Trying to Conceive after Miscarriage/Loss - September 2009

Hi all,Murraycod-I was due to test today(day 30) but once again it was a bfn,so now just have to wait for af to arrive if menopause hasn't kicked in fully,i wish my body would just co-operate,see my fertility specialist on the 15th,am going to ask about having scans through my cycle to see if maybe were getting the timing wrong.Also will get the results back from a test which will show whether i still have the lactating hormone left over from Matthew's pregnancy which apparently can counteract the clomid.What happened to having sex and getting pregnant????Thanks for asking about me and good luck with this cycle.

HI everyone,

Hope evryone is well, haven't read through all the posts yet.

Well AF arrived for me last friday, no surprise really, didn't feel pregnant!! Have been away for a few days and anyway bumped into a old school friend of DH's (who we don't really keep in contact with). So he started hassling us about how he thought we would have had a little one on the way and it was DH who eventually said "well, we actually lost our first one". Then this guy asks how far along we were and DH said "13 weeks". This guy turns around and goes "well, at least you weren't far along". Insensitive *****, (his wife is pregnant with their second and never had a m/c so i am trying to excuse the unthoughtful comment). I felt like saying "well, actually i was more than a 1/4 way through my pregnancy". Anyway it just really got under my skin and i need to vent about it!!!!
So CD4 here, if we fall pregnant this month, bubs would be due on the day we found out we lost our last bundle, so i'm hoping that is a sign!

Good luck to everyone at all stages of there cycle. :)

Matthew's Mum, Smallfryplus, ferrals4, & murraycod - thank you all for your reassurances and helpful info. I am feeling positive about this month again

Mathew's mum - ugh how frustrating. Fingers crossed you get it all sorted

Sparkles - don't you just love insensitive people. Sorry to hear AF arrived

murraycod - my body lies to me too, so annoying. Good luck with your scan!

ferrals4 - yay, maybe all the baby stuff will be a good luck charm.

Smallfryplus - congrats on your pink scan!

DH and I had a fight last night re:TTC. I told him I thought I may have messed up my ovulation date and we needed to BD in case I was ovulating and he didn't want to. I told him it was really important and I didn't want to miss an opportunity and have to wait a whole other month just because he was tired. He got all mad at me and we had a big fight. He said I was obsessing about TTC and it made him not want to. What the? Obsessing? No I'm just trying to maximize our chances for the month. He would like another baby but he doesn't have the smae need that I do to be pregnant right away so he doesn't understand! I'm so gald I have you ladies to "obsess" with

Happily I am going away for 2 weeks. On Thursday DH and I are driving down to Vancouver for Thanksgiving and then when he drives back I am flying on to Calgary to visit my twin sister. AF will be due while I am in Calgary so i will have to pack my HPTs. I won't have much opportunity to get on while I'm away but I will definitely pop in if i have some good news.

Sparkles-sorry it didn't work out for you this month,good luck this month.People don't seem to understand sometimes that it doesn't matter how far our babies made it they were/are still our babies.I have had the joy of holding 3 healthy live newborns and the first and last time i held Matthew i still felt that same overwelming love except it was mixed with a sadness i've never experienced before,but the love we felt from the very start is what makes us mothers & hopefully gives us the strength to keep going on this hard journey...Twinsister-sorry about your fight with dh,it happens,the whole ttc can be very streessful on all our relationships.Hope you have a good holiday and come back with some good news.

Hi Ladies
Been looking at all the posts this morning as didn't get much chance to look over the weekend,
Murrycod got my fingers crossed for you glad you are still feeling positve !
Matthews mum still hoping you get sorted soon when you said about the lactating hormone it got me thinking. Been getting tingly boobs on and off since my MC on Sept 2nd
don't know whats going on with me either no AF its been nearly 5 wks now since D&C so POAS a few times over last week and the weekend and BFN now im thinking maybe im going into the menapause im 44 but would just like to get back on track. So god only knows how your feeling after 11 mnths you got strength girl that will be rewarded one day soon !
Scarypinkfairy a D&C is not that bad its quick and when its over you can get back on track if it needs doing then at least you have a clean uterus for growing your next bub. Thats the way I looked at it as I have had retained placentas after birth and was worried it would happen after my MC so prefered the D&C to know its all cleared out.

Twinsister how fickle men are when your not TTC they are all over you wanting it all the time when you give them the chance to actually do the deed a good few times in a week they get TIRED ! mine is just the same think its in their minds maybe try to not talk about when your o and just let him forget your cycle and just get him to BD when you need him to he will soon forget what day of your cycle you are on. Have a good trip away it will do you both good !

Sparkles how cruel people can be is so disheartening I have other children and have MC 5 times in all now not all after each other, but people say to me ( why you bothering, you got kids and at lest you didn't get full term } as if it matters how far along you get from day 1 your body is growing a tiny human and the amount of changes your body goes through in such a short time makes no difference its still a baby and we still greive makes me sick how insensitive people can be. My own mother said well at your age you should have known better I am 44. No simpathy there thats the main reason I joined this forum as everyone on here knows how it feels !

Well thats about all from me sorry if I rambled a bit just a bit peed off with my own body wish I knew what was going on I feel great fit and healthy then have a few twinges here and there and tingly boobs now and then but Im not pregnant think my body is playing tricks on me. Even dreamed last night I got two blue lines on my POAS how cruel the mind can be.

Well onwards and upwards I say lets hope October is the month for some of us !
!:pink-babydust::bluedust::pink-babydust::bluedust::pinksperm::bluesperm::egg:

I am well here, sort of, who knows??
hey craftymummy- don't be depressed, people have big mouths and they always have something to say...don't focus on other people, be happy and be good...i think rewards of patience are always sweet and long lasting...that's my motivation.
eliselouise - don't worry, i hope this Oct is your's, just focus towards "O"-day and hope your wish come true quickly.
Bookworm - you tooo...i think Oct is going to be the magic month for everyone...
Murraycod -thats good, you are trying to divert your mind, doing other things..which is good and refreshing..i started working on my vegie-patch, did here and there, and lost focus...Murraycod, can i ask one thing - i am now thinking the bleeding i thought as inter-menstrual bleeding like in-between cycle bleeding, could be a AF showed up quickly; bcoz after my D&C on 6th aug, my cycle came on 31st aug and again 4-5 days bleeding on 13th sept. Could that be a early cycle showed up? as i am waiting for AF and its already 5th Oct?????? what do you say...am i going to get AF on 11 or 12th oct...???


with me, i am still waiting for AF to show-up and its now 6 days due, checked in the morning pee, still BFN...i dont know where it is? i am feeling bad...i just want to get over with this AF, i never waited for AF so patiently than this...i hope to see her soon. or else,
i am planning to see my GP in a day or so, to see whats happening, whats wrong?
and to all the BB ladies,
hope things are going well for everyone.
love, ric

Hi everyone,

I was wondering if it was ok for me to join in?
Low down on my story so far.
DF and I decided i would go off the pill in prep for TTC and I fell preg first normal cycle off after 10 yrs on. Was a bit of a rollercoaster, we weren't expecting it, was four months before our wedding. Anyways it turned out i was diagnosed with a blighted ovum and my body wasn't trying to expel it naturally. I ended up taking the RU486 pill which was horrible, the pain was excruciating and i thought i was going to die! Spoke to the Obs and she said no need to wait to TTC again. Just had AF and will be TTC this month. I'm really terrified to be honest. Having an unviable pregnancy really is devastating and i'm so scared of it happening again, i do not want to go through that emotional and physical pain again but we both want so badly to start a family.
How do you get the courage to try again?
And if you fall preg how do you get through the first 12 weeks, i think i'm going to be an emotional wreck, it was so hard last time not knowing what was going to happen!
Hope everyone is well and that this is your week :D
Babyluv

Hi Sparkles,

What he said was so harsh, i had a few ppl make comments like that to me and they do hurt ALOT!
Anyways just wanted to say thinking of you and hoping this is your month :)
xo

Hi Babyluv
Welcome to BellyBelly
I am so sorry to hear your pregnancy loss and pain you went through during all this. You are in the right place where you can share your grief, concerns and emotions and everyone here is very welcoming, kind and supportive.
i too lost my first pregnancy with partial mole in August'09 and after weekley 24hr urine check-up for HCG levels (to come under 5), Doc's at Royal Woman's gave me greelight to plan again but my cycles are so irregular, i dont know whats happening.
Don't worry, as doc' only say that having a m/c no necessarily mean that one would have another one....but i think its normal to have concerns and fear about the next pregnancy....don't worry everything is going to be fine and we would be sharing a BFP soon.
i believe that "be positive and positive things will happen"
take care and keep posting
wishes, ric

Awww thanks Ric,

I agree with you positive thoughts and we will all be celebrating BFP's very soon.

XOX

evening everyone,Craftymummy-If you are worried about menapause,the test they do is a blood test-but after a loss our cycles are so mixed up,hoping it's that for you(hot flushes are not much fun)...ric-sorry your cycles are mixed up to,hope g.p can give you some answers...Babyluv-sorry about your loss,as for the courage to try again' try to keep your eye on the prize'.A pregnancy after loss is going to be hard,but many people have done it.My doctor told me to ask for extra scans if needed for reassurance.And take one day at a time,good luck .

Matthew'sMum youre right, what did happen to having sex and falling pregnant????????? Why us? Why do we have trouble?..................I wish I knew the answer. One thing I do know.........It's not fair.

Sparkles, I went to the chemist yesterday, and one of my friends came running up to me screaming "Im pregnant I'm pregnant!!! All youre work must have rubbed off onto me instead. How about that! Oh bad luck for last month by the way I heard it didn't work again"
If I was not in public I think I would have slapped her. When I wen't home and whinged to DH about it, he replied " You should be happy for her because you would want people to be happy for you."
Life really sucked yesterday. It was like screaming in a crowded room with nobody listening to me...........or caring.
Today I feel a bit happier, just one 'friend' shorter.

TwinSis, Men can be just on a different plannet than we are. Sometimes they just 'Don't Get It'. I'm sorry you had a tiff with your DH. I hope everything is ok now XXX And enjoy Vancouver and well deserved time off babe X We don't celebrate ThanksGiving in Australia, I think Christmas with the family is enough in a year for me!!:lol:

Craftymummy I have those same dreams!

Ric I'm guessing that if you bled for 4-5days middle Sept, you would take that as AF and to be due again around 11-12Oct. But I would only be guessing.Mabey a BT might have some answers where you are at??
I can't beleive how quick this month is going already. We need a BFP soon girls.........

Babyluv welcome to the forum X Sorry you have to be here, but we are a great bunch of chickies to chat too.
So have you had your wedding??
I don't know if you would call it courage to get pregnant again, more an obsession of desperately needing:doh:
I am terrified of the first twele weeks of being pregnant again, the girls here though are a great support and I'm sure we will all get through it together.

Good evening to everybody XX Half way through the week already!!!

Me same old same old, anoth Puregon 50iu down in the book X

Just a little note to my angel baby. I know there are others coming to their would be due dates. I just needed to get this off my chest..
Dont mind me not being posting much..Im chosing to lurk, it's getting a bit too much for me at the moment..[/COLOR]

love you all and thanks so much for your support too xxx
]
Feeling flat, feeling lost
Feeling ill, the fever a frost
Feeling empty, feeling blue
In about 11 days time, we would have held you

Tried so hard to fight the urge
To scream and cry and openly mourn
The tree in the yard when it blooms I see
The gift from a god, that will never be

The pilow is soaked, yet again
Another month goes by and I see no end
I want to be done, I want to be free
Why angel why, didn't you chose to be with me

Feeling like a freak
Looking like a wreck
Seeing a woman weak
About nothing else I think

I know Im not alone
I know you've felt it too
I know what you've gone through but it doesnt comfort me
My feelings don't mirror you

The constant blame, and questioning
Was it ever me? Did you not love me?

The ache in my chest, the lump in my throat
Killing the time, writing a note
Looking for solace, and escaping these fears
I dread those few days where I know you would be here

I want you to know, angel dear
while I watch your tree grow you feel so near
I keep you close to my heart, even though we're worlds apart

My tears will be acid in about 11 days
I cannot deny it
The burning and the shame of still bearing the grief
The love I still feel, the anger and rage
I cannot deny, that in about 11 days I will be wishing...wishing for relief
To break these chains of the grief

Month after month I dread
turning the calendar and marking the day red
My biggest fears coming true and I know Im sick of hearing that It's early too.

To me you were real,
Your heart beating made it true
I clung for that moment, even though in my heart I knew.

I was already losing you...

Coco... I hope those words helped with easing the pain.... they did for me. It was lovely for you to post it.

I havent been on here much since I joined not long ago, so many posts for me to read (I think it was about 12 pages) and lots of things have happened. Sorry about all your losses and the arrival of dreaded AF. Fingers crossed for those who are in TTW mode and those who have got the BFP!

I too feel the pain of hearing of people I know are pg. It's hard... I know I dont show my fustration to others (even DH) but deep down it hurts. I secretly hope they too m/c so they know what its all about. That's horrible to think that but I'm sure you know what I mean.

AFM..... i'm on day 5 of taking clomid for the first time after a 55 day cycle. Was hard within that cycle cause I had had a lap and hystoscopy (spelling??) at the beginning of it and waiting for AF to arrive was fustrating. I thought maybe after a 'clear out' things might at least be a bit more normal (as in cycle length). But you learn to listen to your body and the sign of AF become clearer. I'm hoping now after being on clomid I get a BFP. I am so niave about it all. I'm 30, loving my life with my dogs at the moment (I travel with them doing dog agility) and if it happens, it happens... but I really want a baby. I guess its hard cause even though my DH is supportive and all, it seems he doesnt care about what lies ahead (changes to our life, money issues, me not wanting to work full time when it seems I will have no choice) and we will sort it out when the time comes.... it doesnt work like that!! :wall:

Sorry about the long post....

Coco-thinking of you through this difficult time hope you feel better soon.

TinaR-I replied to your PM but not sure if it sent stupid comp went into database error let me no if you diddn't get it.

Hello to all the bb ladie's.

Just a quickie from me i'm waiting for the rest of my medication's to arrive today i am starting to get worried what if i don't make enough egg's what if they don't make it to blast stage (day 5 to be tested) what if they are all effected! what if it dosn't work! i am trying to stay positive i am doing my acupuncture am avoiding caffine i have lost 2kg in the last 10 day's i'm now 63kg's i was 61kg's before i had my boy's so not doing to bad i just have to get through the next few week's ive made it this far anyway sorry for the me rant i will pop back in later when i calm down.

Hi girls,
Been lurking and popping in on and off. Just wanted to update.

Went to see FS on monday and had a great appointment in which he agreed to treat Donor daddy and I as a couple and start IUI. As we are not together it should be treatred as a donor insemination and this would have required donor daddy's sperm to be frozen for 6 months before we could we could use it. I said this was ridiculous as I'd been inseminating myself with it for 20+ months. He agreed. So we went over to the IVF clinic and acted like a straight couple which was quite fun and donor daddy said afterwards was yet another shared expereince that brought us closer together :p. The IVF clinic ran bloods and FS had scanned my ovaries and I was still not close to Oing even at day 17. In one way this was good news I though as essentially we could have our first IUI this month. However, as with anything on this journey things do not go to plan and the blood tet was not conclusive as to whether I will o this month or not, even on 100mg clomid, seriously what do my blooming eggs need, dynamite??? :wall:
So now I have to have another blood test on thursday to confirm (or not) that I will be oing and we can go from there. Either way it messes us up for a try next month as donor daddy will be away at the right time.:rolleyes: If i don't o then I have to take tablets to bring on my period and then start hormone injections. Welcome to the world of assisted fertility ;)

Seems we are all feeling a bit worried and frustrated and sad. Lets hope it all feels more positive soon.

Hey Sunbeam! good to hear from you and i'm happy that you have a FS that is going to help you to as a couple we will be on the rollercoaster together.

Ok so now i'm freaking just spoke to the pgd nurse about a cycle in dec if this one dosn't work and she said a lot of women have a anovulatory cycle (don't ovulate) after ivf so if that happen's to me she said i might not get a period in dec to do another cycle before the new rebate system kick's in and we won't be able to afford it in the new year WTF! talk about pressure for this cycle to work.
DH and i talked about trying natrually after dec and take the risk of and effected baby being conceived and we both agreed if the ivf dosn't work out we will try as many time's as possible for a healty baby until my 37th bday then call it quit's.
This whole thing sux we have good fertility can get pregnant but have this stupid faulty gene that is causing all the problem's.

morning all,Murraycod-Sorry about the chemist incident,glad you're feeling a bit brighter,hope it has continued on today...Coco-Your words were beautiful...Loopylouie-good luck with this cycle...Sunbeam-Good luck with the iui,hope doing something different will give you renewed hope..Ferrals-fingers crossed for this cycle.This new rebate system sounds harsh,what is the government thinking????

Hi everyone,

Coco - Thinking of you as your should of been due date approaches. I hope you find a special way to remember your angel on the day. You will never forget your angel but it will get easier. Wishing you all the best for this month.

Murraycod - I cant believe that woman bragged about being pregnant. I agree that we all want of friends to be happy for us when its our turn but come on. Does she have no feelings at all. So rude and insensitive.

Eliselouise - I hope you are feeling better and looking forward to ttc this month.

Sunbeam - So glad you can get into IVF as a couple and move it along faster. I wish you all the best and hope you are successful first time round.

Ferrals - Dont stress. (I know easy to say) Like you said you are very fertile people so there is no reason it wont work first time. I look forward to seeing your BFP announcement very soon.

Huge hugs to everyone else. There are so many new people its hard to keep up. Baby dust to everyone.

AFM - I had my ultrasound this morning. Last pregnancy i had m/c the day before my scan so i was very nervous but we have a heartbeat at 153bpm and are measuring to date. 7weeks and 6 days. Time is moving very slow but it feels very different this time. Was interesting to find out today that ff gave an incorrect o date. It says i o'ed on day 17 but according to the scan it was day 13 so a bit out.

Hi Girls,
Sorry was at work yesterday and bank was too busy...
Murraycod - what was that ????? how insensitive for that women. how can people ignore other people's emotions and pains, when happiness knocks at their door. and if she is a friend, she knows everything - she could have just passed the news rather than screaming and feeling sorry for your loss..i should not say this - but you know, people forget that anything can happen to anyone; and God is there. and why show-off man...she is not a friend, bcoz friend is the first to understand you, rather than a competitor.
I feel bad hearing this Murraycod, i felt like crying listening to this incident.
Coco - very touching poem, it reminded me of my loss as well, very touching lines.
i am too desperate to be pregnant again.
eliselouise - hope this is your month, all the best with TTC and BFP:)
maddison - everything is going to be fine and i think your nervousness is normal
hope everything goes in your favour.
and too all the ladies i have missed - thinking of all of you.

With me, i went to see my GP and guess what, since i told her that i am 5 days late for my periods and i did HPT (which was negative), i dont know whats going on? i asked her to do Blood Test to see whats going on. she commented- if your HPT is negative, no point in doing Blood test...what the ****, go home and wait....i am planning to go to other Doc now...
I think you are right MurrayCod - that could be my early AF, after m/c, irregular one -showed early..so i am thinking to wait till 11th oct and then see other GP, bcoz my GP disappointed me, by not taking the blood sample:redface:
DH says late AF is giving your body a chance to heal and recover and preparing for the next one...dont worry...
but i am worried, i just want to start trying and see myself prego again...
Good day to all.
love, ric

Evening all, no persies from me tonight sorry.
Thankyou ladies for your kind words and good luck to me for TTc and BFP this month, but sadly this wont be my month. DB has been away since last monday so havent seen him for a week and a half. He has no idea when he will be home and im heading off to QLD for a week on friday, so by the time i get back AF will be due and will definately show up this time. Im feeling ok about it but have days where i just think to myself that it is never going to happen for us and get really upset :crying:
So anyway i dont really feel like posting too much at the moment but i have been lurking and keeping up with everything that is going on. I will probably come back properly when i can actually get a chance to start BDing again which who knows with DBs work could not be till the end of the year :crossfingers: that its not but its quite a possibility which is just not fair.
Sorry for the whinge ladies but i just thought id let you know what is going on for me.
Good luck to everyone and hopefully there are lots of BFP's really soon

Hi everyone,Maddison-good to hear things are doing well for you...Ric-I think the blood test they can do measures progesterone levels which indicate ovulation which in turn indicates when af is due if pregnant i've heard a blood test can show up early than hpt so i hope another doc will give you a test,it does seem common that af is mixed up after a loss...Eliselouise-sorry db will be out of town for a while,hope he will be home sooner than later.

It's time for a new thread my lovelies. You will find it HERE