Trying to Conceive after Miscarriage or Loss ~ June/July 2010

hi all,big hello to the new ladies,sorry you have sadly needed our section of the forum,hugs & wishes...afm-thanks for asking about me,last bt showed a good increase in levels,so clinic has given my body another day to get its act together before deciding to cancel fet.Had another bt today,should know tomorrow what is happening...thinking of you all

Kellie - Thanks, I'm eager to get in there and see our little peanut, too. We've taken to calling him/her our little baked bean lately. LOL... Have fun going with the flow, too. As a sidenote, my DP also just didn't 'get it' when I mc our first bubby. He wasn't ready, and I know he was more relieved than sad. He was sad that I was suffering, but just didn't want the baby, and it was so so hard. I was very alone in my grief, but somehow it brought us closer together. I kept saying 'at least we have eachother'. You don't have to agree even on the big things to make a relationship work, it's just a matter of understanding. I think understanding and forgiveness is a huge part of the healing process. That's my 2 cents. :)

Possum - Time flies, and yet it drags at the same time. You're diong so well recovering from your loss.. so proud of you, hun. Don't beat yourself up about keeping count, it's so hard not to. I still think about Shelby and wonder how old she (I was sure it was a girl) would be now. I hope you get some answers when you see the dr, and are back on the TTC train in 2 weeks! *train noise* :D

Reet - Yeah, my reason is eating way too much right now though... lol. I hope DH isn't going away again either so you can catch that eggy. How are you going to keep him at bay and only DTD every second day? LOL.. you two are so saucy.

Damprye - Hi! I hope your break from TTC does you good. Good luck with your weight loss!

Mrs Maca - Glad you're sleeping better. The angel statue sounds just beautiful. What a lovely caring mum and sister you must have! As I said to Kellie above, I think finding understanding can be a huge part of healing. And I totally know how it feels to blame yourself. It's hard not to. It will pass though, and in the meantime, be gentle with yourself for a while. Thanks for your kind thoughts. And remember you aren't 'dumping' anything on us in here. We've all had our dark moments where we've needed the support of others. It's your turn to receive, and our turn to give. Never feel bad about reaching out for support. :grouphug:

Minnie - WOW, 16 vials is a lot of blood! I would have fainted for sure. I had spots before my eyes just having 5-6 taken. (I didn't count, just glanced and felt sick even looking at them) You're very brave! I hope you get some good answers, and are able to move forward with your TTC mission. Keep us posted.

Loops - Ooh, I don't think I can wait 8 or 9 days to know if you're utd or not!!! LOL. Thanks for wishing me luck, also :)

Mum22 - Welcome! So sorry for your loss, hun. With such an early loss, it should be ok to TTC asap. Do what you feel is right, and work to your own timetable, nobody elses.

Kezzy - Welcome to you also! You're in the right place if you're looking for kindness. The girls in here are fantastic, I can't say it enough. That's why I'm still here! I just can't bear to leave my girls just yet. So sorry to hear of your loss, and I understand how much it hurts to see others pg all around you. It's ok to feel upset. Sometimes it's referred to as the 'pregnancy convention'. It seems whenever there's a mc, there's someone else announcing their pg. I say do whatever you need to do to feel better. If you want to browse baby items, do it. If you want to look for names, do it. Take care of yourself, and do what feels right for you. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. :(

Iona - Where are you, hun? How are things going? Rub that belly for me, ok? I hope ms isn't hitting you too hard. If you like, feel free to share some of it with me!

Matthews mum - Great news! With a little luck, you'll be in the TWW in no time! Let us know how things progress tomorrow. :)

AFM, I felt so nauseated this morning I was sure I was going to be sick. Lucky for me though I already had my makeup on for work, so that was a big motivator to do some deep breathing and try to hold back the bile. LOL, sorry for TMI there! Also, an old friend of mine messaged me today to say she's sent me some of her pg books, free of charge (postage) as a congratulations present. (:hello: Telly, I know you're out there stalking me somewhere) I'm so touched by her generosity, It's just made my day. Now I can't wait to get reading! So much to learn, only 7.5 months to go!

I hope everyone is well! That was a marathon post, so I think it's time for a nice leisurely hot shower before it gets too cold.

Sorry for no personals today but have been stuck on the lounge all day feeling like Im getting a bad case of tonsilitus or something, just feeling run down, aching body parts, sore throat and a bit of a headache to go with it. So need to sleep right now, feel asleep this arvey on my recliner with no word of warning I was out to it and woke up just under an hour later. DD was a very good girl and just laid down watching telly while I was snoozing.
Still no show from AF which is wonderful getting a little excited now, will do another test in the morning, I have my FX for a BFP.
Hope you are all in good spirits and feeling healthier than me right now. Hopefully do some personals tomoro.

forshelby - I'm here, I'm here. yesterday all my energy was taken from me with this cold, mum even said I looked terrible and kept trying to offer all these cold n flu tablets. I was like nol I'm fine got some of my own!!! don't worry no ms here sometimes I feel queasy but not a lot but today my left bb has had sharp pain in it like I've pulled a muscle but not sure how I would of done that as haven't done much physical stuff

will be back to do persies later - a tad slack at the moment

Thanks forshelby, I appreciate the support. I must say I am actually doing pretty good about it all, just thinking on the positive side of things for now...tho if it happens again I will be absolutely shattered.

Clairesmummy - Yay for no af! Sounds like you're onto something here.. hope you're feeling better tomorrow when you see those two beautiful lines! I just know you will.

Iona - Hehe, have you told your mum you're utd yet? Sounds like you haven't. And I know about the bb pain. Mostly just my nipples are tender and irritated feeling. Get some rest, hun.. you have a good excuse!

Mum22 - It's only natural to worry it will happen again. I do too. I think we all do. And hooray for thinking positive. :)

Thanks Ionoa macca. I have heard about the chemical pregnancy thing but thought your period came on time. Mine is around 6 days early so that was where the confusion came from....as to what to do. What is a chemical pregnancy anyway?

So i have been thinking about the doctors appointment i have booked in for tomorrow, its to see how the m/c is going. :cry:

I am curious about this, i really want to know what to expect.
Will she send me for a scan to see if it is clearing out properly, or do blood tests to see if my hCG levels have droped?? The last blood test was on Sunday and it was already down to 38. I guess it would be almost down <5 now yea??

I just wish the hospital had of told me what to expect, how long i would bleed for (sorry it TMI) and where and what my options are if my body doesnt clear it out naturally.

DH has been great this week, makes me appreciate him just that little bit more. He is upset as we had waited til after we were married before we started ttc, trying to do the "right" thing.

He wants to know when we can start ttc again. Im not sure how i feel about jumping straight back into it. I guess i will ask the doctor what she recomends, from what i can get of the net is we should wait for one full cylcle and can start ttc if we are ready after af.

Is this what everyone else was told??

Sorry for the 20 questions, i think i am moving out of the feeling pity for myself. I plan on venturing back to work tomorrow, only for half a day tho.

Look ^^^ im ranting again. :doh:

any info you can help with would be great!!

mum22 - a chem pregnancy is when your body produces the pregnancy hormones but the egg never embeds, so it either ends in af being late, af being on time or af being early. They say many people have these but don't realise as af comes on time etc...

forshelby - nope haven't told my mum yet, prob wait until 8 weeks that's when we told our parents with DS, so watch the weeks drag out until then hehehe!! oh forgot to say that I am going to slowly tip toe my way back in the PAML thread hehehe

clairesmummy - oh yay on no af hoping she stays away!! Oh I know how you feel with being sick - I woke up mon morn with swollen glands and just wanting to go back to bed, which I did at mum's while my DS played with his cousins, hoping it's a good sign

matthew's mum - here's hoping your fet doesn't getting cancelled and your bt come back showing that your body is starting to behave

mrs macca - i totally understand, I know when I went thru the m/c I got upset with everyone like the dr/nurses as no one told me what to expect etc and it seemed you just got swept under the carpet to deal with it yourself. I just googled and hoped for the best. I know I was a lot luckier than some people as didn't have the strong cramps etc. We waited for the one cycle as I wasn't ready to fall so soon but there are ladies on here that have fallen straight away and had a sticky bub. hope it helps a lil bit xoxox

Hi Kezzy and welcome to our thread - sorry to hear of your loss. Can totally relate to the whole everyone around you being pregnant - there is about a handful of friends that aren't pregnant which I probably have spent more time with since I've had the m/c one being my bestie anyway. Take your time sweety, sending heaps of hugs

Loops - what cd are you on?? hoping that af stays away from you as well

minnie - wow 16 vials, hope you were ok after it. good luck with the maca, hoping this cycle is your cycle

damprye - please drop in and let us know how you are going at times, will miss you

Reet - here's to this month, hoping this week goes fast for you so the bd bonanza can begin!!

possum - how are you going sweety??

HI to bons, dory, porsche and everyone else I have missed

AFM: well still no spotting, just heaps of creamy CM and I have had dark +ve tests (yes I have continued to test every morning except this morn - after last month I just wanted to make sure). Not much symptoms except the tiredness (but that can be from the cold as well), as mentioned before only one bb as been sore and needing to eat every couple of hrs or I feel like I'm going to pass out. Still haven't been to the drs going to go next week, at least then I will be over the 5 weeks. Got a bit peeved at my body tho as it has had 4 weeks to get a cold or something but I had to get sick the week I go back to uni grrrr lucky I had no classes on monday as there would of been no energy for me to go

talk to you all later
xoxox

Iono macca that would make sense as I had been having pregnancy symptoms for around a week nausea etc now the nausea is beginning to subside (yay for me I will appreciate it while I can :) and I have had odd cravings for kabana and strasburg tho I knew I couldn't eat it in the TWW (as coulda been preggers) so I am hitting the supermarket tomoz to get some tho the cravings are gone I still feel I better get some before I cant any longer :) Oh congrats on being preggers again!!

nah 16 vials was a breeze ! didnt feel any different to having one taken, the woman doing it kept saying you're doing so well and i was like what are you on about it was no big deal.

Iona- Yay for no spotting!!! FX u dont start. Sorry to hear u have a cold.. u poor thing. Rest up, i hope ur feeling better soon.

Mrs Macca- I found I knew nothing when i was going thru m/c.. i didnt know what to expect etc.. but now i am the m/c guru i reckon! its crazy how much i have learnt from google and everything else. Do you feel as though u have passed everything?? has the bleeding settled down?? I only knew i had passed everything once the sac came out (Way TMI i know!!!) that was after 4 days and then i didnt have much bleeding after that. They will most likely send u for a scan.. but they may wait a little longer. I didnt go for one until 8 days after m/c started.. by then everything was gone. And its hard to say how long u will bleed for.. cld be a week.. or u cld be spotting for 2 or 3 weeks. Whatever questions u have make sure u ask tomoro.. even write them down if it will help u remember. I know when im put on the spot i can never remember those vital questions i need the answers too!
We were like u too.. get married and bam! fall pg and have a baby! I was even meant to ovulate on our wedding nite! Nothing ever goes to plan tho im slowly realising. Oh and one last thing! start ttc as soon as u feel ready.. i think waiting 1 cycle is probably better.. that way ur lining has time to build back up ready for ur next bub to stick too! defintely ask ur dr tho.
Good luck tomoro xx

Clairesmummy- Yay for no AF!! ur symptoms are still extremely promising! especially ur tiredness.. hopefully ur lil bub is sucking all ur energy! Let us know first thing in the morning once u have poas!

Forshelby- Not sure how im going to hold dh back except for every 2nd day!! I told him tonight that thats what my plans were and he didnt say much.. just an '...oh'. If it doesnt happen oh well.. i think last month we went hard way too early and then come O time there was nothing left!! I know now my cycle is a bit longer then 28 days so i wont O until day 18 or something.. i can be prepared!!!
And yay for ur sickness!!!! I hope it continues!!!(in the nicest way possible) :)

Matthewsmum- Good luck with this latest bt! i hope ur levels have skyrocketed!! Let us know!

Kellbell- Glad im not the only one with a dh that doesnt get it!! DH was good but he had ur dhs attitude.. obviously something was wrong with it and it wasnt meant to be. Mine never drinks but he went out with work mates after i had been cramping all day and didnt get home til 10pm.. AND he brought a couple friends home! Disgraceful!! He never brings work friends over AND like i said he NEVER drinks!! I was so angry.. well as angry as i cld be.. but i figured it was just his way of dealing with it.. wasnt good tho. Sometimes they have no idea.. they defintely live in the present tho.. none of this future business that we obsess over! :) Just curious.. does ur dh know ur angel bubs EDD?? i was frustrated the other day and complaining to dh that we were no closer to having a baby and i mentioned that our baby shld be born on sept 19th.. he had no idea.. i think he was actually shocked and saddened by the fact that its so soon.. Welcome to my life Ryan.. I think about it everyday!!! Hope work was alright this arvo x

Kezzy- Sorry to see u here :( it is a great place tho :) I feel ur frustration.. i shld be 32 weeks pg.. it sux. I had a breakdown last week thinking of how my tummy SHLD be and what i SHLD be feeling etc. I say that to dh all the time.. we are no closer to having our little baby in our arms.. its frustration x 1000. I try to block it out and just pretend we havent been trying for very long.. but then it all comes pouring back in.. its awful :( Did ur body go back to normal after ur m/c?? i was so annoyed at mine.. it took 4 months for af to come.. so i cldnt start trying properly til last month.. it feels like so much time was wasted. Have u started looking into any other options.. such as IUI?? I have just started calling around finding out info about it.. need to get control of this situation!! Also have u sent dh for sperm test?? We found out a lot when mine went for one.. defintely worth it.
We will all get there soon hopefully.. persistence is the key!!! Just wish we didnt have to persist so much!

Mum22- Sorry to see u here too :( and sorry to hear about ur m/c :( hope u can jump back onto the ttc bandwagon again soon.

Minnie-When will u find out bt results?? If something does show up in bt's lets hope its an easily fixed problem! Has dh had his sperm checked?? Good luck with the maca! Let me know if it works for u!

Loops- Oh i cant wait that long til u test either! But do wait..cos i wld!! I HATE seeing that 1 line! I hope u dont though.. there will 2 lines for u! I hope the next week goes quickly. Have u got some hpts stocked up?? i never do otherwise i use them! Good luck!

Damprye- Yes do still lurk! And feel free to drop in anytime! Good luck on ur ttc journey.

Hello possum.. bons and everyone else i have missed!

AFM- Tomoro i am starting the clomid rollercoaster again.. im going to be crazy for the next week! Dh is lucky hes away i say! I will probly spend the next week crying! This is cycle number 5.. they say theres not much point using it for any longer then that cos if it hasnt worked in that time then its not going too. But i have wasted 2 cycles.. the first one i did in nov last yr i had no idea when i wld O so i missed that day altogether.. fell pg on 2nd round.. wasted 3rd round cos i randomly bled right throughout O time.. then last month was a good month.. we did everything we could.. and then there will be this month where we will do everything we can! So i reckon ive got a few more goes.. if it worked 2nd cycle last year it shld work again!! (just hopefully it REALLY WORKS this time) My gyno even gave me 5 repeats for it.. thats 10 CYCLES!! so obviously hes not fussed if i continue taking it.
Anyway I have rambled way too much tonight! I shld probly stop doing my posts late at night.. i tend to talk too much from overtiredness i think!! haha

THIS POST IS SOOOO LONG!!!!! :)

This is my first post ever...can I first say what fabulous forum and website this is. You ladies make my day some days ;)

I never in a million years ever thought I would be under a heading like this thread.
Without trying ot bore you too much a quick introduction...or how I ended up here.

I have never had a problem getting pg..in fact that was the problem, had my kids quite young.
But they seemed to have turned out pretty good I reckon.

Meet my husband almost 13 years ago, married 3 years ago,he has been a fab step Dad to the kids, raised them as his own and never wanted one of his own. Even when I was mad keen on it.

Now fast forward to this year.

Easter weekend off camping for a week, left my pill beside the bed at home...didnt think this would be a problem I've been on it for 14 years surely after all this time...
Month later start to get those symptoms..we never forget them.
Low and behold I'm pregnant..WTF
Alot of soul searching on our behalf finally we came to a decision to go ahead with the pregnancy

Here's the cruel twist of fate..

DH decides now is a good time for a Vasectomy!!! Which to be honest I did think it was a little early for this.. but we kinda thought too if this pg didn't go ahead we really didn't want anymore kids (yeah right)
Finally get to 11.5 weeks booked for CVS, discover that the babies had only grown to 8.5 weeks...about the time DH had the Vas..
Then I'm booked for D&C.26/6/2010.all those 3 days are still a bit of a blur.
Now I have joined the secret world of miscarriage, because only my closest friend new I was pregnant in the first place..and I find it easier to talk to you like minded ladies..I never knew it could be so painful
One More fast forward..

Now we had a appointment with MonashIVF looks like we're going ahead with IVF & ICSI

Although we did save up what might've been left from DH after vas, for a round of BDing, its very doubtful anything will come of it.

So sorry for the long drawn out first post....

Looking forward to joining all of you on your journeys too...:D

HI springlola - sorry to hear of your losses, and thank you for sharing your story. Sending you heaps of hugs

Hi Spring Lola. Doesnt it take a while for Vas to actually work like 12 months? Fingers crossed a little spermie slips through!!

Thanks Veet. I havent told anyone about the m/c I feel a little embarassed I dont know why so many peopel have them. It's nice to be able to talk about it tho with people who have experienced it.

Welcome Springlola- Wow I cant believe u got pg for forgetting the pill for a week! I wish my body did that.. Im still trying to fall pg and its been 14 months since going off it! I cant believe ur story.. how crazy is that. And frustrating that dh got a vasectomy! They cant reverse it at all can they?? Obviously ur dh really wants a baby now since ur going thru ivf?? So are u going to tell ur kids what you're plans are or just wait and see what happens?
Thinking of u.. m/c is a devastating thing.. we are all lucky to have each other in here :)

Reet: I really can't believe it either, seems like some badly written soap opera really.. A reversal only has a 30% chance of working, and 4 weeks off work, we figure IVF has about the same chance and because of my age may be a little more viable. Though both are expensive hobbies.
I have always seen a natropath, my Mum and Dad were always a bit out there for their time, so I guess I could thank them maybe for my fertility, wonder if there is a herbal remedy for a Vas..:rolleyes:
Not going to tell the kids at this stage, have a fabulous relationship with all of them, but both of my boys are far to caring, they would come and camp at my bedside if they knew, and my daughter is a little self absorbed ATM, and wouldn't notice anything unless her straightener blew up..as most 19yo's

Mum22: It takes on average 2 months for a vas to work, we went to Monash to get him checked to see if any may be able to be frozen, but it was done correctly, no swimmers (dammit):wall: But we are FX that maybe last Monday when I O'd that maybe there is a chance, before the check. Having funny little pains and sickness, but I'm sure this is just the left over hormones from MC.
I know how you feel about not telling anyone, its sound funny to be embarassed about it, but I felt the same, like I'd failed some how. And yet we have nothing to be embarassed about. I'm just grateful I found this website shortly after MC, or I would've gone round the bend.

IonaMacca: Thanks for the welcome:D


AFM: off to the Dentist today:o, and have an Internal Scan tomorrow for IVF..:p. I rather the scan any day, I'm so scared of Dentists I feel sick..Taking my youngest DS for some moral support

Good morning all and omg it's cold this morning....I am s'posed to be outside feeding our horses right now but thought I would give you all a heads up with what's going on with me. Still a no show from dear ol' AF for me so far, did the whole POAS again this morning and yes I got a BFP line is darker again this time no double guessing if it's there or not today but it's still not as dark as the control line. I have made my first DR appointment for this afternoon at 3:10pm. Still feeling like crap and still have a feral taste in my mouth. I am a smoker I know what you are all thinking now best I chuck em away now well I had 3 on Monday, 2 yesterday and they have all tasted like crap and so heading for 0 today. I don't even have the urge to light up a smoke atm and Im loving that.
Will do persies when I get back inside for you all, just wanted to let you all know how I went with my POAS.