Oh Chez, I am sorry hun. I hope that with your cycle coming into sync, you have better and better chances. I hope your next month is the perfect month for you. We had similar feelings around due dates and birth dates etc.
Thinking of you xx
Oh Chez, I am sorry hun. I hope that with your cycle coming into sync, you have better and better chances. I hope your next month is the perfect month for you. We had similar feelings around due dates and birth dates etc.
Thinking of you xx
Thanks Gigi1
I have been quite emotional since the weekend, which is easy to put down to PMS now, but looking back on it I was an emotional, moody cow! Yesterday and today I have been very teary and doing quite a bit of comfort eating of chocolate, which so unlike me. I think part of it is hormonal but also because it was this time last year we found out I was pg and it meant the beginning of what should have been good things for us, which have turned out to be difficult memories. Even showing my neighbours, who are lovely and treat us like part of their family, our wedding photos was very hard. It took me back to a time when I was pg still and we had such hope and love and were so happy. But then a few weeks later it all turned bad. I am hoping that next year brings good things for us; it is about the only thing that is keeping me going at the moment. And to make things worse DH is away for work just when I need him around to hold me.
Anyway, thanks for understanding. I hope for lots of good things for you and all the ladies here who have all had such a painful journey so far :grouphug:
oxo
Oh hun, we have just gone past that date too. It was surprisingly difficult even though we didn't place a lot of emphasis on it leading up to it. It is the begining of a whole heap of anniversaries for us, not sure if you feel the same way. It was like all of a sudden, 'this time last year' just started coming into our every conversation together. Oh boy, Christmas too.
Sweety, i am sorry DH is not there right now. I send you a big hug and can only say you are not alone in thought, i am thinking of you.
Cheryl, big hugs hun :hug: It's so hard getting past those times when we had such high hopes only to have ended up with painful memories. When I passed mine back in late May/early June (12 months since my egg retrival and finding out we were pg) I was so sad as that was the begining of having Joshua in our lives only to lose him 4 and a half months later. With this pg I'm trying to stay so positive, although sometimes I'm riddled with fear of the happiness being taken away from me again, but I live in hope and try to focus on the many positives I have in my life. When you are pg, you will do the same, and suddenly the empty hole in your life will fill up again, with new joy, excitement and new future ahead of you.
I just wish that it happens for you soon hun, be patient and believe that what ever the universe has in store for you it will happen when it's meant to.
B xxx
hello ladies,
A really really quick post today, I'll catch up later (i should't even be on the computer let alone on Belly) :shhh: :) any way AF arrived on Monday. Dissapointment again i really felt positive this time. :cry: Quick question, DH was on Antibiotics about 3 months ago for about 1 month, i've been thinking about it and i was wondering if this could be part of the problem???? anyone have any thoughts? do antibiotics have an effect on the little wrigglies? sorry if it's a dumb question.
thinking of you all
Hi ladies
Samcougar - sorry that AF has visited you as well :hug: I haven't heard anything about the side effects of anti-biotics on sperm so I can't answer your question. Maybe try a google search?
Gigi and Beata - :grouphug: thanks for your kind and understanding words. I too hadn't really placed much emphasis on the lead up to this month. I guess it was always in the back of my mind but I didn't think it was playing on my mind until wham I was hit with all of this emotion and I found myself turning into a blubbering mess again. I had always imagined that the anniversary of Ryan's birth would be very hard but hadn't anticipated feeling like this now at all, so I guess it caught me unprepared. Anyway, I seem to be doing ok now. I am trying to keep looking forward and focus on being healthy and strong, and to not be too hard on myself when I do feel down. Some days are just harder to do that sometimes.
Hi to Aries, blessedatlast, Teagz and cmeglles. Hope you are all doing well.
AFM looking forward to the weekend. Lots of preparation to do before we head off to WA for Christmas next weekend. And I have to bake the Christmas cake to take. Fingers crossed that turns out ok - it is my first effort at making a fruit cake.
I hope everyone has a great weekend.
oxo
Hello everyone,
Samcougar I tried to look up the effect on antibiotics on sperm motility in some of the medical websites I have access to but couldn't find anything. I am reading a book called Trying Again: A Guide to Pregnancy After Miscarriage and in there it does say that some antibiotics can effect sperm but gives no specifics. Sorry I can't be of more help.
Chez- I am sorry that this past week has been so difficult. I haven't hit anything more than our 1 month anniversary of our loss and that was really hard for me. I hope your fruit cake is wonderful. (It does sound so good right now)
I just wanted to share a quick story because I was devastated last night--crying all night, luckily my DH is wonderful. My husband and I went out to dinner for my father-in-law's birthday last night. My mother-in-law is quitting her job and moving somewhere warm for the winter, we were talking about different jobs she might want to do when she says "Actually, I just want to be a grandmother. Could you get started on that?" I said "Um sorry that is in the plans, but there are some medical things that we need to work out" biting back tears. I kept my composure until we got home when I just lost it. She has suffered losses herself- how can she day that? I deal with the devastation of losing MY CHILD every day. It's not like I did it on purpose or that I don't want children. I have never wanted anything more in my life. The doctors I saw advised me that people will say the wrong thing---but how can anybody say that to me? My husband said she was trying to be funny-BUT THERE IS NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT OUR LOSSES. I am tearing up now, and am still really upset over it. We are supposed to have dinner with them for an early Christmas next weekend--I just don't know if I can do it.
I am sorry to vent, but I felt you all might understand how distraught I am by her words.
I sincerely hope ALL of you do not experience this!
Hugs and Babydust to all!
:o Some of the things that come out of peoples mouths still amaze me... Just when I think I'd heard it all.:
Just wanted to give you a hug, sweets :hug:
Hi cmeglles
OMG - :o I can't believe your MIL said that to you! And when she has suffered loss herself, how could she be so thoughtless and selfish? Congratulations on remaining composed and saying what you did. I don't think I could have reacted as calmly as you did, and your loss has been so recent :hug:. I can completely understand your concern about seeing her again on the weekend for an early Christmas. I know you are very upset at the moment but perhaps you could try speaking to her on the phone and let her know that you are very upset by her comments. Maybe she was trying to express herself but didn't do it so well. Yes, people do say some thoughtless things, often when they feel upset themselves and don't know what to say, so they say something that makes themselves feel better and forget about the message that is being received. If you have an otherwise good relationship with your in-laws I would suggest you try to either work through this with her by explaining how YOU are doing and feeling and that YOU need HER support. Otherwise try to forget it and move on, but that will be very difficult if you are anything like me - I'm an elephant and never forget those sorts of things.
I really hope you are able to get through this. Each day can be so hard without having to put up with thoughtless cr@p like that. :hug: Sending you lots of love and babydust.
oxo
Hi Ladies
Selfish post
Sorry I have been MIA the last few days - We lost my Nana on Thursday night. My cherished best friend, my mentor and my light in the tough times. Boy what a year 2009 has shaped up to be. My only comfort is that I hope she has my baby angel in her arms right now, giving him those cuddles that I so desperatley want to give him myself.
She was only 72. Very sudden, brain aneurism (sp?).
So very lost but am even more determined to get pg this Christmas. Just finished my course of clomid so fingers are crossed for the coming week. I hope we have some eggies (proper ones!) on that scan on Monday.
Will come back later for personals.
My love to all xox
Hi,
Haven't got much time but couldn't not respond when I saw Aries post.. I am so sorry about your Nana, Aries what a horrid year for you :( Hopefully she is giving your bubba a cuddle for you, like you said. Good luck with falling pg, you never know, your Nana might help you out on that one all the way from the sky ;)
Aries, so sorry hun. It is horrible to lose your grandma. I miss mine like crazy. I hope she can comfort you from wherever she is now and with your darling little boy watch over you. I am sorry sweety and I send you love and hugs.
HM oxo
Oh Aries, I am so sorry hunni about your Nana's passing :hug: I am more than sure she's holding your little man and giving him plenty of beautiful cuddles. You have had a really tough year hun, but I really hope it gets much better for you soon and a pg would be such a blessing, and if your Nana has her way I'm sure it'll be soon!
GL hun, I pray very hard for you to get your wish :pray:
Aries :hug:
I was so upset reading your post yesterday that I couldn't post a reply until today. I am so very sorry for your loss, and she was not very old at all really. I am sure she is holding your beautiful baby boy and they are both looking after you. With all of that support I am sure you will be pg soon!
It so hard to deal with loss but I think at this time of year it is particularly hard. I hope you have a peaceful time. Thinking of you :hug:
oxo
Thank you so much ladies :hug:
You are all truly amazing....... My Nana was a great lady. I worked on the eulogy with my Mum and Aunty and we could not fault her in any way. Words cannot describe her enough. I can only think that it is Alexander's turn now to have his Great-Nana (Alex was Nana's 6th Great Grandchild) and I hope that they have found each other. It's a nice thought - I can tell you ladies that there is another wonderful angel up there looking after all our babies. Thanks again.
I will try to catch up on personals - here goes:
Chez - Thank you. Nana was 72 but I tell you she would have given anyone younger a run in the fitness stakes! It just seems so unfair - I am still in shock I think at how quick it happened. We were very close, she was there when my baby was born. I am sorry AF showed up for you. Fingers crossed for next cycle. I hope you enjoy Chrissy with your family and that the fruit cake turned out well!
Beata - Thanks for your thoughts. I hope you are well and taking it easy. I cant believe how quick the time is going for you!
Gigi1 - Thanks also for you wonderful words. Fingers crossed for you this cycle too!
Blessedatlast - Thank you for your kind post. I hope all of your planning is going well for your course. Fingers crossed also for you - whichever comes first!!
Samcougar - Sorry AF showed up for you. I hope that this month gives you a fantastic Chrissy pressie!
Hi to Teagz, Cmeglles & everyone else that I may have forgotten (Not intentional - just a large group now!)
AFM - I had my clomid scan on Monday, and there was no response. No eggs were produced so next cycle will be a double dose of clomid. I cant understand why it worked the first time round but I am having so much trouble with it now........
Anyhoo enough whinging from me, must be off - things to finish off.
Take care xo
:( :( :( Another selfish post from me... I will try and make it as short as I can...
Yesterday I went to my cardiologist at Prince Charles Hospital.. I haven't seen her since before the babies were born/died. Anyway, she asked me what I was using for contraception.. When I told her nothing she was quite concerned and said "You know another pregnancy would be extremely high risk don't you" I said Yes but also questioned her about the fact my heart coped with the pregnancy well and the high risk OB I was under seemed to think the pre term labour was due to twin pregnancy. Although the cardiologist agreed she also said there is a a link to fontan mothers and pre term labour :( (Fontan was the type of op I had).. So then I went down and had my echo and after she saw the pics from that she said that my left ventricle, which is the one that does most of the work is performing 'fairly'. Not good and not normal.. She advised against pregnancy, but she must have seen the look in my eyes telling her silently where to go, and said it was my decision ultimately and if I do fall pregnant they would do the best they could, I just needed to know it's a risk.. :( So all in all, IF I ever do fall pregnant again, I will be looking at having a premmie bub :( I know doctors aren't always right and there is every reason I could go on to have a healthy bub, it's just hard to hear that what happened with the twins could happen again.. I wish I was born a career woman instead of having this awful maternal yearning.. (Just having a bit of a pity party..)
Blessedatlast,
Sweet, I am so sorry you have ahead of you even more challenges to get your head around. It ain't over 'til the fat lady sings but I can understand in a small way what you must be feeling. I hope with all my heart the doctors are wrong and you can go much further on in the preg safe and without harm. All our love x
Well, this is a bit of a xmasy. I found myself a little out of sorts to say the least the other day in the shopping centre. I drove into the car park swearing my head off that i wasn't here shopping for DD but everyone else instead. It was horrible but i had no desire at that moment to buy anything for anyone else if i couldn't buy for her. ANYWAY, was standing in the middle of the supermarket staring, not sure what i needed to get first and what direction i needed to go. The crowd around me didn't bother me but i couldn't hear them, it was a blur. All i could see were all the things i would buy for her. I just wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. I know i have been told that this can happen, this feeling. But i just didn't think it would happen to me, I love christmas with a passion. I feel like it has been ripped from me. So i went home and continued my shopping on the net. Found a great website where everything was cheaper anyway and it will all get here in time. Look up Peters of Kensington if you are looking for things for less.
So the reason for my post...and I will rewrite this in the memorial ideas section too. Christmas gifts for our angels.
We have decided to use and adapt an idea i read about a couple of days ago just after my shopping experience. We will put a stocking up for DD every year at that time of year...month of Dec or close to. Everyday from then until Christmas day we will write on little pieces of paper all the things we want to tell her, learnt from her, felt from her, thought of her, would have bought for her etc and on Christmas day we will open her stocking for her and read out her gifts.
This might help us feel like we are still including her and 'buying' for her at Christmas. As we become stronger, we will include anyone that wants to give her a gift to, family and friends, children. For this Christmas it will just be us.
Oh, that is just making me all teary now. I will make her a stocking this xmas for all her gifts that money can't buy.
Love to you all and hope this helps someone.
Love Hm xoxo
Gigi1
Your memorial idea is just beautiful.