TTC AFTER Late Loss/Recurrent Miscarriage/ Stillbirth 2010

Teni - it's so hard. It seems your Scotty Duck needs to work his way through those feelings. You can never "replace" Ianto. Never. You know that, but Scotty Duck needs to work that out for himself. I am not sure how he could do that. I know I struggled after Amelia when we were trying again with a similar concept. My worry was whether I would love the new baby less than Amelia. But what I thought was, people who have a living child already, might feel like that too,when the contemplate a second child, and they manage, and they love each of their children for their unique gifts and talents.

About money - I don't think there is ever a "perfect time" for a baby in terms of money. I think it can be a red herring to worry about and distract you. Not saying that genuinely thinking about money and how you as a family will manage is a bad thing, I just think its easy to make it a bigger worry than it either is or needs to be. To me, it says that Scotty Duck is really scared of being hurt again.

And then also I thought about my furbabies, when thinking about the "replacement concept'. My DH and I got two cats, who we adored, one who died, and we got 2 more. Not to replace our angel furbaby, no way. But we were ready for more? There is no way that our Kaspar cat could be replaced. But what did happen, was the new little fur babies, worked their magic and showed us that their personalities, different from Kaspar, but are still loveable and unique and I would be totally lost without them today.

I say, there is ALWAYS, plenty more room for love. So that's how I reconciled my fear f not being able to love another baby as much as Amelia.

Teni, Dory, I just wanted to put in my two bobs worth which may or may not help as each of s have a different journey.
I have felt a lot fo what Dory has mentioned but it have also occurred to me lately that i needed time to spend in my first daughter before I have to share my energy with another baby. At first it was a fear of replacement, then a fear for being hurt again...which still exists. But the very big thing for me that underlied it all was the the desire to spend time with her and only her. If she would have survived I would have spent the time with her until have another. I have found that really important for me.. I feel I don't have the space in my head or my life for another child yet and I believe that is changing atm and the reason we have not fallen pregnant yet.
I have foudn this really helped me.

Cmegles- Anytime, you can call on me.

With love to all
xoxoxHM

Well said Gigi.

Hi to all - just been catching up on what's been happening on here over the last week!
Cmegelles - Congratulations!!!!:dance::dance::dance::dance: So pleased to hear you have your BFP! Obviously the holiday worked for you which is just awesome. Will probably stalk you on the pregnancy forum!! Have a H&H 9 months!!!
Aries - good luck with the IUI. Hope you get your BFP next cycle - let us know how you go!
Toomanyshoes - welcome to this thread. It must be so difficult not having answers. I hope you pursue seeing an FS to see if they can help. I hope your stay is short.
Crumpet/CharlieB - glad to hear that things are ticking along nicely for you both.
cTenibear - I love the fact you have added the c to your name!!:lol: Hope it brings you lots of babydust.
Angelic/Chez67 - thanks for the info on TTC after D&C. Did a bit more research on it and it seems there is such a difference of opinion around but to hell with it - I am going to start TTC right away.

Hello to Lemonade, Samcougar and Gigi.

Ended up having D&C this last Friday. Gyno put me on Provera to start my AF to see if he could flush it out when it seemed they thought RP was floating. After D&C on Friday Gyno said it wasn't floating at all but was quite firmly attached. Said it was an odd case as my HcG was less than 1 but still had RP. Anyway, he doesn't seemed too fussed about TTCing again this cycle. In fact he mentioned putting me on Clomid in a couple of weeks to kick things along! A bit worried about that as I have already been preg with twins naturally and it didn't end well....Hmmmm will have to think about that. He didn't seemed concerned. Said it increased chances of twins from 1 in 80 to 1 in 40. Still don't know how I would feel if I was preg with twins again. I imagine my anxiety would be sky high. Higher than with a singleton anyway. That might sound weird to some but makes sense to me given my personal history!
Anyway, have decided that we will defo TTC this cycle (though not sure when to take cd1 from day of period from Provera or day of D&C?). Never gotten prego first time trying anyway! Will have to do some serious charting/temping/OPKing to know when I am ovulating. Anyway, glad D&C is over as I feel a step closer to getting that BFP!! So excited that I am no longer an unoffical lurker but an active TTCer!!!

SusieQ - so glad that you are on the TCC train now! Sorry that you had to have a D&C but it seems from what you have written it was needed. Hope your pondering about clomid brings you to a resolution, I can understand your fears. Can't wait to read about your temp, CM, and OPK'ing.

Gigi1- I second Dory--well said!

Tenibear- Hooray AF has passed. Onto a new chapter.....I second dory when she says there is no 'good' time to have a baby. One of my advisors in college told me this and I find that there are always reasons (money, work etc.) to wait.....As far as replacing Ianto- everything I have read and looked at says that you will not do this. I understand your fears, but Ianto has a very special and private place in your hearts and will always. They say that in the far off future you will watch your children playing on the playground and remember and long for the one(s) you lost. I often think of how much my perspective and my life has changed because of our DS and I would not change it for anything. Like your Ianto, I think all our children will always have a place in our lives because they make up who we are......Sorry I will get off my soapbox- please feel free to scold me if necessary.

SusieQ- thank you--and congrats on beginning to TTC! How wonderful that your doctor is boosting your cycles with Clomid to get you started. I look forward to hearing about your OPKs and jounrey. Best of luck that it is a short one hun.

hi to everyone else!
-CM

Tenibear - I can tell you from my own experience, you will without a doubt love all of your children equally. Another child will never ever replace Ianto. I kind of questioned why I was so eager to TTC again but I was reading an article about David Cameron (I am living in the UK at the moment) who lost his 6 year old disabled son a little under a year ago. He and his wife are pregnant again and one comment really resonated with me and that was that the new baby would never replace their lost son but that the pregnancy had brought their family hope and happiness in a very difficult and sad time. I know that is how I feel about TTC again.

Dory - I cannot believe I missed you on my last post - rude rude me. I am really glad to hear everything is progressing well for you. I read your threads on the pregnancy forum to see how you are going!

Time for me to start obsessing over temps. Mine was 35.5 this morning. I generally have low temps but this one is really low. Thinking my system must be quite really screwed up at the moment with everything that has happened. Going to take cd1 from D&C - imagine it might be a long cycle this month so will start with the later date.

Take care everyone.

Hello to everyone

Well I am a newby to this thread. I just stumbled across it and thought that it would be a very helpful thread to be in, hope you all don't mind me joining in.

I have been through nowhere near as much as majority of you all have but I still struggle day to day with my losses. DH and I have been TTC since May 07 (when we were married). We have been lucky enough to conceive twice but unfortunately lost both to MC. I had all the test done and everything seemed to look ok so I still have no explanation to why this has happened. I put it down to one of two things: 1 - I suffer from DVT's so I could have had clotting around the placenta and 2 - My progesterone levels could have been too low. I have been told that my hormones are all over the place.

As it takes us quiet a while to conceive, my OB has started me on Clomid and Pregnyl injections around cd12. He has also got me taking 100mg of aspirin as he thinks this should help with implantation and lessen the chances of Blood Clotting. I am now on my second cyclce of clomid and had my cd21 BT on Monday so I get the results for that tomorrow.

Has anyone else had any troubles with their progesterone levels? What do you do to fix this?

So happy to have found this thread and I look forward to being a part of it. :D

Welcome hope :)

Thanks everyone for your opinions on my problem with DH :) I see where all of you are coming from, and I also see that it's something that we should sort out for ourselves. I'm not out to replace Ianto, not at all, and neither is DH. He just felt like I was trying to.

We've both come up with different solutions throughout today - mine I couldn't even stick to for twenty minutes :redface: I instinctively wrote down that we'd dtd... right after I said that from now until August(ish) we're not actively trying. Just not using protection ;) Apparently there's a difference... Intention, I suppose. He's promised that he'll be a bit more interested now :lol:

I don't mind if we're dtd for different reasons. He's said to me that he wouldn't mind me being pregnant again, he just doesn't want to try to get pregnant... So frustrating! :lol:

Hope - welcome and I am so sorry for the loss of your precious angel boys.

Sweetie, a loss is a loss. You still have to deal with grief, bereavement,and loss of your dreams, irrespective of when a loss occurs. In my view the stage of the loss determines only some different physical aspects to confront but the grief is a common burden, irrespective of timing. Find the courage within yourself not to minimise your losses. A friend of mine whose baby was still born at 39 weeks gave me that advice when my daughter Amelia was born at 22 weeks gestation. I remember saying at the time that my loss could not compare with hers, and she was so generous in the advice she gave. In truth her advice was a gift. I couldn't really understand her advice initially, but now I have come to embrace it, especially as other parents share the experiences of their grief. Whilst each person walks their own grief journey there are some common threads. Ianna has done a really good summary of the possible causes and treatment options of recurrent miscarriage. I will post the link later in this message for you. I found it really helpful. You might too - it might be a springboard to ask your Ob more questions... aspirin is not the only treatment option for concerns about clotting. Some people are prescribed heparin, but it is administered by injection and does result in quite severe bruising. I am not medically trained and there will be other reasons for heparin to be prescribed or not. Asprin is much easier to administer. I discussed the option of another medication for clotting with a Dr that I consulted for a second opinion. I can't remember what it was but it began with "C", I think clexane. I was given reasons why clexane was preferable for me at the time over heparin and asprin, but I didn't end up needing that treatment. I can't offer anything to you in relation to progesterone levels... maybe someone else can?

I hope your TCC journey now is relatively quick...... I have a friend who has been diagnosed with an enzyme imbalance which affects her ability to conceive. I can't remember what its called. I will have to ask her. It was discovered inadvertently, but confirmed via blood tests at specific days of her cycle. She has seen an endocrinologist about it. Apparently there is treatment that might assist with her conception chances. She has been TCC for 5 years with 2 m/c and has attempted IVF, FET, traditional chinese medicine, changing her work. Her DH also has some sperm health issues. I only share my friends experiences as it might give you something else to ask about. Knowledge is power.

Teni - glad you have come to some sort of happy resolution.

Susie - no offence taken! And, thankyou for your kind words.

Angelic, Chez, Blessed, Gigi - hiya - thinking of you. Congrats to the escapees - cmegelles, charli and crumpet.

All good here. Glum day yesterday. Oh well.

Hope - here is that link! https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...formation.html

Dory: Thankyou for your condolences and a huge thankyou for all that you said. You have no idea how lovely it was to read your post. It is so hard as sometimes you do feel like you have no one to turn to, especially when it isn't a known happening. The link that you posted for me to look at was great. I actually copied and printed it so I can take some notes to know what other things I can ask OB when I see him.

Your right, it is called Clexane. I had to take this once before when I had a DVT. It is also administered by injection into the abdomen. I did not know you could take this while pregnant, maybe that is something I need to look into a little further.

Thankyou also for the info on your friend. There are so many possibilities. I think that sometimes you just take what the OB tells you and leave it at that. These forums are such a great idea for people in similar situations to be able to bounce off of each other. :crossfingers: that the TTC journey isn't too long and has a great outcome, not only for me but for anyone else TTC.

TeniBear: Thankyou for your welcome

Hello to everyone else.

Hi Ladies,

I am new to this thread, although I have been reading along for a few weeks. I thought it was probably time for me to take the plunge and introduce myself.

DH and I have been TTC since June ’06. We have been pregnant 6 times, but unfortunately we have lost them all at 5 weeks (the last one was April 20th). We started a little late in life (38 in ’06). Unfortunately this has become a catch-all answer for our doctors (with no scientific investigation mind you) :wall:. Thankfully, we have been able to find (on our own) an RE that is willing to look for a medical cause beyond my ‘advanced maternal age’.

Dory – the link you provided to Hope was extremely helpful to me as well. My RE poo-poo’d the immune causes as being unsubstantiated/controversial, however he did agree that if the ‘traditional’ testing came back clean, then he would be willing to investigate the less conventional causes. In the meantime, I’m using transdermal progesterone 2 DPO through to AF since my mid-cycle progesterone is on the low side of normal. This may not be the cause, but it certainly can’t hurt. I am a little hesitant, however, about the aspirin for possible clotting issues since I tend to bruise/bleed fairly easily. The RE did a thrombophillia panel, as well as karyotyping on me and DH, so we’ll see what that says when the results come back.

Hope – You may want to check out the book ‘From Hormone Hell to Hormone Well’. I found it to be extremely helpful and they talk about supplemental progesterone use (among other things).

Although I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy, I’m so glad to have found a group of women who understand what DH and I are going through. Many well-meaning family and friends have inadvertently said some hurtful things. “At least it happened early” is one I particularly hate, as though I had no right to grieve. These children were real to us. They are not interchangeable. They are not disposable. If we are ever lucky enough to have a living child, it will not erase or replace the children we have lost.

I’m so happy to have found this group. I really look forward to getting to know all of you better and to support each other through this stressful time. :comfort:

:)

Hope - you are most welcome. In a way for me, when I help someone it's as if the legacy of my angels lives on and that I honour them in doing so. For me in my journey, I have no answers, and a lot of possibilities crossed off the list! So it's good that nothing is "wrong" but it also means there is nothing to "fix". Just a wing and a prayer for me.... until I find something else to chase down a rabbit hole.

We each have to find our own way, and that also includes finding a way to navigate the plethora of information out there and whether and how it relates to our own circumstances. It takes courage to research and find information and then ask questions of your Dr's. It doesn't mean you respect them any less, just means you are trying to inform yourself and find your way through. Talking about books, I also read " Is your body baby friendly" by Dr A Beer. Mostly about reproductive immunology. I am going to try and hunt down the book that Chris suggested. I am sure it was clexane because I remember asking why not heparin or asprin and hadn't really heard of it being used in pregnancy either. Wish I could remember better.

How did you BT's come back?

Chris - welcome. I agree with you totally. Each of your babies was unique and deserving of your love and grief. I am also coming to believe that for most people, there is no such thing as a replacement baby. It mght apply in circumstances where there is diagnosed or undiagnosed mental illness, such that cognition and perceptions are distorted. It might have been a hot topic for the social science for a while, but it doesn't seem to feature that prominently in the literature anymore from what I see when I scan through it. It seems though "pop psychologists" ie every day people, have picked it up and run with it. They just don't realise how demeaning the concept is.

People, whilst well intentioned, can just be so insightless and insensitive at times. But I was probably once one of those fortunate insightless ones. It takes a very special person who hasn't experienced loss of a baby to have an inkling of what its like. It's why groups like BB, in my mind are so important. The women here are so wise, hard earnt sadly, and understanding. I hope you find the support you need during your stay here - hopefully it's a short one. ( We can all but hope and dream huh?)

Your journey sounds harrowing. Whilst I think "advanced maternal age" can be a factor, I think it is also used as an excuse not to pursue other investigations, I suppose as you have found out. A friend of mine has had both of her babies now aged 3 and 1 and at least one of her miscarriages over the age of 40. I was seeing a gyno/ob/FS who used to quite often raise "advancing maternal age" with me, even when I was in my late 20's!. I understand why, but it used to bug me. My current ob/fs has never once raised it. Wise man this new ob. :)

Glad you found a reproductive endocrinologist to help you out. The field of reproductive immunology is controversial to say the least! But at least there is some "acceptance" of it, even if as a last resort. I am going to read that book you suggested. Thanks.

I know this is left field, but if you bruise easily, have you thought about having your platelet level tested? It can contribute to bruising easily, if low apparently. I do know what you mean about being hesitant about asprin.

Anyway, I had best better go. I have promised myself ( well cajouled mainly) to venture to the "outside" today. I am going to treat myself to a hot drink. I know I promised myself I would do it on Monday, and every day since.... but today I know I can do it!

Oh some other left field news from me - yesterday I decided to take the plunge and call Adoption Services. I have been thinking about it for a while and have "almost called a few times" this past 2 or 3 weeks. Anyway, I did yesterday. Of course the person wasn't available and I then got cold feet, really worried about what I had done. Anyway, she called back today. I need to fill out an application form and send it back. After that it might take 22 ( YES 22!!) weeks for them to get back to me. In their defence I suppose they do have to check records and get records from archives and then pour over them. Anyway, what I am really interested in is, not my biological family, but my care from the time I was born 9 weeks prem to when I was adopted 3 months later. I would have been in NICU and had a host of nurses and doctors caring for me, and then I was transferred to a home for babies. I have been to the home, but it was inadvertent. I went there for a conference for work (it's not a home for wards of the state anymore obviously) and ended up getting trapped in the toilet for about 20 mins.... LOL, me and toilets. It's weird to think that people who had so much to do with my survival for the first 3 months of my life on the outside are complete strangers to me. I suppose I realise now just how lucky I am to have had the care I did at that time. When I spoke about getting cold feet? I panicked thinking that maybe my biol family had put in a request for contact..... and I hadn't considered that. Still haven't really but at least now I can think about it and prepare, if it's there.

Anyway giddy up girls, I am off for a hot drink!

Dory – Thanks so much for the welcome and your support. It’s good to know that people really are having children past 40. DH and I were prepared for the probability that it would take us longer to conceive because of our age, but we never once thought about miscarriage until it began happening. Strangely enough, the only year we didn’t conceive since starting our journey was the year we sought ‘medical assistance’ (clomid and IVF). Go figure...

I am interested in the Beer book you mentioned. I read several of his articles online and checked out his website. I’ll have to make sure I read it before the ‘traditional’ test results come back so I’ll be prepared to talk to the RE if they come back ‘normal’. Also, good point about the low platelets. I never really thought about what might be causing my extreme bruising. I’ll mention it to the RE when I see him next.

Good luck with your information search (here’s hoping you find only what you’re looking for). I also hope you got out the other day for that hot drink! I had to laugh when I read that initially - we are sweltering here in Raleigh. I think we skipped spring and shot straight into summer. Had to remind myself that you’re moving on towards winter where you are.

Hope everyone else is doing well!

:)

Chris - funny you should mention that (a) the impact of medical intervention and (b) hot drinks. My GF has had the least amount of success in her tcc journey with clomid, IVF. Her 2 pregnancies have been spontaneous. Poor blossom hasn't had a BFP for 2 years. Not sure where she's at in her head space at the moment re more IVF etc. She also told me about teh condition she has chronic adrenal hyperplasia (CAH). I am yet to hear how her followup appointment went, but am waiting with baited breath and just praying that for her there is a plan that will give some hope. About the hot drinks - I drink them in any weather, cold or hot. They have long been my treat to myself. I am off the caffeine at the moment though, and boy do I miss it. My DH told me this morning he didn't know how I drank my drinks so hot, because when he tried, he scalded his mouth and it hurrt :( For sunny Queensland, Aust, it has been quite cool overnight. Got to 7 celcius (about 44 farenheight) - I suppose it might be warmer in the house if we actually shut some windows and turned on a heater ( no central heating here).... I remember being in Detroit when it was snowing, and wanting to have the windows open. We tried but they were painted shut! LOL. Crazy Queenslander thing, or maybe it's just us. I didn't realise you were from Raleigh NC, and when I did, I just imagined that lovely accent. Hope it's not too hot for you today.

cTenibear - how are you doing? You've been quiet-ish for you. Hope that means you are feeling strong and postive and not in need of as much support or company at the mo.

SuSie Q- thinking of you :)

Chez - thinking of you too. We took my aunt "Big Chez" out of dinner on the weekend to Japanese. She was a bit outside her comfort zone but I think she might go again. She seemed to really like the look of the Shabu Shabu banquet ( is that the one where you cook your own at the table in a hot pot?)

Aries, Angelic and Hope - thinking of you. Hoping you're doing ok.

Sending lots of love to the divine "C" escapees - cmeggles, Charli and Crumpet.

Sending Gigi my love.

And sending lots of love and "sleep" to the women who give us hope - Beata.

Sorry if I have missed anyone.

Chris, just to give you hope I have had 2 children past the age of 40. Mind you I have had 8 miscarriages between the two of them and then another 1 since. I am now 46 and still hopeful of just one more sticky baby. I have had every m/c test they could think of and a lap/hysteroscopy/HSG and everything came back clear. I treid clomid 2 yrs ago and it did nothing. So we went back to TTC au naturel.

Hope, welcome to the group and I hope you find support and information here as well.

Can't stay.. DS5 is upsetting DS1.
hugs all
Jude

Hi ladies

Hope and ChrisW - welcome to our thread. I am sorry for your losses. No matter what the time, any loss is hard. I have found the most supportive group of ladies in this thread and hope you find the same experience.

Hi to Aries, SuzieQ, angelic, blessed, samcougar and everyone else.

Well I dearly wanted to post that I was #4 of the Cs but AF arrived on Thursday morning. The day after we had seen the FS so it was off to the clinic for a b/t for me for Day 1. It did catch me a bit by surprise and was thinking I would have another 5 to 7 days before AF would arrive (and secretly I was hoping that we were pg anyway).

The FS was enthusiastic about doing some monitored/supported natural cycles before moving onto IVF. Last time we saw her - 2 years ago - there was no discussion about that as an option. It seems Ryan's pg has at least given her some hope that we can fall pg naturally as well. I was relieved as I wasn't prepared mentally to start with the injections although it looks like I will be doing some progesterone support post O with these monitored cycles. I had a really bad headache on Day 1 and day 2, bordering on migraine like because of nausea. It's still hanging around today but not as bad. I think this is oestrogen withdrawal as I used to get it occasionally when I was on the pill, but usually from about day 3 or 4. Along with that I have had a huge emotional reaction to going back to the FS that has caught me by surprise. I feel a bit like we have gone backwards and really have very little hope that we can fall pg using IVF but I also know the stats show that we have 2 to 3 times better odds of an IVF conception than natural. Anyway, I am going to move forward as this is what we decided we are going to do. The difference this time around I keep telling myself is that the FS is going to be working with my TCM therapist so we will have a collaborative approach - hopefully the best of eastern and western medicine.

Anyway, that's enough rambling from me. I hope everybody is well. Sending everyone lots of :hug::bluedust::pink-babydust:

oxo

Cheryl, Sorry AF arrived hun.
Hope the FS's new attitude and change in circumstance due to Ryan's existance is all that is needed hun. Good Luck and thinking of you xoxo

Still lurking everyone. love to all, new and oldies!

Yes, sorry, I am still around :) Thanks for thinking of me :)

Well, if I'm on a normal cycle this time around, I should be Oing in the next couple of days. I'm sneakily getting DH to DTD with me ;) Surprised him the other night when he got home - candles all up the hallway leading to the bedroom where I was waiting... Need I say more? :lol:

Had my hospital appointment the other day. The doctor pretty much told me what I heard from here anyway - the "low grade changes" on my pap smear mean I need to go have another in a year. I didn't even bring up the fact that I'm TTC and might be pregnant then, she did! She said if I'm about 7 months pg, they can still do the smear (didn't know that, but okay!) and if they think it might be too dangerous for bubs, they can wait til I'm ready :) Also, I'm having an ultrasound on the 17th to check for PCOS, because I mentioned that I have very irregular periods. I'm looking at that as a good thing. If I have PCOS, then it can be treated and they'll look after me (hopefully), and if I don't have it, then it's ruled out. :)

You know, I don't usually talk this much about myself in real life :rofl:

Hi everyone :hello:,

Hope you're all enjoying the weekend.

Welcome to Hope and ChrisW, I'm so sorry that you find yourself here but I hope your stay is a short one. I'm sure like I did you will find some wonderful support in here.

Chez - sorry that AF turned up. The collaborative approach sounds like a good idea, I really hope you can have some luck with a natural cycle :bluedust:

cTenibear - sounds like its all happening at your house!! I really hope this is the cycle for you guys!

SusieQ - glad to hear that you are offically back on the TTC train, hope it's a short journey for you!

Big hello to samcougar, angelic, Aries, blessed, Gigi, crumpet, cmeglles dory and any one else lurking about!!

XX

Cheryl I am sorry to hear AF showed up. It is a positive step forward though with the FS. Hopefully with that little bit of added help it may be just enough to push you past the goal post. None of us like to face the thought of needing that help but if it helps meet the goal then go for it. By the time we sought help I was considered too old by our clinic guidelines in Hobart. They stop at your 44th birthday :(.

Teni that does sound so romantic. I had a friend on another board many years ago who had a DH going thru the same thing so one night she did the same only she used rose petals as a trail and candles in the bedroom. It resulted in Kai who is now 4 years old. He was born a few months after Samuel. The day I found out I was pregnant with Samuel she had baby Skylar delivered at 21 weeks and too early to survive so Kai was her blessing from above.
On the subject of pap smears. If you had the smear soon after delivery then the changes could just be normal due to healing after the birth. I had that after Tash and Nic being so close together. I was told they could take 10 years to change into anything worth doing anything about. But 2 years later I had a routine pap smear and it came back as needing to be checked in 3 months time. I was phoned after the 3 months with that news as they didd't tell me at the time so I wouldn't worry for 3 months. So I had the repeat and it came back as CIN I in just 3 months. I saw my OB who did a colposcopy the following week. He had me in theatre a week later for a LLETZ and that came back as CIN II so talk about fast changing!! So I now tell women not to ignore pap mears. They can change in less than 10 years.
The result of mine was.. hemorrhage 10 days later and more surgery and half my cervix removed. I was told if I fell pg again I would either need a cervical stitch to hold the pg or i would need a c sec as it wouldn't give. I am in the half way group lol. Annabelle I had a C sec due to non-progression over 3cms but she was so tangled in her cord she never would have come out vaginally anyhow. Samuel and Daniel were both VBAC but I would stick at 3cms then the OB had to stretch the scar tissue to get it past that. Labour is always very quick after that.
So that's my story.
oh and from what I have been told by Drs here there s no point in pap smears when you are pg because of course it will show abnormal cells to normal as there are many changes taking place during pg.

AFM I think due t the O pains I had 12 hrs apart that I O'd from each side. The nausea and tiredness is high gather due to 2 corpus luteums (one on each side) but I gather neither of the old eggs was good coz at 10 dpo when I have been pg I have had light lines on Forelife extra and this time just nothing. Clear stark white. With al lthe BD we had our bases covered so to speak so must just be my old eggs. Very nice loking chart though :)

Hi All,

I am still stalking you all! Sorry to the newcomers that find themselves here :( Congratulations to those who get out of here lol and hello to Everyone else :)

I am doing ok, what more can I say? It is really hard though knowing this month there is NO CHANCE of a pregnancy!! AF came the other day. Of course she did, If she didn't then that definitely would have been immaculate conception! lol. My cycles are still relatively regular, (32-33 days) even though I have gone off the herbs.. I think I had mid cycle spotting last month due to stress.. Stress does awful things. Anyway, now I am off the TTC path I have been drinking and not feeling guilty! Don't worry though, I am still looking after myself.. Got exams for the next 3wks running so I am trying to stay healthy and focussed! I can't believe I am almost through my 1st semester! Time goes so fast! Anyway, enough drunken ramblings from me (No I'm not drunk, I am only on my 1st red wine ;) ) :stickyvibesboy: for those who are UTD and :bluedust: for everyone else :)

Also Dory, a special note for you - Thank you so much for all the beautiful complimenting and encouraging comments on my blog.. They are much appreciated :hug:

Thanks for the welcome everyone!

Dory – my DH is right there with you about sleeping with the windows open, although I have to put my foot down when the temp drops below 60°F. I’m a wimp when it comes to the cold!

Angelic – thanks for the welcome and the encouragement. I’m really starting to think there may still be some hope for us, although it’s difficult without having had a full-term pregnancy and an earthside bubs. I’m also preparing myself for the possibility that the docs won’t be able to find anything specific, but at least they’re looking now (as opposed to pointing out the obvious about my age).

Chez – sorry about your AF arriving along with your migraines. Sending lots of babydust and luck your way for this next cycle!

AFM – HPT tomorrow (AF due Wednesday). Trying not to imagine everything as a pregnancy symptom! :rolleyes:

Hugs to everyone!

:grouphug:

Chris, Welcome and so sorry that you have had so much heart ache.
I have been lurking so not in here so much lately. Just wanted to drop in and wish you hope and luck for tomorrow. xoxoxo

Grrr silly DH has turned me down the past three nights because he's tired... I'm fairly certain I'm Oing right now :lol: He better give me something tonight, and tomorrow... Or I'll have to knock him out and do it myself :rofl:

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Grrr silly DH has turned me down the past three nights because he's tired... I'm fairly certain I'm Oing right now :lol: He better give me something tonight, and tomorrow... Or I'll have to knock him out and do it myself :rofl:

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Sounds like one must be more enticing!
Good Luck!

Hello Lovely ladies. :hello:

Chez, I'm sorry AF arrived. I'm glad to hear that the FS has changed her attitude and wants to try other options. I really hope it works for you, Goodluck hun.

ChrisW, Hello and welcome, i'm so sorry you have found yourself here. I have my fingers crossed for a BFP for you today. I know it's hard not to second guess every niggle, pain and off feeling you get at the end of the tww. Goodluck hun i'll be thinking of you today. :hug:

Hope, Hello and welcome too. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope your stay here is a short one. :hug:

Tenibear,

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Grrr silly DH has turned me down the past three nights because he's tired... I'm fairly certain I'm Oing right now He better give me something tonight, and tomorrow... Or I'll have to knock him out and do it myself

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I think he better change his mind rather quickly :rofl:

A Big hello to everyone else i missed. I hope you are all well.

AFM no news on the ttc front. but in other news, I convinced DH that after spying a mouse in the house, we needed a cat. He agreed so we drove to Port Macquarie (about 1 hr away) and got one from the RSPCA shelter there. It's nice to have him cuddle up next to me and keep me company while DH is away.Our two dogs are too big to come inside and would be like a bull in a china shop if they did get in. Anyway i hope you all have a lovely day

I have 2 lines... for how long is anyones guess but they are getting darker each day.. I am I think 13dpo or 12 dpo. With my history though I am not sure what to think until I get to about 13 wks and still have a heartbeat.

Angelic - wow girl! You have my wholehearted CONGRATULATIONS. My theory is to take the good whilst we can and when we have it!

I know it's hard to get excited with your journey being so hard and heartbreaking up to this date. Hoping this is the turnaround BFP for you. Hoping this bub is well and truly sticky... Sending you all my love and strength. You can do it. Lots of positive belly rubs..... you know when I first read your post, I thought you meant OPK's lines... LOL. I am really really happy for you and have to say I have a good feeling today.

Chez - bugger ole AF.

Sam - I am loving the addition of a feline fur baby to your household! What did you call your little cat warmer? Winter is the best time for cats - they are so snuggly, if only because they want to use us as heaters.

Teni - Oh sweetie. Is it usual for SD ( Scotty Duck) to be turning you down? I know he's having his own internal struggles at the moment based on what you've posted previously. I know on the rare occassions I have been turned down, it's usually for a pretty good reason, like illness or tiredness. It's always been a big shock to the system to get turned down as my DH always seems to be keen.... I don't know how to help.... I suppose the candles leading up to a luscious you didn't do the trick? What about a racy stint in the great outdoors? Just be careful, don't want you guys getting caught for lewd behaviour... or caught on some cctv and uploaded to utube or something. That would be a real downer.

Chris W - how are you doing?

Hope - you've been quiet since your post - are you ok? How are you doing. Sending you some cyber hugs.

Aries - wotcha up to?

The big news for me today, is yesterday I taught myself how to cast off and cast on in knitting. I did have DH read the instructions just to make sure I was on the right track... can't believe he sat down with me and genuinely read a knitting book. I wonder what my pay back will be? My next goal is to do a particular stitch. I have tried it but really muffed it up. Will just have to keep trying. I think I know what I am doing wrong - just have to see. I know it doesn't sound like much, but it represents something I have achieved for myself. Apart from that, have been feeling a bit glum because I can't otherwise do too much for myself or around the house. Have a few strategies to get myself over the hump. Will see how they pan out.

Blessed - you're welcome.... I wanted you to know we were still thought of and loved, even if you weren't posting. No fairweather friends here girl. Same for you Gigi. It always lights up my day when I see your green coloured font on a post.

Angelic - Congratulations that is wonderful!! I hope the little bean is a sticky one :stickyvibesgirl::stickyvibesgirl::stickyvibesboy:

Angellic... big Congratulations to you. Hope you keep going good and strong. Goodluck and all hope is with you. I have no doubt you will make it through. xoxo H&H preg for you.

Angelic - WOOHOO Congratulations to you! I know those two lines are just one step in your journey but they are such a huge, momentous step. STICKY STICKY VIBES to you.

ChrisW and Hope - welcome to you both. I really really hope your stay is short - maybe really short for you ChrisW if AF stays away this week!!

Dory - well done on the knitting front! When I was preg with DS I had a bit of time on my hands after taking early mat leave and managed to knit a very cute hat for him. I then started a lovely cardi but never got round to finishing it - definitely a step up in difficultly from the hat! Knitting is very on trend Dory!!!

Samcougar - would love to hear what you call your cat. When I was a kid - we lived on a property and ended up looking after so many dumped cats who then had kittens etc etc that I think all up we probably had over 30 cats over 10 years. Most of them were called after rock groups or football stars when named by us in our teens....poor things! After 25 years mum is on her last cat - or so she says. She is 17!!

Chez - sorry your AF arrived. She seriously sucks when she arrives....fingers crossed for this month

Tenibear - good luck with getting DH to BD....a few candles, sexy lingerie....couldn't possibly say no!!

Hello to everyone else. Good luck TTC'ing.

Now its time for my own pity party. At this point I would love to actually just BD at all!!! I kid you not that with all the problems I had with my preg and since then with all my bleeding etc I think I can count the number of times this year on two hands. How depressing is that!!! Arrgghhh. I am so sick of this. I am seeing my gyno again on Fri but I just feel as though there is something wrong. After D&C, bleed for 5 days and was nearly finished when I started bleeding heavily again. Spoke to my gyno who said he thought it was my period! I didn't even know you could get your period so soon after D&C since they scrape the lining (will talk to him about that again). However, my temps actually agree with that - go figure. So now 6 days later it has nearly stopped again but I am getting lots of mucousy discharge (Sorry TMI). Also feel very tender. So no BD'ing at the moment as I am worried something is wrong. Of course I google and make myself feel worse with all sorts of complications that could happen. At this stage not feeling very positive about ever getting UTD.

TO top it all off there were so many heavily preg ladies down the shopping centre this morning - obviously all just on mat leave - that I barely managed to hold it together before I got home. I should be about ready to pop....it just hurts so much some days.

Hopefully I will be more positive my next post....just needed a vent.

[SusieQ
Thinking of you hun. I am sorry it is a real hard time for you. I wish it was easier. I an thinking of you hun. Dont' feel bad re the bding...we are much the same, and only had a discussion about it this morning. Neither of us have been real frisky so to speak with they way we have been feeling.
I hope your lady bits improve their behaviour for you hun. Stay away from google if you can help it....xoxo

Angelic – OMG!!! Congratulations on your BFP! I was grinning ear to ear when I saw your post. :D Sending lots of hugs and sticky vibes your way!

TeniBear – fingers crossed that DH has risen to the challenge!

SusieQ – Thanks for the welcome. I hope you’re feeling better and able to start TTC again soon.

Dory – hope your knitting is going well. I could never get much beyond making squares or rectangles (knitted LOTS of scarves). Sweaters were totally outside my capability.

Gigi and Samcougar – thanks for the welcome and encouragement.

AFM – BFN yesterday (I just hate that solitary pink line). I will test again tomorrow (17dpo), but if still BFN, then I’ll have to stop the progesterone and invite AF for a stay (sigh).

Hope everyone else is doing well. Big hugs all around!

:grouphug:

Hi Dory, yes I am still here. Been a little busy over the last week. I get on here quickly and have a read of everyone's posts but don't actually get around to adding to them. Not intentional, I promise.

Once again, a huge thanks to everyones warm welcome.

Angellic: Wow, that is wonderful news. I am so very happy for you.

SusieQ: I really hope you are feeling alot better today. My heart goes out to you. Sometimes it can get very hard when it seems that when you go out every second female is pregnant or pushing around a new born baby. As much as you are happy for those who are fortunate enough to be in that situation, it still can hurt as you long for that so much. Keep that smile plastered on your face, your day will be here soon. GL with TTC.

AFM: AF arrived on Monday so no such luck this time around. Now i am back on the clomid. Maybe we will have more luck this cycle. Other than that, I have nothing to tell.

Hello to everyone else on here.

Dory: Have your heard any news from the adoption centre or are you still waiting on the paper work? This is all very exciting.

Angelic- Wow huge congratulations. Sending you lots and lots of sticky vibes. :stickyvibesboy::pray:

SuzieQ- I agree with Gigi, try and stay off google if you can, It only makes you worry too much. Leave it to your Dr to find out whats wrong. Big hugs though, its so hard to sit arround and wait. :hug: Wow you guys had a lot of cats! I can't even keep up with this one. :)

Dory- Congratulations on the casting off and on! I could never get it right. I hope your pay back isn't too bad ;) I agree about cats using us for heaters, that and to be fed! I read somewhere that 'Dogs have masters and Cats have servants' i think this is quiet true! :D

ChrisW- Sorry you got a BFN, fingerscrossed for you tomorrow.

oh nearly forgot the new furballs name is Jasper. Hope you all have a wonderful day today.

angelic- massive congrats hun!!!!

a big hi to everyone else!!

hope ur all doing well, sorry for no persies today ive managed to gey myself some awsome insomnia so im exhausted and my eyes are falling out of my head!!

just popping in here to wish you ladies all the very best....you have all had such challenging paths so far.
I am hoping we will resume TTC in September, so not too long to wait now. Not quite sure where I will fit in in terms of which thread to post in then.

Hi Girls,

Sorry for being so quiet - it's been a bit hectic at work and we were away for the weekend in the blue Mountains (icy but blissful).

Welcome to Chris and Hope - I feel like it was just yesterday that I was just joining the forum for the amazing support that all you ladies offer - it's been almost two and a half months now. But looking back, I can see how much things are getting better.

Huge congrats to the new BFP's! So very exciting!

I just wanted to update you all on my obs search. I found one, I found one! and this step has seriously shot me miles ahead in my recovery. He is fantastic. Firstly, he gave me his mobile number and said I could call anytime (!!). What a difference to the previous obs, who wouldn't even give me a call at the end of the day with results. He said I could come for a scan (he has a hi-tech one in his consultation rooms) every week if I wanted. I could have kissed him!
He seems to have alot of experience with women who have gone through trauma in pregnancy. If anyone is in Sydney and needs the details, please PM me.

Other news, is that I am now 8 DPO and feeling quietly optimistic. As you all know, each day seems to drag on forevvvvvvvvvvvvvvver but I am really hoping that we'll get some good news soon. Not sure when I'm going to test but will let you know as soon as I find out.

Have a great day
lemonade