TTC AFTER Late Loss/Recurrent Miscarriage/ Stillbirth 2010

I really want to say thanks to everyone for the hugs and kind words of advice. You all are so important to me, and really are helping me. It sounds like a lot of us have been having a rough few days and it is really nice not to feel so lonely. AF arrived today and for some reason I feel better- it has happened that way every month. I guess I feel like it is a fresh new start. Maybe we will make a Bermuda baby! less than 2 weeks before vacation and I am in desperate need of sunshine and warmth (although we are slowly warming up here). I am a little nervous because I realized my EDD (April 27) will be in the early parts of 2ww.

Blessed-My heart goes out to you. Sending you a hug. Thank you for reminding me that 5 months is not a long time and it is ok to be sad and frustrated. Your sadness at Easter reminds me that our babies will always be missed, even though sometimes I feel like we are the only ones who remember them. I totally know what you mean about pushing through your sadness to enjoy the fun. Sometimes I find it helpful to excise myself for a bit and let myself be absorbed in my sadness and then I gradually feel better and can go back and enjoy with others. It always has a bittersweet part to it, but that way I feel like I have given my DS and myself some time to ourselves.

TeniBear- What courage to watch that show! I would have been a total mess during and afterwards. But thank you for sharing that woman had SO much courage. Thank you for reminding me that it is still ok to cry and remember our little boys.

Dory- First thank you for the advice! I really appreciate your help and philosophy. I saw a flower today, one of the first of the spring....there is hope, you are right I just have to remember there is hope for me too. I also really like your philosophy that our little ones live through us and give us reason to smile. Mind if I steal it? I think it is ok to keep your babies ashes with you as long as you need, perhaps even forever....Is there another spot in your house that you could keep them with you? Or could you build a shelf or a box is a display makes you uncomfortable that the kitties can't get to? On the flip side I can definitely see scattering ashes into the ocean and then every time you see or hear the ocean you remember your little ones. We had our DS footprints copied and framed in the center of the poem Child of my heart, and I really like them. We put it in the center of our house in the heart of it. DH and I both really treasure it. The pictures really sound beautiful, what a lovely way to remember your babies.

Gigi1- I am so sorry about that dinner. It sounds horrible. How insensitive! You are such a champ for sitting through it. I think it really took a lot of courage. I think it is really hard for people to remember what we have been through and are going through, and that is dumb! Argh! I have had friends be just as selfish and it has just been such a struggle sometimes not to bring everyone down with my memories and thoughts, but really couldn't they keep the conversation elsewhere?

Aries-How did the scan go? Thank you for your kind words....it can be so hard for me to remember that it is ok for me to still be on this rollercoaster and even though other people tend to forget, that I really experienced a loss of both my DS and my hopes and dreams... Guess sometimes I just need a kick to remind me that I am doing ok.

Hi to everyone I missed! Sending you all hugs and :pink-babydust:

Gigi - LOL - I am not a fan of deep water either! Scares me no end for lots of reasons but I love the ocean and the waves. I think your blog would be great - you have so much to offer and you have a lot to share and even if you feel you can't like Carly, well there's a good reason for that - it's because you are you. Besides, why not allow people to see the entire journey? The highs, the lows, the unfathomable demands that grief makes of us? Life is about a kalidescope of experiences, not just the upbeat ones. Bring grief out of its cupboard I say. I do know what you mean about feeling like you might not do enough to remember. I think about that a lot. No answers. I guess we all have to do what is right for us?

Cmeggles - if my crazy ideas help you then use them any way you want, they are not proprietary. I am not very good at just being the person to "listen" but here on BB that can be hard because its a disjointed communication format. But if I bug you, tell me "not now" and I will get it.

How wonderful will it be to be somewhere as beautiful as I presume Bermuda is, you and DH sharing your love, warming your bodies, letting your soul warm a little in the sun and fresh air, and celebrating your darling boys EDD? The day will be perfect because you and DH are together looking out for each other and looking after yourselves. I just get the biggest sense of peace when I think of you guys there.

Aries- how did your scan go today?

Teni - I have to say I love that show. I am a little hooked on watching any medical show that involves babies - and I cry equally with the happy endings as with the endings that we all know so well. I suppose, like everyone else, I hope that mine will end happily one day.

Crumpet - busy over easter sweetie? Good for you!

Blessed - you must be on holidays from TAFE right now? Enjoy. Can't wait to hear what you've been up to. Might go check out your blog ( whoops I did a little typo just then ...I missed out the "l" in blog, had myself cringing and laughing... oh how embarassing).

Charli B, Jenna - hiya - you've both been quiet - is everything ok?

Dory- Yep...i like to see the bottom. Always been funny about that.

Teni- You brave girl. It sometimes helps to watch something that makes you cry hard. Sometimes that gives such relief.

Cmegles- I love you fresh start approach. Sorry that optimism has had to help out this month. I hope that bermuda is the missing key, the sun, the relaxation and the love you share.
Yeah sometimes i wish i was not so good at managing my emotions.

I have been watching yout ube videos of Lisa Williams...very gifted lady. Spooky...i love it. I would love her to do a reading for us one day.
My friend had her baby boy today by planned c section. All went well. I will try to see her in the next two days. She was so nervous so I am glad she is through it and all are healthy.

Love to all xoxoox

Hi Ladies

Scan today was not as great as I hoped it would be. My 'maturing' follicles are not growing. They have not changed since Thursday, so this month is finished. My next option is artificial insemination which my DH and I are all for however I still need to find a way to ovulate...... even for AI to work. So the next 5 weeks are a weight loss / health journey to try and get some regularity with my cycles by getting my weight down. I am not that overweight but have been told a couple of kgs can make a huge difference - especially with endo & pcos. So it begins. I am ok with it now - I have had my cry and whinge and feel better for it and its now up to me, so I have set myself that small challenge.

Hi Dory - How are you feeling? All going along nicely?

Cmeglles - I hope you are feeling a little better today and your holiday sounds fabulous! You never know what may happen when you are all relaxed.............. :D

Hi to all - waiting for that next BFP!!! xxxx

Aries that is not good news hun. I am sorry to hear about your day. Glad you still have options and a Plan. I love a plan and it can make all the difference.
Love you attitude hun, but I am still thinking of you and cheerying you on.

Love Hm xoxo

Aries - oh sweetie. I am so sorry - another set back, but I like the way you have rallied yourself and set a goal. YOU CAN DO IT.

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Hi Ladies - I am hoping you will have me back!

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welcome back!!!!
good luck on ur TTC journey!!!!

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Tenibear and crumpet- Robert (my DS) was due on April 27th. I can feel the date looming. Keep me posted on your plans. right now I just want to take the day off of work and probably stay home and have some good tears. I miss him so much!

AFM- So I took another hpt this morning and it was negative. I am 10 days post ovulation....ARGH! I believe the test. I feel like what are we doing wrong? But I am not as upset as last time around. I guess there is still a little hope till AF arrives

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on Gus's due date Dh is getting his tattoo done so he is having the day off work, ill be making sure im home doing nothing and just doing what i have to do to get through the day....

sorry to hear bout the BFN hun..... keep ur chin up, ur turn is just round the corner, along with me!!!
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Crumpet - busy over easter sweetie? Good for you!

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we did end up busy!!! wasnt meant to be but sure as hell ended up flat out!!!!
really threw me out coz i didnt get ot post like i usually do!!! LOL...

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Hi Ladies

Scan today was not as great as I hoped it would be. My 'maturing' follicles are not growing. They have not changed since Thursday, so this month is finished. My next option is artificial insemination which my DH and I are all for however I still need to find a way to ovulate...... even for AI to work. So the next 5 weeks are a weight loss / health journey to try and get some regularity with my cycles by getting my weight down. I am not that overweight but have been told a couple of kgs can make a huge difference - especially with endo & pcos. So it begins. I am ok with it now - I have had my cry and whinge and feel better for it and its now up to me, so I have set myself that small challenge.

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big hugs hun, im so sorry it wasnt what u wanted to hear....
but its great u have a plan and are ready to move forward!!!!

a big hi to everyone!!!

not much going on here, AF has left the building so we are getting ready to jump on board the sexytime overload train again!!!

bought a baby bjorn off ebay for $27 incl postage and i got it today, swear its brand new or used once!!! great score i rekon!

Hi ladies,

Aries, I'm sorry hun that your follies didn't grow. Big hugs. GL with your next step, will be checking up on you.

Girls, there are far too many posts to catch up on now, so I apologise as I won't be able to reply to everyone! Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of each one of you ladies who have got their angelversaries or EDD coming up. It's hard times but you will get through it, it does get easier with time, although it's not really what you want to hear now. Big, big hugs to you ladies :grouphug:

Big hugs to you all, and I'll continue to lurk here every now and then, hopefully to hear of some BFPs very soon!

All is going well with me, catching up on some sleep very slowly!

B xxxxxx

Scott's working from late morning - late evening on Ianto's due date :cry: So I'll most likely be by myself.

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Scott's working from late morning - late evening on Ianto's due date :cry: So I'll most likely be by myself.

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oh hun u poor thing :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: is there anyway he change his work time or can u get someone to be with you??

where abouts in melb are u?

Teni - don't be by yourself on Ianto's EDD sweetie, I agree with Crumpet. If Scott can't change his shift or not work, can someone you trust come over to be with you?

Gigi, Cemgelles, CharliB, Aries, thinking of you :)

Scott can't change his shifts at work unless it's in an emergency - he's a manager and they get their rosters around a month, sometimes two, in advance. With everything that happened, neither of us thought to tell the rostering person that he might need the 23rd off. I'd originally told him not to take any time off around my due date because it was unlikely I'd go into labour :wall:
I'll probably spend some time at the cemetery, maybe spend the majority of the day at my mum's. I'll do my best not to be alone :)
crumpet - I'm in Lalor :)

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Scott can't change his shifts at work unless it's in an emergency - he's a manager and they get their rosters around a month, sometimes two, in advance. With everything that happened, neither of us thought to tell the rostering person that he might need the 23rd off. I'd originally told him not to take any time off around my due date because it was unlikely I'd go into labour :wall:
I'll probably spend some time at the cemetery, maybe spend the majority of the day at my mum's. I'll do my best not to be alone :)
crumpet - I'm in Lalor :)

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what a bugger!! can he call in sick???:shhh:
as long as u can be with someone thats the main thing!!

oh ur not far from me!!!

TeniBear, I am so sad to hear about Scott not being able to be with you on Iantos due date :( Hopefully you will be able to be with someone that day though and mums can give good hugs too.

Just popping in to say hi. We just had Annabelles 8th Angelversary on Monday and the day was spent trying to sort out arguing children. We are doing foster care of a teenage girl and she had 2 friends stay over for Easter and oh boy can girls that age carry on with hissy fit after hissy fit so Annabelles day was not good. We haven't even managed to get down to put fresh flowers on her grave. :(

hugs all, I'll be back when life gets a bit calmer.
Judy

Hi all- time for BD to start again! ok well not for a bit yet, but Please let Bermuda be the key! I am on CD5 now.

Tenibear- I am so sorry that DH is unable to be with you for your EDD. That really stinks!:grouphug:Sending you a bug hug from up here!

Aries- that just stinks about your follicles! Argh. How are you trying to lose weight? I really hope that works!

Sorry for not many more personals- short on time today. Thinking of you all!

Come on :bluedust::pink-babydust::bluedust:!

Hi ladies, Just wanted to pop in...
I love how supportive everyone is in here, it can be so isolating.
I have had 2 m/c last year, I don't seem to be able to make it past 5 wks!! The last one I started bleeding on my 5wk (20 Nov) & bleed for 5.5 wks... It was horrible, we were travelling, went to visit family for Christmas otherwise I think I would have demanded a D&C, on 26 Dec my HCG levels were 66...
Anyhoo, after that my cycles have changed, gone from 28 days to 26, very little CM... Last month I had 2 v faint Post. HPT 17DPO but 2 days after the last a BFN & then the sunday AF... So disappointing, but not sure if I should even included as a m/c b/c I keep telling myself I imagined the line.
So I decided to go see a doc and have my 1st apt tomoz w a FS... I am hoping to get some answers, but I guess I don't really know what to expect. I guess they cant tell me much until after tests?
what is the procedure? Has anyone seen a FS?
I think (self diagnosis) that I have low progestrone, but only from what I've read on the internet.
Anyhoo, I wish everyone a BFP soon and very sticky pregnancies...

TUP - welcome and so sorry to hear about your m/c's. They are devastating.

I hope you get some answers from your FS. I have not seen an FS specifically in relation to my losses because of the nature of my journey. I saw one in relation to what became ultimately a diagnosis of PCOS and my current ob is an FS but its hard to know where each of his specialities start and begins, but I don't really see himfor FS issues. What that really long winded paragraph was trying to say, is I don''t know.

My GF has seen two FS has been long term TCC and also has had two m/c, one early one later. She has had some blood tests and a laparoscopy with her latest FS ( included some IVF and FET attempts) and has today seen an endocrinologist recommended by the FS. I am yet to hear the results. I don't know if the Endo subspecialises in reproductive endocrinology.

What happens will really depend on you and your history.

I hope things went well.

Cemgelles - Bring on the Bermuda BD! How many sleeps now?

Angelic - oh sweetie, I am so sorry that Annabelles Angelversary was so hectic. I think you are amazing to be a foster carer. You will get to do the things you want. Maybe when the pressure of the date itsself is off, you and DH and go and enjoy some quiet time with your angel girl at the cemetry?

Thinking of you all - Crumpet, CharlieB ( still quiet - are you ok), Teni, Gigi, Aries, Blessed, Susie Q ( hope all is ok), My2boys ( hope all is ok), Sryan ( hope you're ok) and of course CHEZ. Sending you all lots of hugs and positive thoughts and love.

AFM - well excitement plus - I had my flu shot for the year this morning, after getting the all clear of course to proceed, and also about 5 mins ago my first nosebleed that wasn't from a physical trauma. I was talking to my mum on the phone and thought my nose was runny. Of course, no tissues to hand so I used the back of my hand ( I know, so so so gross) and was surprised to see blood. It was only a light bleed but the nostril that bled now feels really weird and fragile an snuffly. I am not surprised as this morning when I blew my nose there was a little blood in the tissue from the same nostril. It is a first for me though. I am not worried as it was light, stopped quickly and is common ( or so I have read). A bit of excitment for my day....

We had family stay with us late last week. It was good to see them, and it really broke up the monotony of being at home by myself. The other good news was that the cats, instead of hiding under the bed, were in fact "pat tarts". They were snuggling up to our visitors for pats and one cat even slept on my nephews legs all night. He loves cats but is quite allergic. Thank god for zyrtec! But that is what kept me away since Thursday.

And I am still eating chocolate. I don't think it will ever end....

Apart from that, all good here. Inching closer, moment by moment.

Hi everyone, :hello:

Sorry to have been MIA but we have just returned from our holiday. We were away 10 days so no computer! Belated Happy easter to you all!

I was thinking of you, hope you have all been ok :hug: I'll try and read through everything to catch up and do some personals later.

We have our hospital appointment this week to get our little boys post mortem results back and discuss where we go from here. I'm quite nervous about it, I'm really hoping that they give us the green light to conceive again. (not that we have been preventing!)

Take care ladies - I'll pop back after some more catch up reading !!
xx