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Hi Everyone!!!!
Well everyone I am off on holidays tomorrow - up to Hervey Bay until The 13th of Jan. Am I excitied - yessirreee!!!!!!!!!!! It is a wonderful spot absolute beach front. I am looking forward to reading Mother Daughter Wisdom by Christiane Northrup and "The Inheritence of Loss" by Kiran Desai. I can't wait to hang up that hammock!!!
We have the trailer packed so we look a smidge like the Griswalds (eek!)!!!
I am going to miss you all and will be thinking of you and hoping for news of some more BFP's in here in the next short while. I will be hoping for ovulation while we are away so hopefully that sea air and relaxed atmosphere will work wonders for us!
You all know how much I want that for all of you too...
Our NYD party was great fun the kids had a ball and the adults did too!!! It's packing up time here so things are a bit chaotic.
Kirsty: You know I am thinking of you and hoping for a wonderful visit this week with the obs. Things are going to be very different next time my love... You keep believing and I will be sending you lots of positives this week... I look forward to hearing your news when I get back.
Dream: In theory progesterone suppositories raise serum progesterone levels and that's why they are given. They will affect your serum levels. When pregnant you want your progesterone to be up around 100 and to not drop. I understand about the monitoring and you just do what ever you need to do to get you through next time. I know you will be assertive and ask for what you need because that's what we hvae all been taught by our Angel babies isn't it? We need to state what we need and go with our intuition...
What do I think about the Prednisone? EEEEK it's not easy. Prednisone has side affects. YOu know them I am sure. The longer you are on the drug the more likely some of those side affects are... However, from what I have learnt I believe that it's important to be on it prior to conception. However, Dr S is a bit of a legend and I am just a nurse with a bad obstetric history out to save the world!!!!!!!!! The theory behind having prednisone on board is that as you know prednisone is one of those drugs that hangs around a bit in our bodies. We can't just stop it suddenly and likewise often it's best to slowly increase the doseage. Prednisone doesn't have immediate affect on autoimmune response so it makes sense to have it on board for some time. However, if the autoimmune response is only in reaction to pregnancy then perhaps this isn't necessary???? However, we don't know if this autoimmune response is with us in a non pregnant state.... So, perhaps it's better to have it on board.
I have decided to have it on board. I know that my hormone levels were all good in my last pregnancy - my issue seems to be elsewhere as you know. I know that hasn't helped too much but I guess my gut feeling is that it needs to be commenced prior to conception and there have been studies that indicate a better outcome when it's commenced 4-6 weeks priro to conception... Remember though that I am not an expert I can only share what I have learnt from my own research...
I understand just what you say Dream - please believe you WILL hold that baby in your arms. We are all here and we will walk the journey with you. Sending yo all my love my sweet woman.... :hug:
Spring: You can't really tell how long your luteal phase is in advance for this cycle. If you are getting positive opk's yesterday it is likely you will ovulate 12-48 hours from then. So yesterday, today and tomorrow you get jiggy with it!!!! So, generally the obs will say if you got an +opk yesterday then you take today as your ovulation day. So, if you have a 12 day LP you would expect your period around the 14th of Jan.
A 12 day LP is not really an issue Spring. A short LP will not cause a baby to be born sleeping. It can cause early pregnancy loss or chemical pregnancies. This is because by the time the implantation process has begun the process of menstruation has been triggered and the hormones lowered so that you bleed. Shortened LP can and does cause very early loss but not "stillbirth" or later miscarriage so please rest assured that this is not the case. My LP was 11 days and I had 2 early losses. This is why I commenced on clomid (clomid increases progesterone levels among other things and thererfore increases the LP).
Again 12 days is thought to be acceptable - having a progesterone level taken (blood test) 7 days after you ovulated will tell you if your progesterone levels are adequate if you need this reassurance.
I hope that has helped some. I always find opk's helpful it takes a bit of the guesswork out of it for me. Like you I ovulate later in my cycle too. I have always been a cd17-19 kinda girl! I wish you a big fat positive this month Spring... Enjoy your week in Canberra and I hope you catch that Egg!
Bec: I was thinking of you and Audrey yesterday. I hope that yesterday was okay. :hug:
Mel: All my love to you. I know you are in the TWW - I hope it's the last TWW you have for some time. If not then that new obs and the new year are sure to bring some great news... :hug:
Take care gorgeous women and I will see you on the 14th!!!! :hug:
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Afternoon girls,
Just popped back to let of some anger:angry: Now please tell me if im wrong, but my neighbour who told us she pregnant chrissy day, sons has chicken pox, I told her to ring ob and let them know, they sent her for blood works to check BUT it was what she said that "when you miscarry early she thinks it for a good reason, that something must have been wrong"!!!!! I think it being followed up by "well you know when a friend of ours had a miscarriage she was so upset" That got to me the most. She knows my situation and none of my babies have had anything wrong with them just my dame body is not doing its job! My god what does she think of my who is trying so hard to keep it together after 6weeks and 6days not that im counting!!!
Yes I can see her point but why do people who have never had to experience something so devastating come out with such sweeping statements. I only hope that her test come back fine and this is something she will not have to deal with.
Im sorry but it drives me mental and yes Im a little tense with the whole try again thing BUT..........anyway thank you for listening I feel a little better. I hope you all have a wonderful night im now going to endeavour to find somthing to cook for dinner, must go food shopping tomorrow! And Deb im very jealous of your holiday sounds great have lots of fun, sun and make babies love.
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Oh Dream,
I am so sorry that your neighbour is such an air head. I hope she doesn't have to face anything awful too. A couple of people said that too me too. Along with maybe it's a sign that you shouldn't have any more. Unfortunately it's people who have never suffered the devastation of losing a baby that are so very emotionally handicapped. It makes me angry too. :hugs: beautiful woman and I hope you feel a little better now...
Thanks for your good wishes - I hope to make a baby too!!!!
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Hey Everyone,
OMG!!!!!! Today is turning out to be the best day I have had for a very long time :D I got a phone call from my new ob at about 10.30am telling me he had the blood test results... and they found something :happyforyou:
I have Anticardio Lipin antibody and as soon as he told me I remembered I was told about it on BB. He said I have only low to medium levels but that he can say without a doubt that was the cause of Nicholas' death, and it would also account for his drop from 50th percentile to 25th percentile in the last 2 weeks - which my last ob didn't even pick up. I cried after I hung up the phone, but for the first time in the last four months (4 months on Friday anyway) I cried happy tears - happy that now I can stop blaming myself for pulling myself up on the bench the night I lost him and deep down believing I had killed him, until today - also happy that I have some reasons and answers and that I did the right thing changing obs and maybe that means I am a good mum cause I did everything I could to look after my next baby, even though I couldn't look after Nicholas - I just didn't know anything was wrong though cause all of my tests came back find (apparently, I am starting to wonder now though). My ob said because I will be treated with a low dose of aspirin in my next pregnancy, and with closer monitoring by him and more frequent ultrasounds and blood tests there is no reason why I can't deliver a healthy baby next time (although obviously no guarantees can be given, but I still think it's something to feel positive about). He said he still wants me to have the Saline Infusion Hysterogram but simply as a precaution, he thinks he has found the answers already and that it will show a normal uterus but wants to be 100% positive that this antibody thing is the only problem. I trust he knows what he is doing so I will jump on one leg if he tells me it's for the best, lol.
The only other thing the blood test showed is that I am not immune to chicken pox and apparently that may be because I had it 11 months old and you don't build immunity to until after 12 months. So, I need to have a vaccination but because I am in my TWW I need to wait and see if I either get a bfp or AF. If I get bfp he said I have to very careful in next pregnancy to not come in contact with the virus, but if I get AF I have to get vaccination asap and not try for 6-8 weeks afterwards. He did say he doesnt think that has anything to do with losing Nicholas but that since they have picked it up I may as well take care of the problem so I will not be at risk next time if I do happen to come into contact with the virus.
I was happy after seeing him on Friday, but now I just feel so lucky that I went to him (Thanks again Bec, you have no idea how grateful I am). My last ob didn't think I needed any tests and my new ob says that untreated I have a medium chance of it happening again, probably doesn't sound high but it's high enough that I am not taking that chance. You know what, without having found BB and all of you wise, wonderful women I would have probably ignored that inner voice telling me to seek help and I will never forget what everyone has done for me - I thank you all from the bottom of my heart :hug:
DH is now feeling very angry towards last ob and wants to ring him and have a go. I have discouraged him though, I said we need to focus on the positives and just be glad we aren't going back to him. I don't think we will get anywhere ringing and abusing him, plus in the long run it isn't going to make us feel any better so we just need to let it go.
Anyway, sorry I know I have gone on a bit but I am just over the moon today and ready to look forward to welcoming a new baby with open arms. I know that feeling may only last for today and tomorrow or next week or whenever I may fall in a heap again, but I am happy to go with it while I can.
Bec - I hope you are going ok and that you got through Audrey's birthday as best as possible.
Deb - I hope you have a great relaxing holiday with your family, I hope your kids have a ball and I hope you can get to work on creating the next addition to your family.
Nat - I'm sorry about your neighbour being so thoughtless and insensitive, I truly believe that is one positive thing that comes along with such heartache in your life (if anything positive can come of it that is), it teaches you compassion and love for other people, as well as empathy for people hurting inside like or similar to how you are. Unfortunately (or fortunately for her), this lady has no idea what it feels like to go through what you have and I have heard plenty of people saying that to others that I know and I know it upsets them too, I don't understand how they can think anything like that would happen for a GOOD reason as nothing GOOD can come of much wanted babies loss, especially when the number of losses you have had makes it that much more heartbreaking. Don't take her comments to heart, you know how it feels inside and also that you are entitled to feel it so who cares what she says or thinks - easy to say I know :hugs: I wish you all the very best as your start you TTC journey yet again. I hope with all my heart you get that little bundle you so desperately want. Oh and the subway went down pretty well, I am sure the chocolate I pigged out on after that contributed too, lol.
Kirsty - Good luck and all the best for your appointment tomorrow, let us know how you get on.
Spring - I know you can't read posts at the moment but all the same I hope you are doing well in Canberra and good luck with ob recommendation from Mark Umstad.
Clare - How are you doing? I hope you are fit and healthy, and enjoying knowing that little bubba is growing inside.
To anyone I haven't mentioned, I hope you are all well and take care of yourselves.
Love Mel
P.S. Off the subject - went to movies last night and saw The Holiday ... Great movie, very funny, bit of a chick flick but DH still enjoyed it. If anyone is thinking of seeing it, I recommend. Got quite a few well known people in it, and of course Jude Law is pretty nice to look at so that alone makes it worthwhile.
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Hi girls,
Oh Mel I got all goosebumpy reading your post it is so similar to my first meeting with Mark...I can honestly say with all my heart he will do everything possible to give you a heathy bub. I know those happy tears and DH lol always wants to throw things at my old obst.
Talking about throwing things DEB if you run into my relos that way piff something at them..oh guee how rude ;)Have a nice relaxing holiday
Kirsty:Good luck tomorrow, fingers crossed you have some positive news
Nat: Hmm your neighbours sounds delightful, people can be so insensitive, I'm sure some people just dont get it. I once had a complete stranger tell me that I was lucky because if my baby had survived it would prob be damaged.
Spring:I hope you find that cyber cafe in Camberra :)
We had a quiet NYE as we always do these days and NYD I had a bottle of champagne with my MIL and talked about Audrey. But she started to put the hard word on me regarding seeing pictures. We are very sensitive about it as some people wouldnt see the beauty in them I know she is MIL and she is supportive but only DH and I have seen them. DH told her no ...but I saw she was generally upset, I think she wants to see if there is a similarity to DD which there isnt anyway.
Oh enough of me...it is sooooo hot awaiting for my gyn to get back from holidays hmm abit rude this whole holiday period and getting your period at the same time.
pfft its so hot lol I have said that already
Bec
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Hi all you beautiful women.
Oh Mel, I am so so happy for you, this would have to be the best news ive heard in a while, there is nothing better then finding out FOR SURE that there was a problem that casued Nicholas to watch from heaven, even when we all new you were the best mum possible... I totally understand where you are coming from. I am so very happy for you to have found someone you can trust, it makes a big differance to the whole mental side of this road! Now i wish for a big fat BFP!!! Thanks for your support on "The Comment" I was sort of thinking maybe im a little......sensitive.
Deb Thankyou also for the support, im sure you are right now resting up or should I say snuggling up to your DH making babies!
Bec It sounds like you had a little celebration for you precious baby girl, Im sure she was there with you.....I find by closing me eyes and putting my hand on my heart I can always feel little wings fluttering........and I smile. You will know if and when its time to show the photos to anyone else, its all about time, dont feel bad for holding it so close to you both. My prays are with you.
To all you other beautiful women Hi and I hope you are all well, Kristy GOOD LUCK:hug:. Im of to bed before DH is alseep and to put my DS who has a friend sleeping over for the night to sleep for the last time tonight!!!! and yes it after 11pm Im not sure why they call it asleep over, it should be keep your parents awake all night!
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Hi everyone,
I am new to this thread (hope you don't mind me joining in). I think it is wonderful the support that you give each other and I am looking for some support as my DH and I have decided to try again. We lost our precious little son Cooper the end of last year.
For some reason I feel guilty for trying again so soon but I know that Cooper will love to have a little brother or sister that he can watch over and protect.
I really want to fall pregnant again but I am so scared at the same time. My ob said that a cord accident is so rare so for it to happen again is very unlikely. I can't seem to get it out of my head that there is a chance that it could happen again. I can't go through the past 5 weeks again.
I struggled to fall pregnant with Cooper and eventually did on Clomid so my ob has suggested that I use Clomid again.
Look forward to chating with you all on what will hopefully be a happy ride for all of us in 2007.
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Hi Lynn, sadly welcome to Bb and this thread. I remembered your precious son's name Cooper Nathan.I remember I spoke to you last year and I hope you find support here.:hug: I can't say I hope you got through Christmas/New Year okay because I can imagine it wasn't how you planned you would be spending it without Cooper.
All these beautiful women can understand and feel their pain at losing a precious baby
I know that the timing for all of us is unique.Many people try again very soon after - only they recommend you don't end up ttc so a new baby is born the same month etc but that is entirely up to you.Don't feel guilty for wanting a baby to fill your empty arms and ease the heartbreak.
I personally felt that we must make the most of every opportunity and we can still honour our angel no matter how soon we try again.
We had infertiltiy for 12 years prior to falling pg with Charlotte - then we tried after 3 months on our own , then straight to IVF (age).
They wouldn't want us to be so miserable ,so we can't have the hope and joy of knowing a new baby.Never to replace them.
:heartbeat: Trish
"~♥~ DD Charlotte Rose 1/9/04 26wks ~♥~"
Samuel & Joel God's Gifts 1st July 06
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Thanks Trish for spending some of your time to talk to me last year after I lost Cooper. I just didn't know what to do or who to talk to. Thank you for your compassion and understanding of what I was going through. I never ever knew these websites existed let alone knew how many people visit it each day.
Christmas and New Year were very hard. I just kept imaging what I should be doing - wrapping Cooper's presents, dressing him up for his first christmas......... It just wasn't how it was meant to be. My DH went back to work yesterday so that was another hurdle to get over. My mum came and spent the day with me as I didn't want to be alone.
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Welcome Lynne,
Big Hugs hun, it is so hard at anytime of the year especially christmas. I lost my girls before I fell pregnant with my living angel so going thru a pregnancy fearing everything and having to do IVF was really hard to get my head around. The only way I could put it to people is that we have started a massive novel if I put it down I was frightened that I would never pick it up. So I lost Audrey in Jan and was pregnant again in July and lost Charlotte in the December of the same year and then was pregnant with Eliza in June. So there wasnt alot of time between the 3 but looking back they all were special but I did often feel that I should be doing more grieving iykwim.
Hope tomorrow is ok for you it so hard to be in a quiet house all alone.
Hi Trish those boys get more and more gorgeous each time I see them
Bec
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Hi all,
Oh Lyn, Im so sorry that your angel went to heaven. Its so sad to have to say welcome in such circumstances, but we can all make your journey down this path a little easier. I know how much better and stronger all the wonderful women have made me feel, I hope you find this to.
I dont think anyone knows when the right time is to start trying again, my god after my 13m/c you think I would be an expert but every time is differant and no one else can make that decision for us either, so just follow your heart.....it always knows. And feeling guilty, thats just the world of motherhood I think, its starts the mintue we find out we are pregnant and never ends!
I hope today is a little better then yesterday and tomorrow a little more and that like for all of us here 2007 is a very special year.
Lots of hugs :hugs: xxxx
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Hey everyone,
Lynn - Welcome to BB :hugs: I remember reading your thread about Cooper and posted to say how sorry I am and that I hope you can find support here. I am so glad you have found your way to this thread, the ladies here have been unbelievably supportive and caring and really have helped me get through. If you read back over the threads you will see that what you are feeling is completely normal, guilt is a natural feeling and I know I struggled with that early on but as time has gone by I realise that Nicholas knows he can never be replaced and he will always be my special boy. Cooper knows he will always be your special boy and I believe that all he wants for you and his daddy is that you are happy because he loves you and is watching over you. I personally have decided (probably just to make myself feel better, lol) that it shows a strong person to go through something like we have and pick ourselves up and go down that TTC road because it is absolutely terrifying. I wish you all the best in this journey and if you have any concerns, no matter how silly you think they are (I know I have often thought mine are silly) just let it out here cause everyone will understand you. I wish you all the best for 2007 and send lots of :stickyvibesboy: you way.
Kirsty - How did you go at your appointment yesterday? Thinking of you.
Bec - Knowing Mark has helped bring Eliza into your world safely gives me so much hope that I am on the right track now. For the last couple of days I have just felt overwhelmed with what-ifs, what if I hadn't changed obs? what if I had another baby without knowing the problem? would the baby have died like Nicholas? It is driving me nuts, but I am really trying to put the what-ifs out of my head, all I am trying to think is thank-god! And about your photos, you don't have to feel bad about not showing photos to MIL, she may well be disappointed but I am sure she understands, she knows its something deep and personal. You may feel like showing them one day, but also if you don't ever sobeit.
Nat - From what my mum tells me I think your right about that whole guilt thing from the day you conceive. After telling my mum the other day they found that blood disorder, first of all she was happy that I had some answers, but then she started worrying thinking the disorder was something that she had done wrong while she was pregnant with me. Personally, I have been wondering if its something I have done... maybe I shouldn't have smoked that pot back in high school, lol. And, don't feel sensitive about your neighbour I think anyone would have felt the way you did, but all the same don't let it bother you it's an ignorant comment that doesn't deserve you time and thoughts.
Tish - I hadn't had a recommendation to not conceive linking a birth with Nicholas birthday, but I have to admit I did decide on my own to avoid that. While I think I would still be happy and if it happened to work out that way it would be ok, I would probably not plan it that way because I keep thinking that first birthday is going to be really tough and I guess its gonna mess up your mind trying to be sad and happy all in one.
Clare - Still thinking of you and wondering how your going.
Anyway, as for me I did a test this morning and it was negative :crying: AF is due on Monday so I am pretty sure I would get a positive by now. I guess its not a bad thing cause of finding out I need to be vaccinated against chicken pox (anyone would think I was 2, lol), cause if I am not pregnant I can go get that sorted out. But I am kind of thinking I don't really want to wait the 6-8 week I would have to after the vaccination. Today is Nicholas 4 month anniversary/birthday and I was sort of hoping to get a :bfp: cause it's a sad day and it would give me something to be happy about. It seems to be taking forever and I don't know why I am not falling pregnant, it happened so easily (so easy I didn't try) with Nicholas. I dunno, maybe I have to go an do some good deeds so that my luck comes around.
Hope you are well and enjoying this stinking hot weather (well it is in Melbourne anyway). Going to Eastern Beach for a walk (and ice-cream, lol) tonight after we have dinner at in-laws, so that will be nice. Well if I don't hear from anyone I hope you all have a great weekend.
Love Mel
P.S. I think I should be crowned Queen Of Long Posts, lol
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Hi Girls
Sorry I haven't been in to visit, but I have my mother staying with me and she is taking up most of my time, she also doesn't know I am prgnant so I have to be very deceitful. I have just spent the last half hour catching up on all the posts, geez you girls can write some long ones :lol:
Firstly Mel, your new Ob sounds wonderful, I am sure you must have some comfort knowing you have such a positive ob looking after you. I know what you mean about the guilt, I truely thought I had caused Max's death by DTD the day before I started bleeding, I also remember telling Craig after all the problems we had that I didn't want the baby anymore, I wished I could take that back instantly but I know now it had nothing to do with it. I have my fingers crossed for a :bfp: real soon.
Deb I hope you are enjoying your holidays, sounds absolutely wonderful.
Lynn, I am so sorry to hear about your darling Cooper, I am sure he would want you to try for another baby as soon as you are ready. I felt funny trying again straight away too, and we were advised to wait a couple of cycles but I believed it wouldn't happen until it was supposed too anyway. Welcome is not really the right word, but you will find some tremendous support in here, and just telling your story will help others too. Big hugs to you.
Just a quick update on me, I keep waking up with feelings of dread. I can't shift this thought that something is wrong and then last night I had a dream that I started bleeding so that didn't help. But today I have woken with the worst case of all day sickness, and believe me I am ecstatic! The GP asked if I wanted something for it, NO THANKYOU, I will grin (from ear to ear) and bear it. First dating scan being done in a fortnight so fingers crossed for a heartbeat.
Love to you all, smoochy kisses *MWAH*
Clare x
p.s Oh I finally told Craig. It was the middle of the night and I thought I really should tell him. lol I was trying to hold off as long as possible but only lasted 3 days.
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Just a quickie from me atm the OB thinks she may have found something that could have caused the loss of my precious boys, but she is going to double check with the specialist at the RWH in Melbourne to see what he thinks as well. Plus on the 22nd of this month I am going in to have my hsyteroscopy to see if that shows anything. So really we still aren't that much closer to knowing anything for sure just yet.
I'll be back soon I promise, just need a few days to myself to sort through everything that the appt has raised for us issues wise (not all of it good either unfortunately)
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Kirsty i am so sorry you didn't get all good news. I wish there was something i could do to help you. Thinking of you always.
:hug:
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Sorry to hear it wasn't as good as you had hoped. You are entitled to as much time to yourself as you need. Thinking of you :hugs:
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Oh and Clare, glad to hear everything is going well, hopefully the sickness continues iykwim ;)
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Kirsty,
I'm sorry your appointment was not the greatest:hugs:
Think you have the right idea Mel if I wasnt in my pjs I'd seriously consider going to the beach:lol:
Claire: Well done coming out atleast now all your fears can be shared it is alot to try and overcome.
I decided today that I need to lose weight to give me the best chance of carrying another baby..last preg was alot of bedrest so I'm doing Cohens..I hear it is tough and no drinkys so craming in as much as I can before my appointment next week
Hope everyone else is doing ok
Bec
