Trying to Conceive After Miscarriage or Loss May/June 2010

Iona - Yep, I love you guys way too much to stay away. :heartbeat:

Reet - I missed your post about the weird dream.. that's so funny. And a tad spooky. My name is very close to Chantelle. It's actually Janelle. But everyone calls me Nelly. Oooooh, now my cover's blown. LOL I think it's cute you had a dream about me. Now I feel all spesh. awwwww :) I wonder how accurate your 'vision' of me was though. I'll be really freaked out if you can give me an accurate description of how I/Chantelle looked. Sometimes I dream about people I don't know (if that makes sense) and they never have a face. Weird, but that's how it is. It's like my mind is too busy coming up with weird scenarios to be bothered adding a face. LOL And I kwym about men thinking differently. I know DP is serious about starting a family because he took out life insurance yesterday. I only mentioned it once! :D So proud of my responsible man, looking out for me and bubby to be.

Better get off the net now, DP is all jealous because the furbabies are snuggling in around me, and he's sitting on his own. LOL... I can't help it if I have animal magnetism. :D We actually got the dog because HE wanted it so bad, and since day 1 the little man has been a mummy's boy! DP says he wants to get another dog so he can claim it as his, but I told him no, you're getting a baby. The smirk I got was priceless.

And thanks girls for the ticker info. I need something to pass the time until the next O. :)

I am way to exhasted to do persies right now (my own fault ;)) but after looking at my FF Chart I realised that something on the had canged and after checking the calender and checking what all the key things were, I came to realise that yesterday and today I was supposed to be DTD even though it seems to early to my but DP didn't mind at all when I dragged him off to bed hehe. I will keep temping and hopefully it is right and O day is right around the corner.

Hi girls,

Will do persies tomorrow. Tired from running after DD who did not sleep today and i'm too disheartened to retype long post i lost this morning. I usually 'copy' a post before i hit 'submit' in case something goes wrong but this time i just moved my arm a bit over the mouse pad and the whole thing went 'foof!' GOne! Don't know what in heck i pressed! Hugs to all.

dampyre :hug: hope you're feeling better this evening! I know what you mean, I can't believe it's been almost 4 months for me. I feel like the last 4 months have been just a blur. TBH I only feel like I've "woken up" in the past few weeks, and I'm trying to catch up on the outside world again.

Iona honestly... you have such great self discipline!! I would have crashed by now lol

Reet I decided I wasn't going to share with DH after the neg HPT I took when my first cycle was late after the m/c. He seemed so down... I couldn't bare it! You're 100% right. I will happen for us :)

dory I'm having enough trouble doing my own exercise hahaha. I hope your furbaby is ok! I get sooo anxious when mine has any problems!

Forshelby I haven't removed all the colour. I didn't want to ruin my hair by stripping it, so I had a half head of blonde foils put it, and now it's blonde at the top to a coppery colour at the bottom lol.

Jakabella welcome :) I'm sorry you've had to join us :hug:

AFM... interesting day! I got my blood test results back. Apparently my Thyroid hormones are too low, my SHBG levels are too low and my "Free Andorgen Index" is way too high, so I've been referred to an endocrinologist and placed on thyroid meds in the interim. I've done some research and found this could mean 3 things; PCOS, diabetes or Hypothyrodism, all of which are in my immediate family. I think my TTC journey has just gone on a sabbatical for a little while!

Reet - so tomorrow morn it is....oh how scary!!!

Kate - so sorry to hear of your loss, but welcome to our thread. We are a crazy bunch of ladies....well I think we are hehehe!!

forshelby - aww the little things that our DP's do to show they do care....my DP does every so often!!

damprye - hope 'o' is around the corner and you catch that egg!! I know I always seem exhausted or DP annoys the hell out of me when we are suppose to dtd!!

possum - hope you get a good sleep!!

MsKara - hope you get some answers from those results....hope it doesn't disrupt your TTC journey too much

Hi to dory, murray, kit....everyone else I have missed!! i have a mental blank

AFM: well this morn I felt queasy, and i have so much saliva in my mouth that I feel that I have my teeth clenched incase anything comes up and out. And it took me forever to drink my green tea. Sorry about the TMI!!! My head feels like it's going to drop off, it's soo heavy....no spotting yet!!

xoxoxo

Iona- M/S is a great sign hehe, can't wait till tomorrow :D.

MsKara- I really hope they find out which i is and soon that was they can take measures to sort it out and you can get back TTC.

Possum- It really is annoying losing everything especially because everything is on the spot and you shouldn't have to think about doing it all again grr, so peeved for you.

Forshelby- That is great news about DH showing some inititive :D

Kate- Welcome, I hope your time with us here is short and that you do not have to go through losing yet another angel.

Reet- LOL why not be a big softy hehe, I used to sneak my furbaby in to :P

MatthewrsMum- I hope that FET goes well.

Dory- How is your furbaby?

AFM- I feel somewhat fantastic this morning, accoring to my FF chart, the big O should be happening tomorrow. I have an increased sex drive which is fantastic as it is usually a sign I get before I O. i have no idea about my CM today though as we DTD last night so anything there... well I'm sure you have all BTDT lol. Well I am off to tafe, I might sneak on while I'm there though hehe.

Hello lovelies,

Just a quickie from me - I'm keeping an eye on you all and wishing you all the best in your TTC journies.

T-hopes - hello lovely, glad to hear you are starting to feel better after your op. Agree that it is good to finally know what is going on and also glad to read your FS suggests to start TTC straight away. I'm following along and hoping everything goes your way. I love that quote - I got a bit choked up reading it. That's why I've pulled back a bit from BB - just needing to live my life until it is time for our IVF rather than keep waiting. I feel a real weight lifted off my shoulders, just trying to enjoy each day and stay hopeful. Don't over do it now after your op - the scar might be small but it's a lot for your body to recover from so promise me you'll hold off on that yoga for a while! Oh and your mini break sounds great - hope you get lots of sun and relaxation x

Dory, you are a beautiful woman and you are a constant inspiration to me. I remember holding onto those precious moments of being pg that you describe and just reminding myself of the things in my life that are a blessing. Living more in the moment and less in the future or the past, it really helps. I hope your furbaby's op goes well, they have an important job keeping you warm at home. x

MatthewsMum - I'm full of anticipation for your FET this month - crossing everything that it goes well for you. Looking forward to hearing how the blood test goes and when you are due for a transfer. Are you thawing one embie or two? Thinking of you x

Love to everyone x

Hi Ladies
Just a quick one from me sorry, so hard to keep up.
Thanks so much for asking about me and for all your kind wishes!!

Angelfish and Kate ~ Welcome. So sorry for your losses. Wishing you all the best on your TTC journeys.

Well some good news and some bad news last night. Good is that the tractor selling vibes have worked, thanks so much to you all. A friend of a friend with a lot of money and a big slashing contract coming up has given us a verbal yes - he wants to buy it. I wont be jumping up and down until the money is in our bank account but very relieved and obviously thrilled Might take him a few weeks to get a little finance approved but Im happy with that.
So then because I was happier and we got a little money from DH's work I went out and bought couple of tests - wouldnt you know it BFN
So then we had to discuss last night would we go ahead and start the process for our July IVF or would we wait it out until Oct and save a bit more. We think its wise if we wait a bit and get rid of some debts - We are sick to death of the money stresses. So probably Oct unless we decided to go to the Melb clinic after a month or so then we can probably do it earlier.
Its weird though I def still thing something is going on with my body - perhaps it is still trying to get back to normal. I feel AF is on the door step but for me its too early.

GL all - group hugs xoxo

Hello Lovely Ladies!
Im back!!! So excited to have a computer again!
Big welcome to all the newbies I have missed in the month I have been away!
And a Huge congrats on all the BFP's!

I wont be able to do persies til i catch up on everything......

AFM - DH has gone away for a few weeks again, AF is due this week, expecting her though....so wont be as disapointed as last month......

I have missed you all so much!

xxx

Damprye - Happy BDing!

MsKara - Ahh, so you've gone for the ole topdeck style. (like the chocolate, lol) I was a big fan of that look, but got tired of trying to maintain two different colours. I kwym about the hair damage thing. My straightener does enough damage without trying to lighten it drastically.

Iona - Saliva? Oooohh.... I'm looking forward to your results. Hoping for a BFP for you!

Alice - Someone once said to me that the only real thing is NOW, not the future or the past. Neither exist right now, all that is real is today. Hope that made sense, hehe

Loops - Yay for the tractor sale! I hope October comes quickly, or you stumble across a large wad of cash. :) Sorry about your BFN. Best of luck to you

Bons - Welcome back!

AFM, feeling surprisingly fragile today. A friend of 20 years forgot to use her brain and sent me a picture of her newborn nephew. Now, ordinarily that wouldn't bother me, as I love babies. But this is the child of her skanky little sister, whom she knows I cannot stand, for reasons I'll try to explain briefly.

Long story short, she said some really nasty stuff to me about my lost child, and basically flaunted her family in my face. Her centrelink sponging family. It drives me crazy that this KID (she's not even 19 yet I don't think) has just given birth to her third child, still living under her mum's roof, and is just a big fat selfish sponge on society!! What drives me crazier is the fact that she's suffered a loss also, and still felt it neccesary to pour salt on my wounds. Nasty little tramp she is. So, obviously I couldn't care less about her latest offspring, and am disappointed in my friend for showing such a lack of forethought. Then my friend has the kohunas to get cranky at ME for not being impressed. Am I crazy? Is it ok to feel p!ssed off about something like that? I mean, who does that??? I feel like for a friend I've known for many many years, she was just totally inconsiderate. At the moment, I don't even want to dignify her rebuttle with a response.

In other news, I found out today a co-worker's wife has just had her second miscarriage. I felt so sad for her. One of my other co-workers said when asked how far along the lady was: "ONLY 7 weeks" Oh, gee, well that hardly matters, does it? ARGH! I get so upset when people minimise another woman's heartache like that. Granted, this woman lost her 5 year old daughter many years ago, but still.

I think I'm overly sensitive today or something. I just seem to be getting so much baby related news thrown at me, and none of it gives me that warm fuzzy feeling. Now I'm just waiting for someone to make a pg announcement (IRL, that is, I would naturally be thrilled for any of you girls). I think I just might explode.

*phew* Sorry about the vent. I reeeeeeeeally needed that. Hi to anyone I've missed, and if you got through my long rambling post, bravo to you. :)

Glad to have yas back :) Congrats on selling the tracktor Loops.

Well I think my fertility chart is rather accurate. I felt a sharp pang and pop in my left ovary about 15mins ago so I guess I DTD at the right time and am hoping my temp rises tomorrow :D Woohoo for "O" day and I can't wait to see if all that "hard work" (;)) paid off lol. It's been 10months since I actively started TTC.

Good luck, Damprye! Maybe you should DTD tonight as well, you know.. insurance sex. LOL 10 months is a long time... I hope this is your month.

... hmm, maybe I'm wrong, I'm having pangs in the right one too now.

damprye - yay on 'o'ing, praying that you caught the egg this month. welcome to the TWW sweety

Alice - enjoy having some down time...sometimes that can be the best thing especially when we get so side tracked by this whole TTC journey

Loops - yay on having a verble contract for your tractor, hoping it all goes through. Sorry about the BFN. Hope Oct comes round quickly for you, so your IVF journey can start.

Bons - yay on having a computer again. I know at times I go batty without having my laptop hehehe

forshelby - oh sweety, sending you heaps of virtual hugs....some people have no idea and don't know when to not cross the line. Oh that is so sad about your co-workers wife, it's terrible how these awful things happen to good people and then you have people that don't give a flying f^$k and have no problems conceiving etc. Oh I could go on...it makes my blood boil!!

I know there is heaps I have missed saying hello to so will say a quick hi!!

AFM: well symptoms for today were/are:
* no spotting (looking at my last few cycles since m/c I have always started spotting on 10DPO/CD24
* i've been having cramps but they have been low, like at the top of my leg/lower pelvis (very strange)
* the saliva thing - feel like I am constantly swallowing
* thirsty as and my lips are constantly dry
* hot flushes - one minute I'm hot next I'm cold
* tired - went for a sleep this arvo and once again didn't want to wake up
* have been going to the toilet a bit but not sure if it's also because I want to see if I'm spotting or not
* oh my bb's are tingly and my nipples are sore!!

that's all I can think of at the moment - I haven't bought a HPT but have some ones that I got cheap off the net when I had the m/c to test to see when my hcg levels had decreased as i went naturally. so read the pamphlet and it measures hcg levels at 15ml - does anyone know if the pharmacy ones measure less??

xoxox

Wow - I am so touched that so many have asked about my furbaby. Thankyou so much. He is recovering well but was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism, when his blood work came back late last night. Means in essence his metabolism is running over time and he will lose weight no matter how much he eats and will be hyperactive. There are long term consequences. There are treatment options, at the mo, we are just going to give him some meds - 2 tabs twice a day... guess the old softy in me will have to harden up some more. He's ok at taking tablets, but I reckon he's sure going to tire of it. But the good news is we've caught it early before any secondary complications have set in and he's not in pain, just hungry. How ironic that Ms Kara you might have hypothyroidism ( or PCOS or diabetes). Keep your head up sweetie - there are things that can be done to help manage each of those conditions and you can still conceive! I have PCOS, and have been able to manage it via diet and exercise... much to the delight of my treating Dr's and me!

Forshelby - you are welcome to vent any old time. Some people just aren't worth even having in your life huh? That schlapper sounds like one. I feel sad for her kids. Pity your friend had a brain freeze though.... I was talking to my mum the other night and the long and short of it is, she said that someone people just don't understand that the baby, no matter how old, has an identity and is a baby. I was so proud of her. I reckon before my experiences I was one of those insightless ones, I am embarrassed to say. Oh how my world has opened up in ways I least expected these past two years.

Welcome Jackbella - I am so saddened that you have experienced losses. I hope you are healing both physically and emotionally. Go gently, and you will find a lot of support and great women in here who inspire me every day.

Alice - ahh, flattery will get you everywhere. No seriously, thankyou. None of this journey is easy, and I draw inspiration from everyone in here... so I keep coming back ... that's why you can't get rid of me :) For me, I think BB keeps me sane, with this bed rest and not working. I am so isolated from the life I once knew it would be easy to feel sorry for myself, but instead I log on and experience other women's trials and tribulations and friendship and support. Indeed, how lucky am I?

Ionna - excessive saliva was always a symptom for me, and then later an intense aversion to the smell of leather. Pity we bought a leather lounge a few years ago. Thankfully it only makes me feel bleurgh sometimes now, but early on I couldn't even walk in the front door without smelling it and feeling sick. Same for my handbag, my wallet, my shoes.... at least it wasn't food or perfume. Although at one stage I did develop a slight aversion to the smell of DH and not just the whiffy pops! Anyway enough silliness. Tomorrow is the test day right? Here's hoping....

Dampyre - are you going to go for a marathon BD record?

Bons good to hear from you again. So what are you going to do whilst DH is away? Something with the girls? Something for yourself?

Loops - awesome news about the tractor! Well done. And sorry about the disappointment of your bfn. I know it seems like a long way away, but October, seriously isn't that far away..... and even less so if in that time you will feel more secure financially. It's easy to say not to worry about the money, but we all need it and it is nicer not to have all the extra stress around. Just think of how much fun and liberation you can have between now and then. Maybe some BD'ing but not focused on the outcome, just on the fun of it. I was saying to DH, it would be nice to go back to the time when BD'ing was just about the fun and deciding to BD when really we should have been doing other things, rather than fitting BD in around everything else. Well not that there is any of that going in here at the moment. So I bet DH would be thinking, I would be happy just to be getting some..... LOL. He was tactfully quiet on the subject of his current drought but did say we'll get to BD again soon enough - like October/November if all goes well.

Hiya to everyone else. I was reading the other posts so quickly it went in one ear and out the other, sorry!

AFM - apart from cat worries and a big ole drought in the BDing department but thankfully not the snuggles/cuddles department, next week, next Wednesday in fact, there will be 99 days to go... OMG... September will be only 14 weeks away next week. I had better make the most of this RnR....

Good luck, am hoping for those bfp's soon.

Iona - Your symptoms sound really good! To answer your question, I'm pretty sure you have the most sensitive HPTs there are, so don't stress. :)

Dory - Thanks for understanding, as always. I felt like a bit of a jerk for reacting the way I did, but I'm just so tired of people's unenlightened comments and actions. I kwym about your life opening up after experiencing loss. I was probably one of those people too. I guess if nothing else, we've grown and learned, and that's valuable. Sorry to hear about the BD drought, hehe.. it's one thing to not feel like it, but to not be ALLOWED is very different. Just make sure you're soaking up the snuggles.

forshelby - oh cool, so i'll just use one of them in the morn...feeling a lil nervous, not sure what i'm expecting!!! I guess going in with an open mind is easier than going in with hoping it shows a BFP

oh and to add - I just had a hot chocolate and feel like I'm going to be :sick:

:D well I'm cautiously optimistic for you, Iona. You've made me want a hot choccie now...... mmmm. I hope your symptoms are the real deal, I have everything crossed for you. I'd be waiting online to see your results if I didn't have to go to work. Ah work, always getting in the way of much more entertaining things. lol

Oh Iona I just cant wait!!!! Can you please test before 8.15am??!!! I have to leave for work then! Please be sure to tell us straight away!!! Ur so good that u have waited this long :)

Got my progesterone results back today, they are at 28 something.. i spoke to my gyno and he said with those results i 'o'ed about a week ago! Weird or what! Just when i think i might know what my body is doing it does something new to really confuse me!! I really thought my levels wld be really really low thats why af wasnt coming.. but nope my body decided it would 'o' almost a whole month after i was expecting it too! He said i shld get af in about a weeks time. Golly gosh i better!!! I am so so so sick of not having it.. it will be good to just have 1 normal cycle since m/c.
I have been spending the last year since going off the pill trying to get to know my body.. it so isnt working tho!! I have had only 2 normal af's since may last year.. well i bled for 3 months continuously after stopping the pill but thats not exactly normal.. all the other times my body has been in haywire! the m/c wldnt have helped though.
Im quite happy with the test results.. as long as af arrives next week!

Sorry bout the me-ness in the previous post.. will do persies tomoro!!! Love u all!!!!! xxx

Iona- Yays, I so can't wait to log on tomorrow.

ForShelby- If there wasn't something to keep me occupied at times I swear I'd never go offline lol.

Reet- Woohoo, hoping AF shows in about a week or so and that your body returns to normal after all that hassle.

AFM- I wont be able to DTD tonight :( DP isn't staying here tonight, even worse is my drive is really high right now so I could do with a bit more ;) ah well... MEN!

hi girls,

im another lurker, i was trying to send forshelby a pm but your in box is full, i was going to introduce myself on this thread but it moves so quick im worried i will have trouble keeping up, anyway by way of introducing myself i will just put the pm in here for everyone to read so you know a bit about me

hi,

i hope you dont mind me sending you a pm, im a lurker on ttc after m/c list, i just wanted to send you big hugs over your friend thoughtless actions with sending you that baby photo and for her then to not be understanding is awful.

i am going through a similiar thing but its with my family, i have just suffered my 3rd miscarriage in 6 months and 2 weeks ago i had a major fallout with my mum over it all, i didnt get any sympathy at all, in fact all i heard from her was i dont know why you want a third child (i already have two) these two are so much of a handful blah blah, i was so devastated she would be so unsupportive, if thats your opinion keep it to yourself, its completely inappropriate to say that at a time im having a miscarriage of that 3rd child !

the argument proceeded to her storming out of my house because she "wasnt welcome here" (thats was because i was so upset with what she had said i couldnt bare to speak to her), she ran off to my brother's house and obviously said not nice things about me because i got an aggressive text from him and havent heard a word from any of them since.

im sorry for the long story, im still reeling from the whole thing and how my entire family could just turn their back on me like that, i did nothing wrong and im shocked they can treat me like this

anyway just wanted to let you know i know how you feel !

so thats it really for me girls, sums up my last 6 months, been such an awful difficult time

Minnie- That is a horrible thing for anyone to do let alone your own Mother. I know noone around me would understand so I just keep my mouth shut now. When I was at tafe today I tried to open up but got told by a 15yo that it was selfish for me to be trying for another... I tried to ignore her comment but there so many others there and it soon became a hot topic. The course I am doing has people of all ages just to let everyone know so I am not 15 myself lol. I can't believe how thoughtless some people can be. Being so close to home I can understand how much harder it would be. I don't think anyone can truely understand the heartache of loss until they have been there themselves. I hope things get better and that your stay on this thread will be short lived before you move onto greener pastures.

thanks Damprye: i am in such shock about it all, as if it isn't enough for me to go through the m/c's but to be treated like this has been such a shock. it has made me question my whole life with my "family" just feel like i cant trust anyone if the people who are supposed to support me can do this to me.

you are right people don't understand, i found i got some sympathy after the first m/c (from friends and family) and now after number 3 i just feel like they just treat it like its "just" another m/c, not a big deal at all and it is a huge deal, i never thought i would have 3 m/c and certainly not one after another in such a short time, its really unbelievable

at the moment we are not ttc (only just stopped bleeding from the last m/c) in a month im going to have a tonne of blood tests to see if that shows anything and then we may decide to try again after seeing the specialist cause he will start me on clexane and progesterone and hope that helps, right now i don't think i have the strength to try again so will see how i feel when the time comes, i am almost 37 so cant really wait that long if we want to try again

Kate: Welcome to the thread. Sorry for your loss and i hope you get another BFP really soon.
Angelfish: sorry for your loss. GLad lurking has helped. it certainly helped me when i did.
MInnie Mouse: so sorry for all your losses and the lack of understanding you are dealing with on top of that. I hope that BB helps you as it helped me and others.

Loops: Yay for the tractor but so sorry you didn't get your BFP. Still too early maybe? Hope so.
Reet: Hope AF shows up soon...unless a BFP does.
Damprye:What a horrible experience for you. I don't think a 15yr old would have the slightest clue what you've gone through. That's why BB is good: to get that understanding from people who know how hard a loss is, and how natural it is to want a baby. Not selfish at all. Oh, and i have had pain both sides around 'o' too. Very confusing in one way but i guess it still helps you know when it's happening.
Iona: GL for testing tomorrow.
Forshelby: Gosh, insensitivity seems to be the order of the day doesn't it? I think people who aren't in our position find it really hard to put themselves in our headspace, even if they are a good friend. It's hard to take from a friend though. That's where you hope to get support isn't it? I hope you have a better day tomorrow.
Bons: Welcome back, we missed you.
Dory: Hi!

Sorry if i missed anyone. Hitting the button now before i lose another post!

Just popping by to wish Iona all the best for tomorrow morning!!! EEEKKKK!!!!
I'm off to have a hot chocolate drink now! Yum!

Does anyone else find that if they watch a show on tv of a mother giving birth it makes them very emotional??? They always have birthing shows on cable.. like bringing baby home etc.. i try not too watch them very often but got hooked tonight.., and yep! a bawling mess! i find it the most beautiful thing ever... i cant wait to be looking at our gorgeous little baby.. i think i will be the biggest blubbering mess ever.

Reet- When I first started TTC I found that no matter what I was watching on youtube I ended watching birthing stories and vids and whenever I am feeling rather down I chuck on 'Juno'.
When I had my DS i got a close friend to record it and she finally got around to sending it to me the other day and after watching my own child being birthed into this world I feel imensley better and my determination has stepped up a notch.
Watching the other stories and vids has inspired me to add my own as they have really helped me in the past especially when I need a feel good cry.
(Mine is linked in my sig ;))

Ok girls, a quick one from me this morn as need to get myself ready for training sess and try and put a firecracker under DS's bum!!

The verdict this morn is a BFN - still no spotting so maybe I'm going back to my usual 27 day cycle!!! We'll see

I'll catch up with you all when I get home later this morn

xoxoxox

Oh my goodness Iona! I cant believe that! Arent our bodies so so so confusing. Sorry to hear :( July must be our months!! xxxx

and damprye i cant see the link in ur sig?? (maybe im just being blind??!) wld love to watch it! :)

Iona- Sorry hun :(

Reet- It is in the second line first word ;)

AFM- nothing really, my chart today is still showing that I am only fertile and not yet "O"d so I don't know what those pains were about then or the increased drive, I always attributed it to "O" day :(
If I do not O tomorrow I will be very disappointed but I guess I can only wait and see. If it is not this month I guess I can just try again next month. Yay for optimism.

thanks girls...

Reet - hoping AF shows up in the next week. Totally understand about the emotional thing with shows....I remember in January before i found out I was pregnant, it was the early hours of the morning and I couldn't sleep so decided to watch some tv, I was watching Mad about you and it was the episode where Jamie was giving birth....I couldn't stop crying!!

damprye - sorry you didn't get to dtd last night,

minniemouse - hi and sorry to hear about your losses, I can't believe your own mother said that. hope we don't scare you off too much but we do get a bit crazy in here (well I think i do!!!)

possum - how are you travelling??

AFM: still no spotting, a few little niggles again low in the pelvis, was 10mins into my training sess and felt like I was going to throw up or pass out!!! hmm y can't our bodies just be simple and easy to read!!

Iona hun I'm sorry X Huggs X

Minniemouse - oh sweetie. I am so glad you plucked up the courage to introduce yourself, welcome! But I am so sadden to welcome you here, as it means the losses of your 3 precious angels and in such trying circumstances. I hope you are healing but the situation with your family doesn't help. All I can say, is their behaviour is about them, not you. Remember that. You should feel free to grieve your most recent angel and it's your business how many children you say is right for your family.

I have had almost the reverse experience to you - for my fist m/c people basically told me to "take a tea spoon of cement and harden up". Well not quite like that, but you know what I mean. Basically the message I got, was it happens, it has happened to me ( from many people) and get on with it. Interestingly as my journey progressed most people became more sympathetic. [my story in short from July 08 to Aug 09 - miscarriages at 8 weeks, 22 weeks, 14 weeks/21 weeks ( twins)]. But from some people I have also experienced what I call "grief fatigue". Again, it's about them and not the person grieving.

I am not so sure that experiencing multiple losses makes it any easier. It hasn't for me. I have heard and have known some women don't invest in their subsequent pregnancies at all because of fear of loss. All multiples does, I think, is prepares us for perhaps what our grief may look like, and maybe some strategies that worked the last time to get through. But each grief journey is different, as each baby is different.

Give yourself time to physically and emotionally heal before TCC. It's a good idea to do some investigations, and the time frames involved are sometimes a blessing in disguise. Go gently on yourself, this is a hard time. How are your other children managing?

Anyway, you will invariably always find support here and a listening ear.

Reet - I agree - it seems there is always something about babies, birthing, pregnancy in the media. I wonder if it was always there and I just never noticed or whether there is more of it? I think maybe its that I never really noticed as much before as I wasn't as sensitive to those issues. Now I seem to be drawn to them. But either way, doesn't make it any easier to deal with. For me, I have this really weird talent of picking movies to watch in the immediate aftermath of my losses which deal with loss, but on the face of it I didn't get that the movie would do that. There have been a few, but the one clanger for me was "Marley and Me". Expected it to be sad, about the dog, but totally left field about some other parts of the story. I felt like I had been hit by a truck and of course bawled. Sometimes when I am feeling really vulnerable I go searching for birth and baby tributes on u tube. One of my favs seems to be 99 Balloons. If you are in the mood for a good heartwrenching cry I recommend it. I hope AF turns up too. It's good news you O'ed but a bugger it was o hard to pick....

Dampyre - oh bugger, and when you are feeling randy and everything..... hope you survived.

Ionna - sorry about the bfn, but maybe, just maybe don't give up hope just yet. The combination of those symptoms just has something in my mind paying attention. And pity about your work out. I hate it when that happens. You build yourself up for a great session and then its ruined by nausea. Blah.

Forshelby - luckily for me I have had very little interest at the mo! The one time I did, DH told me that he couldn't because I'd told him previously I was too scared. DH said then if I gave in and he let me give in that I would regret it and live in fear and guilt and he didn't want that. Aww shucks. I am in sort of limbo. I haven't asked whether I can or not, so I've not been told I can't. But from the reading I have done and my own fear and some general discussions I have had with the Ob previously, it's just something to be avoided. Even other stimulation is being avoided at the mo, as some of the hormones that are released are thought to be involved with labour. So I am in a drought too. LMAO. I keep teasing DH I will ask the Ob about it in an appointment when DH is there...... I am thinking that maybe in another 12 weeks it might be a possibility as the risks will be very low then.... but the desire might be absent too. The mental image of even attempting it then just does my head in. Time will tell. Gives me something else to day dream and laugh about. Sorry if it was TMI! So snuggles it is... luckily its winter.

Anyway, I could keep waffling, too much time on my hands. Take care my lovelies. Good to see Murray still stalking.....

murray - thanks sweety....how are you going??

dory - you are so sweet to us all, mwah and you can waffle on as much as you like. Don't worry when I was pregnant with DS, DP didn't get any for the 9 months I was pregnant and even for a few months afterwards!! It just wasn't a turn on factor for me and so many people said that if it's a boy you get horny etc....nope I didn't at all!!

forshelby - my stalkee, hehe since I stalked you first. hope you had a better day at work then yesterday sweety xoxox

AFM: well girls....still nothing, no spotting, nothing, I even wore a liner today just incase i started to spot etc so will just have to see what tonite or tomorrow brings me!!! I tried to go back to January in my bank statements to see if I when I may of bought the HPT and how far in the cycle I was as it came back BFN but nope couldn't really pin point it but think i may of been 10/11DPO if I did it in that week!! I can't see me doing it the week before so the story goes it came up as a BFN I then had a couple of days of spotting and then nothing and didn't do a test until it was CD30 and it came up positive....so if nothing happens over the weekend I may do one on CD30 which will be in 5 days time

Oh my! You girls have been busy!! So much catching up to do.........

Iona - Sorry about the BFN. I was SO expecting a BFP for you.... I'm still holding out hope though that af will be a no-show. Let me know if the symptoms continue! I've taken a page out of the book of Iona today, and instead of getting that cheeseburger I so desperately wanted on the way home from work.. *drumroll* I had scrambled eggs. I know, I'm awesome. LOL Now all I have to do is muster up the energy to exercise. And thank you for asking, I had a bit better day today.

Reet - Wow, you O'd a week ago?! I hope you DTD then... maybe you'll get a sneaky BFP?? It must have been awful bleeding for 3 months straight after coming off the pill. i realise now how lucky I am for everything to go back to normal like I was never on it. I'm going to send you some "regular cycle vibes" since I clearly have lots. :D I wonder why some people struggle to regain their fertility after the pill, and others don't. What type were you on, out of curiosity? I took Trifeme 28. It was a combined pill. And yes, I feel the same about the baby shows. Lucky we don't have cable... although DP would just over-rule me anyway and put on a show about cars. LOL.... damn him! I get all choked up though just thinking about those kind of shows. Babies, not cars, that is.

Damprye - I'm the same, passing endless hours on BB. Sorry you missed out on the sausage last night, lol it must have been irritating! That 15y.o is an idiot, too. I know it's hard, but try to ignore what she said. She wouldn't know the first thing about TTC, or life in general. She still lives with her mummy, and can't even drive a car. Next time she opens her unenlightened mouth, tell her to put a sock in it. Even better, just take off your sock and hand it to her. LOL

Minniemouse - WELCOME. I'm really touched that you wanted to pm me, and saddened by your story. I can't believe your own family would treat you this way, in your hour of need. I agree with Dory though (wonderful wise Dory :D), and their behaviour is about them, not you. It doesn't make it any easier to deal with, I know... but it's the truth. Your mother should be ashamed of herself for 'playing favourites' like that. I think maybe she was just ashamed of her actions, and didn't know what to do. Of course, she ended up making it worse. A few months back, I had a bit of a moment where I got angry at my own mother for seeming to sweep my loss under the rug. I told her to stop changing the subject, and that my baby DESERVED to be remembered. She bought me a ring with our baby's birthstone in it for my birthday after that. I hope you can mend your relationship with your family, but it will definitely take time. Time for you to heal, and time for them to realise how much they're hurting you with their selfish actions. Good luck, honey, and I hope you find some comfort here with us. Oh, and I hope when you have those tests you get some answers, and can find the courage to try again. If it's what you truly want, never give up. I think giving up is harder than ploughing ahead... but that's just my opinion. It's your decision, and we will all support you no matter what you decide.

Kate - WELCOME to you too! I don't know how I missed your post. Will have to go back and find it. Sorry for my delayed reaction! :)

Possum - I had a decent day today, thanks for asking. I haven't bothered to respond to my friend's insensitive text yet, (the one she sent after I told her I was upset, basically telling me to get over it) and to be honest, I don't know if I will at all. I feel like for someone who has known me for 20 years to be so inconsiderate, then why even bother continuing on. She just doesn't understand, and I just don't have the energy to even be bothered with her stupidity any more. I don't need a friend like that! How are you feeling these days?? I'm glad you're sticking around.

Murraycod - Hi! How are things going with you??

Dory - I can't help but chuckle at your post. I too find the mechanics of heavily pregnant sex confusing.... I understand the fear you feel about DTD also. I think your DH did the right thing in resisting your advances. You would have been tied up in knots worrying if you should or shouldn't have done it. And I love your waffling. I feel like I get smarter every time I read one of your posts. :)

AFM, I had the opportunity to offer my condolences to my co-worker whose wife lost her baby today... and I just froze. I couldn't do it. I heard someone else talking to him about their own experiences with loss, and I just couldn't open my mouth. I started to get a bit teary and felt really choked up remembering my own experience. I decided I would probably only upset him more if he saw how much I was hurting STILL after my own loss. I still feel guilty for staying silent though. I just don't know what to say. So here I am, being one of those silent people, who go on like nothing ever happened while someone else is suffering. :( I hope I can pluck up the courage sometime soon, because I feel like it's the right thing to do.

One more thing. AF has pretty much left the building. Already! I only had about 1.5 days of bleeding, and so far the last 2 days have been the slightest spotting... so light, I barely even needed a liner. (sorry for TMI). I decided to use one though, because.... well murphy's law. If I don't, BLAMO! Messy. *chuckle* I think I'm cd4 right now. Looking forward to cd10ish where the bonanza begins. :)

Damprye - I just want to add.... I watched your birth video and am absolutely stunned. It's the first one I've watched. I've seen pictures, but nothing can prepare you for actually seeing it happen on video. I think I must have watched it 5 times. He is a gorgeous boy. Those chubby cheeks... awwww. Now I just have to stop hyperventilating, lol. I'm suddenly a little bit scared to sign up for that kind of pain. :o OMG

Forshelby - blah I just lost my post as I pressed the wrong button. Dory moment. Aww schucks. Thanks, flattery will get you everywhere. Don't worry about freezing today with your colleague. Today just wasn't your time. If you want to do it, you will, you are determined! Don't worry too much about upsetting him. Your intentions are genuine and you have insight, remember he's already hurting and upset. You don't have to tell him why you're upset, and he'll just assume that you're upset for him. If you can't say the words you want to him, why not send him an email or card or invite him to coffee ( so you can talk away from prying ears). You will do the right thing, just don't be too hard on yourself. One of my work colleagues could never talk to me about my losses but she wrote the most beautiful emails to me. I cherish what she wrote and I just accepted that's how it was. The other thing? Most men won't over analyse (? sp) things like we women tend to, and he will most likely just appreciate you've made the effort.

Good news about AF... can't wait to hear about your BD bonaza... I have the theme song to Bonanza running in my head now.. he he.

Iona- FX it's just too soon, if not then I wish you a good cycle.

Murray- I hope your next u/s goes well and puts at least some of your worries away for a while.

Dory- How is you pg going :)

ForShelby- Yay for AF leaving :) I am trying not to think of what that little girl said. She is one of those ones that didn't even know she was UTD until she was told at the hospital in labour... I wish I were like that. I keep going over it in my head though wishing I had of stuck up for myself. She just doesn't get it, I only have so long before it becomes more or less impossible and I never know how long I have left for TTC.
LOL, it didn't really hurt at that stage, I can barely remember that part other than when they put him on my stomach, he never let out a squeak, he just laid there looking up at me. He was 8pound4 and is still a chubba :D in hossy he lost 10grams by lunch the next day but the day after he was 200grams MORE than his birth weight lol. Also it is only a 1 in 100 chance or havng a posterior baby so please don't be scared, it is truely a wonderful experience :)

AFM- Even though I have already gone on a bit lol. Kinda annoyed that I didn't get to DTD last night as I am so not feeling it today. If I don't get UDT this month he is so in for it next month ;) hehehe, there will be no excaping lol

Dampyre - I just watched it too... you were pretty quiet girl, long labour? Thanks Forshelby if you hadn't mentioned it I wouldn't have gone looking.