TTC AFTER Late Loss/Recurrent Miscarriage/ Stillbirth 2010

My2boys - I really feel for you. It must be incredibly hard not to have any answers. My situation was completely different but I think a part of me healed when I found out why we lost my DD. I hope you find some answers soon.

Gigi - how funny - SusieQ is a nickname my DH sometimes calls me due to my middle name!

Crumpet - good luck with the test! I completely understand the POAS addiction, went through it myself when we were TTC DS. I dread to think how much I spent on those little sticks. Crossing my fingers and toes and everything else for you.

CharlieB - I hope your AF arrives soon. I completely know how you feel. I too can't stop thinking about getting pregnant again. Maybe it is all just part of the emotional journey we are on. I think there is part of me that thinks I will feel better when I am pregnant again. Maybe that is naive though as I can imagine that the whole pregnancy journey will be incredibly tough after what has happened!

Well the good news is that I think my spotting has stopped. I went to my accupunturist yesterday and I have had no bleeding since. Now I too will be obsessed with getting my AF!

Gigi - Hope you are not as tired today! I had a nice weekend, and my low feelings passed once DH got home, and I talked to him about him about what I was feeling. He is such a sweetie. Hmm I wonder which book? There are two that I like to refer to. Is my baby body friendly by Dr Beer. The other is called "When the dream is shattered" ( the title is longer, and continues with something like "Coping with childbearing difficulties". It's by Judith and Michael Murray. It's out of print now. I might have found a copy on ebay. Will see if it comes through.

Chez - I have been a bit selfish lately. Thinking of you and your beautiful Ryan. Hope you are doing ok. I miss hearing from you.

Cemeglles - how are you doing? When are you going to Bermuda?

CharliB, Crumpet SusieQ - hiya!

Welcome My2boys - glad to see you got a god response here. I won't repeat what I said in the other thread.

Hi ladies

SuzieQ and My2boys - welcome to our little support thread. I am saddened that we are meeting under these circumstances but I hope that we can offer you some support in what is probably one of the most difficult parts of your life.

My2boys - some of the ladies in the other long term TTC threads have had issues with NK cells. I don't really understand what they are but are many of them have gone to see Dr Gavin Sacks in Sydney. I see you are in Brisbane but I believe he does phone consultations if you are not able to go and see him and apparently he isn't too difficult to get into. Some of the ladies I know who have been to see him have had great results and currently in their 2nd and 3rd trimesters respectively. It must be very hard for you having had so many MCs. I can't imagine what you must be going through. I hope your Dr is able to find some answers for you very soon.

SuzieQ - I bled for 5 weeks after giving birth to my son, but I had to have a D&C due to retained placenta. After the D&C the bleeding cleared up within 3 days or so. It took ages for my cycle to return to normal - it was all over the place (very long) until after my son's EDD. Then something clicked and it returned to normal. I think a lot had to do with emotional stress that I was harbouring, even though I was seeing a psychologist. We all heal at different rates, and I believe that this experience has been marked indelibly on my soul. I will never be the same again, but hopefully I will be better at living with it. Take care of yourself hun and be gentle with yourself.

Dory - I am so pleased that your appointment went well last week. I would have been doing mental cartwheels. I definitely am an emotional eater, and it is triggered when DH goes away (which he did yesterday - back on Wednesday night). Sometimes you have to give in don't you? And thanks for your kind words :hug:

Gigi - thanks for thinking of me and Ryan - you are so thoughtful :hug: What a bu66er about the Lyme disease. But at least you have some answers. Sounds like you have found someone who is quite switched on. And what a busy bee you have been with all of that sewing. I used to do some but I don't have the patience anymore. I'd rather do a jigsaw puzzle to relax - it's coming along nicely by the way!

Crumpet - wow! Wouldn't it be amazing if your DH was right? What a fantastic anniversary present! I have my fingers and toes crossed for you!

cmeglles - congrats on the graduation! What an amazing journey you are taking. I am sure you will be a great ob/gyn Dr because of your experience. Your empowerment conference sounds really interesting. You certainly seem to be very busy, but I love that you are still making plans for lots of writing with a big round belly this year. I hope your vision comes true!

:hello: to aries, blessedatlast, sryan, charlieb and everyone else.

AFM, well last week hit me much harder than I expected. In fact, the weeks preceeding Ryan's angel-versary have been very hard. I was mentally reliving the weeks leading up to his birth - the angst and uncertainty, the devastating news, the hospital visits, etc. and then telling everyone, his burial. It was all so hard. It took me by complete surprise. I expected that I would be sad but all of the emotion came rushing back, along with a huge sense of guilt and anguish that we still aren't pg. I saw a reflexologist on Saturday for 2 hours. She did about an hour of emotional freedom technique work with me, working on the guilt that I am still carrying around buried deep inside me. It was exhausting and I cried buckets. Then I had an hour of facial and foot reflexology which was quite relaxing. I left feeling quite drained and spent the rest of the day relaxing. I see her again on Thursday. I am still not sure about it but am willing to try anything to increase our chances.

And Friday night, DH and I had a huge argument. He believes that the TCM and AP and chiro is all voodoo and that science is the only way, but he acknowledges that I feel differently. I asked him to just be supportive which he says he is but will try to be more so. We also argued about his drinking - I want to preface this with he is not an alcoholic or anything close. But recently he has been very stressed at work so he likes to relax with a few glasses of wine. He does try to have some alcohol free days each week but I never know when that is. I also worry when drinks a whole bottle of red wine by himself. I worry that he is sabotaging all of the good things we are doing (i.e eating well, taking vitamins and herbs) with the drinking. Of course he was quite sensitive about it and so was I and we ended up in an argument. He feels like I nag him about it. But after a little we managed to come to an agreement - he marks his alcohol free days on a calendar on the fridge so I don't have to bug him about it. But I have also asked him to limit his drinking to 2 glasses of wine/night. In the mean time I am reading my TTC books to try find out what is recommended.

Anyway, it's late I still haven't eaten. Must go.
Take care all
oxo

Suzi Q: Thanks and yes you are right. I would definately feel better if I had some answers rather than going into another pregnancy without knowing what I need to change. The doctors say it's good news that nothing has come up in my blood work but to me that just means they haven't found a reason not that there isn't one.

Suzi Q and CharlieB: To the both of you I wish you the best of luck for a quick return of AF so the TTC can begin again. (Yes, AF for me started over the weekend so I can no longer live in denial that the dr's blood tests were wrong and my miscarriage has begun yet again) Although another pregnancy will be difficult and remind you of what you have already lost I too believe that it can also bring happiness. I believe the angels we lost too soon are with us always and will watch over our us and our new babies once they arrive.

sryan: thanks for your response. I have been on the aspirin for my last 3 pregnancies as a precaution (still miscarried each time) although I have never heard of Metformin. What is it used for? I will ask my FS about it and also about the increase in sugar levels once pregnant. There is a recent history of diabetes on my mother's side of the family (all only borderline diabetic) so it is worth asking about. It would be nice to have an answer although I am aware I may never get one.

I am glad things worked out for you and you got your miracle baby. Best wishes to you and thanks for taking the time to reply and give me some hope!!

Crumpet: I am sending ALL positive thoughts your way for a BFP this week. It's a crazy person that takes over your body and starts the non stop HPT's. I know because the same crazy lady takes over my body way too often as well!! I'm glad I'm not the only one who gives into temptation. Best of luck!!!!

Gigi1: So far my FS seems good as he is willing to keep testing to find some answers. There is no history of FVL but he seems to think its another thing to rule out. He said it isn't a standard test carried out because it is more expensive but I just want answers so I am happy to test and if not rule it out.

His ideas on why I had my 2 boys is that maybe they were my 2 miracle babies ?? And yes I agree as they will always be miracles but it seems strange that I had no problems at all with them and now can't get past week 12 and more recently week 7. I don't know too much about autoimmune disease so I could be wrong but I have been told that if the miscarriages are due to an autoimmune disease the symptoms of autoimmune diseases come and go. Maybe I was symptom free in my past pregnancies but not now. I've also been told that autoimmune diseases can lay dormant until triggered by an unknown factor.

Thanks for name of the book you recommended. I will try and track it down along with another book that Dory recommended on another thread. I have been looking at my local library for books on miscarriage but couldn't find any. (Heaps on pregnancy of course) I am currently obsessed with gaining as much information as I can and healing my mind at the same time so it sounds like what I need and is much appreciated. Thinking of you on your journey.

Thanks to all of you girls for welcoming me and letting me join your group. This is exactly what I need and I wish I had found you much sooner.

my2boys.

ps. Sorry for the long post and hope my ramblings make sense. I have been feeling quite emotional today now that everything is sinking in again. Take care girls.

M2Bs,
Sands have a good library list you can access too. Stillbirth and Antenatal Death Support. They will have a a good list on miscarriage, single and recurrent.

Sorry everyone, thinking of you all but I am tired and not taking it all in. Speak to you all soon. Off to Byron Wed morn and lots to do in the mean time.

Xoxoxo

Cheryl,
A quick note for you. Hun I am sorry it has been a hard time for you. Of course it is going to make it rough for your relationship sometimes too. Hang in there hun and gather your hope. It won't be long. I have one comment about the alcohol...none of my business but it got me a bit cranky for you. So I feel i have to say my 2 bobs worth. For me Alcohol is a non medical, non science way of handling things...not much different to your alternatives only it might do more damage than good and is a short term fix. Funny how sometimes people find reason to justify all sorts of things.
I have absolutely no doubt you guys will work things out together. Your strength and relationship have got you through so much in the last year. You are an incredible woman and try not to under estimate the effect that the last year can have on you still today and many years from now, give yourself just that little extra time to get your head around things. My recent realisation...I have always said, I am coping really well and doing really well and not allowed myself time to be imperfect as this experience would demand sometimes.
Go easy on yourself special for yourself today if you can. I have been thinking of you a lot in hope it will lighten your load a little.
I hope i have not been too much out of line...please ignore me if i have, good intentions can sometimes be misunderstood when you feel passionately about something.
Love and Peace
HM xoxo

p.s. something that has helped me go through this month and lead up this year has been to write about it. It was inevitable to be living through every step as we did last year and I have used those feelings and thoughts to record it all. It has also meant I have been expressing things and getting it down to remember for years to come. Just in case i might help you. Journaling in the self you are now, but with the memories of last year. xoxoox

Thought I might poke my head back in here, although not sure if I really belong due to my age.
We just lost identical twins at 9 weeks. My OB reckons it was due to my age and chromosones whereas I beleive it was due to the twin to twin transfer. One placenta but two sacs and 2 cords coming from that one placenta plus a subchorionic bleed under 50% of the placenta. The smaller twin stopped growing just after 5w4d and the bigger twin had a heartbeat at 6w3d and recordable at 147bpm at 7w5d yet still we lost the surviving twin.
How often do you read that once you see a heartbeat the incidence of m/c goes down to 5%. We lost Joey at 11w4d (Oct 8 2006) after a good heartbeat and fell pg straight away unbelievably but we lost Ethan at 7 wks (Dec 1 2006) after seeing his heartbeat at 6w3d so to me it no longer means anything seeing a heartbeat.
We were lucky enough to conceive and carry Daniel thru to 38 wks and he is about to turn one.
We also have a stillbirth, our little girl should be turning 8 this year but was born tangled in her cord at 31 wks April 5th 2002.
I get so tired of hearing "Be grateful for the children you have", "it is just your age" etc etc.
I am grateful for the children I have but that does not mean I shouldn't grieve the babies I have lost. And my age is not the reason because we have had testing done and each time it showed nothing associated with age like chromosones .. all came back clear.. just fate.
I had a D&C last Tuesday and I have had a 'hormonal' headache now for 4 days. It doesn't respond to panadeine or sleep,, just throbs on hurting.
I don't know what to do now if we get another BFP :(
I don't know if I want to hide my head in the sand for 12 weeks and ignore it or do I rush in as soon as I get the 2 lines and get betas done every 2 days for 3 times... this last time even though we had a big starting number it never really doubled but stayed at a doubling time of 56 hours. What is the point now in early scans? Daniel was always several days to a week ahead in datings and he made it but the scans of babies that fell behind by days to a week never made it ... heartbeats mean nothing.

I do feel guilty about posting my woes as I do have children alive but I also am very upset at losing our babies especially in a way losing the twins. In all my pgs I have never had twins before and I lost both of them :(
My OB has given us the go ahead to try again but to understand we could have more m/c's ... he has a 49 yr old about to give birth, a 47 year old he saw last Monday the same day he saw me and several others aged between 42 and 44... so he says it is not impossible.. just harder to reach the goal post.

thanks for letting me vent.
Judy

My TTC history to date
*April 1993 m/c D&C @ 9wks
*June 1984 Gregory - 40wks
*August 1991 Natasha - 38 wks
*Ocotber 1991 Nicholas - 38 wks
*February 1994 DH - vasectomy
*March 1996 * LLETZ for CIN II
*May 2001 - DH vasectomy reversal
*April 5th 2002 Annabelle - stillborn 31 weeks, cord entanglement -
*August 2003 - Jan 2004 3x chem pg
*January 2004 BFP Samuel. (BFP10DPO, beta [15dpo]390 born Sept 14
*January 17 05 PPAF - 9 cycles then
*Nov 1 2005 BFP ?dpo (betas [15dpo]141, [17dpo]205, [19dpo]173, [22dpo]25 m/c while betas were still at 25) 5w4d
*January 2006 testing on Cd12 (my GP said the CD day didn't matter ) FSH =4, E2 =552 thyroid was normal. Liver was normal.
*February 2006 testing continued 7DPO P4 =15. I was told that was fine.
*May 23 2006 BFP 14dpo m/c 5w4d
*June 28 2006. BFP at 13dpo m/c @ 6w
*August 2006 BFP Joey (BFP 10dpo, betas [13dpo]123, [15dpo]271, h/b 7w3d, m/c intact 11w4d then D&C Oct 8th 2006
*Nov 2006 Ethan (BFP at 12dpo, spotting since 4dpo, betas [13dpo]150, [17dpo]968, h/b 6wks, m/c7wk D&C Dec 1 2006
*CD3 test July 20 - FSH =5, LH =3 and they did progesterone instead of oestrogen so it was less than 1. 7DPO progesterone =17, E2 = 237
*October 2007 laparascopy, hysterosopy, HSG
*November 2008 recurrent miscarriage blood tests for me and Robert
*March 8 2008. BFP 10dpo. betas: 15dpo 57, 17dpo 95, 21dpo 170, 24dpo 58. m/c 5w5d
*May 2008 BFP 10dpo, m/c 5w
*July 23 BFP Daniel BFP 11dpo betas [18dpo] - 1121 [22dpo] - 5809 (doubling time 40.45 hrs) [24dpo] - 11,635 (doubling time 47.90 hrs) born March 31 2009
*December 2009 BFP 9dpo chem pg 4w3d
*February 2010 BFP 9dpo betas [19dpo] - 1396, [22dpo] - 3158 (doubling time 59.44 hrs) progesterone - 35, [25dpo] - 5332 (doubling time 104.54 hrs ) , [29dpo] - 9664 (doubling time 106.7 hrs) progesterone - 41, twins but only 1x heartbeat at 6w3d and 147bpm @ 7w5d. m/c at 9w1d, D&C 9w2d.

Judy,
I am sorry hun that you have had such heartache. It is just devastating no matter how many children you have or your age. This is silly for someone to suggest that the pain is any easier under different circumstances. My heart goes out to you. The pain of losing a child is just inexplicable no matter what.
I can't chat for long but would it have something to do with fertilisation timing and hormonal levels at that time. Just listening to you say that when the babies were a weekish behind the dating they didn't make it. WOuld it possibly be because they fertilised late and made it to the womb later and hormones were already starting to drop and therefore less likely to sustain?
Just a thought from a not so knowledgable one. Maybe try Bding quite few days before ov to give the swimmers a chance to get there. I really don't know but sometimes i find it easier to have a theory no matter how silly, to get me through another month.

Be back later....still around but busy little bee.

P.s. everyone feeling really good today, bit chirpier and more energy...things are looking up. Lets see me sustain this for a few days in a row!xoxo

Gigi - such beautiful words from such a beautiful soul. Love you! Are you going to try the organic doughnut shop in Byron when you go down? OMG I am so open to suggestion at the moment, now I want to have a doughnut!

Chez - I am so sorry that this is a tough time with DH, in addition to unexpectedly reliving your experiences leading up to meeting Ryan and all the emotions. It is so draining. Grief changes us in ways we don't expect and don't sometimes see. I don't know its all so hard. I think you and DH did well to come to a compromise about a really important issue - the impact of your individual choices on your tcc journey. I am trying to put myself in DH shoes, and try as I might, I can't. if your pursuit of other options gives you some peace, and doesn't harm, then I don't understand his reluctance. The important thing is how those things make you feel. I am a believer in medicine and science too, but they are not the only answers. But having said that, science and medicine do caution all of us on the use of alcohol. Maybe for DH his alcoholuse is masking something else that is going on, something that maybe he doens't even realise or acknowledge. It's a hard journey for him too. Is it time for a special night for DH so you can start to try to get to the bottom of this. As a personal aside, my father is an alcoholic and my brother is currently dying (slowly) from the ravages of alcoholism. I have seen first hand how alcohol can be so damaging to health and to relationships. I drink alcohol ( but not at the moment for very obvious reasons!!) and I drink to enjoy, half a glass of wine usually and DH will have a beer or scotch occassionally, but its rare for either ofus to have more than one. Maybe I am "justifying" or "rationalising" my alcohol use when I know better? Who knows. I wish I could help my brother, but I can't.

My2boys - seems like you've done a lot of research already! Factor V Leiden is apparretly a common clotting disorder which is under tested for. I have also heard of heparin and clexane being used. I am not up to speed on the exact uses of metforim, but have heard of it being used in a vareity of applications. Clexane ( I think) was tentatively sugested to me, but in the end wasn't needed. In terms of autoimmune diseases, my research has revealed they can come and go, so to speak. There are a few of them. My friend who now has 3 adorable children, suffered several m/c after hte birth of her first child and it was eventually determined she had Hashimotos disease, an auto immune disease. I don't know what treatment she received but something went right because she then had 2 more little ones, without any more m/c. There is hope.

The Brisbane City Council Library has a copy of the book "Is my body baby friendly" - that's where I got my copy to read. They also do have some other books on miscarriage - I would search their eletronic catalouge and then ask for the books you want to be put on hold for you and transferred to your local library. There is a small fee involved, but much better than having to physically scour the libraries yourself. Also when the book comes in, you get an email and then go o the library to the hold section. Very convenient.

Hi to SusueQ, Blessed ( I miss you), Aries, Crumpet, Charli B, and anyone else I have missed - Ah Cmeggles my friend - hope your study is not keeping you away from BB too much.

Angelic - course you are welcome here! It is such a hard journey you've had. This thread is my spiritual home.

About how you manage any future pregnancy? That is really something for you and DH to decide. I have tried several approaches. After my first m/c, I had HcG tests every week for 5 weeks. In all honesty, it was awful. I was so unhappy. All it seemed I did was go to the Dr and pathology and wait for the results,then go to medicare to claim and got no real reassurance from the results. I did for a little while after each result but then just worried about the net one. I woke up one morning, probably after seeing my ob for the first appointment, and just said enough, this is no way to live. I never looked back. For me, that was not helpful and did my head in.

Scans are different for me. I know all they mean is that at that point in time things seem ok and there is no guarantee for the future. But I accept that and get so much delight from my scans. For me and DH it is an opportunity to see our little bundle/s of love. I put aside my fear and anxiety and just live and enjoy that moment. It is just awesome, the miracle of life blossoming in me, and we can get a glimpse of it.

I try to say to myself each day, and each moment when things get tough, I am blessed to have this moment, and I don't want to look back and think that I never embraced it and enjoyed it, irrespective of the outcome. I am happy for what I have now. ( and hope like anything I get past the post!). I am not perfect at it and there are times that I am not thankful at all, and just want to rail about how unfair it all is.

For me the ability to be thankful for the moment even more cemented when my brother suffered a near fatal accident and was in ICU for 60 days last year. He survived by some ironic miracle, but as I said above now he's dying slowly from alcoholism. I got to practise it a lot last year, learning how to be thankful and take happiness where I could. For me,it helped. Without it I would go completely spare. The way that I feel about things, is the only thing that I have any semblance of control over. I can do my best to make a healthy pg and do all the tests and research to find answers, but ultimately, I can't actually control those things, I can only influence them. In a journey that takes away all perceptions of control, I wanted to get some back.

But it doesn't work for everyone. Everyone has to find their own way through.

Ultimately you are the person who knows you the best. You will find a way.

Good luck on your journey, and hope to see you post again soon.

Just wanted to pop in and say that I think you guys are so insightful and darn right amazing. So many of your posts have completely resonated with how I am feeling (but which I am unable to put into words). I have cried a lot at your posts but I think I have learnt exponentially more.

ATM I am just struggling with how to live with my grief. I know that my DD's death isn't something I am never going to be 'over'. I am a stay at home mum, so Mon-Fri my life revolves around other mums, kid/baby classes etc. When I say nearly everybody I know is pregnant at the moment it is not understatement, half of my mothers group (we were all due within a few months of each other), nearly all of the friends I made at a mum/baby club, my BF, my sister-in-law's sister (due a few days before my EDD) and half the mum's in the playground. I just feel at the moment that I want to avoid them all! Every time I see someone pregnant it is just a reminder that I am not. I know I will get through this but god it is difficult.

Hi everyone,

Sorry I have been MIA- I caught a nasty GI bug this past few days--totally not fun, and then I gave it to DH--so we had a lovely weekend by the toilet! I actually thought it was going to ruin this cycle for me, but I was pleasantly surprised with what looks like a delay in O. Fingers crossed.

crumpet- any news yet from your test? I have my fingers crossed for you.

Dory- I am completely with you on the scans. We saw heartbeats etc. I would have also flipped out with the air pains as well, when I went into labor and lost my DS I never realized that those pains were preterm labor until it was too late. My thoughts are with you as you go in for your stitch. I think your philosophy of being thankful for each day at a time is really inspiring and beautiful. I have adopted a similar strategy trying to be thankful for what I have and not agonize about what I cannot control. I looked up "when the dream is shattered", but it looks like I am having a similar problem--there are no new copies available in the US and the older ones are CRAZY expensive. I don't head for Bermuda for 3.5 more weeks--Yikes! it seems like forever.

angelicdragon- what a long and hard journey you have had. Of course you are welcome here. This forum has too been a home for my heart, a place to come where people will listen no matter what. I am so sorry for the losses you have experienced in the past and am sending you a :hug: during this time you are grieving for your babies. I am part of another forum that is having an ongoing discussion about how families who have experienced loss never really feel complete. There is always something missing. I know that it probably isn't the most positive outlook, but I just want you to know you aren't alone. Like Dory, with my loss (16 weeks with no warning signs), I will not put much stock into scans for the future of my next pregnancy. I mean I think all of us here are small % of a %. it is pretty crazy. We also had a lot of tests done and it didn't show anything. I think that it is pretty common that you might not get a clear answer. I think it is a good idea to have testing done though---some say that answers can give you closure. Additionally with seeing the heartbeats and having normal development past 8 weeks that is a pretty good indication that there is likely nothing chromosomal wrong (according to one book I have anyways). Anyways, my heart goes out to you. May you find some moments of peace in the next few days.

my2boys- Welcome to our thread! I am so sorry for your losses. I agree with everything that you are doing and has been said, but am also wondering if you might suffer from low progesterone.....progesterone supplements have also been found to help people get thru the first trimester (until the placenta really starts making it). I don't think there is any major side effects, and there is an OTC cream. I think that virtually everyone who does IVF and IUI take progesterone supplements. It might be worth asking your doctor about it. Best of luck and keep us updated.

Charlie B- Do you think your cycle is getting back on track? I recently read a book saying that some women can actually spot when they ovulate, and thought of you.

Chez67- thanks for the congrats. I am sorry that these days are hurting so hard and am thinking about you as Wed. approaches.Anniversaries can be so hard. I am already dreading my original due date in April. A big HUG from over here. I wish I could say something to make it hurt less, but all I can do is provide a virtual shoulder to lean on. On another note- you are not alone: I have been avoiding having the exact same alcohol argument with my husband. I have brought it up a few times and gotten nowhere. I told him about the 2 drink thing....I have heard that 2 drinks is the amount that is acceptable for men to have (from the book making babies: a proven 3 month plan for maximum fertility). I feel the EXACT same way as you do--that it counteracts all the healthy stuff we are doing to get pregnant. At least I can provide you with a reference to show him (I showed it to my DH, but I dunno if it really helped).

Gigi1- Hi! Sounds like you are getting more energy. Hopefully you have kicked these bugs! Fingers crossed.

SusieQ- Oh my dear, life can be such a hard journey sometimes. :grouphug: You will get through this, probably not over it ever, but the worst of your grief will pass. I promise. It is hard, and I think all of us in here struggle daily, but I hope you can be comforted in knowing that you have a place to come vent and cry and be upset. Sometimes I feel like I just can't talk about how I am coping with all of this to anyone or when I get frustrated and angry or jealous of other women who are pregnant, but it is really nice to come here and talk about it. These women are really wonderful. I think sometimes avoidance of other pregnant moms is good, I know I certainly do some of that. I also find that when I talk about it or get it over with that helps me too. Most people are pretty sensitive and understanding (most but not all).

Love to you all and Hi to anyone I missed. Lets bring lots of :bluedust::pink-babydust::stickyvibesgirl:

I suppose I'll join this thread, it's pretty much decided that DH and I will be trying as soon as we can - well, to be honest, we "practised" the other day and I'm hoping we won't have to "try" any more than that :lol: We conceived Ianto easier than we expected, here's hoping it's like that for all future pregnancies!

So, hello, I'm Tenielle, and I would like to join your club please. No offense to anyone but I hope I won't stick around long, just as much as I hope all of you will drop out ASAP ;)

And as I said over and over in my belly buddies group, "if I start to annoy, just tell me to p**s off" :p

Gosh this thred is getting busy!

I just popped in to say a big hello and welcome to the new girls TeniBear, SusieQ, angelicdragon & my2boys and if i missed anyone hello to you too.

I will have to catch up with everyone later i'm on my way to work now, also hello to everyone else! :hello:

Well, you lot are chatter boxes now! I can't keep up!

Dory - Very sweet that you miss me :). Thanks so much for offering to review my essay too.. I had it reviewed by learning support at the TAFE twice, and handed it in yesterday so I hope I got it right! If not I get another chance to resubmit.. It was rather difficult and law is such a boring subject I think, I hope what i have done is satisfactory.. Good luck getting the cerclage. It must have been a tough decision, but as long as you are comfortable with it. It may be a decision I am faced with too one day.. Keep safe and strong, I will be thinking about you and bubba..

Crumpet - I hope you are 'knocked up' Lol.. Hope you get that special anniversary present..

My2boys - Sorry for the losses of your precious bubba's..

Chez - Hugs to you for the last few weeks you have had with Ryan's angelversary.. Not much I can say.. It's hard and it sux, you know that already.. I found my grieving changed after the 12 month mark.. I have written a huge post about it on my blog, if you want more detail, but basically I don't feel I am as open with my grief now that it has been 'so long'.. People don't realise that sometimes the grief can still come at you at hit you just as must as it does in the early days.. I don't feel I get as much support and allowance for grieving as I did now that it has been over a year..Anyway, you have your own journey and I hope you have lots of support.. I hope that post made sense.. Lots of hugs.. Also re; DH drinking, I have the same issue.. Sometimes it feels like I am the only one doing the positive steps and making lifestyle changes.. My DP has made an effort though, so that is enough for now. DP has always been a drinker and he has slowed down A LOT in the last couple of years.. It's hard though, I know..

Hi to everyone else, cmeggles, samcouger, welcome Tenibear and angelic dragon..

AFM, stress out!!! Big exam today for Anatomy and physiology and Chronic Health!!.. Will pop in later for a selfish post, but for now I just wanted to try to catch up.. Sorry if I missed anyone.. I will be back :) My ticker isn't working either :( I have e mailed ticker company about it and they said they would look into it.. I WANT MY TICKER BACK!!!

Tenielle I am so saddened at your recent loss. I just read Iantos story :( I don't know what to say other than I am so sorry for your recent loss ... words seem so unfeeling yet emotions can't be put into words so easily.

SusieQ your loss is also so recent and surely so heartbreaking as well. (((hugs)))

Gigi thank you for your kind words. I know with the twins we BD the morning I o'd so 8amish and then I had really bad gastro hit an hour alter and the pain of O added in at 6pm. So Cd1 was Jan 10 and Jan 24th I O'd... I had implant spotting 6 days later and then the day AF would have been due. Lately I seem to have had implant spotting every time I have got a BFP whether it has resulted in a baby or not. I was sure I had lost Daniel at least twice before 8 wks but he made it. So I think this last loss was purely due to the hematoma and the twin to twin transfer.

I'll be back,, tired boy needs to go to bed

Samcourgar - thinking of you sweetie and hope tomorrow isn't too hard. Of course it will be tough, but you will get through it.

Cmeggles - so glad you are over your GI virus. Poor thing. You had one not so long ago. Good news is though you don't think O has been missed. Go and get busy and catch that eggie. What you said in your post was just beatuiful.

Blessed - so good to hear from you. Good luxk with your zamy ( my word for exam). Glad you got that assignment in. I totally understand what you were saying about you not being as open with your grief after 12 months. I wonder if its because we want to change our relationship with our grief or whether its because of our perceptions of what others think if we still actively grieve after "so long", but for us feels like only yesterday?

Tenibear - welcome - I hope we get to bumot you out of here really quick too. No offense, I meant in the you get BFP again soon, not because you're annoying. I can't imagine anyone here telling anyone else to go away.

SusieQ - it is so hard. If you feel you need to avoid them, then do so. You need to heal and put yourself first. It's really important, and true friends will understand.

Judy - hope your little boy got to sleep ok.

Chez - hope today is ok for you.

Crumpet, CharliB, Gigi - thinking of you and to anyone I might have missed.

Teni - welcome

angelic - thanks, I know that it's hard coming up with the "right" words to say, both from watching people struggle to think of what to say to me, and having trouble myself when trying to comfort others :)

dory - I know it wasn't intentional, but thanks for welcoming me twice ;)

Hi to everyone else - sorry, I'm no good at "personals" most of the time...

Hi everyone!!!

sorry just a quick Hi today....

hope ur all well!!!

welcome to TeniBear, SusieQ, angelicdragon & my2boys !!!!!
am so sorry for ur losses......

well i ve decided to hold of testing till after the weekend, i just dont want to be a sad sack on our 1st wedding anniversary if its a BFN.....

so im thinking monday will be a good day, im definatly not expecting a BFP, i think ive talked myself out of wanting one so im not super disappointed!!

but ill be making sure u girls know for sure how i go!!!