TTC after Late Loss/Recurrent Miscarriage/Stillbirth after the 1st trimester ~Jan #2

Jo I hope everything is ok. Take all the time you need and we will be here for you when you get back. Thinking of you and big :hugs:

Awesome news Spring - absolutely fantastic, I know the relief you are feeling! Only 2 days until mine, :pray: for at least a measurement of 9weeks.

Mel - how are you feeling today? Hopefully you are a bit better today

Lynn - I haven't received the bracelets yet, but hopefully they will come in time for thursday's scan, so I can take Max with me to see his brother / sister.

Thanks everyone for the birthday wishes, had a lovely lunch with my mum, just about to go out for dinner with DP as well! I can see the kilos attaching to my hips already but hey you only have one birthday a year. I got a box of choccies from Shelby and Max, and season 4 of All saints from DP. Really excited.

Anyway, must get going, yummy Thai food waiting.

Ohh, pap smear results are supposed to be back Friday, :pray: I don't know why I am so convinced there is going to be a problem,(never had abnormal results in the past) but I have already got it in my head they will be bad. Really have to stop doing this to myself! :wall:

Bummer on the bracelets Clare. That would have been a nice birthday present. I guess it is a long way to Perth so it might be taking a while. I hope I put the right address on the envelope. I hope they get to you by Thursday so you can take them with you to your scan.

I'm sure your pap scan will be all clear and yes you do have to stop doing this to yourself. You don't deserve any more bad news and I'm sure that all you will receive this week is good news :pray:

Hi everybody (as Dr Nick would say - for those of you who watch The Simpsons)

Clare - :happybirthday: I am glad you had a nice day. I am sure your pap results will be fine.

Bailey - The 5th is always gonna be a crappy day cause its just one more month that we have been without our precious little angels. And then there is Tuesdays that I wake up thinking about it, I think the 5th is the hardest though definitely. I agree, your son will always remember his baby sister because you will always talk about her. DH's children talk about Nicholas a fair bit, but sometimes it really hurts, for example not too long ago the middle girl who is 5 got spoken to cause she was being a sook and we said some things you can cry for but not just to get attention and she said "its ok to cry if your baby's dead" :( I got so angry and DH went off his nut, but I guess its not her fault. Kids = foot in mouth disease.

Nat - All the best for the test on Thursday, hope you get good results.

Jo - Hope everything is ok.

Spring - :hugs: for you and Harrison today. On a different note though I was so happy to hear your little bubba is doing well in there, I am glad I could help today... anytime. Look after yourself, I am glad you are having another scan next week cause it will put your mind at ease even more to see he/she has grown another week bigger.

Lynn - Thinking of little Cooper :hug: I am with you that Tuesdays are sucky! Well, lets face it most days are but some are more sucky than others. I was ok today, but after the last couple couldn't be worse. I am so glad you have your mum around, mums are the best huh (that goes especially for us mums!).

As far as I go, I had an ok day. I was a good girl and went to work. My boss didn't say anything to me (lucky for him!), actually no-one really said anything. I had a couple of girls ask me how I was feeling, one is a close friend who I work with so of course she did. But other than that not a word, no I hope you are feeling better. No how did you go yesterday. Nothing. They all know why I wasn't in, and I think they are all just too scared of upsetting the "fragile" one, so they ignore it! Oh well, that's life I guess. Anyway, I had to work late unfortunately but DH greeted me out the front with an iced choccie so that cheered me up.... mmmmmmmm, chocolate!

Take care all.

Hi to anyone I have missed.

Mel

Hi girls

Spring :happyforyou: On the scan, Im glad you got to put to mind at ease. Your OB sounds wonderful, im sure he wont mind you ringing after everything your been through, Im just so happy for you. Can we say it?........told it would be good!!!!hehehe Im glad your got frank and Vinnie with you they sound like good dogs to have around! Take it easy at work today.

Clare your day sounds like it was very special, lunch and dinner wow and kilos....dont even worry just enjoy it. Thursday going to be fine you just wait and that pap test ....just fine!

Bailey How are you going?

Mel Im glad to hear your day went ok, Im sorry that only one person asked how you are, but know im thinking about you and we all care so much about you, I hope today is a little better but I must say that ice choccie sounded mighty good!!! If i hadnt just walked my bum off I think I would head off now and make one....but I think after this I'll go and clean my bathrooms instead!!!!! dont you just love that job. Thanks for the wishes on the test im just thinking the worse case so if it is no good than I wont be so disappointed.

Lynn Hows your day going? Thanks for the call yesterday, it was good to talk to you.

Jo Take your time, just know we are here if you need us.:hug:

Deb If you pop in for a read, just want to let you know Im thinking about you and hope you ok.

Well im off to clean my bathrooms...wow,(Wed I try to keep busy) Just counting down the days till I can test for myself, I think I'll try next Tuesday before I do bloods on Thurs, waiting, waiting, waiting, my God I need to get a life!!! Anyway I hope all you wonderful girls are having a good one. Try to pop back later and see if anyone is around.xxx

Hi Girls

Just a quick one
Lynn - the braclets have just arrived, and of course I am in tears, although I definately wanted them, I wasn't quite prepared for the emotions that would come with it. They are so beautiful, thankyou so much.

I have decided "finally" to get the photos of Max from the hospital. I have been juggling the idea for a few weeks now, not prepared for what Max will look like, but all the same I now I wil love him. I have wanted to do a photo memorabilia frame that can be hung on the wall next to Shelby's photo's but have been to scared, worried about how others may react. But in the words of my wonderful mother "screw them, if they dont like it they can f@#k off!" (gotta love ya mum for honesty)
So I am now, clutching Max's bracelet in one hand and just about to ring the hospital with the other. My heart is pounding so hard.

OMG, I did it! Going to pick them up at 12.30 today. I am shaking, I really dont know if I am prepared for this.

Oh Clare, Max will be so proud of his mum right now, Im thinking of you and know how brave and strong you are. Your mum is so right who cares what anyone else thinks.....he will always be beautiful in your eyes. Natxx

Clare, I think you will LOVE the photos. Max will look unbelievably perfect and now you will be able to fill your eyes with him. Bravo for deciding to get them! I cherish DD Sophie's photos (17 wks). I don't have them out, they are kept in a special box, but I do show them to people. I've had extra copies made and they are the first thing I'd take if the house burnt down. Lots of Hugs. oooooooooooooo

Clare - I am so happy that the bracelets arrived. I guess when you first receive them, it can be a bit emotional. Max's bracelet is so little, just like Coopers. I hope now that they can bring you some comfort and you can take them with you tomorrow for your scan. I'm sure Max's photo is absolutely beautiful and good on you for getting them. I think that it is beautiful that you are going to put Max's photo next to Shelby's.

Today has been a day of mixed emotions.

My mum came over and finished making some curtains for Cooper's room. They look beautiful and finish the room off. We were supposed to do this before he was born, but he came a little early and we hadn't quite got them finished. They are finished now and the room looks perfect. I just wish that Cooper was here to see his room complete.

I received the call from the crematorium to say that Cooper's plaques have arrived. I wasn't prepared for the phone call as they weren't supposed to be ready yet. I'm just not ready to let him go again. I like to have him at home, it makes me feel like he is here. DH said that he can stay here until I am ready to take him to his new home. I just don't know if I will ever be ready. The crematorium said that they will put the plaques in place and we can take him there whenever we are ready. I just don't want to say goodbye again........................

Guys Max is beautiful! I picked up the photo's just after lunch and opened them straight away. They have even put a little nappy on him for the photos and he is laying on his blanket that we bought him the day he was born. I don't think they are photo's I will share with people, they may shock some as obviously he was very early, but I have some closure now.

Now in my mind and heart, Max is my little boy, he has been now for nearly 4 months, I have grieved for my son, buried him and thought about him every day, but we got confirmation today, that the amnio doctor stuffed up and Max is actually a girl! I haven't told my DP yet, but I dont really have any choice, they wrapped Max in a pink blanket for the photos.

I automatically thought, Oh my god, what if the amnio doctor stuffed up my results as well, what if Max was perfect! But I know from the ultrasound and in my gut that he was unwell.

I was prepared for this, I am not angry. We had a suspicion a while ago they had stuffed up but decided to dismiss it as a typo. Just really emotional now, I really am not prepared to say goodbye to my son and then grieve losing my daughter.

Lynn - I am thinking of you today. Big hugs. xxx

Oh Clare I am so happy that you got the photos and you can see how beautiful your little angel is. The photos are a precious reminder of your angel and they are beautiful memories. Don't feel bad about not showing people the photos. We don't show people photos of Cooper, they are for me and DH only.

It must be so hard to have grieved for 4 months for your son and now to start griveing for your daughter. My thoughts are with you and your DP. I'm just glad that it wasn't a complete suprise to you and that you were prepared for this news.

In regards to the bracelets, if you would like me to change the blue to pink, I would be more than happy to - whatever you are most comfortable with or whatever you would like me to do.

Take care and big :hug:

Clare: I am so proud of you for having the courage to collect the pictures of your daling little Max. You know what, I am with your Mum, if you want to put the pictures up on your wall you go for it, Max is your child and nothing can ever take that away. If they don't like it, they can leave. I also respect the decision if you don't want to show anyone. When I first lost Harrison I wanted to show everyone, he was my son so like any other Mum I wanted people to acknowledge him. Now I don't share them so much, I have a full copy in a photo album in my purse and also a copy of CD that I take with me everywhere. You have done so well sweetie, I hope this has helped you on the path to healing. Good luck with your scan tomorrow, I can't wait to hear all about it.

Lynn: What a wonderful mother you are to Cooper and what a special Grandmother he has. I know it must have been so difficult for you and your mum to put up those curtains today, but you have given your son such a precious gift of a wonderful nursery filled with love. :hug: to you babe.

Dream: Thanks for the wishes babe. I know, I know I should have listened to all you wise women but the freakout mode just took over. As soon as the doctor said there was a heartbeat I started stressing about the next scan. How is that cleaning going, you don't want to pop over and do my bathroom aswell, I agree that is a crappy job (pun intended) I have everything crossed for this Tuesday hun, sending you the biggest :stickyvibesboy:

Mel: How are you doing sweetie? I am glad that work was ok but I can understand why you were a bit upset that they didn't acknowlege what Monday meant to you. I think people don't know what to say so instead of using that thing on the shoulders, they just pretend like nothing has happened. Just know that I am thinking of you. Oh an yummo about the Iced Choccie, boy do I want one right now, but it is fruit for me tonight, need to do the groceries so the fridge is a little bare.

Me well, I had a little bit of pink coloured CM this morning but nothing since. I am feeling heaps better but now freaking out about next tuesdays scan. I think I am going to ask for a scan up until I can feel bubba move. Paranoid I know but I think it is what I need to do.

Well a huge thanks to all your support and encouragment over the last few days. You guys are amazing and even though each one of you has your own tragic story to tell, you have been kind enough to reach out to me. For that I am forever grateful.

Huge huggles

Luv Spring

Hi Girls,

Clare - I am so happy for you that you collected Max's pictures. I didn't think I wanted Asha's pics, I thought it would be too hard, and it was, but now they are my greatest treasure, I just wish I had more. I am not sure what to say about the mix up with the sex, but I hope you are OK about it and I am glad it didn't come as a complete surprise to you. I too throughout my entire pregnancy had a gut feeling that Asha was not OK even when the docs said everything was fine. I am wishing you the best of luck tommorrow with your scan.

Mel - I am glad you are feeling a little better, it's such a rollercoaster this whole thing isn't it?

Lynn - I'm so happy that you got Coopers room all finished. And I don't think you should have to say goodbye to him yet, take your time and do it when you are ready. I only just picked up Asha's urn from my mums house on friday, I had been too scared to do it until then. I was dreading it, but now it is such a relief to have her home. We have decided that the right thing for us at the moment is to keep her here with us. Just take your time and make the decision when you are ready.

Spring - Vicious circle huh? You have a good scan which relieves you for a couple of hours and then you will freak out til the next one. I know that is exactly how i would be too. I am sure that tuesdays one will be just as successful, and try to get a pic to show us all next week.

Dream - Thanks for your word yesterday and also for the OB info, I am going to start looking into all that soon.

Well, don't have too much to say, I have been stuffing lolly bags all night for DS's birthday party on sunday. What started as a little gathering seems to have snow-balled into the social event of the year:rolleyes: so I have been flatout. As I said, we only just bought Asha home last week, and as sad as it was, it really is good to have her here with us. I wish I did it earlier. Also, after lots of deliberation and research DP and I have decided to officially start TTC this month. :D My doctor at the hospital said to wait 6 months because I had a cesarean, but it seems too long, so I have talked to a friend of a friend who is a midwife, and she said that that is a standard line the hospital uses and is more to do with emotional healing than physical. My GP said I am good to go, I am healed well. Physically, all went perfectly with the op and I feel excellent, emotionally, I know I am ready, it will be hard now, but I doubt it will be much easier in 3 more months. And hey, if Britney Spears can have two C's in 12 months, so can I!! :lol: So I can join you all legit now. Yay!!

Hey everyone,

Clare - thinking of you today. Let us know how you go with the scan.

Bailey - welcome aboard - officially!!! That is great that you are TTC and can join us on this journey. I wish you every success and hope that you get your BFP very soon :hug: Have fun on Sunday - sounds like you will have a very full house!

Spring - hope you are ok and not stressing too much for Tuesday's scan. I know it is easy for me that say that and I know I will be just like you when I finally get there.

Nat - how are your bathrooms???? I need to do mine - think it will be a tomorrow job. I am off the the Stitches and Craft show today at Rosehill with the MIL. Sorry I'm a bit of a crafty nerd and like to make things like jewellery and handbags. My next project is Cooper's scrapbook but I have no idea where to start so hopefully someone today can help me. I also wouldn't mind learning mozaics (sp???) All these things help to keep me busy which is the main thing. Have you tested yet?

Jo - in case you are reading the posts, just want you to know that I am thinking of you. Hope you are ok :hug:

Mel - how are you going? I hope work is treating you ok.

Hi to everyone else.

Well I better go and get ready for my day out, I'll pop in later. (let's not hope it is baby's day out like last time I decided to venture out of the house!!!!!)

Just got back from scan, baby now measures exactly to my dates, 9w4d so we have made up 5 days in 3 weeks! Of course we cried, especially seeing bubs dancing around the screen, waving his / her little arms about. I will download the photos when I work out how so you can all have a look. I have also had to change my NT scan to 28th Feb instead of 7th March due to the change in due date.

I hope you are all well. Thanks for your support over the last few weeks / months, you have all been amazing.

Clare I am so glad the scan went well and you got to see your little bubba. Would love to see the photos. Big :hugs: