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I just popped in to see how all you ladies were and I saw Cheryl's fantastic news and I just had to say a MASSIVE CONGRATULATIONS! I am so thrilled for you. Wishing you a H&H eight months. I am so hoping that it is the start of BFP's for everyone.
I have been AWOL for a while as I got my Asherman's treated. I am pleased to say that I had a scan recently and the adhesions had not returned. But as with all good news (or so it seems to be with me lately) there is always a but which is that I have a very thin lining. So there are more challenges ahead of me it seems (including a blocked tube).
Anyway, I have been cleared to TTC for the last 2 months. Last month I knew I was O'ing on my right side - so little chance of falling prego and wow it was amazing how relaxed and zen I was last month knowing I didn't have a chance!! I am hoping I can take that through this month. I am sick of the crazy, obssessed, nutcase I become in the TWW. No more!
Welcome to lollylegs. I am very sorry you are here, sweetie. I hope you find these ladies a great support. I know I did and still do even though I haven't been around much.
Hopefully I will get to know the rest of you ladies a little better over the coming weeks and then we all move over to the pregnancy thread together. I know what I want for Christmas Santa BFP's for everyone!!
Take care all xx
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Well it seems Santa has forgotten me. I got a BFN today.
Hubby is upset too and even offered to come home from work.
It makes me think I am not meant to have a live baby.
Perhaps Ellen will be the only baby of mine I'll ever hold.
Sorry to welcome you here lollylegs......sorry for your pregnancy loss.
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oh Kateo I am sorry hun (((HUGS))) Dont you give up on me, remember we are doing this together. maybe the new year will something different for us... maybe 2010 was just supposed to be for our angels.
Lollylegs - I am sorry aswell to welcome you here. We will be here through out your TTC journey, you will alwasy find a light to stand under. ((HUGS))
Powelly - your words are only too familiar to me. We need to try and see getting pregnant again as a NEW start. We can write our own stories with our minds, feeling a certain way can lead to your body following suit.
SusieQ - we havent met but I am sure we will get to know each other. I love the energy of your post. Good luck on the TTC journey
Afm - about 5 or 6 dpo so well and truely in the tww. and not feeling very good about this month... we have all been sick with either the gastro bug or tonsilitis or sinus crap, so BDing has been a bit of a chore.
Anyway BABYDUST to all.... and chin up...
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Kateo - I am so sorry for your BFN, hun. They really are heart breaking. Please hang in there. I really think it is a double whammy when we get a BFN as our hormones are not in the best place either. Be kind to yourself over the next few days.
Lady Tess - FX for your TWW.
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Dear Lolly legs,
So sorry to welcome you in here hun. I am sorry your little boy was born far too early. I think you will find like all of the other girls in here... that sometimes tragedy seems to be followed by more tragedy. What a devastating year you have had. I hope you find all the love and support you need in here hun. They are a lovely bunch off women whom i would never have come this far without. Welcome and feel free to be as honest as you can. Be gentle with yourself too- is one of the best pieces of advice i was ever given...which i still often rely on. xoxo
SuzieQ- yay you are back . That sounds great for you hun. I am fingers crossed and hoping for the very best. I am glad you got to enjoy some forced down time. Thinking of you and sending you lots of luck and love. Bring on the BFP
Kate- I understand your broken soul hun. Take some time to greive hun and take some rest. I hope you get to come back with renewed hope. If not- we are here for you to get you through to what ever your next step in life might be. I often find myself after so many years but especially now feeling like we will not get to have a child. I hope that our DD is not the only baby we will ever hold of our own. Oh god I hop- but i very very often share that same fear hun. It is all consuming and I hope for you, all of us, it is not true. Take some time hun and chat in here as much or as little as you want or need love. xoxoox
Tess-Oh the delightful TWW...I am with you here too hun...waiting! If it helps at all and this is not to give you false hope that being sick ' improves your chances' - not at all. What i do want to say is that being sick will certainly not stop you from falling pregnant (of course it is horrible dtd when you are battling everything else. We fell pregnant with DD while both of us were ill. In my case we are starting to think that it might have helped US. Simply because someone has just bought up the argument that my body might be treating a pregnancy like a foreign virus or something it needs to get rid of. Oh god who know but my long winded point is being sick won't necessarily impede falling pregnant. It is alos good having a 'reason' we can process as to why we might not have fallen pregnant. Oh it is so complicated...our minds and the TWW. You are obviously doing better than i hun. xoxoxoxo
AFM- CD27 and hangin in there. I did a POAS yesterday and it was a neg. I really think i ovulated late and for that reason i still have hope and holding on to that. Will keep you up to date. xoxoxo Love and belief for you all.xxooxox
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Kate - BIG hugs to you. That sucks that you got a BFN. There's still time before the year is out but I think starting 2011 fresh will be a good thing. Be kind to yourself and dust yourself off and try again :-)
Lady tess - you and I are in the same sort of time frame! I'm also in the 2ww and feeling nervous. Good luck and hope to hear some fantastic news from you soon!
Gi - any news? Where are you now and have you tested again? FINGERS CROSSED!
AFM - I'm CD27, AF due tomorrow and it's not usually late. Have had some pretty nasty and constant cramps which make me thing either AF is on her way or I'm going to suffer a 3rd consecutive miscarriage. Felt this way the last two times too, though AF was coming for sure, even stocked up on tampons. I'm still refusing to POAS and will see how long I can hold out for. I guess I'll know soon enough if AF decides to turn up. Sorry for saying AF so many times! hahahahaha
Big hugs to all!
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Oh Powelly- you make me chuckle- even in your TWW heighten state you can still crack a joke to make me smile hun. I should really charge you $10 for every AF!!
You have incredible stamina hun. ih ave already tested a few times. I see (for me) no point in holding out. It just kills me. I hope with all my heart tat these signs you are having are ones of pregnancy hun. xoxox
AFM- CD30 now and no sign of af...but BFNs too. So i am still waiting. Fingers crossed. xoxoxoxo
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Hi all. It's been a while since I posted, so bear with me
Chez - congratulations on your BFP. Thanks for your kind words of support.
Gigi1 - Thanks for all your kind words. It must be hard not having people mention your DD. For us, we're a family of 3 even though Leo's not with us anymore. I don't need to talk about him all the time, but I also don't want to avoid talking about him.
I think it's good you're concentrating on health. Sometimes the focus on babies can just do your head in. When you want something so bad and you cant MAKE it happen on cue, it's so scary.
Good luck this month. I hope you are able to put a BFP under the tree for your DH. I love the idea of notes in your DD's stocking.
Powelly - good luck for this month. I hope you have a BFP in time for Christmas. I understand the not testing early. I'm not sure I could avoid that, but I'm nosy like that. Though with my pregnancies, I generally "know" very early, even before testing. I hope the cramps are just implantation.
Lady Tess - I hope you are feeling better. I also know that fear of what if Leo was our only baby? I'm terrified we may never be able to have a healthy, take home baby. Last week it was hitting me really hard, this week I'm feeling more positive. I mean, we are screwed by statistics already. Surely we deserve a break?
It was wrong of your OB to suggest you'd be preg again by a certain date, but I imagine he/she may not know what to say. I'm not sure what your shrink meant, but I've found comfort in holding babies. I allow myself to get teary that it isn't Leo, but babies give me hope (some days, other days they just represent what we don't have)
Kateo - I'm so sorry for the BFN. I agree with Tess - 2010 may be our angels' year.
lollylegs - I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you find the support you need here. You've certainly been through the wringer this year. Lots of hugs for today. I hope you're doing something for your little man. We took the day together and ended up having a family dinner to remember our DS on his EDD.
SusieQ - we haven't met. I hope you get your Christmas BFP.
AFM - I decided over the weekend not to TTC at all for the rest of the year. DH wanted to wait anyway, but I'd been planning on giving things a go between Xmas/NY. But I just don't feel ready. Part of it is superstition, like 2010 was Leo's year. It was this cycle last year he was conceived on 3 Dec. Next cycle would have me O'ing around Boxing day, which would be his 5 month birthday. I'm just not physically or emotionally ready.
So I was looking to the Jan cycle and realised all thing going well, I'll be fertile for his 6 month anniversary.
I feel like I'm in limbo land. It's been 4 months since we met our little man. 4 months since he died. I miss him so much. It's my birthday next week and he won't be here with me. Then there's Christmas. I don't want to ignore it, because I've always loved Christmas, even though I'm not a Christian. I bought a little tree bauble that you can put photos in and created one for Leo. I also have 2 others. I don't know whether to make them Leo decorations and give them to my parents or keep them for future children. I think I'll give them away. I'm also decorating the tree in blue and gold this year, for our boy.
I think we're going to get hammered Boxing Day. It might not be the best way to honour our little boy, but we've been doing all the "right" grief things, I think we can let go for a day.
Does anyone else have left over pregnancy things they're dealing with? I still have SPD and look 4-5 months pregnant. I don't know how to shift the baby weight when I can't run. I'm doing pilates 2 x week. I'm trying to go for more walks. As far as I can tell, the colostrum has finally cleared up - I miss it actually. I weigh the same as pre-pregnancy but the shape is all wrong. It upsets me and is part of my limbo land feeling. I'm not pregnant but I look it. I gave birth but I don't have a baby.
Sorry for the novel. I hope you're all well.
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Tash- I found it another loss to have my colostrum stop. I found it a huge comfort to have it- providing for my baby, another piece of evidence that she existed.
It sounds like you are moving through things nicely despite the limbo land hun. Each day will seem clearer. Superstition or not, it sounds like the break until the new year is perfect for you hun.
I find myself weighing more than i did before i fell pregnant...19mth after DD was born. I find it harder to get it off than before. I don't know, i guess our bodies change with hormones and age. It takes twice as much work to shift it. bugger really. It is frustrating. I didn't help myself, that after DD was born my diet went out the window and I ate so badly in some rebelious effort to stick two fingers up to the universe. Pain in the butt for me now! I will get on top of it and you will too. It will take time but it will happen. xoxxoxo
AFM-CD31...massive sweet cravings today and feeling a bit 'heavy'. I think Af is on her way which would be in time for the late ovulation. It is really playing with my head...CD31 when I am normally a 28/29 day person. Not great moment for me right now...losing faith by the minute. Anyway. I hope still. xoxo
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Gi - Don't give up hope until the fat lady sings (or AF turns up!). Fingers crossed xxx
Tashybabe - Good on you girl. I love the idea of getting smashed on boxing day. We need to let our hair down sometimes and starting a fresh in 2011 might just be what the doctor ordered!
Well as for me, I got a BFP this morning! My AF was due on the weekend and I couldn't hold out on testing. As much as I'm freaked about miscarrying a third time, I figured knowledge is power and if I need more testing then so be it and I'd be better knowing I was actually pregnant. I'm still very unsettled as I've had pretty nasty cramps today, needing a heat pack, so it's sort of looking like the last two times but I'm not giving up yet. We'll see how the night goes...
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Powelly that is wonderful news hun. I will hold my more intense excitement for when you are ready and you give me the permission to got nuts...for now i will hold it back a little until you feel more confident. But just quietly.....Yay and I am thrilled for you hun ...
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Oh and AFM- a little brownish CM is becoming evident. xoxoxo
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Powelly - congratulations....I'll hold back til you're 100%, but it's wonderful news. I hope this one sticks.
Have you talked to doctors about the multiple losses/got testing done? I asked the gp to put me on progesterone suppositories with DS, as I had spotting and the progesterone levels weren't high. They may not have helped, but they didn't harm either.
Gigi - it sucks about the spotting. I hope AF stays away. I also comfort eat, so I've been battling that as well as not being able to exercise as much.
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Chez & Powelly - well done! That is so exciting.
Kate, Lady Tess, Tashy , Susie Q, Beata- hello.
Beata - before Hannah was born, I used to wonder how you could be so positive for me when all I could see was sadness and more heartache - but you know what? I am more positive now for others just like you were for me. Guess little Hannah Bear helped lessen the load a little and help me see the sunshine. I agree with your comments about wondering how you could love anyone more than you loved Josh, but then Cam stole your heart. I know what you mean. After Amelia died, and we were TTC, I remember feeling guilty, like somehow by TTC that I would not love anyone else as much. I then realised that mothers who haven't experience loss probably feel the same way when they decide to TTC again too. What I realised is, love is one of those things that always expands to include those it needs to. The heart and love know no bounds. And in my own experience that is so true. Although, having said all that, there is something special about your firstborn.... it's just ours are angels.
I have to admit I haven't even been following lately - I missed out on the emails for some reason, and was wondering why you were all so quiet, I should have known ! So this is just a quick hello to let you know I am thinking of you and I need to catch up. I'll be back when I have caught up.... hugs.
Gi - miss you hun... am looking forward to seeing how you've been travelling.
Hugs my dears. Be strong.
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Hello lovely ladies!
Dory, you always bring happy tears to my eyes. Reading your post rings so true to my heart. Thank you hun. All of us ladies, who have lost our precious little ones, have a special bond and understanding which means so much. I agree, we have enough love to go around and have special bonds with all our babies. Wow, Hannah is growing up so fast! She's beautiful hun, she looks like a little princess, can't tell you how happy I am she is in you life and is being looked after by her own special little angels :)
Powelly, congratulations sweetie. I pray hard that this little one sticks nice and strong and like Dory, you will be holding a precious bundle in your arms in 8 months or so!!
Cheryl, hope you're travelling nicely, I am so happy for you darl, best news for ages!!
Gigi, if you missed the boat this month, there is always fresh hope for the next. I really hope and pray your turn is coming soon!
Tash, big hugs hun. I remember the first Christmas without Josh and it was very confronting and emotional. This year will be our 3rd one without our little guy, it's so hard to believe. I don't think the pain lessens, especially at Christmas time. Birthdays are hard but for me Christmas is a real family time, it should be so happy giving our children presents and seeing their little faces so happy and full of joy. I used to (and still do) live my life through my very close friend who has 2 little ones who happen to be my Godchildren. I get so excited seeing how happy they are at Christmas time. It's a bit early for Cam this time around, but I think next year I will start to enjoy HIS joy at Christmas time. I really hope your next Christmas is a very happy one with a little one around.
Kate, I'm sorry for your BFN. Hoping you'll get your BFP real soon and join the others in here!
Lady Tess, fingers crossed for you hun!
Susie, let's hope Christmas takes the mind off TTC, and you get a lovely present in the form of a BFP!
Lollylegs, I'm so sorry for your loss hun. I hope your little angel's EDD was as gentle and peaceful for you as possible. Big hugs hun and I hope you'll get all the support in here that you need. In my own time of grief, this thread was a life saver.
Not sure if I missed anyone, but I just wanted to pop in quickly and wish you all, all the very best in your TWW and in your next cycle. I hope there are a lot more nice surprises in here! Cheryl started the trend, Powelly followed and I hope there are more to come!
Big big baby dust to all and sticky vibes to our mummies!!
B xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Dory miss you too sweet- more than you know. But so happy for you too. I just can't believe we met before Hannah came along and now she is more than 2 months. I totally understand what you were saying to beata...i am imagining that would be so true and i hope that for me too.
Beata - thank you hun. You are such an inspirtation...still popping in with your love and wisdom.
AFM- AF arrived today everyone. I am gutted and have found today really hard. I took off to ikea...as you do. Found myself sitting on a couch in one of their lounge setups...imagining an alternate life. I might hide for a bit guys, rest and regroup. Thank you so much for all your support xoxoxox love and christmas hope to you all xoxoxoxo
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Gigi, I'm really sorry hun. I know it was different for me as we knew we couldn't fall pg on our own (hence the IVF) but in my mind I still thought that we could, by some miracle, and every month I got my AF I was gutted. So big hugs for you sweetie, I really hope it's your turn soon. Geez, it must be soon!!!!!! I know that when you have a dream it's so bloody hard to give it up! Look after yourself hun and I hope 2011 IS your year. Mwah!
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Beata- thank you hun. God i hope you are right...i am approaching 13 years in the new year. It is so difficult to face putting a stop to this. xoxo
