Trying to Conceive after Miscarriage or Loss ~ September 2008

Today 9/11/08 at 8:Am I found out my baby grew wings at 10weeks. I was all excited to look at the screen except baby was not moving, heart was not moving, and no heartbeat. Baby measured 10week and in "medical terms" I had a single "non-viable" fetus with 0bpm. Dead.:(

I have nor words right now as my heart is just more than broken all over again. My beautiful baby is in heaven playing with it's 2 siblings. I am blessed and HONORED to have had him or her in my womb. No words to describe how my world is crumbling beneath me all over again.... please understand if I am of few words. I have a beautiful onesie and socks and beautiful things for a baby that won;t be here.

I go in tomorrow at 7AM for a D&C...
Thank you all for your prayers.


RIP my dear angel... sniff sniff.. you will live in my heart till the day I join you and your siblings in heaven! Can't wait to meet you my love!!!

Ruthie...I am so very sorry...:hug:

Ruthie - I am speechless .... and just so so sorry to hear of the very cruel news you have just received. I am thinking of you and sending every comfort I can without actually being there to give you a great big hug. Your beautiful little baby had 10 weeks as a part of you and was given every bit of love you had to give. Don't try and make sense of this yet hun because it just makes no sense.... I have tears rolling down my cheeks Ruthie knowing your pain exactly and wishing you didn't have to go through this again....

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow too :hug: pm me if you need...

Fly free little one...

Ruthie - words cannot express the feelings that I have. I'm so sorry that you've had to go through this once again. :hug:

Ruthie - sweetheart I am so so sorry. You are in my prayers and thoughts. My heart is breaking for you.
Love
Adele

Ruthie :hug:
I am so sincerely sorry. I wish there was something I could say or do to ease your heartbreak. I hope you are able to get some sleep and find some inner peace. Please look after yourself as best you can :hug:

Oh Ruthie, I am so very sorry :( You and your family are in my thoughts :hug:

Take care of yourself xx

Ruthie - my tears are falling unashamedly and freely for you - I am SO SORRY. Please accept my long tight hug cos I just don't know what to say.

KL - what a beautiful experience to be blessed by. i have total faith in that kind of intuition.

....just can't stop thinking of you Ruthie......:(

Ruthie - I am so deeply sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you :hug:

Smi, Jenushka, Mollycat, Dellydoo, WTH, megsmum & Plc, AJC.. Thank you dear ones... I know you all understand me..:hug: I was not expecting this today... I was daydreaming for weeks to see the baby move and listen to a wonderful heartbeat again... nothing.

When I think my eyes can't cry no more because they are so swollen... I start all over again.. I'm breaking apart.. when I got the news my knees went weak.. I fell to the floor with absolute no strength to stand up.. I curled there like an idiot and just sobbed in the middle of the room with 5 pregnant women there sobbing with me.. it was so painful.. I looked at all those huge bumps with pain, with anger WHY??.. my 3rd baby. I thought I finally was going to have this baby.. I thought all my pain was going to be over.. and again. Again??.. WHY???? I don;t want to sound whiny.. I know most of you if not all have been through this... just that today I didn't expect this.. I was not prepared... I was even thinking of celebrating my birthday this Sunday the 14th.. what F****g birthday... it is the saddest birthday I will ever celebrate. :(
I don't want to ruin anyone's day.. and again I don't want to be whiny... just that I thought that finally I was going to have my happy ending.. . right now I have to pretend to be strong in front of my son... he saw me break down in the hospital and the whole day for a matter of fact and he senses there is something wrong... he cried with me. I see him sleep and just hug him.. knowing he is my miracle.. and yet I feel horrible because he has no one to play with.. I wanted him to play with his own brother or sister so bad.
I am not going to give up.. I have no idea what the doctor will say after th D&C but I am TTC again.. I want this miracle... and even if I have to wait a month or two I will find a specialist now.. a doctor a perinatologist not only to help me get pregnant but to help me stay pregnant full term and have a live baby. It's like my worst fear came to life today.

I am in debt with you ladies.. you have been more than awesome.. my head is starting to hurt again because I have been crying nonstop.
so tomorrow at 7AM I get a D&C.. what a horrible procedure.. to think they kill babies that way.. and to think my precious angel is being treated that way.
But this time my health is at stake.. doc said I can let nature take its course but if baby has a week dead my body has not even started the process of expelling the baby and it can get ugly.. so I prefer to just "get on wit it" and go ahead and do the D&C. I have no signs that my body knows it is not pregnant anymore.. in fact I still have morning sickness.:(

Thank you my loved ones.. so much.:hug:

Ruthie

Oh Ruthie I am so sorry honey! I am devastated for you. I don't understand the unfairness of life sometimes. Take comfort in your son. Even if he doesn't understand what has happened, he will understand the pain inside his mummy and he will be there to comfort you. It's amazing that children seem to have such a strong instinct for their mother's pain. Please look after yourself. My thoughts are with you, and I will be thinking of you tomorrow morning. Take all the time you need to grieve, but always remember that we are all here for you if you need us. :hug:

Oh Ruthie...I am so very very sorry.

Hannah

Ruthie - I am speechless and so deeply sorry. My :pray: are with you and please don'y feel bad about ruining our days, all of our thoughts are with you during this extremely painful period in time. I must say I am a little scared after hearing your news, I wasn't expecting it. Again I'm so sorry Ruthie :hug:

Hi everyone
I am new to this site.

First to Ruthie - I am so sorry for what you are going through - my heart is with you. I have just had my first miscarriage and am devastated, so I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through. Hang in there sweetie :hug:

AFM: I miscarried one week ago today.:crying: It was my first miscarriage. I got pregnant through IVF - it was my first cycle. The last 6 weeks have been unbelievably stressful - the whole IVF process was pretty stressful and then I got mild OHSS and have felt very unwell from that. Last thursday had to go to hospital with severe abdo pain - they thought at that stage it was from a very large ovarian cyst which was bleeding - the cyst being a result of the IVF. I ended up bleeding friday and saturday blood tests showed I had miscarried. Since I was still having a lot of pain and scan showed a lot of tissue still in uterus I had D and C on Monday. It was a very emotional day - like Ruthie I just kept thinking about how the procedure is like an abortion - I also had an image of them sucking my baby out of my body and every time that came into my head I couldn't stop crying. Had to wait in a room full of other people having day surgery for about 2.5 hours before procedure - and I was in pain and really upset and that really didn't help matters - the hospital I had D & C really was a terrrible set up - no privacy what so ever. The nurse admitting me was horrible - she asked the following questions with no compassion what so ever - so your here for D& C for a miscarriage? Is it your first miscarriage? Have you any other kids? - at which stage I burst into tears as I do not and am so worried that I might now never have any; Am i married? (i am not but in lovely committed relationship) Do I have a boyfriend? - I mean how is that any of her business and how rude!! Anyway today is the first day the pain has settled down - had hours of pain yesterday (think it is still from the ovarian cyst).
Keen to try again - think I have to wait 4-6 weeks before I can have another IVF cycle - would like to try naturally this month. Does anyone know how long it takes after miscarrying to ovulate normally? - want to test for LH surge but not sure when to start?





Me (37) DP (50)
IVF i cycle - BFP - :angel: 5 September 2008 (6 weeks 4 days)

Really short on time right now... just wanted to tell Ruthie... words fail me right now... :( I'm so very sorry! :comfort: I wish there were something that I could say or do to take away this pain you're feeling. My m/c was the day before my b-day, hon, so believe me when I say that I truly know the pain that you feel, and my heart is broken for you, Ruthie! :crying: I will be thinking of you tomorrow for your procedure... don't forget we're here for you, hun--whatever you need! Wish I could give you a real one, but this will have to do :hug: :comfort: :hug: :comfort: Your little ones are watching over you always...

Oh Ruthie Im at work and crying at my desk.....Im going to have to run to the ladies to wipe the tears...Im so very very sorry and pray to the Lord that your miracle will happen, and that tommorrow comes and goes quickly for you.

' The Lord directs the steps of the godly, He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand' Pslams 37:23-24

Ruthie ohh sweet heart I am so sorry. My DH thinks I am crazy as I am sitting here typing this message in tears. I cant imagine the pain you must be feeling :comfort: I cant believe what a strong lady you are I read your post about not giving up you inspire me. I hope the D & C is over with quickly tomorrow and you can get on the road to recovery. My :pray: are with you and sending you lots hugs.

Baby Miracle Welcome to this forum I am so sorry to hear about your loss and the treatment you received at the hospital. I to had a bad experience both times I had my miscarriage. The first time the nurses stood in a big group (Around 8 of them) outside my room and I could hear them b***ching about me taking up a bed and that I shouldn't be there. The second time I went they didn't even admit me they sent me home after arriving at the ER. Said there was nothing they could do, tehy didn't even do a u/s. I hope your next round of IVF is better and you get your miracle.

As for me I has my u/s today to check everything was okay after the op. Well what can I say other then I am very disappointed they lady conducting the u/s could hardly speak English and didn't understand what a septum was???? Grrrr So I dont know anything not even if i have follicles or if my edometrium lining is thick enough. So I am in Limbo until I see my FS on Wednesday.

Ruthie I am so sorry for your loss. You are not being whiny.. this is why we are all here - to discuss these things, share our joy when we have joy to share, and to vent when things dont go quite the way we plan. I can't imagine what this must be like for you to go through again. God will look after your three little angels. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. xx

Oh btw welcome babymiracles... sorry you have to be on this thread but if you need support this is the place to be. I am one of the newer members on this thread (i lost my bub 2 weeks ago- it was my first). I totally understand your humiliation/devastation/frustration with the hospital staff. Sadly, i am a doctor, and i see such disrespectful behaviour daily. If i have learnt anything from my horrible experience, it is that women in our position deserve the utmost respect as we are vulnerable and emotionally distraught.

Please know that each day gets easier. It is not about forgetting... but about accepting.
xx

Ruthie sweetheart - Please know that tomorrow you have women all around the world with tears in their eyes for your pain. I am crying as I type this and just hope you know how much love and support there is for you.
BabyMiracles - Darling welcome to BB - You will have support and understanding from all here. I am so sorry about your loss. I too lost my first child via IVF 2 weeks ago. I was lucky to have amazing care and am so sorry that you were not treated with respect.
EmmyKate is right - you never forget; they are too important.
Love to you all
Adele

Ruthie- I am so very very sorry, sitting here with tears i cant stop. Wish i could say something to take away all your pain but know i cant. Sending you lots of :hug: hope you know we are all here for whenever you need us.

Babymiracles- Welcome, so sorry to hear of your loss:hug:

babymiracles......I know only too well the heartache of IVF. ......:hug:......hopefully soon the fog will lift for you..... day by day you will learn how to manage your pain. Some days will be alright and some days it will hurt. It is all ONE DAY AT A TIME. TIme is the only remedy. Huge hugs to you hun...... I will say one thing for you... be true to your emotions right now. Dont try and be or do or anything... just be true to you.

Ruthie... everyone else has said it :hug:

AFM...update in blog

I m just going to have to risk a tellin off.......

I cant think of anything more appropriate at the moment

YouTube - George Canyon - My Name


My Name
Performed by George Canyon

The words to this song are from the unborn baby.


It's cold in here feels like everything's upside down
I can feel you talking but I can barely make out the sound
I been kicking around these parts, feels like a year
I?m gonna change this world if I ever get out of here
She wants to dress me in pink, paints my bedroom blue
And I just laugh to myself, because only I know the truth
This love is my only emotion
Haven't learned any fear any pain
It?s kind of funny with all this commotion
I guess they've got me to blame
And they don't even know my name
And they don't even know my name

Well I've never felt so ready, think it's finally time
Cause that big old world is waiting, and it's mine all mine
Just then everything got real quiet, it got real bright
And a man took my hand said don't worry, your momma's gonna be all right
Then he opened the gate, & I followed him in
Said you can wait right here till it's your turn again
And his love is the one true emotion
Heaven knows no fear no pain
I never got to set my wheels in motion
But they loved me just the same
And they never even knew name
Didn't even know my name
You loved me just the same
And you didn't even know my name


There are some other beautiful sentiments on my web page which the link is always in my signature.... also remember October 15th.... International Miscarriage Awareness Day

:

---

Does anyone know how long it takes after miscarrying to ovulate normally? - want to test for LH surge but not sure when to start?

---

Hi babymiracles...I am sorry you lost your little one...I hope that you are able to take good care of yourself for now. About your question. I didn't have a D&C after my miscarriage, and I ovulated bang on 14 days after the bleeding started, and got my period right on 28 days later. So my cycle returned to normal immediately, but I know that doesn't always happen after a miscarriage - sometimes the cycle takes a few months to get back to normal. It may be different after a D&C as well, I'm not sure.

Suggest using OPKs from around day 10 if your cycle was 28 days before you got pregnant...just to see what happens. Of course that can be expensive, but v reassuring!

All the best to you. Keep taking good care of yourself. I hope that the experience in the hospital begins to fade for you and that you get the little one you're hoping for!

Babymiracles - I'm sorry that the IVF messed you around so much, and even more sorry that your little miracle was not destined to be born into your arms. :( I had to have a D&C when I lost my angel, but thankfully the staff at the hospital were fantastic. I don't know how I would have gotten through the day if I had had an experience like yours. My obstetrician told me to wait 2-3 cycles before trying to conceive again, but at my post op visit 6 weeks later I told him we started trying again once I ovulated the first time. He then fessed up that the main reason they say to wait is so that if you fall pregnant it can be dated easier, and for emotional reasons. He said that he's had many patients that have had successful pregnancies after falling straight after a loss. He also mentioned a slightly increased chance of miscarriage though, due to the lining of the uterus possibly not being thick enough. He did mention not to have intercourse or use tampons for at least two weeks because there is a risk of infection due to them manually opening the cervix. Oh, and the time it takes until you ovulate is generally determined by the amount of hcg that is still in your system. For me it took between 3-4 weeks before I began to ovulated again.
The most important thing at the moment though is for you to allow yourself to grieve the loss of your baby. Do what feels right for you, because there is no right or wrong way to grieve. You have come to a great place for support, and I wish you all the best in yout TTC journey. :hug: PS. Like your username says... "baby miracles" DO happen!

Tam - How annoying about the ultrasound lady! You would expect that they would at least be able to tell you something in your own language! And to not know what a septum was when that's what she should be looking at! I hope you FS has some better answers for you!

Angel - The song made me cry!!!

Ruthie: i'm just sat here in tears reading your post. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Sorry i havent replied sooner, i've not been on for a few days.

You are in my :pray: and hope you can find the strength to TTC again. you will get your miracle.

:hug::pray::hug::pray:

Ruthie-:hug: OMG! I'm soo sorry darling. I cannot beleive that you have been through this so much. I understand the fact you keep asking why does it keep happening and how you could get answers. Like I said I'm really sorry that you lost your darling baby. And, I feel you on your birthday beeing Crappy. Big :hug: once again.

Tam-Sorry that your U/s tech was like that I would have been annoyed by it. I hope FS can find some answers for you soon.

babymericals-Hello, And welcome to BB. Sorry to hear about your losses hun. I hope you get your BFP and sticky bean very soon. :hug:

ATM- I'm 3 DPO

jen - yes, I very much like the way your chart is going :hug: thanks for the chat sweet

Hey girls just letting you know we have been having tornados today and ATM its still going on. I have pictures too.. I had my friend from VA make a comp to comp voice call she heard my sirens.. Were okay atm sirnes still going off, The tornado was actully ontop of my APTs but didnt drop down.. We have more headed out way. I called my EX boyfriend and his parents to get to the ground its headed there way right now.

Tam--Sorry to hear about your annoying u/s tech! You would think they would at least know the names of the body parts that they're looking at! :rolleyes: Good luck on Wed. with your FS appt--hope you finally get all your questions answered!



mollycat--Aww, sorry! ....My oath to you: I do hereby solemnly swear to never again forget to engage your anti-AF force field!! Pinky promise! ;) Go ahead and blame me.... I'm used to it from Angel! lol... ( :p Angel!)



babymiracles--:welcome: I'm so sorry to hear of your loss only a week ago :( You can only O once your hcg levels have returned to normal--have you had any BT's done to check yours? I pray that you find comfort and peace here with us... please know that there's no right or wrong way to grieve... there's no time frame within which you need to feel "over it". You're always welcome to vent, cry, scream, ask questions--we all know what you're feeling and the thought process that seems to play over and over again in your mind... we've all been there, and we all know how difficult and heartbreaking it is to lose an angel baby. I look forward to getting to know you! :hug:



plc--Thanks! Hope the temps behave and keep going up! :crossfingers: Thanks so much for staying up late to chat! It was such an awesome surprise to log on and see all you girls in there waiting for me! Big :hug: and bellyrubs! Looooooove the new belly pic--it's so cute!!

OK Jen. I am not going to rave on about your chart 'cause everytime I have I fear I have jinxed you. But I am keeping an eye on it IYKWIM ;)

Ruthie--Thinking of you today :( So sorry, hon, I wish I knew the right thing to say... I wish I could go back and fix everything for you! I'm so glad to hear you aren't giving up... just heard someone on Oprah say "Your past does not define your future" and it made me think of you... I have such faith that it will happen for you, so stay strong and keep your faith, even tho I know you aren't feeling it now! Sending you the biggest possible :hug:



Fab 2/3 Chyan's--You girls are absolutely the BEST!! You all made my day when I logged on and saw all three of you in chat! I thought for sure I was either dreaming or my eyes were seeing things! Thanks, Nuff, for hanging out at work for a chat--2 more weeks without internet at home??? Grrr! Still haven't had a chance to read your blog, but I've been so busy today--was at the school from 8-4! But I promise, I haven't forgotten, and I will get to it! Krystie--lots of bellyrubs and :stickyvibesgirl: *kiss* *kiss*



Toccara--Thinking of you! :hug: Hope you're ok, love. :(



Babyfever--Ooh, tornadoes...scary! Stay safe!



:hello: Easha, joey, Chappas, megsmum, WTH, Van, dellydoo, Jade, hannah, babbs, & mannie :bluedust: :pink-babydust: for you all!!

:lol: Thanks, WTH!!! I do know what you mean, but don't think there's any way you could jinx me! ;)



An unlimited and unending (is that redundant? lol...) supply of :stickyvibesgirl: :stickyvibesboy: for my super-duper Krystie Chyan, Rachel (where've you been, girl?), fifi, larz, pbstar, tutmae, tina, plc, AJC, Katiegirl, Leyza, & nickster


Oops, almost forgot to shout out a :hello: to Emmykate! :doh:



smilanatu--It's FRIDAY!!!!! :woot: Thanks for the e-mails! I think I have a couple more for you, but I'll have to go thru my e-mails first! Hope you have a great weekend! :hug:

I just wanted to say thank you everyone for such kind words and thoughts. It really does mean a lot, and although I wish no one had to go through this experience it helps to talk to other people who understand what I am going through.

Also thanks to those who answered my questions about ovulating after miscarriage. I see fertility specialist next thursday so maybe they will start doing some hcg measurements then. Last one was when I found I had had lost my baby - when it had gone done from nearly 10000 to 4000 in under 48 hours. Still getting some bad pains - particularly right sided lasting anywhere between 4 and 12 hours a day - did anyone else have same experience after a D & C? I guess it has only been 5 days so am wondering if that is normal.

On a positive note, I should say that after the horrible initial hospital experience with the admitting nurse, once my doctor came to see me before the procedure and until I went home the care and compassion was wonderful. My ob/gyn has the most wonderful bedside manner, and i had a really lovely midwife sit and talk to me for ages in recovery whilst I was blubbering away. So although there will always be those medical people lacking compassion/tack - there are also so many out there that are worth there weight in gold.

Ruthie - you are in my heart and thoughts today:hug::comfort:

Looking forward to getting to know you all a bit more on this site.

xx:grouphug:

Me (37) DH (50)
IVF 1 cycle - BFP
:angel: 5th September 2008 (6 weeks 4 days)

RUTHIE

I used to sing this to my little angels when I knew they were going but were still there before I "delivered" them. I still sing it now. My thoughts are with you :comfort:

Fly
Fly, fly little wing
Fly beyond imagining
The softest cloud, the whitest dove
Upon the wing of Heaven's love
Past the planets and the stars
Leave this lonely world of ours
Escape the sorrow and the pain
And fly again

Fly, fly precious one
Your endless journey has begun
Take your gentle happiness
Far too beautiful for this
Cross over to the other shore
There is peace forevermore
But hold this memory bittersweet
Until we meet

Fly, fly do not fear
Don't waste a breath, dont shed a tear
Your heart is pure, your soul is free
Be on your way, dont wait for me
Above the universe you'll climb
On beyond the hands of time
The moon will rise, the sun will set
But I won't forget

Fly, fly little wing
Fly where only angels sing
Fly away, the time is right
Go now, find the light.

THE OAK TREE

A mighty wind blew night and day.
It stole the oak tree s leaves away,
They snapped its boughs and pulled its bark
Until the oak was tired and stark.
But still the oak tree held its ground,
while other trees fell all around.
The weary wind gave up and spoke,
"How can you still be standing, Oak?'
The Oak tree said,
"I know that you can break each branch of mine in two,
Carry every leaf away,
Shake my limbs, and make me sway.
But I have roots
stretched into the earth,
Growing stronger since my birth.
You'll never touch them, for you see,
they are the deepest part of me.
Until today, I wasnt sure
of just how much I could endure.
But now I ve found, with thanks to you,
I m stronger than I ever knew."

Oh, Angel.... those songs... :( and that poem... helps me realize how strong we all really are! :hug:

Well, The sever thunderstorms and tornado warnings are over with :-D thank god the one that was ontop of us never touched down. I called my best friend that is married that me and my husband hang out with shes got a son that was due same day hailey was I ended up going a week before her so Hailey my 2 year old is 1 week older than her son. She only has 1 child and I have 2. But, I now know the pain of you girls having family or friends that are pregnant. I find that pregnant woman in the OBs is hard expecahlly when I lost my baby a few months ago. I called to make sure she was okay shes like yeah Im in a differant state with hubby and our son is with my mom in the bastment shes like oh did you hear were expecting? I'm like no but congrats shes like I'm 7 weeks pregnant. I said I was pregnant too but I lost my baby shes like OH I'm sorry! Its like WTF. cant you be more senstiive?? I have a question This is kinda wrong but do you girls ever feel that woman that get pregnant fast and never miscarried are a little unsensitive to the matter? meaning they don't act like they care??? I'm so ****ed@!! I would have been 14 weeks pregnant and already showin and feelign the baby and a few weeks short on finding out the sex..If I was still pregnant.. I cannot believe this. I m happy shes pregnant with baby 2 but it still hurts how people flaunt it..

Babyfever.... NOONE knows this pain until they have experienced it themselves. I have known many people who had miscarried before I did. I clearly remember my response to them...... I was uncomfortable and ignorant. I dont mean that in a nasty way i mean it in the true meaning of the word. I didnt know. How could I have. I had my 2 sons, bright, healthy, loud sons. I didnt know the pain of losing a child. I knew my sons were precious but I didnt know the pain of losing a child. I didnt have any of them sit me down and tell me what it meant to miscarry your child.... I was ignorant.

I m soooooo sorry for your loss, just as I am sorry for everyones losses, just as I am sorry for my own loss. You would think with the figure close to one in twenty pregnancies ending in a miscarriage that people would be better informed. But that is not reality unfortunately and until it is we are going to be surrounded by people who just do not understand.

If you google october 15th you will see whats happening to try and make more people aware........ until people know... we can not expect them to understand. I know I didnt.

BABY FEVER - I have found myself thinking the same thing - do these pregnant women truly understand how difficult it is for us to watch them grow nice round tummies and tell us about the kicks and movements of their little one. I am sure they do not mean to be insensitive. I try and think about how i felt when i was pregnant (jsut 2 weeks ago).. and i remember i wanted to tell the world - i had this excitement that i couldnt contain.. i couldnt wipe the smile off my face.. i had all these plans and i wanted to share them.. I'm saying this because i think your friend is just caught up in the whirlwind of her pregnancy and that feeling of excitement. Of course, unless you have lost a child you cannot possibly understand the true misery and emptiness we feel. Everyone is different and their way of dealing is different.. some people want to talk about it, others want to be left alone. Many people dont know what to say because they dont know how u want to deal with it.. whether u would prefer to not talk about it or whether you just want to forget it happened. I know prior to my m/c i would see patients who had miscarried and i was always nice and sympathetic and felt awful for them, but even as their doctor i didnt know what to say or how to act.

At the moment i am still walking around seeing ladies with baby bumps and cursing and moaning that it isnt fair that they should be so lucky.. and i dont want to have anything to do with my friends (countless of them) who are pregnant. It is not that i dont care about them, it is just that it is too much of a reminder to me at the moment. If they are true friends then they understand that.

As for me.. my nausea has subsided a little... i think i am putting too much weight on it. Afterall it is so early after my m/c. I did POAS and it was a BFN so that was disappointing but i wasnt really expecting it to be positive. I mean even if i was pg i doubt i'd have enough bhCG to make it positive... which i guess means that i wouldnt have enough bhCG to make me sick so who knows... maybe it is just because my cycles are getting back in order... afterall i havent had a period since coming off the pill in april. I'm trying not to feel too hopeful but in the back of my mind i am still praying that maybe something is happening in there. you just never know..

time is the best medicine for almost all complaints.