Gi - remembering your DD today....and the butterflies flying free with her today.... did you make cup cakes?
Powelly - I agree with gi's advice.... hope you enjoyed your hot chocolate. I have come through the other side of this journey and it still feels like yesterday I was holding Amelia both overjoyed at her majesty and heartbroken. I am not sure that feeling will ever fade.... the same for Nicholas & Sophie.
Better go....
Hi Lovely Ladies!
Hope you are all well and I think it's about time we got some BFP's in here so what's happening!!!
I had an ultrasound over the weekend and was told that "structurally" everything looks great, all within normal ranges. I have to get the blood tests done in a week or so (just prior to periods) and then we'll go from there. I feel much better knowing things look ok, now to see if hormones are ok.
Dory, I didn't see your post to me and I just read it. Thank you! And I couldn't be happier for you with little Hannah! How is she treating you? Those early days are hard hard hard! I remember the first 6 weeks feeling in a daze of sleeplessness and baby's cries. It's hard but we get to the other end.
Gi, was thinking about you on the 17th. I am loving your positive attitude and I'm not sure about the other girls in here, but it makes me positive too and I think we could all use a bit of positivity in our journeys.
Hi to everyone else. Big hugs to all!
Right Girls, How are we doing. Powelly- good point love...about time we mix things up a bit in here.
So I reckon I have a little cherub on board this TWW. Will let you all know as soon as i can confirm!
IN the meantime- Some delicious bickies to send you all into a frenzy. These are great. Resting the dough does make a huge difference so don't skip that part no matter how strong the desire!
Powelly- That si GREAT news hun, really really great. Doesn't it help having more knowledge. Now, hun, remember that it is very hard to get a completely accurate idea of homeones when we can fluctuate so much from one day/hour to the next. So no matter what comes back- you are another step closer. xoox
Dory- Thank you for your wishes hun. Yes I made cupcakes and took photos of the day. There was a good turn out and a lovely day to be out in the park.
A very good point was made in one of the readings- whether we were there or not, rain or shine, still or windy, we walk with our babies everyday anyway and we honour them, every moment. Not every moment is sad and certainly not every moment is happy. We are a special kind of parent. So so true and what a wonderful way to think.
Others move on and we are changed forever. I feel in a good way though. A heart and soul broken can only be put back together in such a mishap way after losing a baby that makes you different, unique, your own and whole again but with missing pieces of yourself, a new whole, a new normal. Our babies exist in another way. Not a way i ever hoped for or wish for still but it is what it is. I hate that DD is not here in the flesh. But how privileged I am to be her mum, have held her and include her still in our life the way we can.
It was a challenging day but i held on to my camera, captured others and their families in moments of happiness and sorrow. It was special.
Back to sewing my dress....and something yummy for you all. xoxoxo Go and make babies ladies.
Chocolate Chip Cookies
3 ½ cups plain flour
1 ¼ tsp baking soda
1 ½ tsp baking powder
1 ½ tsp Maldon sea salt
1 ¼ cups unsalted butter
1 ¼ cups brown sugar
1 cup raw granulated/Demerara sugar (Nadia only uses Demerara sugar if the cookies are aimed at winning someone’s affections, otherwise raw granulated sugar is fine.)
2 free-range eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
600g bitter chocolate chips/chunks
Maldon sea salt
Sift dry ingredients together. Cream the butter and sugar. Add eggs one at a time and the vanilla. Add dry ingredients to the buttery-sugar mixture, then chocolate chips. Mix until just combined.
The cookie dough should be cool and firm, so wrap in clingwrap and chill. The dough gets better and better and ideally should be chilled overnight (or for 36 hours as in the New York Times recipe).
Preheat oven to 180C. When dough has had time to chill roll into 50c piece-ish sized balls and flatten ever so slightly. Here it is really just like giving them a little love blessing with the back of a wooden spoon. Place on baking paper. Sprinkle each cookie with a little Maldon sea salt. To bake use a good quality aluminium cookie sheet with no edges. This is important for the even heating of the cookies.
Bake for about 10 to 15 minutes. A little less, a little more, depending on your oven – until they are golden brown but still soft. Leave to cool on a wire rack.
Well Gigi. I have to say you have done it again. That positive attitude of yours just lifts me out of my chair and makes me want to yell "YES!!!... What she said!!!!" I love the reading, it is a healthy and might I say heart warming way of thinking about our loss. I have no doubt that my sadness and stress of trying to conceive again has alot to do with not conceiving yet. I am finding myself giving a small sad smile when I think of DS, I AM proud to be his mum. I know I have changed in ways, I didnt think possible, my thought processes about lifes little things.
Powelly - It all sounds very positive for now doesn't it? We are all here to take your hand and walk with you step by step.
AFM - I feel this month is our month (but I have a feeling we may see a few BFPs this month). My back pain has stopped completely, so I dont even know if it was the clomid causing it. to, but I bought a pile of OPKs off ebay and have been testing every single day to see if there is in fact any changes. I went for an ultrasound on friday (cd 14) to find not many follicles on both ovaries but my my,,, some huge dominate ones (up to 2.75cms) even the lady doing the scan said "oh my"!! Being a on-the-dot 30 day cycler my OB as well as myself naturally assumed ovulation would occur between cd15 & cd17. Much bding went on these days, no matter what the OPKs were telling me.
http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c9...l/b6b4db71.jpg
But then wow, the cramping started. on the night of cd18 (not long after I took the OPK above). lasted all night and all the next day and is still continuing today. Here is the OPK from last night.....
http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c9...l/7bf1abb8.jpg.
So tell me, have I got this right??? instead of ovulating in the middle of my cycle, I have been ovulating a few days later???? could be that would be the main reason for not conceiving yet??? Putting in all the effort during when we all assumed I was ovulating???
Wow Lady-Tess! That's an LH surge if I've ever seen one! I have always ovulated later than the "predicted" timeframe. They always say around CD14, however, I ovulate more like days 16-18. I'd say that could have been a factor in why you haven't conceived yet, however, depends if you were BD'ing during this fertile time regardless. It seems you have managed to pin-point it now so off the computer with you and GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!
Thanks Powelly.
I know, I havent seen a surge like that yet, with anyone. let alone me... lol It has really lifted my spirits a little, and along with gigis words, I am now once again thinking positive. Without being too TMI, we would go "hard at it" between cd 14 and cd 17. then it would drop off a little (even with a small "rest" after was things get a little sore... lol but now I am thinking when we were resting is when I was ovulating. Makes so much more sense now.
Needless to say, I will be ravaging DH once he steps in the door, so then I can lay in bed for a episode of united states of tara. Sore or not... THIS IS OUR MONTH!!!!!!!
Baby dust to all
Tess
You girls crack me up! Well done I say.
Love to you both and others out there. It is lovely to think we all lift each other up when needed. You girls do for me too when i am down, with such love and support- forever grateful to you both.
Tess- That is such a good idea hun, to test everyday. I have done that a couple of times a year to make sure I am in order and nothing has changed dramatically, although my body is prety good with the signs. I often think that women don't fall pregnant so easily simply because of bad timing and trying to hit Ov time. OUr body's can be so different from each other...run late, ontime or early of symptoms too. Wow this making babies business is a miracle wouldn't you say. Make sure you get a good rest in there hun and build up hubbies supply too. LOL 'Hard at it'- oh how well we know what you mean. xoxox Good luck and get back to ravaging hun!! P.s. thanks for the pickies.
AFM- MIA for about a week now ladies, I will be away at a wedding for TWW. A welcomed distraction but to be honest i have been so busy and so trusting of this month that i have not given it much thought. God we are amazing...our brains and how they switch on and off.
Ladies...lets bring the house down with BFPs this month!!! My order is out there...now time to fill it mrs universe!
Love and dust to all xoxoxo
Powelly,xoxoxo
Bring on the BFP's girls... I will be praying for you.
ok... thought I would just say something as the thread seems to have died a little... lol (hope it isnt me)
4DPO and I am being driven insane by the wait...
Gigi - Hope your having a absolutly FAB time, and your trying to relax.
Dory... Thank you
BFP all round... BRING IT ON!!!!
I am sorry I haven't been here for a while.
If I haven't already said it congrats to you Dory on your precious new bundle.
I am having a really tough time and things have gone from bad to worse if that is at all possible.
I decided to see our FS again as I was stressed about starting IVF this month as they seemed very (too much) laid back about the fact I have problems with aneasthetic. I also have huge phobia about hospitals generally as I have had very bad experiences each time I have been to hospital.
My Sids counselor offered to talk to the IVF counselor and fill them in about me and the upshot of this was she spoke to my FS. During that conversation she told my FS some very personal stuff and FS has decided I am not OK to start IVF. She even suggested I would not be OK to be a mother which hurt me very deeply.
I am a little cross with my counselor now and don't have the same faith in my FS as I feel I should.
Upshot is that instead of my FS understanding I have a fear of needles and hospitals and need things explained slowly and carefully she instead sees me as mentally unstable. She doesn't seem to have got the correct message from my counselor.
I have been doing a tracking cycle this month and so far everything is normal.
I have been "labeled" with "unexplained infertility" however I feel I am actually fertile as I had a baby only 9 months ago. So far everything on the tracking is spot on. I know I shouldn't have told my counselor how I was feeling so she could tell the FS and I know I should also change FS. I would like to change FS but I'd be on a waiting list for about 3 months to see a new person.
Sorry about the long vent, I am having a bad day.
I worked so so hard this month to stay relaxed and be positive and I have a blood test on Monday and it's freaking me out a little. I have to work all day tomorrow......
thanks to you all.
Kate
Hi ladies
Kateo, I am so shocked at what your counsellor told your FS! You poor hun, you don't need this extra stress, that shows such a huge level of insensitivity and breach of confidence along with unfounded judgement. I would be complaining to the counsellor's boss and finding someone else to speak to. I don't think that person has your best interests at heart at all. :hugs: hun I wish I could reach through the computer and give you a big hug in person :hugs: Speak to your FS and if they are not understanding get yourself on that waiting list straight away! I hope things work out for you and your tracking sounds perfect. Maybe it is time to find someone else who will not label you so quickly.
Gigi - loving your new confidence and attitude - hope you're having a lovely break and the cookie recipe sounds delicious - can't wait to try it out!
Dory - hope you are doing well with your precious bub and getting some rest. Well done on being off the sugar, wish I could say the same but food is my comfort when I am stressed!
Beata - thanks for popping in and spreading some baby dust to us!
ladytess - wow great surge! I am sure this is your month! And I wanted to say that testing each day is a great idea, most of us don't cycle like clockwork. I know I could O anywhere from CD6 to CD16 and I am sure we conceive on a CD6 O. It really is an individual thing and varies from month to month, I found anyway. Good luck hun!
Powelly - great news on your ultrasound results. That must be such a relief for you. Hope the b/t results are good too.
Aries - hope you're doing well hun.
AFM, moving along nicely. Another ultrasound and b/t tomorrow morning. Have another uni assignment to do so I had better stop procrastinating and get moving!
Take care and babydust to all!
xox
Hi ladies
Do you mind if I pop in here from time to time? We're not actively TTC again yet and probably won't be until the new year. Our son Leo died soon after birth 13 weeks ago from a genetic disorder. I'm healing physically, though still have mild SPD (I was on crutches in the last 2 months of pregnancy). DH and I are both still emotionally healing. Not that anyone can ever get over a child's death, but we're getting better at coping. I don't feel ready to TTC, as I still miss Leo and have difficulty visualising another baby yet. But another part of me desperately wants a baby in my arms, so it's hard to not want to jump right in again.
When I was pregnant with Leo, I assumed I was having a girl. Once he was born, of course all I wanted was a little boy. He was all I could think of. I'm scared that I now want another little boy because I really just want Leo. I don't want to project our need for Leo onto another child. Is this normal or am I over analysing things? I now can't visualise a baby girl and wonder that I'd be disappointed if we had one. Really I just want a healthy take home baby, but this worries me a little. Has anyone else felt this? TBH, I'm finding it difficult to imagine loving another baby like we love Leo.
thanks
BFN
In tears
Have just found out I should have done a tracking cycle as soon as I saw the FS but I guess she didn't believe I could get pg so she just didn't bother. Now I have found out my progesterone is low......we could have found this out months ago. I wish I knew more about the process........very annoyed atm.
Currently looking for new FS
Hi ladies,
Kate, I'm so sorry about the councillor and FS and your BFN. Looks like you'll need to find two new ones..:( I wish you lived in Melbourne as I have the best FS here. I'm sorry you're not travelling very well ATM, but I am sure things will improve with a new course of action (and a new councillor & FS!!)
Tashybabe, I am not really a part of this group, but I was a few months back and although no one should ever wish to be a part of it, it's given me so much support and love I will forever be greatful to all the beautiful ladies here and the ones that have moved on! I am so sorry for your loss hun, I can feel how much Leo is loved, just by reading your post. That's how I feel about my wee Josh. I didn't care what we were having when we conceived Joshua, but as soon as we found out our bub was a boy, I was over the moon. A week later exactly, at 21 weeks, he was gone :( Trying again about 12 months later (I would have started earlier had it not been for my operation to fix my uterus) I was in two minds also, would I like another boy and would I compare him to Josh or would I prefer a girl?? Well, I decided pretty early on that no other baby would ever replace Josh. I just wished I could have him back every second of every day. When we got pg again last year, I couldn't help but feel that I dearly wanted another little boy, as I missed out on Josh, and I just couldn't imagine myself with a baby girl. But of course if I had a wee girl, she would have been so so loved, no less than Josh. Well, we decided to find out the sex again (I'm not one for surprises, lol) and I was so over the moon when a little willy was floating in there. To tell you the honest truth, I just had this very strong gut feeling there was a boy in there. So Cameron came along, and I tell you, there are so many similarities in their pictures, it blows me away. Somehow, I can't help feeling that a part of little Josh is in Cam. Maybe it's not healthy, and I know Cam is not Josh, but it gives me so much peace and comfort to know they look so alike.
Hi to all the lovely ladies in here and........babydust, babydust, babydust, babydust, babydust, babydust, babydust, babydust, babydust, babydust, babydust to all.
Beata xxx
Welcome Tashybabe and sorry that you have found yourself here. However, as Beata said, there are some amazing women in this group who will support you through this time. I can see from your post that you are in the emotional haze and thinking 10000 things at once. It is hard when you want answers to your questions but there doesn't seem to be any. Everyone is different with how they feel in regards to future pregnancies. When I lost my son at 19 weeks, I was devastated. When we eventually fell pregnant again and found out the sex, and that it was another boy, I had a major panic attack. I wasn't sure I would be able to distinguish between them but you know what, after the initial shock of finding out the sex, we were delighted and like Beata said, we felt that he had some of his brothers spirit in him. I don't know how I'd have felt if it was a girl? Maybe robbed of a son? Who knows.
Just know that there is no hurry or pressure for you to ttc. Take your time, feel it, and work through the emotions with your DH. You'll know when you are ready. You'll never ever forget your beautiful boy and he'll be in your hearts forever. Feel free to hover, contribute or whatever you feel will help you on your journey!
Kate - sorry to hear that this month has been rough. Honey, hold your head up and don't give up. I know it's hard being on this joke of a rollercoaster ride, but having Beata, Dory etc pop in shows us that future pregnancies are most definitely possible. Don't let it get you down too much :-)
As for me, I have my follow up gyno appt on Thursday to get my blood results. 8 tubes in total! Felt like a real pin cushion. I really enjoyed having a month off ttc but am looking forward to throwing myself out there next month! I'm not bloody giving up!
Hugs to all!
Time for a new thread everyone. Here you go.