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Thread: TTC after Late Loss/Recurrent Miscarriage/Stillbirth after the 1st trimester ~Jan #2

  1. #1
    kirsty Guest

    Default TTC after Late Loss/Recurrent Miscarriage/Stillbirth after the 1st trimester ~Jan #2

    If you have found yourself in this forum you no doubt have had a painful journey. TTC after recurrent miscarriage/stillbirth or Late Loss takes special courage and support. The aim of this forum is to provide a place where women who have endured loss can share their stories, friendships, treatments and triumphs!

    My greatest wish is that you all leave this forum with nice big fat positives in the shortest possible time!!!

    If at any time you'd like to make a suggestion, complaint or provide any feedback for this forum, please contact one of your following moderators

    Flowerchild ~ [email protected]
    Kirsty ~ [email protected]
    Tiggy - [email protected]
    Cailin - [email protected] Admin



    or alternately you may contact Kelly at [email protected] (however she may take a little longer to respond at times!).

    We appreciate all your feedback as it does help to make our forums a much happier, relaxed place to chat! We will always take your comments seriously - all comments are treated confidentially...

    Also, don't forget to check out the informative BellyBelly Conception Articles.

  2. #2
    kirsty Guest

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    Hiya lovely ladies, last thread is here

  3. #3

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    Hi again everyone.
    Bec G - Thanks for sharing your story of Charlotte. It made me sad to hear they were telling you all that stuff during labour, as if you didn't have enough to worry about. I am sure she was beautiful, but I was the same, i was afraid of what she would look like. One of my first reactions when they asked me if I wanted to see her was that I couldn't cos if she looked like my son it would make it so much harder. Turns out she did. My only pics are the hospital ones too, but I am so glad I have them now. And I like you get through by knowing that their daddy's saw them.

    Lynn - Good luck with your results tommorrow. And you make sure you stalk your doc all day til you get those results. I'm sure that you won't get into too much trouble if it's your first stalking offense

    Dream - Thanks for your words. As you said about sometimes having too much info, I think what I did wrong was look into too many different things instead of waiting to find out about my own circumstances iykwim. I too like to know the details, I think this will make me more aware in my next pregnancy and you're right, ask the Dr's more questions. And yes, I have been here more, cant stop me now

    Spring - Glad to hear you had a great time on the harbour, lucky you! So do you think the rello's bought your excuses for staying away from the champers?? Don't worry, you'll be celebrating soon enough. Not sure if I missed something in a previous post, but why does hubby have to go to Canberra? Does he work there? Hope you're OK without him. You don't realise how much you need them til they go huh? (But don't tell them that )

    Mel - I hope you're feeling OK. That's really beautiful about Barney.

  4. #4

    Join Date
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    Hi all you wonderful women,

    Hope today today has been kind to you all, its seems we need some+++vibes in here.

    Lynn- Been thinking about you, we went down and had fish & chips on the beach, theres a half moon over the sea and there was just a slight breeze, I thought of your pome about the angels....I think all our babies were out tonight, playing in the breeze and soft moon light and I did have a smile......for all of us. How was dinner? did you have a drink? Good luck with bt results will talk later.

    Mel - Hope your feeling better tonight, thats one of our favourite songs, as I said to lynn tonight was special...I was thinking about all of us down there.

    Spring - What a great day by the sounds of it! good job with the passing the champ!! I always say that the medication im on you cant drink with....My close girlfriends are cathing on but now I might try your one next time. Where did you go on the harbour? where there fireworks lastnight? Hope tomorrow is not so tough and DH is home before you know it!

    Bailey - Im glad your here more! Im not sure if it was you or Bec that lived in the E/S I could pick you up if need be, just let me know.

    Bec - Hope your had a good weekend.

    Clare - How you feeling? ms eased up any yet

    Kirsty -Im dido with the girls please pass on my thoughts to deb we do miss her so much in here She said so many beautiful things to me when I lost the plot, I hope she feels our love beening sentxxxxx. When do you go back and get your test results?

    I read through the post but had to put DS to bed in between so Ive missed where I was upto.....so if I missed anyone Im so sorry. A weird thing happen tonight DS told us that he was waiting in heaven with God till we got married so he could come down into my tummy, He knew that when daddy was born and then mummy that we would be the ones he picked and just had to wait, he wanted to know what took so long!!! but when I put him to bed he asked why his sister or brother arnt here yet......I have bumps all over me at the moment......do they know so much more then us? Anyway DH is off playing with some bluetooth thing for his car and needs me to help...of course so Ill calll back later if its not to late....Feds just won the tennis!!

  5. #5
    clare076 Guest

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    Hi ya girls

    Firstly, Deb thinking of you hun. Hope to see you in here again as soon as you are ready.

    Just a quick post, it has been a very emotional day so far. I went to work today for the 3rd last time and got greeted by all these staff members saying "ohhh I hear you're pregnant again" I just burst into tears. I didn't want people to know, especially until we have all the tests done. We haven't even told family yet and my boss goes and tells half the staff that that is the reason I am leaving. To make matters worse, none of them know about Max, and they are all talking like this is my 2nd baby not my 3rd. I mean I know I lost Max early in the 2nd tri, but it still hurts that my little man is not acknowledged. Well I lost the plot and amidst tears told them all very bluntly that they shouldn't have been told and no this is not my second baby, I have a girl and a boy already!

    So I get home and we have a bush fire close to our house, DP and I got in a huge fight (well he started yelling and swearing and called me a fool!) because I asked him if he had upped the house insurance. Of course he hadn't and wasn't happy that I had disrupted the cricket.:eek:

    So now I am laying in bed feeling very sorry for myself, peed off with DP (I am refusing to talk to him now, no one calls me a fool and gets away with it) I am having major cramps, m/s and the silly travel bands have irritated the skin on my wrists

    Oh what will tomorrow bring :icon_question:

  6. #6

    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    Hi
    I was wondering if I could join your thread - I lost my baby a few weeks ago at 24wks. I am still trying to come to terms with the fact that it has happened and thought I may get support (and provide support) from this thread.

    I have not read through any of your backgrounds and will do that today - but just wanted to say I am sorry for your losses too.
    Thanks, T.

  7. #7

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    Hey everyone,

    Wow we fill up these threads quickly... I am pretty sure my long threads have nothing to do with it

    Tess - I am so sorry to hear about your darling boy Thomas I wish so much you didn't have to join us, but you are more than welcome. You have come to the right place for support, these ladies are wonderful and have gotten me through some very dark days.

    Nat - What your son said gave me goose bumps as well... I often wonder if children are more intuitive than we give them credit for, like they have been here before. Glad to hear Feds won... hubba hubba

    Clare - That is awful about your work, how dare they tell everyone when you asked them not to. Some people need a big lesson is human decency! You are already mother of 2, and I am glad you put them back in their place. I am sorry to hear you had an argument with your hubby, it sounds like it was a rough day all round. I am sure you will work things out soon. But hey, I hope those fires are under control!

    Lynn - I hope you are feeling ok today, yesterday must have been tough but you know you were in my thoughts :hugs:

    Spring - Thanks for the chat, I always feel so much better after talking to you. Hopefully today is ok at work and they don't have you working too late.

    Just wanted to tell you all something that I think is really cute, as you all know I was having my family over on Saturday night for an early birthday celebration and my nephew Wil came with my parents and his parents (my sister) came a bit later on. Anyway, when they got there they gave me a present and I asked Wil if he wanted to help me open the present, so he went to rip into the present but I pulled off the card and said you always have to read the card first, so I opened it up and silently read it to myself, so Wil tried to read it (although being only 3 he actually can't read a word) and read "Dear Mel & Wil", lmao it was so funny, so I said wow you are so clever that is exactly what it says... anyway, insignificant but it makes me laugh he is such a funny kid.

    To everyone else I hope you are all well, have a good day.

    Mel

  8. #8
    kirsty Guest

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    Tess welcome to the group & may I pass on my condolences on the loss of your precious little man Thomas.

  9. #9

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    Hey Everyone,

    Tess - welcome. I am so sorry that you have lost your precious little angel. I am sorry that we have to meet under these circumstance but you will find loads of support here from these wonderful women.

    Mel - thinking of you babe I hope you are feeling a little bit better today. It is ok to cry, some days that is all I do and I can't stop. What I have realised is that there is nothing wrong with me, I am just missing Cooper so much that crying is the other thing that I can do. There is nothing wrong with you either, cry if you need to. I still get upset when I see babies on TV (and they are everywhere all of a sudden!!!!). DH and I were watching cheaper by the dozen on Saturday night and there was a pregnant girl in it, which didn't bother me that much, but at the end she gives birth and the husband comes out to the waiting room and says to his FIL, do you want to come and meet your grandson. I just bawled my eyes out because I wished so much to say that to my parents and DH's parents.
    Your nephew is beautiful and I am so glad that he made you laugh..........and smile.

    Nat - that is so beautiful that you thought of all our angels when you felt the breeze. I had a little tear when I read - all our babies are out playing. I used to always get so upset when I first lost Cooper because I thought he was alone and that hurt me so much because I couldn't be with him to look after him and protect him. But now I know he isn't lonely because he is playing with all the angels. Cooper is probably getting up to mischief (if he is anything like his father!!!!) and leading all the other angels a stray
    Dinner was nice - we had a huge seafood platter. I ate way too much but it was good. No I didn't have a drink. I haven't had a drink since I fell pregnant with Cooper. Since Cooper's birth, I just haven't been able to have one. At first I still felt pregnant, seeing my belly but then it was like I can't have a drink because I should be breastfeeding. My friend asked me if I had had a drink to numb the pain, but I said to her that nothing can numb this pain. Now I am not drinking because I don't miss it and just don't feel like it. Plus it is better for me not to because of the weight issue - trying to keep it down to give me a better chance of TTC. I will have a huge celebratory drink once I have that miracle in my arms.
    What your son said gave me goosebumps too. I think kids are smarter than we give them credit for sometimes. Enjoy the acupuncture - I might have to look into this if this month is not successful.

    Clare - I can't believe your boss did that! Some people just don't think before they speak (I have found that out a number of times!!!). I am so sorry that they made you feel like that. I can totally understand that you want Max acknowledged - he should be. He is your son. I feel the same way about Cooper. I'm glad that you were able to tell them that you are a proud mother of 2 already. Big :hugs: to you - I hope the m/s has eased a little bit and the travel bands ease up on your skin. I hope today is a better day for you.

    Jo - hope you are well, haven't heard from you for a while. Probably busy typing up all those recipes for me

    Spring - hope you are ok today and not missing DH too much. Hope you are not too busy at work either.

    Well Bailey, I did stalk my ob and it is my first stalking offense!!

    I called at 9am and they didn't have the results, they said to call back at 10.30am. So I called back and the receptionist said that my ob has taken my results and would like to talk about it with me. So of course I freak out! He didn't do that last time. So I am on hold for what seems like years and eventually he comes on the phone and confirms that I did O. I just felt so sick the minute he told me. I am so excited because at least now I know I am working but.......................what does that mean now. He told me to wait until next Monday to see if AF has showed or do a HPT. Yeah right, as if I can wait until next Monday - that is a week away! Anyway I sat on the lounge and just cried. I don't know why. I think some of it was happy tears because my body is doing what it should and I think some were nervous tears. I am going to try to hold out as long as possible before doing the HPT because I know if I get a -ve I will be so upset. Let's hope it happened.............

  10. #10

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    Hey Lynn -

    That is great news, I know you are a little nervous but it really is wonderful

    By the way, you and I are due for AF on the exact same day - MONDAY :eek:

    for both of us, I am the same as you I will be devastated if she rears her very ugly head!

    It IS really good news

    Mel

  11. #11
    kerry Guest

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    Tess - I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Thomas. Every time we have a new person join our group a part of me cries inside, but know that you are welcome and I hope we can help you during this time.

    Mel - :hugs: I'd be up for a melbourne meet. Like you I am half way between Melbourne and Geelong so am tipping we are in a very similar areas. That said if you just need a catch up or a coffee-buddy I am here for you. This is my email jmcarey76 @ hotmail.com if you want to get my number. Oh and you wouldn't have to worry about Bridie, if you weren't up to a 1 year old's company I have a fantastic family support network who would be more than willing for some time with her. I find that around the 2 to 3 month mark is hardest because its when the impact of your loss seems to deminish for everyone else and you start feeling like everyone else is say, gee she should be over it by now. THIS IS SO NOT THE CASE, part of you will never be over it, you will just adjust to it and accept it more, and it will only happen with time and how long doesn't matter and isn't anyone else's business, it happens when it happens... a little bit each day. Regarding your counsellor... I would be looking elsewhere, that behaviour is not acceptable. Alternatively if you were feeling strong, I would confront her about it. Don't be scared to ring the CMHN in your area, they are maternal health nurses too and there to help you as well, and will. They should be able to refer you to a beter counsellor for starters and are usually trained in greif councelling themselves. Also they would know of other women in your area who have or are suffering the same loss atm... maybe even know of a support group or be able to organise one. If you have any hassels let me know and I will talk to my CMHN on your behalf, she is brilliant.

    OK super busy at work so no time really for everything else I need and want to say... thinking of you all and when I get some time will be back with heaps of personals..

    OH work.. Clare - Huge hug for you too sweety. What a mentally defective boss to tell other people your news like that... I'm tipping its a male(the boss)!. Don't forget sweety, emotions and rationale go out the window during first tri... its like the hormonal rollercoaster from hell.

    Oh me... getting better everyday, just playing catch up at work. I think I need a sherpa to get the everest of paperwork under control.

  12. #12
    kerry Guest

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    lynn - Recipies are coming.. in the mean time I have bumped up some old low carb (therefore low gi) recipies in the recipe forum.. they may be on the second page by now.

    Alright.. so I fibbed, am not as great as I make out... just had a meltdown in the toilet at work.. and over the most stupid thing, sigs. I'm not critisising anyones sig, I LOVE YOUR SIGS, I have sig envy.. its just that as most of my angels were 13w or less I don't know if they were boys or girls. As you also know I have had my angels in and out of my sig (well mainly out) and until recently (last week) they were unkown of to the sig. My last 2 Iost souls were twin boys at nearly 16w. I never named them. They all deserve names but especially my boys, I can't use the I didn't know what the baby was. That sounds so wrong, of course I know what my angels were, they were babies... my babies, ok being totally irrational now. But then I have a dilema... At the 6w scan I had 3 sacs but only 2 heart beats... and I feel that I can't name 2 and not the third, but then I don't know if my angle was a boy or a girl. Then there are all the other unknown or named angels and it feels wrong to name 2 and not the others. hell i thought I had delt with this stuff and here it all is again. Sorry girls this is so selfish and indulgent of me, I shouldn't dump this on you all.. its actually really stupid and childish.
    Last edited by kerry; January 29th, 2007 at 02:29 PM.

  13. #13

    Join Date
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    Tess - I am so sorry to hear about your little Thomas. You have come to the right place, the support here is amazing. I only joined a couple of weeks ago, but can honestly say I have felt so much better after talking to ladies who can understand what you are going through.

    Kerry - I am sorry that you don't know if your angels are boys or girls. I have a friend who also has lost two bubs too early to know the sex, and she decided to still name them, but give them names that could be used for either sex. Don't feel that your post is stupid or childish, that is why we are all here, so we can come on here and talk, vent and get heard and support from the only people that can really understand. I hope you are feeling better.

    Mel & Lynn - for you both for next week.

  14. #14

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    Jo - You are not childish or stupid, I sort of see where you are coming from. Almost like you don't want to feel like you are acknowledging 2 of your angels and not the rest. I agree with Bailey though, maybe you could give your 2 boys names (I think it is never ever too late), and the angels you don't know the sex of you could give unisex names, even if it is just a nickname. It may make you feel a little better and it might further help you with what you have been going through. Maybe it would make you feel a little better having your "named" angels in your sig. You have every right to individualise them, even if you think it is a silly name it doesn't matter. Did you have any nicknames for them before they became angels? Anyway, it's something to think about. I am sorry you had such an awful day, I hope your evening is a little better. Re Melbourne catch up I would definitely be interested, and you would not have to leave Bridie with anyone - my husband has 3 kids (including a 2 year old) and my sister has a 3 year old and 3 month old so I will be fine... as long as I got to have a cuddle cause she sounds absolutely adorable Anyway, I will email you.

    By the way, it's just when you feel you have dealt with everything and are getting better that it all comes flooding back like it happened yesterday. I often wonder will that ever go away? Just don't put the pressure on yourself to be OK, I guess it is hard with a little one to look after but you are still entitled to have your bad days.

    Bailey - Thanks for the good luck, I think I will need it... I am becoming more and more convinced each day that I am NOT pregnant :frown:

    Hope everyone else is well.

    Mel

  15. #15

    Join Date
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    Hi
    Thank you all for your welcome it is most appreciated. I hope I can provide support to you all in the near future too.

    T.

  16. #16

    Join Date
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    Tess: I am so sorry for the loss of your angel baby Thomas. You have come to the right place. The ladies here support you no matter what and you can feel safe to say whatever you need to. We are all here to listen to you and help you through this painful journey. Huge :hugs: sweetie.

    Jo: I can't imagine how confused you must feel. Each little baby, no matter how many weeks is a soul and you are their mum. I sort of have a similar situation. I lost Harrison's twin at 7 weeks. I had seen the heartbeat but never knew the gender. I call that baby Pumpkin. It is a pet name that I used sometimes and it just seemed perfect for me. If you find that you want to give those angel babies a name I agree with Mel and perhaps a unisex name is a good idea. I hope you are feeling better tonight babe. I am thinking of you.

    Mel: It was great talking last night. Sorry if I sounded a little distant, I guess Matt leaving yesterday affected me more than I thought it would. Anyway I had a talk to him later that night and then again tonight so I feel better. How absolutely adoroable is Wil. I can imagine how him singing the Barney song broke your heart but what a beautiful thing for him to remember. He sounds like such a sweet little soul. I see in your post below that you feel that you are going to get a BFN, well I just want to say hun that it is not over yet and I am sending massive BFP vibes your way. Hang in there, I want this for you so much.

    Lynn: How are you today babe? What great news that you have O'd. I know you are feeling mixed emotions about it but I felt the same when we were TTC. It is not disloyal to Cooper to want to a baby brother or sister for him but I know how it can make you feel really nervous and confused. I have everything crossed for a BFP for you this month. Hang in there babe.

    Dream: What an amazing thing DS said to you. I have goosebumps all over my body. It really makes you wonder doesn't it. Children are just so innocent that when they say something as insightful as that it just means so much. What a wonderful child.

    Bailey: How are you sweetie? About DH being in Canberra, he is doing training there with the AFP until June and he will be coming home on the weekends so it is a big bummer but hopefully the time will fly.

    Clare: What you boss did is not only disgraceful and disrespectful but there may also be some legal issues in terms of privacy and confidentiality. I am glad you have left, you don't need the stress. You do have a daughter and a son and nothing can take that away.

    Well I have spent the night trying to control my crazy dogs. I love them to bits but whenever DH is away, they go into protection mode and bark at anything including darn birds. The really look at DH as boss and me as an equal so it takes me a while for them to calm down and listen to me. Oh well,hopefully the neighbours will be ok. They are quiet at night which is important. It is just when I have been at work all day and get home that they loose their mind with excitment.

    I hope everyone is ok.

    Take care
    Spring

  17. #17

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    Jo - I am so sorry that you have had such a terrible day. Hope tonight is better for you. Sending you a big
    Perhaps it may help you a little bit if you do name your angels. I agree with the other girls about using unisex names for the ones that you are unsure of. It is definitely not selfish or stupid of you to post your message. If you decide to name your angels and would like some suggestions for unisex names, I would be happy to help. Did you have names for your babies before they became angels?

    Mel - I hope your feeling of not being pregnant is sooooooooo wrong. I would love for you and me to post on Monday saying that we got our BFP. I still have my for you. I hope the wicked witch stays away from both of us. I'll knock her down before she can get through your door.

    Thanks Bailey for the good luck. I got over the first hurdle having o'd now I just need to get over the next one. Am trying to be positive but I'm so nervous and scared :eek:

  18. #18
    kerry Guest

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    Thanks everyone. You have no idea how many times I popped in to edit and remove the 'breakdown' section of my post.. but i think I knew that I had reach supression overload. I tend to sepress my grief over my lost babies for many reasons, guilt that it is somehow my fault, the fact that most of my family and friends don't even know about my angels (too scarred to talk about pg until past the first tri, and with my boys because of the fact dh and I had seperated so didn't want to be listening to all the family garbage that was to go with being pg) and also because I worry that it will somehow affect Brigid. I know this just means when the tough shell cracks its like a flood but I can't explain why I have to handle things like this, it definately isn't healthy or helping. I can honestly say joining you all has given me the courage to face my losses and embrace my babies that were meant to fly not walk.

    Naming - because of my history I tend to not get attached too much to my darlings until after the first tri, then I nicname them. Brigid was Bigfoot because of a comment the sonographer made about the size of her feet. The boys were t1 & t2 and also bert and ernie.. So I suppose I could call them Bert and Ernie as I have relatives of those names also. I was tossing up naming them Thomas (the twin) and Cogan (co-wan, old irish name meaning "of a multiple birth'). I feel I need to also name B's lost twin, even if it is just something like LittleFoot, because of when she is older and I decide to tell her about her lost twin it will be nicer to have a name for the angel.

    For my unknown angels I was thinking maybe if I named them after the birth stone or flower for the months of the year they were lost in. Or maybe even breeds of birds, because they grew wings and flew away?

    Oh well a least I feel much better after my catartic breakdown of yesterday and thank you all so so much for the support and re-assurance you have given me.

    Mel and Lynn - thinking of you every night before bed and sending anti AF and BFP vibes your way. OK that sounds wierd... I meditate before bed and concentrate on things then send out positive energy towards them, I don't know if it does anything other than help me sleep but you never know.

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