TTC after Stillbirth/ Recurrent Miscarriage or Loss after 1st Trimester July 07 #1

Klee: Sorry you had a tough day today. IKWYM about the days when you 'overthink'. I find my mind is my biggest enemy. About the email, I think the lady was only trying to do what she thought was right. It may not have been the right thing leaving you out of the email, but at least you know she considered how you were felling. Big :hug: babe.

Kristy: There must be something about that name (and the spelling in particular) and a connection with amazing people ;) can you guess who else has that name? I used to live in Kallangur in Nth Brissy and only this year moved to Sydney. I found SANS to be great support in Brissy. I never went to their meetings but I read their materials and newsletters. I shed a lot of tears over those newsletters but reading that other people had lost children and gone on to survive really inspired me. Pitty I am not still up that way or we could have met up.

Pop in later
Lv Spring

lol Kristy is a fabulous name. We used to live so close, I live in Narangba!!

Bugger that you're not here anymore. SANDS now have subsequent pregnancy meetings too so people who are pregnant now can talk about how they're feeling, which I think is wonderful :)

spring/saph - guess who else?, meeeeeeeeeeee, not that spelling though lol
thanks for the thoughts today, its getting a little better, i know she was only thinking of me and I wonder whether one of the other ladies had mentioned to her what day is was, cause one of them came up to me and gave me a hug and said she knew what today was, so i guess that was nice
spring - too right about it being our worst enemy, if only we could turn it off for a while.

lynn - sorry honey been only thinking of myself today, so glad to hear hope is growing well.
and mel hope the pain has eased
and everyone else, sorry i will do personals tomorrow, just can't quite think straight

There are Kristy's (all spelling combo's) everywhere.

Soon we will rule the world... whoohahaha

Saph, I just saw that you live in Narangba, bugger, we would have been neighbours.

Hi girls!!
Well i couldn't resist, i did a HPT and im not pregnant yet. I am not too disapointed because i wasn't really sure of my cycle etc, so DH and i will keep trying!! I guess now i am expecting the witch on the 27th, so thats 11 days of trying hard!!!

Hey Klee, thinking of you today. :hug: Every day has its reminders, but its even harder on these extra special days. IKWYM about breaking down at work!! I had a break down while i was in town doing the banking!! Most embarrasing!! But it felt good too. I got support from the ladies at the take away store!! (small towns, i love it) A few of them had lost babies at some stage, so they shared their stories and it helped abit... plus i didn;t feel so crazy
Im sure Phoebe is playing away the day somewhere thinking of you and her daddy. A friend gave me a poem, i might post it tomorrow, its sweet, about angel babies playing in an angel Castle. I need to boost up my posts so i can PM so its a good reason!!

Aunty M A cherry tree sound fantastic!! You will be able to enjoy the cherries! We planted a Poincianna tree for Zahra at the pub i work at. Its growing nicely, and its nice to tend to it, i water it and stuff and it is quite theropudic (sorry about spelling) I sort of talk to her abit while i do it, it helps.

Jo Hope you are ok, good that you are getting checked out!! Keep your spirits up!!

Mel i think spring has sorted out my PM delema, i will try to email you tonight, we will get it together somehow!!

Kristy Hi there, welcome to our world! I am a huge chatter box so i will try to keep my short run down on my history short..... but i doubt that will happen....

My DH and i started trying as soon as we were married. We weren't full on trying , just not taking any precautions. After a year nothing had happened and we were about to look into having tests when i got pregnant. I was young and it was my first pregnancy so the doc said i shouldn't need a 12 week scan. everything seemed normal, my belly was growing, i was sick most of the day, everything seemed normal. When i went for my 18 week scan the sonographer said something was wrong but he couldn't tell us what. I had to drive to the closest large town (1/2 an hour away) for another scan. I saw a feotal surgeon (greg someone, really nice man) and he told me my baby had severe organ deformities. He only had one kidney which was really more a mass of cysts and he had fluid all through his body especially around his brain. The kidney was so big that it had squashed his other organs so they weren't growing properly. I was basically told that while he was still alive now, he had no chance of survival. It was a friday afternoon so i was going to have to wait until monday and go into the hospital and give birth to my angel baby boy Darren. Doctors did tests and found no aparant reason for this happeneing. They discribed it as a baby who should have miscarried but didn't. I had chromosomes checked and they were all good.
After this we waited awhile to try again. About a year later i fell pregnant first month off the pill and miscarried at 5 weeks, but didn't let it go until around 10 or 12 weeks. Again my body didn't want to let go. I had a D&C
I sort of tried to ignore my miscarrage like it didn't really matter. I hardly told any family. I told myself that it wasn't the same as loosing Darren because i wasn't that far along. Turned out it effected me more than i thought and my DH.After a few months we broke down and we went through alot of blood sweat and tears. We made it through eventually, much thanks to the fact that i got pregnant again.
Now we come to Zahra. I had my NT scan and had bad results for my age.. which stressed me out. Then at 18 weeks we found that i had a single vein single artery chord.(more stress) So we had a scan at 35 weeks to check if she was growing. The dr found a blood clot and an obstruction in her bowel and sent me home. I took myself to the hospital the next day but it was too late, the blood clot on my placenta had ruptured and Zahra's lifeline was lost.

I have had tests done and it turns out i have anticardiolipin antibodies which caused the bloodclot. This time (when it happens) i have to take aspirin to thin my blood. As for organ abnormalities i just have to hope that my body does a better job next time.
That wasn't too bad a rave i hope. I could have said more!!

Thats all from me folks!!
Take care evryone!
Katxox

Klee - big big hugs to you babe. It sounds like you had a tough day. They can't be predicted, they just appear and we deal with them as best we can. Don't ever apologise for only thinking of yourself. You have to look after #1!!! And especially today, today is Phoebe's day :hug:

Kristy - hopefully Clomid works for you :pray: I am part of SIDS here in Sydney. SANDS merged with SIDS. I attend their support group once a month (which happens to be on tomorrow).

Kat - I'm sorry you got a bfn, I just hope it is too early to tell.

Katti, I don't know what to say except I'm so sorry. I can only imagine how heartbroken you are :(

With Amy, it took 6 days for my body to relent to being induced, and my misscarriage was also a missed miscarriage and ended up having a D&C.

I also try to tell myself that it doesn't count as much as it was only 9 weeks, but I know I'm deluding myself....

I spoke to my Fertility Specialist today, and she seems positive that we'll end up with a healthy baby out of all this. I guess with the chemical preg, we at least know that we managed to conceive, we just had a problem with the baby sticking... so that's what we'll work on this time around.

I just want to have a baby before I'm 30... that's September next year.... that's giving myself heaps of time.

Lynn - YAY Hope :dance:

Klee - I am sorry today was so tough :hug: How you feeling now? Just remember dreams can come true ;) Pains are ok, still a little niggling feeling but cant complain.

Spring - Was great talking to you. LOL @ ruling the world - Dr Evil :p

Bailey - How exciting, you get your computer tomorrow WOOHOO!

Katti - I am sorry about your BFN, are your sure that there is still no hope though? The 27th is 10 days away, you never know :hug: Thanks for the email, I have replied.

Saph - Hopefully your FS can give you that special birthday present for your 30th, just believe that to be the case (at least thats the angle I am trying at the moment, some days I convince myself :rolleyes:).

Jo - How you doing?

Georgie - Where ya hiding? Pop in and let us know how you are doing?

Oh well shower and bed for me - goodnight girlies.

Howdy everyone. just tested today and got negative results. i really thought it would be positive, but i guess i am so out of whack with my own feelings . . . . dh is right that it could have been too early with my cycles messed up after Yeti. bummer of a day.

Klee- happy 5 month birthday to Phoebe, hugs to you for such a painful day. ikwym, it is so difficult to not feel other's pain so deeply now. i've also felt that i had to explain why i was feeling so strongly for someone else, then i'm not sure if i did the right thing. your boss probably just took comfort from your solace. i could use that mind switch too.

Lynn- Yeah for Hope! wireless sounds like the way to go. ;)

Kat- maybe your test was too early? that's what i'm telling myself today. i'm not sure i believe myself, though. what is a Poincianna tree? it sounds lovely. i talk to my cherry trees too, i'm glad i'm not the only one.

thanks again for your thoughts yesterday ladies, am a little better today. I had no comprehension of anything yesterday, people were asking me questions and it was like they weren't speaking english, it was kind of funny actually, now that I look at it.
going to have a read through the posts and do some personals later.

Howdy everyone. has anyone here heard about or tried EMDR as a method to cope with grief? a workmate just suggested it as an idea for dealing with the processing of a death that includes trauma. i guess we have all had our share of that sort of trauma. anyway, i had never heard of EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing). i've scouted about on the web, but still have no better idea of whether it is appropriate for grief. everyone around me (and me) is still looking for that magic bullet, i guess. thanks, m

Auntie M, I don't think there is something that is just going to fix it...

The grief of losing a child does ease over time, but it will always be with us. I know for me personally, Amy's first birthday was a big turning point for me, it's almost as if I'd dedicated a year to her, had the intense grief, and that now it was time to take a bit of a step back, get back into life and try to think of the memories I did have with her and try to be happy....

Plus, It's only been 4 months, you shouldn't expect yourself to be "fixed" yet. Hugs

Kristy - I'm glad that you are talking with a FS. They WILL help you get a healthy bub this time. I know the feeling of wanting a baby before you are 30. I have been trying to have a baby since I was 26. *Hope* is due a month before my 30th.

Mel - hope you are feeling a little bit better today. Big big :hug:

Auntie M - I am sorry you got a bfn. I just hope that it is too early and you get your BFP very very soon :pray: Unfortunately there is no easy answer to grief. I have not heard of EMDR but if you think it may help a little, it is worth a try.

Klee - I know yesterday was tough for you. I hope you have a little bit better day today :hugs:

Kat - have you tested again?

Jo - how are you going?

I am plucking up the courage to ask if I can join you girls.
I lost my little girl Annabelle at 31 weeks in April 2002. Since then we had samuel who is a healthy nearly 3 yr old and since we started TTC again for a closer in age sibling we have had 3 miscarriages and several chem pg, although nothing except BFNs since the last m/c in December last year.
I am 43 and running out of hope, to the point where this cycle i am not even charting.. just sitting abck. I have a cold and sore throat which has carreid over from last cycle so going on 3 weeks now so I am not expecting a BFP til my body has recovered anyhow. CD1 here today and I go for my CD3 FSH, LH and E2 on Friday.
I had them done last year in Janaury but was Cd12 I think I O'd 2 days later... FSH then was 4 and E2 was 552.
I am ok most of the time but as I get closer to each obvious AF approaching i go thru stages of anger that I had to say goodbye to Annabelle and then go thru several m/c and still no closer. I wrote that on my blog and was told "It's alright to allow yourself to feel angry, but at some point you've got to tell yourself that perhaps you get 30 min every morning to scream, shout, cry, whatever you need to do, then go on about your day. We will continue to pray for you, dear Judy. But remember, that sometimes the answer is just "no"... "
Anyhow.. tea is ready so I have to depart.
I look forward to getting to know you all.
Hugs
Judy

Hi angelicdragon - of course you are more than welcome to join us, but I am so sorry that you have the need to :hug: I only just saw your thread the other day and posted to you in that. I am so sorry for everything you have been through, to lose Annabelle and then to go through all of those miscarriages, I really feel for you. I found BB only a month after losing Nicholas and I have to say without these amazing women I dont know how I would have gotten through, so I hope you can gain as much support in your journey as I have. I really hope you can give Samuel a brother or sister very soon :hugs:

Oh and call me dumb but I dont think I really understand that comment on your blog, how did you take that? I sometimes take things to heart but are they telling you to get over it? Thats like a red flag to a bull for me LOL! And I dont really get what "sometimes the answer is just "no"... " means!?!?!?

Anyway, welcome to the thread and I look forward to seeing you around.

Mel

Oh Judy I just looked at your website - Annabelle is just so beautiful and I am so sorry that she was taken away from you :hug: It just breaks my heart seeing her photos and I am just sitting here crying thinking about all of our babies who didnt even get a chance :(

Annabelle is up there playing with Nicholas and all of the the other angels, and watching over their families who miss them so much.

I'm sorry that you need to join us in this thread Judy :(

I'm sorry to hear about losing your precious daughter, and then having the pain of several miscarriages.... :hugs:

howdy everyone. feeling blue today. it is too hard to imagine myself with a live kid. so i am stewing in a vat of self pity.

Kristy- you are right, there is no way to avoid the pain. just some days i want so badly to fast-forward to a better point, one where i primarily feel that i was lucky to have Yeti for the brief time I did -- rather than just raging against his absence.

Judy- i am so sorry for your losses, but am glad you have joined here. my heart goes out to you in so many ways. i'm with Mel, i don't really get that blog comment. if you need more than 30 minuets to feel what you feel, then you take it! better directed out than directed in.

Judy: Welcome to the thread honey. Thank you for sharing the beautiful pictures of Annabellle, she is truely a sweet little angel. I am sorry you have had to join us but trust me, there is no better place to be for support and understanding :hugs:

Autie M: You are totally allowed to stew in self pity, as long as you know that is normal and there are days when we just need to wallow. I too find it hard to imagine myself with a live child and I am about to have one. Deb is really good at helping with positive thinking and has said you should imagine that healthy baby in your arms because one day it will become your reality. Just take your time honey, it is still early days for all of us. We are here if you need us.

Lv Spring

Hi Girls,
It's me the phantom poster. I am getting the new computer tonight..horray. I have been suffereing without you lot everyday. It has been horrible, having to talk to DH :p
I haven't had a chance to ready through everyones posts just yet, but I promise I will tonight and post properly.
Welcome to Saph and Angelicdragon, I am sorry you ladies have to join us here, but i hope you find it half as helpful as I did, and still do.

I will just make thia a bit selfish til I can read everyones posts, but I had my NT scan on monday, and going in, I was so scared, I had decided I didn't want any pic's or to even look at the screen, as the last time I saw an ultrasound of my baby, it was not moving :( I was about to ask her to turn my screen off, when she put it on my stomach and there was our little monster jumping around and little arma and legs flying everywhere. SO I decided to keep it on. I only cried once, when they showed me the heartbeat. I still decided I didn't want any photos just yet. Little *Faith* is messuring a little bit small, a day or two behind my dates, but that was to be expected when my cycles are so out, so they were not concerned at all. My risk rate came back as 1 in 2400, and that would more than likely be higher after the results of my blood tests. So that was good to hear. So, now I just have to wait til my next Dr's appointment which is in 2 weeks today. I am really looking forward to that, as it is with the high risk DR, and he is meant to be fantastic.
Well, I will keep trying to visit through the day when I can, but if not, I will speak to you all tonight, on my new computer.Yay!!

:dance: yay Bailey is back, we've missed you.

That is awesome news about Faith, I am sooooo happy.

Can't wait until you are back online later tonight.

I was thinking about having to start Bailey Patches (lol)

Lv Spring

Hall. thank yuo s much for the welcome.
Mel thank you for looking up Annabelles page. I'll have to add my blog tag to my webpage then you can read the entry in context to what my friend told me. She was saying I guess that sometimes no matter how much we want a new baby or pray for one Gods answer is No and we have to accept it. Hard to take sort of answer though. As for being angry about not having Annabelle and the m/c's and time running out and no baby.. well I am not angry all the time just when AF arrives again and my homrones get all whacked out and well.. yeah.. hard to explain. I just looked at Nicholas' Home page and he is an adorable baby. It is so sad to know that he is in eternal sleep not just a baby sleep. (((hugs)))

Bailey congrats on seeing a good healthy baby moving and kicking . I guess the fear of a scan never leaves you .. I had scans every OB visit with Samuel as my OB wanted to check cord placement too.. he could have checked his heart with the doppler but each time he did a very quick scan. I asked for pictures each time I could so I could a memory album JIC. The things we do to safeguard our emotions. I hope Faith continues to grow bigger and stronger.

Auntie M ((((hugs)))) for the slow days
I had this poem taped to my monitor for months
Into the Depths.

Last week
I could have cast my life aside
Like an old shoe.
I could have ended my stay.
I cannot tell
How seas of hopelessness
Drowned my soul.
I could not speak
of my wish for death.
I drew into myself
Like a snail into its shell
Wishing for an end.
I withdrew from those I love
Not caring for them anymore.
There was a devastation
in my innnermost soul
and a terrible aloneness
and I was smitten down
into the depths of the abyss
It was in a book given to me by a friend and I think it really accurately described how I felt... But.. there is a rainbow. It can be hard to find but somewhere out there for all of us is a bright colourful rainbow reminding us of happiness and that life does go on. A different life to what we were used to but it does go on. I now look for rainbows when it rains as a sign that all will be well , that after the greyness the colour comes back.

Kristy hugs to you too coz you too have had your share of losses. ((((hugs))))

Lynn, Jo, Kat, Klee, Saph, I hope to get to know you all :)
hugs
Judy

Hey all,
Just dropping in quickly, How is everyone?

Judy - welcome, sorry you have to join us here, I just checked out annabelle's page,thankyou for sharing! She is beautiful!

Bailey - YAY Bailey's back :confetti: Huge congrats on Faith's scan, I am glad you looked cause it might help you with feeling like you truly are pregnant, seeing her there on the screen and all. Cant wait til you can get a piccie though - you know I will want to see!

Aunty M - You are sooooo entitled to wallow in self pity if thats what you need to do, I have had my fair share of doing it believe me. I understand the feeling of not being able to imagine a live child in your arms, after this long of TTC after Nicholas was taken from us I struggle to imagine it myself, but Spring is right just keep telling yourself it will happen. If you dont believe it at first, maybe eventually you will start to think yeah I can do this. Big :hug: to you.

Judy - You cant be angry all the time, you have that beautiful little boy in your life. Noone can be angry all of the time though, but we are still entitled to be when we need to be. It is a part of grief and you should be allowed to experience whatever emotion you need to experience at that time. I agree that answer is hard to take, I cant accept it - but that's me. Hope you are feeling ok today :)

Jo - How are you? You havent been around much, so I hope thats just cause your busy with life. Remember if you need support we are all here for you :hugs:

Hi to everyone else, hope you are all well :hug:

Yay Bailey!!! You're back!! :dance: That is great news about *Faith*. I know the feeling of not wanting to look at the screen. I don't look until they tell me that *Hope* is fine. I have had weekly scans since 8 weeks and they give me photos and it is incredible to see how much they develop and how fast they develop. Can't wait for you to get a pic so I can see.

Mel - how are you going? Have you resisted the urge to test?

Jo - hey there! It is always good to hear from you because you don't come in very often. How are you going?

Judy - I am so sorry that you have to join this group but I hope you find loads of support here.

Auntie M - I'm sorry that you are not having a good day. Unfortunately they do come and go. I too find it hard to believe that I will ever have a living child. It has just been so long that we have been trying with no success. It is so frustrating and you stew in self pity. Sending you a big big :hug:

Hope everyone else is well

hey all,
Just a quick one from me, i'm off to have a glucose test today, so this morning I am starving!!!!
I'll be back later!

Hi Bailey, it's nice to hear you had a great scan :)

Auntie M, it's perfectly fine to wallow, we've all done it and it's part of the grieving process. I find it hard to imagine our lives with a baby as each time we're pregnant we never seem to be able to get that next step towards actually having the baby....

I'm on my 3rd day of clomid today, the side effects don't seem to be hitting me as hard this time around... wonder if that means that my body is getting used to it....

It saddens me to think that also when I'm lucky enough to get a BFP again, that I won't enjoy it because of all the losses that we've had :(

Angelicdragon and Saph - welcome to BB and sorry that you are here. Your angels are just so precious. Hope your journey here is short and i am sure you will get loads of support from all the ladies here.

Angelicdragon - how do we view Annabelles page? Would love to see it.

Saph - Oh what a wonderful job you did on Amys page. I was just balling my eyes out. She is absolutely beautiful - and would have been a real cutey.

Aunty M - sorry you are feeling so sad. It is hard isnt it (life is crap sometimes). You will have a baby in your arms very soon...

Hugs to you all.

XX

Hello and Happy Friday.. we wake to the weekend and ability to sleep in .. well maybe lol.

Tommysmum to view Annabelles page you click on my name and it brings up a menu so then you go to "Visit Angelicdragons homepage" and it brings you to my links page with links to all our family pages and other useful info. Just click on the tag "Annabelle" the one that says baby is my current FF chart. Your little girl is only 2 1/2 wks older than Samuel. I am so sorry to read of Tommy (((hugs))) Congrats on your pregnancy .

Jo I hope you pass the glucose test.. does the test make you want to fall asleep too when you take it?

Hi Mel, thank you for your comments. yes he is my gorgeous boy although he says "I not gorgeous, I Samuel" lol. I think my anger is just hormones mainly. It did take me over a year to start to feel ok but lately AF is hard to take. You are day 27.. how do you think you will fare this cycle? Are you taking/doing anything for TTC?

I hope you all have a good weekend.
hugs
Judy

Hi girls its me.......Nat yes yes I know Nat who! Im sorry I havent been on but trust me I have been kept upto date on you all (thanks Lynn)

Firstly A big welcome to Judy and Kristy, Im sorry for the loss of your angels but there is no better place then the girls in here. I hope we can all help you get through these times.

I havnt read posts as I would never get on the computer and say Hi to anyone.

Tommysmum - hows that belly going? cant wait to see you girls again with your ever expanding tummies! Are you well?

Bailey - big congrats on the NT scan, it is such a tough one, trying not to look, but im only thinking positive thoughts for you! Hows your DS going? and the house?

Spring - Oh my goodness not long to go now, I cant wait to rub your belly and then even better give little spring the biggest kisses and cuddles! When do you move? are you all packed up? do you need a hand with anything and more so hows the hip? what are you doing to yourself!

Mel - Im going to give you a call, just my life is non stop at the moment I feel like im in a spin and need my feet to be put back on the ground.......all your test came back clear have you seen the FS yet and do you have a plan? (sorry if you have posted this and if you are over saying it I will understand) Hows the kids?

Lynn - well I know your growing OK!!!!! It was so good to catch up you are looking so well. How was work this week?

Deb - Im loving Col's growing! I just cant belive how fast its all going......maybe not for you but me its flying these babies will all be here before I know it! Im still sending lots of prays to you and the girls I want to hear baby cries soon! Hows the rest of your clan going? any baking lately?

Jo - How you going? I hope your well I need to have a good long read to catch up.

Aunty M - Hi there, caught up with anymore wonderful Australian movies? A good one that was on here the other night was Murials wedding! OMG is all I have to say. I hope your well.

Well, DS went back to school DH back to work and of course the computer STOPS :throw_computer: So its back on line from this morning! Im going to try and read a couple of post back and catch up on whats been going on here! Will be back soon.

Lots of love Nat xxx

Jo - I hope the glucose test went well. How are you going anyway?

Kristy - getting a bfp doesn't have the same affect on us that it did before we lost our angels. We are all different but I know from most of us in the pg thread, it is an anxious time. For me, I am happy but not excited because I know that so many things can go wrong so I will leave the excitment until my bub is breathing and screaming in my arms. Unfortunately we have lost the innocence of pg.

Tommysmum - hope you are feeling better :hug:

Hi to everyone else

Hi Nat, we posted at the same time. Yes my belly is growing! Aghhhhhh!!! Work was busy this week, I only did 2 days because I had the SIDS meeting on Wednesday. I love part-time :) Well it keeps me busy anyway. Hows the gym going?

Hello Ladies,

Angelicdragon - I have just read Annabelles story and it is just so tragic, I am so sorry.
Where in tassie is Collinsvale? I have family in southern Tassie, in Geeveston and Kingston. Do you know these places? I love Tassie, it's so much fun, but I cannot imagine how cold it must be there at the moment, because we are just freezing here in Sydney.

Lynn - Are you growing too? I feel just so 'thick' in the middle. It's that weird in between thing, where you don't look pregnant, but you look big!! How is work going?

Tommysmum - How are you feeling? Hope you're better.

Spring - How are you doing? You won't need patches now, I am back, and you'll be sick of me.

Saph - WHEN you get your BFP, you will enjoy it. It is really scary and stressfull, I'll be honest, but you will still find joy in every little milestone that you reach, I promise.

Mel - How are you feeling today? I am crossing everything for you that Flo misses her flight and doesn't visit til next year.

Auntie M - I have said it before and I will say it again, if us lot cannot have a wallow everynow and then, then who is entitled to one? I hope you are feeling better.

Hello to everyone else too, I am still going back though all of the posts from the last week or so, it would help if you lot didn't all talk so much though :p....I'll get there.

Hey Bailey :) Yep I know both places. Annabelle is buried down at Kingston with my mum. I write Angel names in the sand down at Kingston Beach. I go down about 3-4 times a year to write in new names then post them on the sand Angels pages, they are linked on the links page as well. Anyone wanting their Angels name written in the sand and on the page just let me know.
Our current weather is also on the links page lol. DH and my dad invested in a weather station with camera so it updates all the time with up to date pic and weather. It is currently 0.6C. Another frost tonight.
I am off to bed taking my tired cranky little boy.
hugs
Judy
ET I forgot, Collinsvale is north of Hobart but in behind Mt Wellington. We are only about 12km from the cadburys Chocolate factory.. we are directly up the hills from it lol. Tash goes to school about 2km from the factory.

Judy - Kingston beach is beautiful, it's such a cute little place, it's like a little country town but on the beach. I would love, love, love it if you could write my daughter's name in the sand there and take a pic next time you are there. Her name is Asha. Thankyou so much. Oh, the Cadbury factory, yum, I go there almost everytime I go to tas. My cousins boyfriend lives near there, in Claremont. When I am there, we go to this huge flea market somewhere near there, it's at a showground type of place, I love it. Sounds cold there, my god, we were there in August a couple of years ago, and there were 100kph winds from the south, and I have never been so cold. I couldn't stop shaking, and here is my little 10 year old cousin, out feeding the chooks with no shoes on, lol, I think he is used to it.

howdy everyone. thanks so much for the hugs from everyone. i'm starting to lift up out of my wallow. some days are just harder than others, but it means so much to me to have you all here to help me out.

Spring-i'll try that positive visualization -- it couldn't hurt. i'm going to try to not put so much into each cycle, too, if i can. that may be impossible, but keeping up with the hopes and despair may be impossible too.

Bailey- how affirming to see those arms & legs flying about! i can believe that scans must be difficult . . . my last one is painfully seared into memory. hugs.

Judy- af makes me mad too. i cried reading the poem, it does describe the dark days so well. some days i can see the rainbow, some days not. thanks for the hope. i looked at your page of Annabelle, she is lovely. your story sounds hauntingly familiar, i am so sorry. perhaps i'll work up my courage to look at our photos of Yeti. i'm afraid he will be different in the photos than in my memory. could you write Yeti's name in the sand too? what a wonderful thought to have his name go out with all of those other angel babies into the tide. now i'm crying again.

Mel- i visited your photos of Nicholas too, what a sweet boy and so peaceful. i'll try the visualization, and maybe i can get to believe it too. my mom told me yesterday she could see it, and it meant so much to me to hear it.

Kristy- Amy's page was beautiful. what a precious girl.

Nat- yeah, murial's wedding is a good one. makes me giggle. such a gift these days.:)

Hey all,

How is everyone?
Well I ended up not having the glucose challenge test yesterday, it was postponed till monday, so I have to fast all over again!
Otherwise I haven't been up to much, I have started a web page for Storm so if you want you can check it out (hopefully the link is in my profile) The page is still a work in progress though!

Hi Jo

I have just checked Storm's web page. How absolutely precious her little hands and feet are. The poem about footprints was just so beautiful.

I am sorry that they postponed your Glucose test. Fasting is never fun. Hopefully you get to do it on Monday.

Take care
Spring