TTC after Miscarriage or Loss ~ March 08 #2

Hey Everyone. I am new to this...so I hope that I am not intruding on the friendships that you have going here. I guess I will start out by telling you my story...

My DH and I decided that we were ready to start our family and tried for about 3 months, and concieved a baby in November 2007. We were so happy. Told both our families at Christmas. Where his brother announced that they were expecting too...two weeks behind us. From that moment I had a bad feeling. All I could think was that their baby was going to be a constant reminder or how old my baby was going to be...morbid I know...but I couldn't get over it. We saw our baby at 10 weeks...and the doctors said everything was great. The doc. even said, "If something happens to your baby now God had a good reason to take it." In hindsight I see that all the warnings were there that this wasn't going to work out. I hate myself for knowing and not being able to protect my baby...anyway lost the baby and had the D&C beginning of Feb.

I want so bad to be pregnant again...

I am just struggling...with fear, apprehension and jealousy.

Is this too soon to start trying again? Why do I feel like I am going soooooo crazy?

I hope everyones dreams come true and truly appreciate you all being here...because I think some people are tired of hearing about my emotional issues.

I'm so sorry for everything you all have gone through...

God bless you all...

hi and welcome prayingandhoping sorry to hear of your loss, you have came to the right place.Hope you get BFP soon and everyone else.

Bettyboop - - - - I just wanted to say that a very good friend of mine has PCOS. she was ordered by her doctor to follow the low-carb lifestyle and it worked really really well for her. she wasn't diagnosed with pcos for a long time and had developed very very large tumors that had to be removed. WHEN she followed her low-carb lifestyle she felt better and did not have pain.(not zero carb, just low carb... i think she stayed between 40 and 60 carbs most days and occasionally went over for "special occasions") however she did not stick to her plan as consistantly as she should. Her tumors did return after a few years and she decided to have a hysterectomy. (when I asked her why.... she said that since she is in her mid 40's and not married or dating anyone right now and doesn't want to have a child on her own she would have the surgery and if she meets someone later she will adopt.) She had her surgery in Dec of 07 and is doing great. She was also on a medication that helped her pcos..... I'll try to find out the name of it when she returns from Italy. I followed Low Carb with her for awhile and I lost 50 lbs. (about 3 years ago) and I have gained it back.... but that is my fault. There is a great website that is all about Low Carb Low GI food with a message board and TONS of recipes. I dont know if I can post a link on this board... is that allowed? There are also LOTS and LOTS of people on there who have PCOS and could be a wealth of knowledge to you. (they are amazing .. very very much like this site!)

Dear prayingandhoping-- Thank you for telling your story, I know it's a truly heartbreaking thing to do. I just posted my story today, also, and had kept putting it off for days because I knew I would cry and I didn't want to do it in front of anyone. Just wanted you to know that I know just what you're going through... the morbid thoughts, the jealousy, the fear, the anger. Wondering if you're going to go crazy... My m/c happened on the toilet, and for the life of me I don't think I'll ever forget having to flush my baby down the toilet. It's such a terrible thing to go through for anyone. For me it's been 20 days since my m/c, and it truly hasn't gotten any easier for me. I keep hoping there's no AF this mo., because I read several stories of women who got p/g right away with no problems. My Dr. told me to wait 2 months, but there's no way I can wait that long. I guess it will happen when it's supposed to. I hope that whenever you decide to TTC it happens quickly and you are blessed with your beautiful baby! Good luck and God bless!

dear hopingandpraying:
im so so sorry to hear about your story...i felt a connection with you as my story is very similar. I fell pg for the first time in Oct, and lost the bub in Dec. had the D&C and then 2 days later, DH's sister announced she was pg. SO, she is 2 weeks behind where i would have been. Im finding it so hard to be happy for her. All i think about when i think of her or talk to her is, 'thats 2 weeks less than me, i should have been at this stage too". the fear, jealousy etc is perfectly normal, you almost feel robbed.
Hoping and praying, i really hope and pray for you that it gets easier. i cant tell you that the pain will ever go away, but i can tell you it will get easier.
DH and i decided to start trying straight away. Had first AF after about 6 weeks. am on cycle 2, and have all fingers and toes crossed.!!!
just do whatever feels right for you, dont let anyone tell you how to get through this...all the best...hope you are pg again soon :)

ll80 Yes, I love yoghurt but not plain. Only the berry fruit one or the peach and mango. I guess thats still ok to have. I never thought of that, thanks. I will try it.

prayingandhoping Oh my god!!! Thats exactly what happened to me. I was 10 weeks pregnant, told our families and they were all so excited. 1 month later my sister fell pregnant and we thought that it would be so cool to be pregnant together. I lost mine and had a D & C, while my sister carried hers. My sisters baby is now almost 3 months old and I can't stop thinking that mine would of been 5 months old. I too have exactly the same feelings of fear and jealously and the like. It is so not too early to start again as long as you are in the right frame of mind and physically up to it again. I have been trying since May 07 to conceive again, but nothing. I put it this way...and I know I have said it before, that if it is meant to happen, it will. If you are not relaxed about it, it won't happen. I have been stressed out since last year and nothing. I am so in your corner on this, and I am sending you good wishes. Please don't be afraid to talk to any of the girls in here. We are a support to one another. Good luck and god bless to you.

tina_k I too went through similar to what you went through. I am still upset about my miscarriage and cry sometimes and think of what could of been. The only thing we all can do is power on and be positive.

I didn't test this morning, I decided to wait until tomorrow at 12dpo. But I'm a bit stressed, I have had AF type cramps all morning, now I have started spotting. Sorry TMI, at first it was pink CM on my undies but then red blood when I wiped. Probably more than I thought implantation would be but I guess it can vary. AF is not due til Sunday (5 days away). :pray: it is implantation at 11dpo and not some kind of early loss?!?

Welcome Jen and Prayingandhoping - I'm so sorry for your losses. It really is a tough journey, thankyou for sharing with all of us. I had an inkling that my last pregnancy was not going to work out, something just didn't feel right. But I still told everyone and then mc a week later. Funny how noone ever mentioned it again nor asked how I was. It really is difficult for people to understand how frustrating this is. I was then terrified to start TTC again, I was worried that there was something wrong with me and that I had somehow killed my own baby. But then everyone on here has been so supportive and great and eventually I had the courage to start TTC again. What I eventually realised is that not every egg can be 100% perfect and not every sperm can be 100% perfect. We just have to try to be patient and wait for 2 perfect ones to get together at the right time. I'm sure a beautiful and healthy baby is coming your way very soon.


Tina - I had pulling pains in lower pelvis from around 2dpo, even a kinda sore pubic bone and I am sure I conceived this cycle (just not sure if its implanted properly yet). I think it is a good sign!

Bettyboop - Congrats on the weight loss but not good that its caused by stress. I have had 5 ops before (on my kidneys) and I know they are scary but at least you should get some kind of an answer out of it. It might actually be really positive. Keep your chin up, :pray: that its going to be good news for you.

Hi Ladies,

I've been haveing dreams as well, I forgot to mention that last night. I have remembered by dreams vividly. This morning I felt a warm wave sensation in one of my breast and then later on during the day I felt tingling in the same breast. I don't know when I o'd exactly now because when I put my temps in last night It told me that I o'd a week later than I thought. I dtd at that time too so I am covered but, I think that what happened was that last week I had an ear ache and I took pain killer every 4 hours for like 3 days straight. When I went to the dr I asked her if this could affect my temps and she said that it could. Then I was on ear drops and i noticed that when I took my temp on that ear which is the ear I temp every morning my temps were low, so I switched to the other ear and it was much higher. So I think that the whole pain reliever and ear drops effected my temps. I am going crazy AF is to arrive next monday the 31st so we will see. Also I have been feeling some cramps around my ovaries, not the pre AF cramps they are different. And today I noticed discharge, like beige, creamy (sorry if tmi) But I think I am just making too much of every little thing I feel.

Jodsan, so I am either 11 dpo or 5, I don't know now. I am dying to test but I am trying so hard to just wait until next monday when AF is to arrive. I don't know if I am going to make it, I went to the store yesterday and looked at the box of first response and was going to buy it but then I said no. I will just wait as I get closer and I will use the one ept stick I have at home because I will use every single stick in that box, I just don't want to go thought the disappointment as I am peeing on every stick.

Fiona264, you are most welcomed.

Plc1805, Thank you I so hope it is my month as well.

1180: Gl on 2ww.

Tina K: thank you

Bettyboop: Congratulations on the weight loss, sorry that you are stressing over your op. It will be ok. GL.

Jen805, I am so sorry for your lost, we are hear for you. You know I found out one day before my bday 11/22 that I was pg and found out one day before my son's bday 12/25 that I my baby had no hb. I was blissfully pg for a month and 3 days.

PrayingandHoping: I am so sorry for your lost as well. I know that your situation is difficult with your family member pg 2 wks apart from you. You know after I m/c I found out that my cousin was expecting, this is her first child and she is 38yrs old, she was at my house on Thanksgiving when I annouced to everyone that I was expecting and she rubbed my head for good luck because she wanted to have a baby. so now she is due late sept and I was due early aug. I refussed to feel jealousy, I needed to feel happy for her because I did not want negativity to set in with me. We are not that close and I don't see her too often, my family leaves in NY and I am in PA but she is really close with my mom. But her pg has brought us a little closer. I called her up to congratulate her when I found out and I told her not to feel mad for me if she wanted to talk about her pg that on the contrarry I am very happy for her. and I had her rub my head for gl. I am not going to lie it will be very painful for me if she gives birth and I am not pg but I will just have to tell her my heart is breaking and I am going to hug her baby a little tighter. I am sorry I am rambling on I just wanted to tell you what I went though. Also at church last sunday there were so many babys that it hurt me so much.

Well ladies I am sorry I won't be able to get to everyone I have to go but I hope everyone is doing well.

fiona264 thank you...its nice to know there are people out there who understand exactly what i am feeling and going through. im sure it must have been really sad for you when your sister had her bub.
but your right, we just have to keep trying and be positive..i pray that we both get the beautuful babies that we are so longing for soon..thanks fiona, tina :)

Danielsgirl~Thank you for the welcome-I am sorry for your loss also...It is good to have so many supporters but sad to know that we have all lost something so precious. I agree that it is sometimes hard to mask my feelings but I feel like I have to in order to keep things going and to keep people from being overbearing about it. I hope your dizziness goes away-I would definitely see the doctor about it!

Natty~Thank you for the welcome...My early symptoms last pregnancy were cramping in my lower left abdomen, sore breasts, and light fatigue...I hope your Easter camping was fun-it sounded like fun to me! Hang in there, it's not over until AF shows up!:pray:

AJC~Thanks for the welcome! I hope your Clomid works for youand that you feel better-I had some side effects but never got sick...I feel sorry for you dealing with that!

Tempus~Yes to positive thinking and yes to Huzzah-the ren fair was a blast-just what I needed to brighten my weekend! :lol:

Jodsan~Gosh, I really hope that you are right and you definitely conceived...it would be great to see you post a BFP soon!!!

Nickster~Hang in there...I am sure all the awful symptoms you have are wonderful signs of a healthy growing baby!

Laura~Wow, maybe you will get a BFP without even trying-they say that's when it happens-I usually wanna clobber the people who say that because I can't stop trying-duh!:cryinglaugh:

Angel babies~Sorry to hear about AF-stay positive for next month!

Katiegirl~Stay positive-I am sure everything will be great!;)

Fiona~Good luck with finding a new doctor-I think you have to find one you're comfortable with-It's the most important thing to do!I took Clomid-I only took it one month and it worked-I had hot flashes, extra energy, trouble sleeping, and some cramping...Not too bad in my opinion-worth it!

Tina K~ I hope you get a BFP soon-Thank you for the warm welcome...I am sorry also to hear about your loss-having to watch someone else close stay pregnant would be hard for me too.:cry:

Jen805~Sorry for your loss...I hope you get another BFP quickly! I have the same thoughts that you do...Very jealous of anyone I see that is pregnant and having trouble getting myself to go to an upcoming baby shower for a friend...it is just so hard!

Praying and hoping~Welcome-many of us are new here too and this has been a very welcoming group-no intruders here! :hug: Hopefully you won't be here long because you will get another BFP...take time to grieve...the nights when I have cried it out are the nights that are getting me through this believe it or not..it is hard though-i just can't help but think that I was so close to my lifelong dream of being a mom and someone took it right from me...

AFM, I am doing okay...I had a good weekend so that cheered things up a bit-lots of time with friends and family! I am already trying to figure out when my next cycle will start so I can take the Clomid and try again...I want to be a mom so very badly! How long did it take you all to get you first cycle after your m/c? I know everyone is different-just wondering...We are putting in a pool and that is almost done and I started back to work yesterday after spring break and that is keeping me busy and keeping my mind off of things-I teach children with autism-very busy but rewarding! I have been invited to a baby shower and I just don't want to go-I find myself looking away anytime I see a pregnant woman-I agree that you feel robbed and it just doesn't seem fair....Well, hopefully my time will come again and I will get a sticky bean next time.:pray:

Baby Dust to everyone!:bluedust:

MMteacher

Magda--Thanks for being here! I'm sorry for your loss and hope and pray that all your dreams come true! Good luck and God bless, Jen

mmteacher--Thanks for the babydust and the well-wishes! I'm sorry for your loss--I wish I had the words that could take away all your pain.... Just know you're in my prayers. Jen

Jodsan--Thanks for being so supportive! You're right about this being a tough and frustrating journey. What an emotional rollercoaster this has been. It's amazing, yet so very sad, that there are so many others going through this terrible ordeal. It's also amazing that everyone is so willing to share their stories, to just throw their hearts out there with the intention of letting us know we're not alone. Good luck with TTC, I wish I had a magic wand to just make it happen for you! Praying for you, Jen

tina_k Thats ok hun. I am here if you need to talk. I think someone going through the same thing have a kind of understanding. People who haven't gone through it, don't really understand but they do sympathise and try and help you as much as they can, but yes it is frustrating cause they don't understand.

mmteacher I would love to go with Clomid. Secretly I would love twins, but that is only a fantasy LOL. No one has told me and I am guessing you can only get them from an Obstetrician. Is this true?

Hi to everyone else....

Katiegirl - I so know how you are feeling and although it is probably not the best have a strong feeling it must be normal after everything we have gone through! :wall: Hopefully your ob has made you feel calmer!

Tina - Congrats on finding a way to DTD whilst parents were visitng, hopefully this is the month for you guys, especially with all the hassle you had to go through! :crossfingers:

AJC - Sorry to hear you have been having side-effects from your clomid, I hope they settle down soon and that they help!

Betty - Congrats about the weight loss, I wish I could drop weight without thinking or trying!!!

Jen - I am reall sorry that you are here, but welcome. Hopefully your TTC journey will not be a long one!

Prayingandhoping - I am really sorry to hear about your horrible experience. I believe it is time to start TTC again when you feel you are ready, it is right! So if you are feeling it I say go for it. It may take some time, it may not, but I hope that your journey is stress free (wishful thinking perhaps?) and that you din't have to wait too long to be pg. again!

mmteacher - My advice is that if you don't feel up to going to the baby shower ... DON'T! That's right think of yourself and your mental and emotional wellbeing. They will understand, and if they don't they are selfish and not a true friend! I think as women we are all about making others happy, doing what we think everyone expects us to, and forget about what we want and need!

As for me:

Well yesterday went to docs and FINALLY got a positive urine test. I really just felt like saying "I told you so" in a very frustrated voice. So this morning was the blood test, wasn't that fun! I have really deep veins and because I had to fast (also needed other tests done for my back so did it all at once!) my veins were hard to find and it hurt, more than usual so more than I was expecting! Sook I know!! :lol: So now next appointment next Monday for results and chat with doc. She has told me to come once a week until I see the ob just so I can talk to someone, ask whatever I need to etc, which is great. She is not big on doing lots of tests and has a great outlook, for me anyway. Yesterday she told me that if I am going to have a m/c this time it is already programmed to do so and there is nothing I can do about it, nothing that will cause it, nor stop it. Harsh perhaps but I know its the truth and just what I needed to hear. The fact is that if there is something wrong with this pg there is something wrong and has been since conception! My thoughts though are that this is going to be a full term pg with a healthy baby at the end. I just feel it is all right!

Sorry if this is hard for everyone in here, its just have come close to you all and feel comfortable chatting to you. I am also still too scared to post in the other forum, not ready yet!

So good luck to you all, i will be keeping watch and hoping and praying for you all!!

:bluedust::bluedust::bluedust::stickyvibesboy::sti ckyvibesgirl:

Oh Berecca that is fantastic news! I also knew from the start that my pregnancy with Aiden was going to be healthy and it all went perfectly. That's a really good sign that you can "feel all is right". I'm sooo happy for you :happyforyou:

Oh darnit, I posted twice and can't erase this one...see next page for my real post!