TTC after Late Loss, Recurrent Miscarriage or Stillbirth #2 2010

Thanks so much. Your support means so much. I have just got home from spending the day in hospital. Had major dizzy spell this morning and thought it may have been ectopic but all ok. HCG level at 3 so miscarriage complete. Weird because I didn't bleed much this time but the ultrasound said all had passed?

Can I ask some advice? Should i go and see an OB/GYN? I seem to fall pregnant easy, but it doesn't seem to implant. I'm so not educated about possible causes and am not sure I have the energy to start looking. I can get an appt in a fortnight. I've never had endo or PCOS? Just not sure what to do and don't want to continue to have miscarriage after miscarriage.

Once again, thank you again. I hate being in this place but I know with each day it gets that little bit easier again...

Go see someone. They may not have the answers but at leat you'll have tried. I feel for your losses. Hopefully they can help you "hang in there" next time. I know my SIL had to take drugs when she was preggas to "hang on" to her bubs so perhaps you need to investigate this.......just my thoughts.

Powely, i'm so so so sorry sweetie :hug: , I would go see someone hun. It can't hurt. Big hugs again :hug:

Oh No hun. I am so so sorry. I am going between a tear and anger for you right now. It is just not fair. I really thought this was it and all was behind you. Looks like the time was not quite perfect for you and bub. Oh god I am sorry Babe. This is horrible news.
When you are back, have had a rest and ready to chat I will question why htis might have happened...Beata is right...there might be something small you can do-MAybe!
Rest up sweety and replenish your mojo. You are not done yet! xoxoxoxo

Yep...see someone. It ight be as easy as a bit of progesterone to start you off. You just never know. Also, consider a traditional chinese medicine side of things...i beleive they could help hold on to bubs too. xoxoxo Good Luck on the hunt for answers.

Hi Powelly

So sorry to hear about your loss hun :hug: It is just so hard and unfair. I hope you are taking things easy and being kind to yourself.

I would definitely go and see someone. Not sure where you are but Dr Gavin Sacks in Sydney specialises in auto-immune problems and implantation problems. He does phone consults too if you can't get to Sydney. I know he has been very helpful for lots of ladies on BB to achieve and hold on to their pregnancies. There are so many reasons why you might be miscarrying at the same time and with some more testing they can be eliminated or treated. Don't give up hun. Sometimes it as simple as taking a baby aspirin everyday.

And Gigi is right about TCM helping. My TCM makes a formula called fetal support that she has had me on for the first trimester in the past and I really think it helped. I plan to do that again this time around after ED.

I really hope you can find some answers soon and not have to go through this sad and frustrating time again. Send you lots of love.

oxo

Chez, thanks so much for the referral. I just checked him out and he sounds amazing. Gi, I chatted with a friend yest re CM and I'm very interested in this.

I've booked in to see an OB/GYN in a fortnight. Just want to chat and get an opinion. If I can't get what I want there, I think I'll suss out that Dr you suggested Chez. I'm SOOOO hoping it was just bad luck, but two has scared me in a way I've not felt before.

At least things have settled physically. Compared to last time, I didn't bleed half as much and it's almost stopped only 3 days on.

The support in here has been truly amazing and I'm grateful to you guys for your help.

Powelly - I have been awol, and I am so saddened to return and hear your sad news. I agree with Chez and Gi. One of my friends in another thread actually had the testing done and she had NKC ( natural killer cells) and she had to really push to get the testing done. She took some meds and is now utd - about 19 weeks now from memory. Glad the physical burden have been less this time around, but the emotional burden is much heavier. TMC worked wonders for me too.

I've left my ticker on, not to upset you, but rather to announce our news. As happy as I am for her safe arrival in the end ( I developed preeclampsia and HELLP synrome and had an emergency caesarean), our little Hannah bear is at times a reminder of all the missed opporunities that we will never have with Amelia, Nicholas, Sophie or our wee little sprite. Then I feel guilty to be so blessed, and to feel sad for lost chances. So, even those I am so so very blessed, the burdens of our losses are never too far away for me. I wonder if that will be less in time? It's not all the time, I do adore Hannah bear in her own right... it's jsut sometimes I am struck by what could have been.

Anyway, I had better have a rest. Take care.

So Powelly my dear, go gently on yourself....

Hello Ladies

Powelly - I have been following your posts and I am saddened to hear/read your sad news. (hugs)

Dory - Congratulations, I can totally relate to your post, even though we havent concieved as yet after the loss of Matthew.

OK I thought I read up on everything about Clomid... This is my second month on it and have been in agonizing backpain. I did just want to let everyone know who is on clomid that this is a side effect, (relating to the relaxing of pelvic muscles).

I will however march on, whatever I have to do to get the goal I achieve.

Tess

Powelly- that is good hun. You sound empowered despite it all. Hope all the appointments go well and you find some answers hun .xoxox

Dory- Hey chicka, love the ticker. I am sure the mix of emotions can knock you off your feet sometimes hun. Go with it...we are all learnt and you know so well...not worth questioning it or fighting it- embrace. We all have much more interesting and loving lives for it. It will most likely always be there hun. Part of being a mum i guess and how we embrace those burdens can make all the difference to our lives. I admire you hun and hope you are enjoying your new little girl. I have thought of you often. xoxoxo

Lady tess, That clomid sounds like it is giving you a bit of a go. Hope you find it will all be worth it hun..I am sure it will be. Good luck and hope this cycle is a good one for you.

AFM-CD5 and just about to finish up my AF thankfully. I have been able to pick myself up relatively easy this month and ready for the next and last round! I have a good feeling about this month. Went to a hypnotist and he questioned...why are you 'trying'...to which he followed- JUST DO IT! Well ok, we will then, if you are going to be like that. It was quite funny and very true that forever we have been TRYING very hard which still leaves room for failure! o if it is that easy...mind set has changed and we are on our way. This month which incidently was the month we fell preg with DD 2 years ago...looks like it will be the last month as 'just the 3 of us'. Ohh that gives me goose bumps.
Well actually it might be the last month that we 'try' and mext month' we 'do' it as we have the wedding and trip down south this month and timing might make it difficult. Stay tuned anyhow.
However, i have thought that if I take this seriously...the 'doing' and not the 'trying' than it may mean leaving this thread which unsettles me a bit. But as i will be pregnant soon, i guess that is ok. This space has been a seriously comforting and supportive place for me over the last year or so and breaking that is a big step for me. But hey...i am falling pregnant so that means moving on from here anyway.

SO...love and thanks to you all and here I go....IN THE NEXT TWO MONTHS...YOU WILL ALL BE CYBER AUNTIES, AND I WILL BE PREGNANT! Pretty cool really.
Love love love, laughter and peace.
HM xoxo

Hi Ladies!

I hope I can join your thread again.... :)

OMG there has been some wonderful news since I last was here. Massive congrats to Crumpet, Dory & Samcougar - just to name a few!! I am so happy for all of you lovely ladies who have been blessed with BFP's!!

I am now a year and a half down the track from losing my precious son at 21 weeks gest. I am still no closer to that elusive BFP - I have since had another laparoscopy to fix up a blocked tube (which worked thank goodness!) and am onto IUI next cycle. I havent had AF since the surgery which was 5 weeks ago now but have had lots of 'signs' of ovulation over the last two weeks in particular. Lots of cm and ovary twinges so I am in the dark a little but will wait patiently.... ;)

I hope to get to know you all a little better and hope that our BFP's arent too far away!!

Aries... I am sorry to hear that a bfp has been elusive for you...

Gi - I like the change in view..... this is your time!

Powelly hugs.

got to run.....

Hi ladies

Gigi - I love your new mindset. I really hope it works for you. If that's the case, we could have similar EDDs! How exciting!

Dory - glad to hear you are still around - hope you are enjoying baby Hannah.

Powelly - I hope everything is going well for you hun!

Ladytess - sorry to hear that the clomid is causing you backpain - it can be so hard to function when in pain constantly. I really hope that is worth the discomfort.

Aries - welcome back hun. Glad to hear the surgery was a success and that maybe O is about to happen! I wish you lots of luck.

AFM, started more drugs yesterday - Synarel! Oh how I have not missed the side affects of Synarel but hopefully it is all for a good cause. Scans and blood tests start next week!

Take care everyone!
oxo

Good luck Chezza! Hope we are on the right track together! xx

Hey Dory hope you are well hun. xoxo

Hi Guys,

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and support over the last couple of weeks. After the miscarriage I sort of felt ok, oddly, but then it hit me like a tonne of bricks and it's taken me this long to get out of the fog.

I saw the ob/gyn today who I wasn't too comfortable with. It felt way too clinical and my questions seemed silly. Anyway, he wants to do some blood workups and an ultrasound to check everything out. I've decided to go through with these tests as a start and then go from there. This time certainly scared me as the anxiety that I've worked long and hard at overcoming returned and I'm not sure I want to risk too much heartache but we SOOO WANT this baby. Guess I'll do the tests and go from there. We are taking this month off TTC as I'm just not ready.

Gi, your positive post really helped drag me out of my funk so thank you and GOOD LUCK! In fact, you don't need luck, you are going to be fine :-)

Chez - sounds like it's all going well for this month. Fingers x'd!!! Keep us posted. Hoping to see you and Gi with BFP's real soon!

Ladytess - that's poo that you have bad back pain. Can Osteo or chiro help or is it just part of the journey? Maybe a nice lavendar heat pack?? :-)

Dory - hope things are going well. I bet it's a shock to the system starting again with a newby! Enjoy that newby smell and those funny sounds as they grow way too fast :-)

Well that's it from me. Blood tests are locked in for next week (as is the ultrasound) so we'll go from there.

Hi ladies,

Wow, so much going on in here!

Gigi, I just love your positive thinking hun! I sincerely hope that you can add to the three of you very soon, positive thinking is the key sweetie. GL and I'll be stalking you (like I'm not alrerady! haha)

Dory, I love your posts of late, nice and shot and sweet, ha ha busy mumma! Hope you're enjoying your little princess :)

Cherry, GL hun and I am so excited for you! Not long for you to get your long awaited BFP!!!!

Welcome back Aries! So good to have you in here again hun. I missed you! Very glad all is on track, and those ovaries are working like clockwork :) GL in your next cycle!

Powelly, it's a shame you didn't feel very comfortable with the ob/gyn, but hey, if he's good and will get you your BFP then it's all good! GL with all your tests!

Tess, sorry to hear the bad side effects of clomid! Hopefully this back pain will go away soon. GL in your cycle hun!

Hi to everyone else!

Just thought I'd pop my ugly head in and spread some very lovely babydust to you all!!

B xxx

Thanks everyone. Well, after a trip to the physio and xrays, it seems it might not be all the Clomids fault. I injured my back quiet badly 3 years ago, and even though I havent felt a twinge since recovering from that, the Clomid did relax alot of pelvic muscles and, me being me kept going and it seems I have re-injured it. The good news is I can happily continue on with the clomid, and taking care of myself in the process. Eventually we all have to realise we aint spring chickens anymore... lol

I have had really crampy days the last 2 days, so I am hoping ovulation is a go this month. (I am cd13 on a 30 day cycle) I have my ultrasound locked in for Friday to check those follicles, and Blood test locked in for the following friday for the Progestrone levels. I so badly want this month to be the month, I am worried about what it might do to me if it isnt. My sisterin law is having her baby induced next friday, and I was worried about how it might make me feel, still am worried in a sense.

Powelly - Good luck with your tests hun. I also didn't feel very comfortable with the ob/gyn I was given when I was preg last year, but I moved on it quickly and made it known. I was able to find another in the same center. It cuts down the stress levels a little. I am sorry you felt your questions seemed silly.

Gigi - I have been following this thread since about April and I find your words truly inspiring. At time you almost write what is in my heart, something I could never get on paper. You keep your chin up there girl, We are all standing by you, every step of the way.

Aries - I am sorry you havent gotten your BFP yet, Sending Baby dust your way too.

Baby Dust to you all...

Tess xx

Powelly, I hope you feel your stength hunny and you can find the ob you need in this journey. I believe your Ob has to be a perfect fit. Look around sweety. I also respect that you need to give a chance to warm from each other. For me...generally, my first feelings are pretty spot on and it only increases anxiety to prolong it. See how you go, but whatever you do- you are not silly, neither are your questions, fears or desires. You are perfect hun and you have had reason to be frightened.Ii hope with all my heart you have no more experiences like this that make you feel so broken. You deserve beautiful things hun..including a stressless pregnancy. You are strong- you can do this. xoxo Good luck on the tests- you are going about it all the right way hun...GL xo

Aries, Welcome back sweet and hope you are healing well. 18 months ...bit more for us too. I feel you hun and wishing you all fortune in the world. You will be a mumma to another little baby before you know it. xoxo

Beata and DOry, thanks girls...we are working on it and trusting the process. Love and thanks to you both.

Lady Tess, Thank you for you loving and kind words hun. I am so grateful my minds meanderings help in someway. It is a hard journey for all the ladies here and you are all such a strength for me. You all keep me sane! Much love hun and thank you. I hope you take your SIL's birth and new baby one step at a time, in your own way and please be as gentle as you can with your heart. I found my SILs babies very difficult to be around for a good while. DH couldn't hold them for the first couple of months. I took a couple of weeks. It was very hard to hear them cry, smell them, hold them and see them be held, cared for and celebrated. It was a situation for me that i was caught between two worlds. So happy for them and so sad for me. I find it easier now and relish the time with them when I can...but that took some time. They are no longer new borns and the pains i feel are different, still many but different. That was for me and everyone is sso different. My advice- trust your heart, explain yourself if you must, but do not push yourself until you are ready. They will understand as i am sure they will be kind and loving towards how you might feel. Don't be surprised if it is a very distant memory for them...18mth ago to someone about to have a baby seems like a decade ago. It is only when you lose something so precious that it feels like yesterday.
I hope you are feeling better today and you find some time to sit and be...have a hot choc for me! I would but I am off sugar atm and being a very good girl.

Well girls I will not talk about my cycle as it is all in motion and will leave it at that..Life on the other hand- i can do.
As you would know it is the month to remember all the pregnancy and infant loss- October. In Brisbane all the SANDS crowd are gathering to walk, remember and release butterflies for their precious ones. I probably won't do a butterfly this time, DD gets a couple released for her every year. I will however do something else. I will take photos of the day and I am thinking of making some cupcakes too. I will see how i go. We have donated a dinner voucher for the raffle and it should be a nice day it the rains stays away for one day. I LOVE the rain- but this day is important for so many and raises awareness for those you need it. So that is where I will be on Sunday. I will also be lighting a candle for all your angels this friday night at 7pm for International Preg and infant Loss. It is a global thing...hope you all can too.

Getting ready for a holiday down south- for my dear little cousins wedding. Should be lovely...lots to do before then. Anyway must go to bed now. But all my love to you all and many thanks for the support and love you give in return. xoxoxox