Trying to Conceive after Late Loss, Still Birth or Recurrent Miscarriage April '08

Katiegirl--Happy Mother's Day!! Hope you have a great one! I know you're missing Nathaniel, but I hope you can find comfort in the fact that you have another blessing on the way! Soon you'll be holding your precious bundle of joy, your gift from Nathaniel! Good luck on your weekly scans, I'll be :pray: for you!!


Simba--Happy Mother's Day to you, as well! Thanks for the welcome! Good luck with your 12 wk. scan on Tue! Praying all goes well for you!

jo--Hope you have a great Mother's day! Spoil yourself and be spoiled!!


Rozzie and Hammi--Hope you're both doing well! :grouphug: Happy Mother's Day to all!

Hi everyone - just a quick one to say that I have had another scan today - and all looks good. Baby is measuring around 14weeks 6 days - so 3 days ahead of schedule. I have another scan next Tuesday. Just nice to see the baby again and be reassured all is moving ahead.

Very tired and have a busy 2 days ahead as exhibiting at a tradeshow - not good for a preggers woman! This will be the last tradeshow I have to do so I will keep that thought in my mind. I am planning to finish up around Sept - so starting the countdown. I still haven't told work...in fact haven't told many people...I think I will wait for 15 weeks then will let work and others know.

I hope you are all well - take care.

hi all just a quick one for me. just wanted to let you all know that i had the 12 week scan a few hours ago and all was great - saw a little heart beating away and little bub gave mum and dad a few waves and thumb sucks. the measurements showed that i wont be 12 weeks till thursday but i thought that was close enough to put up my ticker!

so after a pretty emotional day on sunday i am feeling lots better. i was thinking of all of you and hoped that you had a nice day. i will be back another day to catch up more - our study doesnt have heating so its too cold to sit in here for long!

take care everyone.

sim
x

Katiegirl & Simba--So pleased for both of you on your recent scans! It has to be so reassuring to see your sticky bub's hearts beating away! Hope you both had an amazing Mother's day, though I can imagine it was probably an emotional time for you both! It won't be long now, and you'll both be holding your precious babies! Have a great day!

hi everyone!
i am still sick with the flu so have been completely knackered to say the least! Add the 4 toilet runs a night and i am not getting too much sleep at all! lol! I had a wonderful and stressful mothers day! I celebrated on saturday as i had to work the sunday and i got brekkie in bed and all the usual trimmings. Come sunday it really hit that i would have had jack by then and he would have been a week ish old so that was hard. I got home from work and they had got me a photo frame that i wanted (the large ones with all the cutouts to stick your photos in) and had cut out things from the magazines and drawn pictures of us and out them in the frames. There was one that had magazine words cut out that said baby and then jack so it was nice the family had remembered him in such a wonderful way.
i hope you all had a wonderful mums day!

barbara - how are you? i hope i can see an entry in the preg section as you have'nt been posting here so i hope all is ok! I hope you have a healthy thriving bubs!
katie - i had to laugh at you doing another tradeshow as i have remembered your dislike in previous posts! I can't believe you have so many but i am glad this was your last! you need to rest and that will not happen at a tradeshow!!! I am really happy to hear that your scans are continuing to go well and it sounds like your baby is gonna be a strong one! Their growth is certainly sprinting along so i hope that gives you great comfort!
simba! - i am also really happy your 12 week went well, one hurdle over so you can breathe now! I am really looking forward to mine in 2 weeks with a sense of happy nervousness! If that makes sense - so yours has given me a boost!:)
jen - thank-you for your continous kind words - i hope you realise how much they mean! you always have the right things to say to us all!I am so glad you have joined us all here!
Rozzie and Hammi - hope you both got through mothers day ok! sending hugs to both of you!
TM - hope you are well, you are not far from my thoughts! please let us know how you are!
take care everyone! i won't be MIA for so long next time! Too much going on not enought hours - you all know the drill...ha1
take care xxjo

Hi all. I was all ready to go to bed and then made the fatal decision of turning on the computer to check my work emails...big mistake and feel all annoyed at people now! So bed will be a bit off I think. My DH would be so angry to hear I was replying to work email at 11:30! Stupid.

Jo - the tradeshow was ok but yes I hate them! I kept reminding myself that this was my last. I still have not told work so I am sure some people just think I have a huge pot belly going on. Only 2 weeks until your 12 week mark - you are moving along nicely! So glad your family made a fuss of you on Mother's Day and especially that they remembered Jack.

Simba - congrats on the excellent scan. It is such a relief to see the heart flickering away. I hope all is going well. Will I see you next week at the support group?

Jen - thanks for your messages of support. It means to much to know you are all behind us! I can't wait to return the favour when it is your turn.

TM - I hope you are doing ok. Like Jo, I to think of you often and I even said a special prayer for you yesterday. I was sitting there thinking about things, and you popped into my head so I asked God to send you a special present. :hug:

Barbara - where are you? I hope you and the bubs are doing well. Come back and update us!

Hammi and Rozzie - I hope you are both well. What is news?

Well, not much else from me. The baby is still very very low in my pelvis (which makes external scans hard). My ob has said the baby will move up by week 16 but so far it has not happened. I really want the baby to move up so that the scans can be clearer - this of course will mean my belly will be even bigger than it is now (which I am quite looking forward to) but my secret will be a secret no longer. My DH thinks it is ridiculous that I have only told a handful of people (and I told them prior to 12 weeks) but no one since the 12 week scan. I think sub-consciously I am waiting until I have had the scan at 15 weeks (which is around the time Nathaniel died) to get the go ahead. It is a mental hurdle for me. I quite like not sharing this baby with people. I haven't even told my 3 brothers or my father! Crazy.

Okay I really should try to go to bed. Take care everyone.

Hello everyone. So nice to see some tickers in this forum. I'm happy to hear about all the bouncy little bubs at your scans. Just thinking about scans scares me, I don't know how I'll be able face looking at an ultrasound image in my next pregnancy after the last one I saw.

I went back to my obs for my check up this week. All is well with me and preliminary results showed no abnormalities with Hamish. The obs said the hospital told him it'll be at least two months before we get the full results because tests for live babies take priority. Of course I understand this but it's still hard to hear. The obs, who was so clinical and didn't even bother turning up for my delivery, was uncharacteristically kind and warm. I could've done with a bit of them when I had Hamish!

He said to wait till we get the full autopsy results before trying again but he said there's no reason why I can't have a healthy baby and my next pregnancy won't be considered high risk medically, just emotionally.

Did I tell you that DH and I doing a preconception program with a naturopath? It's just basically eating wholefoods, exercising and taking some herbal and vitamin supplements. They recommend doing the program for 4-6 months before trying for a baby. It gives us something to focus on and feel positive about.

I've been praying a lot for Hamish hoping that he's safe and happy wherever he is. I miss him so much and sort of want to punch people out when they tell me that he "wasn't meant to be". He was so, he was here, and he was born and he was perfect. Grrrrrrrrrrr! I also hate it when people refer to his birth as a miscarriage :protest:

hammi - your post bought tears to my eyes! All our babies were meant to have their mark in the world - they were concieved in the first place! I am glad that you are starting to get some results back eventhough they are not a "comfort" as such after all that you have been through. I can't imagine what it is like to wait for that long -i had to wait a week and that was mind numbingly long for me! So take care of yourself while this medical side of things is all still going through the paces for you!Katie will be able to share her experiences of the nautropath as she was seeing one herself. i think it is a great idea as it is a really positive step forward and from katies posts (i can't speak directly for her!) she seemed to get alot of her visits to one.
As for people referring to hamish as a miscarriage - its hard i know. I feel very similar in that because i was'nt showing with Jack (i tend to not show at all till at least 6.5 months although this time i have a beer gut look going on!!!lol!) i think it was always taken a little less seriously than if i had been one of these women who show the minute the test is positive. Does that make sense? If i had lost him with a rounded belly i really believe people would have been more sensitive to his death as it would have been a visual preganancy for them...i hope this makes sense, just my views of my experience, but its to say i kinda get where your at! (can i blame the above paragragh on preg brain -its seems rambled!!!)
For everyone though - i picked up Belly Laughs by Jenny McCarthy today. It retails normally for about $20 but got it for $7.95 so i had to get it! I am already a few chapters in and it is so lighthearted and fantastic. I already feel better about EVERYTHING! So if you want to smile get it. I am so glad i found it! (i read her book about her son having autism and thats why i could'nt go past it, she is truthful and funny and i loved her last book!)
take care everyone! Esp you hammi!:hug:
x jo

p/s katie - what were you thinking checking work at 11.30! Your DH is'nt the only one upset with you! REST!!!!!!:lol: and also one of the girls at work is onto me about being preg., I have told my mgr just in case there are any dramas and apparently this other girl who is studying final year nursing went up to her and said about 5 different reasons why she thinks i am pregnant. I told my DH as he has wanted us to keep it quiet for now and he said well if she can keep her mouth shut then tell her. Which i am a little confused over, he will let me tell a girl at work who he does'nt know but he won't tell his dad or stepmum?!?!? men!!

Hammi - you know it never bothered me too much saying that Nathaniel was classified a miscarriage - I think because I had to have a D&C rather than deliver him. Then I went to a support group and the midwife who runs it asked me if it bothers me that he has been labelled an mc - until then I never really thought about it. It kind of stopped me and I had to think about it - and yes it does a bit. I guess I always say we found out at 20 weeks and that makes people realise how far along we were. Overall I have been lucky and most people have been very sensitive - but I too hate the 'these things happen for a reason', 'it is nature's way', blah blah. I hate it! I want to say - thank you but this was my son and that gives me no comfort. Aaghh people just say things that they think offer comfort but really it is for their sake not ours - that may sound harsh but I know I have been guilty of it in the past. We say cliches just because we can't think of anything else to say. I learnt a long time ago that 'sorry' is usually enough. Rant over.

I think its great that both you and your DH are doing the naturopath together. I couldn't even get my DH to take 1 multivitamin a night - meanwhile I have been taking the most horrendous tonics and about 10-12 tablets a day! So I think it is wonderful that your DH is taking responsibility for it as well - my naturopath used to tell me that creating a baby is 50/50, but some how when it came to DH taking his tablet...not so even!

Jo - I hate when people act all super sleuth about pregnancies - especially given our situation. I have not had anyone come up and ask me, but my stomach is looking quite round so they either think I am preg or just carrying a lot of weight in my stomach. I have said that I would get really angry is anyone asked me if I was pregnant, as I think it is insensitive. Good to hear you have told your manager. I still have not told anyone at work besides 2 close friends, so probably need to do that next week after the 15 week scan on Tuesday.

Well as for me, work is really bugging me today. Too many whingers - and as you can tell from my above rants I am thoroughly over people in general hehe. I can't wait to finish up but that won't be until Sept. Seems a long way to go.

Ok well I must sound very annoyed with the world today. It is good to let off some steam. Hope you don't mind.

Hi Jo, yay for preggy brains! I hope I catch it off you in a few months' time :-) I was starting to show, in fact, two days before I lost Hamish someone at work said "Wow it's really happening now!". I'll always remember that because I was standing there grinning at my baby tickling me inside my tummy. That was the last time I ever felt him.

Katie, those multi-vitamins are horrendous. We gag and gag when we take them. Were your pills really huge too? And the tonics, my DH is convinced ours are just grass clippings mixed into mud water. They really taste like it. So do you think doing all of that helped you with this bub?

Are you in marketing (because you mentioned doing a tradeshow). I am, and I hate events!

Goodnight everyone, hope you get loads of angel kisses in your dreams.

Hi Hammi. Some of my tablets are huge - DH calls them horse tablets. I have always thought the tonics were like having to have a shot of rough bourbon or something. I have been taking them since January and I still hold my nose. I do feel they have helped me prepare for conception and also helped with my health during this pregnancy. It might be a mind over matter thing, or it might really be helping. Either way, at the least I went into this pregnancy knowing that I was taking plenty of supplements and that gave me a confidence boost.

And yes I am in marketing - for conference and incentive industry industry. I used to be an event manager but have moved into the marketing of destinations now. I too hate trade shows and yet I always seem to be organising one. If I wasn't pregnant, I truly believe I would be looking for a new job, as I feel so unmotivated with this one.

Well I just woke up - so I have had about 13 or so hours sleep. I am guessing I needed it.

Have a great weekend everyone.

Good morning ladies! It's been a few days since I've posted here in this thread, but I've been in and out, lurking, reading your posts, and of course, you're all always in my thoughts and prayers!


jo--Sorry to hear you were sick with the flu. That was a couple days ago, so hopefully you're feeling much better by now! So glad to hear about your great Mother's day, and the way your family included Jack in your picture frame! Hope you thoroughly enjoying your :bellygrowing:


Katiegirl--Can't wait to hear about your 15 week scan! It will be such a relief to get past that 15 week hurdle, and finally begin telling people you're pregnant! Hope you have a great weekend!


Hammi--So glad to hear about the preconception program with the naturopath that you and DH will be taking. How great that you have something to focus on and look forward to! Also, really good news that your next pregnancy won't be considered high-risk. Obviously, emotionally it will be difficult getting past the milestones, but I have faith that you'll conceive at just the right time, when everything will be perfect, and you'll have no complications! That's my prayer for you, at least! :hug: I know how much you must miss Hamish, and how much you love him. Remember he's always with you in mind, heart, and soul--and nobody can take that from you!

I hope you all have a great weekend! I'm supposed to be O today according to my chart, so I guess we'll see what happens. DF and I have been very busy for the past week, so hopefully this will be our month! Will be busy :bd: for the rest of the weekend! :grouphug: for us all!

Hammi,
I know it is no consolation for you, but even the medical profession would say that you had a stillbirth and not a miscarriage. Any baby over 20 weeks is classed as a birth regardless of the delivery method. Again I say, I know that won't make you feel any better about losing your precious child.
I find that other people who haven't experienced a loss seem to feel better about saying it was a miscarriage. Because they weren't fully involved with the baby they find it hard to even acknowledge that it really exsisted. It can be so darn irritating and upsetting.

I can't take away your pain but I hope that it brings you some comfort to know that I know that you have suffered the loss of a very much loved and wanted, darling baby boy.

Take care my dear,
Debbie

Hi - just a quick one as I have it in my head that Jo is having her 12 week scan around now (or today) - so I wanted to wish you the best of luck and can't wait to hear the news.

As for me - I have my scan in 1 hour...I am very nervous. You would think that having them weekly would make it a little easier!

Oh thank you Debbie. That's very sweet of you to say. I know everyone in these forums understands loss. I take heart in what Katie said about people saying things more for themselves than for me.

Jen, you always know what to say. Hope this O day is The One for you and your DF.

Katie and Jo, how did your scans go? What did your bubs do? Can't wait to hear about them!

Hello to everyone else!

Hi all. The scan went well and I can not tell you what a relief that was. My ob even picked up how nervous we both were. The baby has moved up a bit out of my pelvis (until now has still been very low) so it means that with each week the scans will become clearer. He did say that my placenta position and thickness (right between my stomach and the baby) means I probably won't feel 'reliable' movement until around 22 weeks. Typical! I am hoping I might get some flutters a couple of weeks before that but am trying not to stress about it. The baby gave a good kick whilst we were watching - probably telling us to get lost with the weekly scans! We forgot to ask for a measurement, and in my anal mind I am trying not to obsess over it. All looked good though. So big sigh of relief and crazy woman can have a rest for a couple more days.

Katiegirl--Great news on the scan! Glad to hear baby has moved up a bit, and that your scans will become more and more clear with each visit! So when will they be able to tell whether it's a boy or a girl? Are you able to get videos with each of your scans? I would think if you called the dr's office, they would be able to tell you the measurement that way you're not obsessing over it. I'm so glad you're able to get these weekly scans to help keep your worries at bay! Relax and enjoy, hun, it's going to be over before you know it! Sending you huge :hug:


Hi's to Hammi, jo, & Simba! :hello: Thinking of you all and hoping you're all well! :grouphug:

hey everyone!
we just got an update on our computer and now we just speed along! wo-ho!
All is ok with me, katie - appreciate your thoughts, my scan is coming up soon but not that quickly unfortuneately! Next mon i have my first OB appointment and then the week after, on the mon, i'll have the 12 week ultrasound eventhough i'll be a day off 13 weeks. So a little while to wait! I am exhausted this pregnancy, is anyone else the same? My husband will seriously leave me at this rate as his levels of understanding are at an all time low and i am wanting to sleep at 8.30 each night. I have a work styling session on tonight and won't get home from cheltenham till at least 10.30 so he was talking to me about my priorities at about 6.30am this morning. My problem with him at the moment is that if i asked he would'nt be able to tell me the due date or when my next ultrasound is i bet. So my husband is not my most favourite person right now and i am looking forward to a fun night of fashion styling! vent over!
hope you all are well!
really glad your scans are going so well katie. i have decided to ask for an ultrasound between my 12wk amd 12 week one for piece of mind, very much along your reasoning for your weekly. It will be a tough time to get through and i think for my stress levels will need the reassurance esp heading towards that 17-18 week mark. But just hang out for that movement, you have a very healthy bubs growing in there so you never know when they will decide to give you a nice kick hello!
jen - thanks for your thoughts also! I need that group hug right now. (pregnancy hormone overdrive i think!)
barbara and tm - not sure where you both are but i really hope you are both well! please let us know how you are going!!:hug:
talk soon now my zippy computer is firing away!:clap:
x jo

Hi Jo - I was way off in thinking how far along you are! Blame it on preg brain - I actually think I may be suffering from this, plus also from an all time low tolerance with work. I was just working on an incredibly huge email to send out when my system crashed - so annoyed!

I would definitely encourage you to get a scan midway if that helps you. My ob said that my weekly scans are a good idea until I feel movement as I think he is fully aware how nervous we are. Poor you being so tired but having to work until 10:30! Is your DH annoyed that you are sleeping so much or working so much? Maybe he is just concerned for you but shows it by lecturing - typical manly thing to do! I would just remind him of the due date is I was you. I have to say that my DH is very different - each Saturday he wakes me by saying 'Happy 15 (or whatever week it is) Jbean (our name for this baby). I think because we don't already have children it makes it different for us. I heard DH speaking with an old friend and he told them about the baby and then went on to say how this is difficult for us and that we lost Nathaniel around this time. DH grew up in the country and this friend is from the country, and most of the men out there do not talk about feelings etc, so it makes me so proud to hear him being so honest with people.

Anyway - give your DH a change, and I say be honest and tell him what you need in terms of support and understanding. He came through on Mother's Day, so he obviously has his heart in the right place.

Jen - thanks for the congrats. It is so lovely how everyone gets excited for me. It gives a boost and helps me stay positive. Unfortunately my ob hasn't been giving me photos for with these weekly scans but I think I will ask for one next week. We have photos from our 6, 7 and 10 week scans (god I sound neurotic) and a dvd and photo from the 12, so we already have quite a collection. The 6 week is just of a jellybean which is where the name Jbean comes from. How are you going? I know your loss was still very recent and it must still hurt. You are so generous with your congratulations to people, I just hope you are getting the same back. Good luck with your testing, I guess this puts you in the TWW?

Hammi - thanks also for the well wishes. How are you going as well? I am sure you miss Hamish but I hope you are doing okay. :hug:

Simba - I will see you on Thursday night - do you remember what time was agreed upon? I emailed Moira but have not heard back.

Hi to TM and Barbara - I hope you are both well.

Well best get back to work and continue to be frustrated with the system!!!

hi all just a quick one from me.

katie - i had 6.30 in my diary so hoping that is the right time. i got an email today from moira but it didnt actually say the time but i am pretty sure that its 6.30. we will aim to get there then but it was a bit of a mad rush last time so will see how we go. glad to hear your scan went well.

hope everyone else is well, the tiredness has really kicked in for me so i am off to bed.

take care

sim
x

hi ladies I haven't been around in a long time. i just posted this in the Preg thread but want to put it here too.

As for me things have been crazy. i have been lurking quite a bit. just not ready to write. i thought things were going so well. my progesterone had started to go up after taking prometrium and i was feeling good, just exhausted. this is such a wonderful website for so many women. since i got pregnant 3 women have had miscarriages. it totally freaked me out. i also had apotting and lots of discharge (sorry TMI) for awhile. then i got busy b/c i was on my cousin's wedding last weekend. he got married at a casino a couple of hours away so DH and I made it into a mini vacation. on the ride up my ob called and said my HCG was doing well (122,500 at 7 weeks) but my progesterone dropped from 20 to 13.5, even though i am still taking pills. he is concerned, but said since i have had a positive u/s and my hcg is going up we can still have a positive outcome. he said i should be in wait and see mode. the whole wedding weekend was ruined for me. i am now freaked out. i have an u/s tomrorow at 11:30. i am hopeful but prepared for the worst. on the good side, i am exhausted starving, nauseaus. i am just so mad. once again my child seems to be very healthy inside of me, growing and thriving, but it is my body that is failing. i have so many doubts about if i can do this. anyway know that I am here. please send me good vibes tomorrow. oh and my due date is now New Year's Eve, so I have been calling doodle bug "Evie" especially since I think its a girl.

Barbara

Hi Barbara - so glad to hear from you. I am going to pray like mad for you. Is there nothing else they can give you to help with the progesterone? I am sure all will be fine and you will have a beautiful baby to see in the New Year. Please keep us updated! I was so glad to see your ticker. :hug:

Hi Simba - I got the email as well and without a time. So we are going to aim for 6:30 as well. See you tonight.

Anthonysmom--Oh, Barbara, I'm sorry you have to be going through this! :hug: Is there anything else your dr. can do that would increase your progesterone? Good luck tomorrow with you u/s, you're in my :pray: Sending you positive :stickyvibesgirl: You can do this, hun, just relax and focus on the positives--your previous u/s and BT's. Evie's a beautiful name--New Year's Eve, what an awesome EDD! Take care, and please let us know how things go tomorrow with your u/s! :stickyvibesgirl:

Anthonysmom - :pray: Sending bucket loads of positive vibes to you, and I love bub's name 'Evie', that's adorable. Hopefully you'll see a healthy little hb and you'll wonder what on earth you were worrying for (although as women ttc is seems to come so natural to us).

hi!
i'm gonna cut right to the chase!:lol:
barbara - you have no idea how happy i am to see your post. (and i don't mean that to be insensitive in light of your post subject -i really hope you understand what i mean!)
I was hoping you would come back and i am glad you have! i really want to send you a bucketload of hugs for your ultrasound also! There are so many pluses still on your side right now so please hang onto that hope right there!i really hope the ultrasound gives you a gorgeous view of your baby "evie" (which i LOVE by the way!) and puts your mind in a much more peaceful place. I am glad your docs are monitering your levels also so you know where you are at. I am the same, still scared to hope to much but i am reaching a point that i really have to believe in this baby i am carrying and what it means for our family. we are here to support you at anytime, lurk if you wish but vent if your need to also! take care and lets both practise those positive vibes huh?!?:hug:
katie - you know that work girl - well the saga of guessing continues! Last night apparently she said to my mgr (who knows) as i was in the car behind, so do you know if jo is pregnant yet. Worse was that another girl from work was in there and asked why she thought i was pregnant? so she begins the list and my mgr just goes if you want to know just ask and she was saying that she could'nt do that and the other girl was like she is too skinny, shes not showing. and so the dectitive work continues. So now i have deecided to keep it a secret as long as my belly decided to be on my side with that!As for the DH advice, true about mothers day so thank-you for that. For me this pregnancy is no different or any less exciting than my others so i have the expectation for him to be the same i guess. i still find every moment amazing, (in my nervousness and even the annoying peeing 3 x a night) and i still trawl preg websites for updates and pictures etc. It could be my first or 20th child and it would not change the experience for me. So i think that is my line of thinking, i will talk to him tho.
hey to everyone else -sorry for lack of personals!
xxjo

jo--Sounds like you work with a couple super-sleuth, Nancy Drew wanna be's! You should keep them in the dark for as long as possible! :lol:

ha ha Jen! I agree, Nancy Drew is def the person she is being! Hmm, like you suggested, it is my turn to have fun with it. This will the one time i hope my belly stays hidden as long as possible! then i can go "oh, by the way, i'm 6 months preg..." and watch her collapse in shock! ha! And since we are absolutely no closer to telling my inlaws i don't think she will be the only one! :p
to any of you who are going to the open day for belly belly, have fun without me! i was going and now i have been called in to work so am shattered that i will miss it and have to change my rsvp! Fill me in if anyone goes! i would love to hear about it!
First OB appointment is on monday, argh! - will update you then! Am excited and nervous, will be interesting to hear what he says!
take care all!
x jo

Hi jo--Oh, I wish I could go to the opening day for BB! Sorry to hear you got called into work--does that mean you'll be stuck working with Nancy Drew? Good luck on Monday with your first appointment-how exciting! Are you getting an u/s done, too? Everything's going to go great, I just know it! Hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend! Take care! :hug:

Hi all - I am not going to the BB opening. I figured there would be too many babies etc for me. Shame you have to work Jo.

Also Jo - good luck tomorrow. I can't wait to hear your good news. What hospital are you booked at?

Hi Jen - how is your TTCing going. Do you have any feelings about this cycle?

As for me, not much to report. I still get emotional and scared at any given moment and my DH is very good as helping me through my tears. I am starting to feel pregnant in that my back hurts and the belly is starting to get heavy. Last night I woke up and I must have been in the one position for too long because I had such a hard time moving - muscles really low in my pelvis were not happy! I will ask my Ob how I can stay comfortable sleeping without actually hurting myself or pulling a muscle. I actually don't mind being uncomfortable as it means I am getting bigger...but I already have a pretty big belly (it has popped the last week or so) so I wonder how huge I will be at the end....there you go some positive thinking :lol:

Hi Katiegirl! Thanks for asking about me :) Not really sure what to think about this cycle. I'm sure I must have O'ed, but not sure when. AF due next Sat. Haven't felt anything symptom-wise--the only thing was I had a pinching sensation in my armpits this morning. I know it probably sounds silly, but that's actually how it started for me last time. Although I do have to admit that I felt it last month, and of course, it didn't turn out to be anything. It's definitely weird, though. I also have been thinking all day that my bb's feel different--not tender or swollen, nothing visible. They just feel different inside, that's the only way I can describe it. It sounds really lame :redface: unless I end up with a BFP! But I'm not planning on testing anytime before next weekend--I don't want to see any unnecessary BFN's! DF and I certainly BD enough and at what I thought were the right times, so :crossfingers:


I remember how uncomfortable I used to be at night when I was pg! I can imagine what you're going through, poor thing--have you tried laying on your side with a body pillow propped under your belly? I always had insomnia really bad, and would wake up early every morning starving! Are you having fun with those symptoms as well? :lol: I'm so happy for you, though, and I know you wouldn't have it any other way! So sweet of your DH to be so helpful and supportive :loveshower:

Hi Jen. I also didn't test until 4 or so days after AF was due. I just wanted to make sure it wasn't just my cycle playing games. Though my first test was a BFN! I was silly and tested in the late afternoon after drinking loads of water all day - so my urine was very weak. It was such a shock though as by then we were very late and had started to get my hopes up. But next morning with FMU I got a faint positive. I will keep my fingers crossed for you and I am hoping for the best.

We are madly cleaning today as my brother is staying the night - he lives in Brisbane and has a meeting in Melb tomorrow. I wish I could find the energy to just keep this place tidy 24/7. I am looking forward to finishing up work so I can get this place sorted - we have so many cupboards overflowing with what I am sure is useless stuff!

Anyway must keep cleaning. Have a great weekend everyone.

I just got my period today - my first since Hamish's birth. I really wanted it to happen so I know that my body is functioning normally. Also I'm hoping to start TTC after about 3-4 cycles.

It's now almost 7wks since we lost Hamish and most of the time I'm normal. Like nothing's happened. I laugh, I smile, and when people come up all teary and tell me how sorry they are for me I feel exceptionally calm and rational.

But at times I think about my little boy and how he looked like us and how he used to kick and kick and how he's gone I feel so sad. Especially because we'll never know for sure if he's OK, where he's gone, if he knew how wanted and loved he was.

Sometimes I think about a new baby and feel excited and hopeful but then I'm scared to go through all of this again. Then at times I don't want a new baby, I just want my little Hamish. I wish I could put him back in my tummy and grow him big and fat so he doesn't look so small and frail...

Usually when I look at his photos, I see my perfect boy resting peacefully but lately I look at them and I see death and I'm horrified. Reality is horrific. My baby's not supposed to die.

Oh Hammi, :hug: While I'm relieved for you that AF is proving you're body's getting back to normal, I know that it's a really hard thing to cope with. It's like part of you wants to be happy that things are getting back on track, but most of you is still heartbroken over the loss of your precious angel Hamish. I've noticed a couple times when people would find out, and like you said, come up all teary and apologetic, I would be telling them that it was ok--that I'm just hanging in there--very calm and rational like you said... but it's like I'm consoling them for my loss! I think in my case it's easier to cope like that--most of the time I have to really focus on not thinking about the child I lost (while I've lost 4 total, the last one was definitely the hardest) and just focus on the child we're trying to create right now. I, too, feel excited and hopeful and scared about going through it all over again, but I feel more scared NOT to try, like I would be giving up on something that I so desperately want! It's so hard to not dwell on what might have been, or could have been... what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and smarter, and a valuable lesson is usually learned--it just usually takes time for that lesson to become clear, and you're able to realize what it was that you needed to learn from that experience. I'm sorry you're down, hun. Know you're always in my thoughts and prayers.

Hammi - I just wanted to send you a hig :hug: as reading your post rung so true for me. I have felt exactly the same as you. I was so desperate to fall pregnant again after Nathaniel, but when it happened I suddenly realised how terrifying it was. I worry constantly, and it feels like I have been pregnant forever. I understand how you want to still have Hamish with you, and to feel him growing and to hold him again. It is so hard to let go of someone that we loved, nurtured and protected. I never for a moment believed I would lose my first child, and that pain still cuts me like a knife. I would love more than anything to have Nathaniel with me still, but at the same time I know that would mean that this little baby growing in me would not exist, and that is a hard reality.

Hamish knew you loved him, and he knows you will always love him. During your child's life, no matter how short, he only knew love and happiness. I am sure that once you decide to TTC you will know that it is the right thing for you. Take care.

hi everyone,
well i had my OB appointment today and don't know if i feel relieved or more anxious for this pregnancy to be ok.
We had a chat re: Jack and the fact they never found a cause and i asked how this meant he would treat me in this pregnancy. He said we will do another ultrasound after the 12 week one, around 17 weeks for peace of mind and i was so happy as i did'nt have to beg for it! i said i'll need it as i feel a bit stressed and nervous about this pregnancy and he said that all was looking good so far in terms of the size of my uterus growing and he could hear movement but not a heartbeat which he was'nt concerned about at this early stage due to the size etc. (with jack i did'nt hear his heartbeat until 14 weeks)He asked if i was ok as i was looking a bit pale (argh! since i have changed my make-up to a darker shade!) and i said i did'nt sleep well last night and had nervous diahorea (sp?) this morning. He gave me my referral for the ultrasound that i have had booked for 6 weeks and sadi get it done thurs or fri so i did'nt have to wait until next week. Unfortuneately i have to wait till next week as i have mondays off at the moment so the choice is made!
as for you guys...
jen -thanks for thinking of me! We are all here for you too, can't wait till you join us!
katie - i have decided to go back to the Angliss (outer east, so a bit of a travel) where i had Jack as they were so amazing and i wanted to have the support of Amanda who was the head of the loss nurses, as she was so patient and gentle with all of us last time and i need to be with people we trust and feel safe around. I know this birth (:pray:) will be a VERY emotional one for us so the feeling safe part and already knowing the midwives is a huge deal. Where are you going?
hammi - you bought tears to my eyes. Your story and feelings are so similar to my own. We have been through the most disgustingly cruel thing with all our babies, and in some circumstances i agree, have had to be the strength for others at the same time our world has crumbled! As time passed from Jack, i became the same , very calm doing my day to day things and then it would hit me like a ton of bricks what had happened and the enormity of it. I will never get over losing jack or the circumstances that it happened but time does make it a tiny bit easier. Being pregnant again does stir up feelings and what ifs but i am just going day by day. My son (5 yrs) saw my wee sample in its jar in the bathroom and asked what it was for and i said i had to see my doctor to make sure i was ok and he said so you can make another baby?. We have'nt told the kids yet as we want to be a bit further along before we even allow them to have hope that there will be another baby. it affects us all, your feelings are normal and you will know when you are ready. take care and sending you loads of hugs.:hug:
barbara - hope you are going ok!
x jo

Hi jo! So glad to hear your appointment went well! It's great that your dr. offered the extra u/s at 17 wks. for your peace of mind. You would think that all dr's would be willing after what we've been through, unfortunately they're not all that supportive. I think women make much better doctors, they're so much more empathetic--how can a man possibly understand what it is that we go through? I'm excited to hear about your u/s next week--can't wait until you get to see your sticky bub! I can't wait to join you ladies, as well, I'm working on it!

Hi ladies - just dopping in since I have the day off.

Hammi - my heart breaks for you. I remember being at that stage. It has only been 7 weeks. some days will feel okay and some not so much. its okay. it is a mystery to me why babies die. especially those that are so wanted and loved. as far as a new baby. the first few months of TTC were unsuccessful for me. i was trying to get ANthony back. Once I realized he wasn't coming back and came to grips with it, I got pregnant that first month. I love my son and always will, but I am pregnant with a new baby now. it is terrifying but I love her as well as my son.

Jo - glad you dr appt went well. i hope you get to hear and see the beautiful heartbeat soon.

my scan went great on thursday. Evie grew so much and now has a heartbeat of 171. of course last night i spotted again a little bit. i have to call dr tomorrow anyway for bolld results so I will tell him. the good news is spotting is gone this morning.

Barbara

Anthonysmom-- :woot: for Memorial Day--so nice to have a Monday off, it sure helps the week go by faster! So happy for you that your scan went well, and you got to see your sweet Evie! Hope things continue to progress smoothly--and no more spotting! Take care!

Hi all.

Barbara - glad to hear things are going well for you. I hope the spotting stays away for good now. When I had spotting at 6 weeks, I honestly thought I would not be able to handle anything more - it just feels that after all we have gone through we should all have smooth and easy pregnancies - but that is unfortunately not how it works. I always thought that this little bub was like a present to you from Anthony, as it was conceived right after his EDD.

Jo - I am giving birth at Frances Perry. As the whole Royal Women's (and Frances Perry) is moving to their new building in June, it means I will be in a brand spanking new hospital. Though I would be prepared to wherever my Ob sent me, if it meant bringing this baby home! I understand what you mean about how emotional this birth will be. Glad to hear your ob has suggested another ultrasound at 17 weeks. You are doing better than me, seeing as I am having to go weekly to keep the crazies at bay! Like you, my ob is also supportive (as you all know I love him!), and due to him believing I won't feel proper movement until after 20 weeks he thinks it will bring peace of mind to come in weekly. The best part is we don't get charged for these weekly visits or scans, as it is covered by the 20 week management fee. Do you think you will be able to add a ticker soon? I waited until after the 12 or 13 week scan.

Jen - I certainly hope you will be joining us soon. We need the company....especially because we all keep hanging out here instead of moving permanently to the preg thread! I just find it so comforting to come back and see our small group and know how everyone is doing.

Hammi - I hope you are doing ok. As Jen said, your loss is still so recent so please be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel bad if you need to, to cry when you want, and also to know that you will find happiness again. Hamish is looking after you. :hug:

TM - I hope you are ok? I haven't seen you in here for a long time.

Off for another scan today at 11:40am - so hoping for good news once again so I can rest assured for a few more days. I have always been a worrier, so it is no surprise that this is a very trying and exhausting time for me. I can't wait to get past 20 weeks and feel like we are over half way.

Hi all - quick update. All went well at the scan - we saw the heart beating and the baby moved his/her arms and legs a bit. The baby was completely upside down - perfect position for childbirth but not so great for getting a measurement. After a few minutes we had to give up trying to get a good measurement. I am happy though as my ob said all is progressing well and the baby has moved up a bit more out of my pelvis which is great. So I can rest easy until my next scan :lol: