs and we were so looking forward to our 1st little bundle arriving in October :rolleyes: Now I don't mind when they come just as long as they hurry up ;) Hope you're doing ok...

Coco do you want me to come over and have a work to your mum! :angry:

Vianna I know what you mean about it seeming like a fairytale and than all going wrong... My ttc journey is turning into a nightmare as it will soon be one year since we started trying with no baby ready to be born or even pregnant...

Anyway I called the OB today to see if any of my results were back and the chromosomal translocation results will be there on Thursday, the tissue and other test results were there and seem to be fine (as in there was no red flag next to them to be 'actioned' although that came from the receptionist not the OB...

Acupuncture went well, my hormones were flat but I expected that.

Hope everyone else is doing great xo

Cherished: (just took me 4 goes to type "cherished" lol)

I would LOVE for you to do that haha. She has called 3 times now but just dont want to deal with it :| Yeah I know there r maccas in mackay but, inland..I dont remember seeing any on the way down last time...but still..Might take laptop with me anyway. I like to have the net, and I dont know about not reading the forums for 2 weeks! Yikes!@

Natty: Forgot to answer your question. I was due thurs October 15th. There is a girl on my facebook who we were friends with when we were in mackay she is due on wed oct 14th and I was soooo upset when I found out!

I am feeling ok about the due date at the moment...Ask me again when the end of september rolls about though and theres 2 weeks to go...:lol:

I was just jumping in my [3 yr old] car to go to lunch with my sister and it wouldnt start...why do they only put crappy batteries in cars these days???? *sigh* just waiting for nrma to rock up..hopefully soon...

Ahh the dreaded 'would of been due date'. I would of been due on August 19th and now that its August i feel moody and sad and angry and disappointed. And even more disappointed that im not pregnant again.

Welcome Natty - Im sorry you have to be here with us but you are in the right place.

Sunbeam - Are you ok? Havent seen a message from you in a while??

Coco - Im sorry about your Mum. Mine isnt that bad but i know when i lost the baby it was so hard for HER cos i wouldnt let her come to the hospital with me. How terrible for HER!

Hello to everyone out there!!

Sorry double post

Maddison-our Abbi was due on the 11th of August it is starting to creep into my thought's as the day get's closer.

Hi Ladies !

I have been lurking for about a bit over a week now. I thought it was time that i jumped in and said hello - can i join in ? I am sorry for everyone's losses too !

A little about me - I am married with 3 boys and was due to have my 4th baby (unplanned) on October 28th. I miscarried on the 2nd of April at 10 weeks 2 days.
I struggled for quite a while then realised that i wanted to start trying again. So we are now on our 2nd attempt. This will be our last bub. I would REALLY love a little girl so we have been doing all we can to sway for a girl but i dont like my chances as my DH is one of 6 boys and between DH's brothers we have 6 nephews and 2 nieces (plus our 3 boys)

Anyway if we end up with another boy then thats ok - trust me when i find out i will be devastated if they say its a boy but i know i will be fine in the end.
Today is my cut off day - i am due to O on Wednesday or Thursday.
So now i am sort of in the TWW - even though i havent O'd yet.

I am a SAHM and my DH is a Cabinet Maker.
I also post in the TTC 1 - 6 months 2009 thread aswell - lovely chatty bunch of ladies in there.

Yeah - so there you go ! I miss my Angel baby terribly - dont we all ?

I hope you are all having a good day.
Better go - DS#3 has just woken up from his snooze.
BBL
xo