Trying to Conceive after Miscarriage or Loss November 08

Hi all,

This is my second post since I told my story and it has helped a lot to tell it to people who know what you are going through. I am still getting into all the forum "lingo" but I must say it is nice be able to pop in here from time to time.

Tempus - I am so very sorry for your loss. It is the most lonely place to be at the moment, and I feel what you are going thru as my own loss still feels so raw, but hang in there :hug: There is nothing more gut wrencing than going for a scan hoping all is well and finding out bad news.

Zachary'sMum - My heart goes out to you too :comfort: To get so far along, it just seems totally unfair, but hang in there. All the best with your test. :crossfingers:

HannahS86 - I pray you get your Xmas present you are looking for.

To all the other beautiful women who are struggling with loss my heart goes our to all of you as I am still getting to know you all and your stories.

AFM - I am on the TTC rollercoaster again. A little bit angry at the moment as I wish I didn't have to go back to this terrible trip into the unknown. It has been 4 weeks since the m/c and it has got easier in some ways and harder in others (if that makes sense). I feel a bit angry &grumpy even since AF has finished as I don't want to be wondering again when my chance is going to come along, analysing my body for signs, BD for the sake of it. Damn it is just so hard!!! :wall: My DH has been amazing thru it all and it has made us stronger but I just am feeling so very anxious :( - I should be 15 weeks today, instead I have to start again, wishing & hoping for another chance. I feel that Christmas has ripped us off big time again as this was going to be the happy one, but no we had to have it taken away and will look at the day with sadness & loneliness.

Anyway on a positive note I won't give up. I won't and neither should any of you, we will all get our chance, I truly believe that we will:)

Sorry for all that, but it feels better to get it off my chest.

All the best to you all.

Polly

Morning Gurlies!

Tam...I've yet to get symptoms so every now and again I go POAS "just checking" :lol:

WTH...*hugs* Thank you! Have lots of fun with your BD Fest...and umm...it's a lot like riding a bike...

Krystie...OMG! Can you believe it? I really wanted to wrap a + test up and give it to Lee for Christmas BUT I couldn't wait to tell him (would have been an awesome gift though)
17 weeks...man has it been that long already? Keep enjoying...

HannahD...January 14th seems soooo far away!

:bluedust::pink-babydust:
:stickyvibesgirl::stickyvibesboy:

Polly....."I should be 15 weeks today, instead I have to start again, wishing & hoping for another chance." I so hear you on that one - that was how I felt too (as did I'm sure a lot of girls here too). One does feel incredibly robbed of being able to continue with the pg you want so much only to have it taken away from you and start all over again month by month. You sound very positive with not going to give up - big hugs hun - but don't feel you need to be brave all the time if what you really want to do is cry and cry. It is such a frustrating journey - some are only on it for a short time, others unfortunately are on it for quite a while. I wish you a speedy journey sweetheart to your BFP and to meeting your earth baby. Even in the ugly times, there does need to be that seed of hope. Please know we are here for you.

Tam83: Thank you for your kind words. :crossfingers: for you and try not to make yourself crazy with analyzing every symptom--easier said than done, I know.

Where there's hope: thank you--and good luck with BD

KrystieLove: thank you. Congrats on feeling movement? I always thought those first movements were like somebody was pushing a rolling pin inside me

jen805, HannahD: thank you

HannahS86: :goodluck: and :crossfingers:

Polly: thank you for your kind words. IKWYM, the holidays won't be quite the same, and it's best not to try to force yourself to be jolly. It can even be hard to get back in the mood for ttc, expecially since you've been through this more than once. :pray: for you

Morning ladies,

Hope you are all well today!

This is just a quick post to thankyou all for your support in my ttc journey this year. You truly have been my biggest support and my constant shoulder to lean on. I dont know how I would have dealt with the events of this year without your support. Im not going anywhere by the way, I need you guys now more than ever.....THIS IS A VERY SCARY TIME....Im scared out of my brain, but im trying my very hardest to calm down and try to enjoy each day. I started meditating yesterday by listening to 'ocean' music, closing my eyes and turning off my thoughts as much as possible.....and it worked so well....I FELL ASLEEP! I dont think I ever reached that meditative state where totally turn your thoughts off and focus on the sounds and energy flowing around you...im pretty sure falling asleep is not exactly meditation...but the affect was the same...total relaxation....until the alarm went off to pick ds up from school, that totally ruined it. I have had to set the alarm for 3pm everyday just incase I fall asleep....:rolleyes:

Ok well thats it for now, sorry for lack of persies, ill bbl for more, but I have to clean the house for an open inspection tomorrow....grrrrrrrr!!!!!!

Issy

Hey friends! Whew! What a busy day for me! Helped distribute See's candy--part of 6th gr. fundraising, then worked in the Santa Shop. Don't know if I told you girls about it, but it's a little shop that we opened at the school for kids to come buy gifts for their family members. It's really cool--the kids are digging it!! Worked at the school from 8-3:15... all volunteer... told them I was going to start demanding teachers pay for working those kinds of hours! ROFL... We're having a winter craft bazaar on Saturday, and the 6th gr. are in charge of the food. So the bazaar is PTA (which I'm a member of), and I'm responsible for the school apparel--which will be out on Sat. also. Then 6th grade is doing popcorn, pizza/drinks, and a bake sale (and this was all my brilliant idea). So, once again, I seem to have put myself in a pretty busy predicament! We're having a Santa there on Sat, too! Should be fun, but it's lots of work--especially when I'm sick. I do feel much better, but I still have a terrible cough and some congestion, so I am still sick. I'll be happy when Sat. is over! Ok, enough about me.....



Hannah S--Good luck with your :2ww: Saying lots of prayers for NOAF!!



Hannah D--Thanks for the NOAF vibes! *hugs* The year of the ox.... sure does sound better than a rat, doesn't it? lol.... Hope the ox is :goodluck: for us all!!



Polly--Your emotions and feelings are completely understandable! You have every right to feel robbed, angry, bitter, sad, lonely... the list could go on and on! Allow yourself to feel ALL of that--it's the only way to begin the healing process. While I'm sure Christmas will be an emotional one for us all (my angel should've been 3 1/2 mo's old this Christmas), you will make it through.... one day at a time (thanks, Angel!). Each day will get easier and easier... then some days you'll break down... and that's ok, too.... it's all part of the healing process. :comfort: I'm glad that you've found us here--please know we're all here for you--don't ever feel bad about venting to us! *hugs*



smi--:stickyvibesgirl: :stickyvibesboy:



tempus & --Big *hugs* for you!! Thinking of you!



plc--:bellyrubs: Love ya! *kiss*



issy--I wish I could turn my brain off enough to meditate! I've tried... really hard.... I remember I would try to imagine a piece of white paper.... then in the back of my mind this little voice says, "does the paper have lines on it?" Grrr! It's so frustrating--but it's a true story! :rofl: My mind just won't stop! lol.... I'm glad that it worked so well for you! :stickyvibesgirl:

Hello ladies,
well back from work trip and no bub anymore. Think this lasted one didn't even survive as long as the last bub. Can't think of much to say but this SUCKS!!! Sorry, being angry better than bawling at the moment (seems to be the only 2 choices). Spotting continued but I thought is was less and then I even started having pregnancy symptoms (sore BB and nausea), this didn't last however, ended up with a screaming headache (like I usually do just before AF arrives- think it is drop in estrogen) then in the morning didn't 'feel' pregnant at all. POAS and had almost no blue line to see. Anyway, was at a conference so kept working, then yesterday pretty much flattened due to cramping and pain followed by lots of bleeding and clotting. As I said, this sucks!

Toccara- so sorry, my thoughts are with you.

Issy and Tam- lots of :stickyvibesgirl: for you. Keep growing those bubs

Hello to everyone else, sorry not much energy for personals today. Off to the doctor in a bit. Think I might see if I can get a referral to FS, I know you are meant to have 3 MC before they do anything, but the thought of going through this again before doing anything about it makes me feel sicker than I already feel.

Take care, Indy

Indy - I am so terribly sorry about your MC :comfort:. That "3 MC before seeing an FS" is a bit of a myth. Perhaps it is true of a few bigtimers in the big city, but I would be very surprised if you got turned away if you had a referral from your GP. I think it is a very positive step forward and it will help you face the new year with an idea of the next step. Be good to yourself. Try and get some rest (I know that's hard). Maybe a quiet weekend in with some chick-flicks (I am sure DH will bend on this one, under the circumstances) and some chocolate. Take care xx

Jen - WOW - aren't you a busy little bee! What a champion effort - how would that school function without you? I think you should at least get a free slice of pizza from the 6th grade if you work a full day like that ;)

Issy - totally relate to what you are going through. I guess all of us girls do. Everyone has their :crossfingers: BTW we won't let you go anywhere because we need to see your ticker grow each week. You UTD ladies are our inspiration :)

Polly - Be angry. Be grumpy. And don't apologise. It's normal and it's better to feel than to be numb. It is hard to be back at Square 1 again. And I understand that BDing can lose some of its romance. I am glad it has brought you and your DH closer together. Just think how much love your next baby (because you WILL be PG again) will come from

Smi, HannahD and KrystieLove - thanks for your TTC tips. I have combined them together to increase my chances and the result is to have fun having a naughty romp on the beach while riding a bike :rofl: Tickets anyone?

AFM - having my usual spotting problem. Happens every month after AF and way way before O (usually around Day 9, I O on Day 15). Does this happen to anyone else? It does not stop me from conceiving, but I wonder if it affects my egg quality. 2 x FS have been no help at all. Too hard basket :wall:

Polly - I think the other ladies have covered it. Just allow yourself to feel whatever you feel and don't apologise for venting here. I can definitely relate to feeling "ripped off" this Christmas (I'd be 30 weeks by now). :pray: your TTC journey is short.

issy - As long as you achieve relaxation, does it really matter which state you're in? :D

jen - Wow! You are busy. I hope the school acknowlegdes all the work you've put in some way. A slice of pizza at the very, very least.

Indy - I am so sorry hun. :comfort:

WTH - :ROFL: All that advice together does conjure an interesting picture.

:bluedust::pink-babydust:
:stickyvibesgirl::stickyvibesboy:

AFM - Not much happening at the moment. Trying to keep busy at work. My mother and brother in-law are coming to stay for a few days. Not feeling in the mood for visitors, but I'll probably be fine once they arrive tomorrow.

Hey Indy luv....it just sucks hey...I know exactly what your going through and just thought I'd tell you that go and check out tests for recurrent miscarriages on this thread and bring it to your GP for referral to get bloods thats what I did and had them yesterday. I also made an appointment with DR Gavin Sacks OB specialist at the Syd IVF Clinic he specialises in miscarriages he fit me in on the 23rd just before xmas how lucky was I??? just google his name and it will come up....

Had to send this..have to go now and pick up DH for my xmas party tonight...miss you all girls and eventhough haven't been posting have been lurking a bit..everyday gets easier but I still cry spontaneously like some freak but I don't care!!

big big hugs to you Tempus I know how hard this is....

CONGRATS TO YOU SMI ....goodluck lovely

enjoy the BD marathon and thanks for your thoughts WTH

ISSY - great HCG results ...all will be well I'm sure of it...

Ok really got to go big hugs and stickyvvibes and babydust to you alll and all the ladies I've missed....

ciao ciao

Mannie

Hi everyone,

Sorry I didn't post about my FS appointment last night but I wasn't sure how I felt about it all, I still don't!

I know what you all mean about feeling 'ripped off'. DH and I keep thinking about how our little angel would have been almost 6 months at Christmas and it would've been so special to celebrate our first Christmas as a little family. Just went out and did some Christmas shopping and there were newborn babies everywhere I looked. Maybe next Christmas *sigh*.

Will start off with persies first.

Indy - I don't know what to say and I know nothing I can say will make it any easier. So I will send you a hug instead.:hug: Know that we are all here for you if you need to vent. :comfort:

HannahD - Hi TTC buddy! Know what you mean about keeping busy. Lucky it is a busy time of year! I am having all my family over for Christmas lunch this year and I was excited about it but not so much anymore. I hope having visitors cheers you up and takes your mind off things. :)

Issy - :stickyvibesgirl:

Jen - Do you ever sleep?

Polly - Sorry you have to be here but I am glad you have found us. Like the other girls said, don't ever apologise for venting, that's what we are all here for. I'm not sure what I did before I could talk to the wonderful ladies on this thread.

HannahS86 - Don't think I have said hi to you yet! :noaf:

Megsmum - How are you doing?:stickyvibesgirl:

Smi & Tam83 - :stickyvibesgirl:

Big hi to babymiracles, plc, krystielove, WTH, AJC, jenushka, tempus, fificlaire and angel (if you are lurking!).

P.S. I know I have used all sticky vibes girl but I run out of smilies!

AFM - FS said my progesterone levels of 37 were very high so I am definitely ovulating and my ovarian resistance blood test came back all ok. Basically all my BT have come back with no problems, I am still waiting on the results from the lupus one. He wants to test my progesterone levels again this month just to check if I o again at CD22 and if the levels are as high. I know you can o at different times each month but if I do o around day 22 we have been missing it every month as I thought it was around day 17/18. I checked FF charts last night and the whole time I have been charting (4 cycles) we haven't BD at all really around day 22.

If my levels come back ok again the next step is to have a laporoscomy to check my tubes and also check if I have endrimetriosis. He doesn't think my tubes would be blocked since I have been pg once but wants to exhaust all options.

Failing all of that there seems to be no real issue so it will then be our decision whether we want to try IVF. The FS said we are young enough to keep TTC naturally but if we want to try and 'speed' up the process we can look at IVF. He said clomid wouldn't work for me as I am quite clearly o with high levels.

I don't know how or what to feel. Part of me is relieved but another part of me wanted something to be wrong so we had answers and could work on trying to fix the problem. I am so frustrated :wall:

The receptionist at the FS office is about 8 months pg and she said it was a long, hard road for them and said never to give up. We certainly don't intend to but gee it is so hard sometimes.

I calculated and day 22 will be New Year's Eve. Maybe we could start the year off with a bang - lol!

Tomorrow is the day for an HPT but I have been getting slight cramps and I am afraid that AF will be arriving soon and my hopes and dreams of some good news will end tomorrow! I was getting so excited but I don't think I am going to have any celebrations tomorrow........:cry:

Mannie -:pray: you get some answers so your next bub is a sticky one! Hopefully this ob can put your mind at ease before Christmas so you can look to the New Year with renewed hope. :hug:

Zachary's mum - So sorry, I know exactly how you feel. I had convinced myself and DH that this month was 'our' month. Remember it's not over till AF shows though! Sending heaps of AF vibes. :noaf:

Apologies for the extra long post last time ladies (I didn't realise it was so long!).

AF reared it's ugly head about an hour ago! I am beside myself with sadness. I just keep crying. My DP has been fantastic (yet again) just holding me and letting me blubber like an idiot. I was just so excited as tomorrow would have been the 14th day. I was hoping we might have some good news for Christmas but now it seems like 2008 will have no good news.

Sorry to be so morbid but I am feeling very sorry for myself.

Theresa - I am so sorry :hug: My FS summed it up yesterday when he said this journey can be just 'soul destroying'. Unfortunately we all know too well how utterly devastating it is each month AF shows up. :(

I too, was a mess this week (especially Wednesday as I got AF that morning and I was convinced I was pregnant, had lots of symptoms). I just cried and cried. I have still been emotional the last couple of days with tears welling up every time I think about the baby we so desperately long for.

It sounds like you have a wonderful DP to support you. I would never have survived the last 15 months without my DH. Whenever I am down about not being pg I always remind myself how lucky I am to have my DH and we are lucky to have found each other, some people never find their soulmate. Now all we want is to start our family. All we can do is cling to the hope that it will happen, just not as quickly or as easily as we would like (or deserve!).

I often question why the journey is so hard for couples who would make such wonderful parents. I'm not sure why but I do know is that we will all feel so much more grateful and blessed when we are holding our healthy baby in our arms. I picture that moment in my mind and it keeps me going.

Let the tears flow and get lots of cuddles from your DP. Never apologise for sounding morbid or feeling sorry for yourself. You are only human and right now your heart is broken. :hug:

I :pray: 2009 is the year for you and your DP so you can begin to heal. :comfort:

It is quiet on here tonight, I think the ladies must be in Friday night chat. I'm not sure how all that works as I am relatively new to this forum thing.

I hope you find some comfort in my words until all the other wonderful ladies respond. I know words don't mean much right now so I will send you another cyber hug :hug:

my heart aches for you both as I remember all too well those feelings as if it were yesterday. sometime ago, we mentioned on here about the "ugly cry" - the sound that comes out of your mouth from deep within where all the pain is locked. as scary as they are, the ugly cries can be cathartic and have their place in healing after loss. don't be afraid to go there - a lot of us have. there is hope of healing (mostly by getting a BFP) but it can be such a long road. there is so much desperation, frustration, confusion, anger, bitterness, disappointment, resentment, unacceptance along that road - and these are major major feelings on their own let alone altogether. be kind to your hearts and your bodies ladies and know that they take time to heal. *sigh* i wish i had taken this advice when it was happening to me - i hated myself, my body had let me down and I felt so guilty. I think I've rambled enough - just wish I could give you a hug for you to know that you are not alone in your feelings.

Thanks so much plc1805. It's so comforting to be able to talk and get advice from people who understand. It's makes it a far less 'lonely' journey.

Your kinds words made me cry, they are so true. I think I have been trying to be too strong lately. I am scared if I let myself cry I may never stop. :redface:

I just feel so helpless at moment but I try to take solace in the fact that it will happen it's just a matter of when. I am just not very patient!

You are one of the success stories and I'm not sure about anyone else but looking at your ticker and hearing about your pregnancy gives me hope. :)

Thanks again :hug:

Theresa - I'm so sorry AF showed. :hug: Don't ever feel you need to apologise for feeling down. Its what we're for. DP sounds wonderful and supportive. I hope 2009 brings you some joy.

Mel - The term "soul-destroying" does sum it up pretty well. I thought I was doing so well the last few weeks. But the last week or so I've been feeling really down since AF arrived. Like you, I was so sure that I was pg this month. No wonder I have trust issues with my body. We should try to take comfort in the fact that we have wonderful partners who care for us - and you are right, some people never find that.

plc - I'm so glad you stick around to give us hope. It means so much to have advice from someone who has come out the other side (well only a few days now).