morning ladies,
mel - Happy 11 month Birthday Nicholas, was thinking of you and dp yesterday.
bailey - Happy 9 month Birthday Asha, thinking of you yesterday too
spring - Happy 10 months birthday harrison, thinking of you today
i don't know what to say to take away your pain, i just hope the love of those around you can get you through these difficult days. i want to say so much more i just have trouble expressing it in words, big hugs to the three of you, your hubbies and your angels
Happy 11 Month B'day sweet little Nicholas, thinking of you today Mel and your DH.
Lv Spring
Happy 11 month b'day Nicholas
Happy 10 month b'day Harrison
Happy 9 month b'day Asha
Thinking of you and your mummies and daddies!
Welcome Laura, I'm so sorry for the loss of your little angels!
Hi All!!!
AuntyM how are you feeling today? I have something to share with you.... I was watching telly the other day and there is an ad for the ronald mcdonald house (a house where families of sick kids can live while they are in hospital etc.) and there are kids running around all saying their names... two of the kids names stood out to me, one says.."here's zahra" (could be sara, but it sounds like zahra) and a little boy runs in yelling, "i'm Yeti!!" i nearly dropped my toast. How weird is that? Have any of the other aussies seen it? you have to listen carefully, but im sure thats what they say! It made me think of you straight away Aunty M.
Have you had a look yet? Please feel my thoughts when you do. :hug:
Welcome Laura I;m very sorry to hear of your struggles. i too am waiting to hold my first screaming baby after three attempts. I wish you all the best for a safe recovery and a short time trying to concieve. Did you name your angels? Were they boys or girls? Sometimes i wish i had jumped in and tried again right away... it has been nearly nine months since i lost my little girl, and i often think if i'd tried again right away i'd nearly be there by now. Its important to do it when you feel ready though, and i wasn't then. You will find alot of support here, sadly many women have gone through this, but luckily we are all here for eachother. :hug:
Jo Haven't seen you around much. I hope your sick kiddies are feeling better! How are you going? I hope your DH can get some answers soon. Are you still trying in the mean time? Good luck!!
klee hi dear! I am online today if you can chat. Unless you have one of those days where you have to actually work!! I'll keep the messages up to help you avoid it!!
mel :lol: at us. We are too funny. Belated happy 11 months for Nicholas . Sorry i am so slack!!
I am keeping track of all my and DHs TTC attempts (IYKWIM) this month so i will even be able to tell when i conceive. I am on track with my cycle and we are going for gold. I will be a bit upset if nothing happens this month, coz unlike last month i know what is going on with my cycle, so no excuses for me. Wish me luck!!
Hi to everyone i may have missed!! Goodluck trying!!
Katxox
To everyone else.....hello and goodluck
Laura, I'm so sorry for the loss of your two little angels. you have come to the right place, i hope your time with us is short and sweet
mel - in answer to your text, yes we are going, we will see you there. sorry i am cheap charlie and still haven't recharge
auntie m - i too have a picture, its not a painting more a sketch, its framed and up on the wall in her room. i somehow managed to sketch it myself, its amazing what you find out you can do after something that like.
katti - go for gold - lol - you know you've got your own little special cheerleader upstairs :)
Mel- Happy 11 month birthday to Nicholas
Baily- Happy 9 month birth day to Asha
Spring- Happy 10 month birthday to Harrison
my love goes out to all of you on these difficult days. m
howdy everyone.
Laura- i'm so sorry for your losses, so fresh and painful. the shock of it all is so much. did you name your angles? i'm sorry you have to be here, but am glad you have come.
Kat- oh, thank you so much for your story of little Yeti on your tv, and with Zahra, no less! i am crying so hard - thank you for this precious gift. i asked Yeti for a sign that he is okay, that i will always worry, and i'd have to say this is his sign. thank you. we plan to look at the photos this evening, it is time. good luck with the tracking this month! i do the same, and try to avoid getting my hopes up thinking that it is good to track anyway so i'm more knowledgeable next cycle, etc., but it never works. i'm always just as hopeful.
Klee- your sketch of Phoebe sounds lovely. i'll have to get one done. i'm rather artistically challenged, so someone else will have to do the job.
as for me, just working or avoiding working as the case may be. dh and i went to a dance at a friend's pub this weekend, and were having a lovely time. a nice stranger was talking to a friend of mine and he tried to include me in their conversation (in a polite way) by asking if i had any children. i said "no" and instantly felt that i had betrayed Yeti, so retracted it and said "yes, but he died a few months ago." the poor man said all the right things and turned the conversation away. but i couldn't recover, i just started crying in front of all of those people, and had to find dh and suggest that we leave. i still feel like i did betray Yeti by giving the easy answer first, although i'm sure also that he understands how difficult it is to be here without him. i just wish that this would get easier.
Aunty M you have made me cry!! I wasn't sure whether it would be significant for you to hear about that, obviously it was very special. I'm happy i could bring you your answer!!!:hugs: The little boy on the ad is really happy and is running around like he's an aeroplane. He has dark hair and dark eyes.
Dont feel bad about how you answered the dreaded question...... its a very hard one to answer. Even my mum has trouble when people ask if she's a grandmother she tells them about Hamish and then she thinks about Zarah and Darren in her heart, but sometimes she doesn't know whether to mention them or not.
You know that you will never, ever forget him, and your right, he does understand how difficult it is here for you with out him and that sometimes you may not be able to go into it every time someone asks you. And its always the first question after are you married? Because i am quite young people love the fact im married and always ask if we have kids, like they may have been the reason we got married so young!! Sometimes its easier to just avoid the topic around other people. I know when i am asked i sometimes refer to my angels as "attempts" to have children. I get funny looks, like," but do you have any?" And i say i've had three attempts, but they never made it all the way.
I also remember once being in a group of ladies talking about childbirth, one lady was saying something about labour and looked at me and said, "Not that you'd know about that seeing as you dont have children" Well, i do know, I did give birth to Darren, and i have been through labour, i can take part in conversations like that and include Darren in my life, but it is hard not to get emotional about it, and it changes my whole attitude for the rest of the day. So some days it easier just not to go there. But some days like you say, you feel you have to or else you feel like you are betraying Yeti. Its really a no win situation. Im not sure if i can say it gets easier, but some days i can tell people with out bursting into tears, it just depends what day of the week it is. Just do what feels right at the time. And if you have to leave a party, that happens sometimes, Even if its your sisters birthday!!;)
Hi to everyone else, hope all is as well as can be in your worlds!!
:fertilise:Lets do it this month girls!!
Just a quick one from me!
AF as shown up again, so..........
back later when i feel a bit better!
Jo - I am so sorry the wicked witch has shown up :hug: I hope so much that this is the last time she visits you for a very long time.
Auntie M - Sometimes the easiest answer is no but we know in our hearts that the answer is yes. I too said no once because it was the easiest thing to do but I promised myself that I would never ever say no again and I haven't. I always say that I have a son - sometimes it is hard but what part of this journey isn't?!?! We have all done it so don't feel bad, Yeti would understand and he knows that you haven't forgotten about him - how could you! You haven't betrayed him, he will understand..........big big :hugs:
Klee - your sketch of Phoebe sounds beautiful! I'm sure it is something that you treasure :hug: How are you going?
Kat - your post about Yeti and Zahra was beautiful! I haven't seen the ad but I will look out for it. I do believe in signs. I was at the SIDS support group a few months back and I have been going since March but I had never noticed a painting that is on the wall. It was a painting by 2 little kids for their brother Cooper who had died of sids. It had the name Cooper all over it. Now whenever I go to the meeting I feel that my Cooper is there. I love your positive attitude!!!! I would love to see some of you girls graduate from here very very soon.
Laura - welcome, I hope you find loads of support here. I am so sorry for your losses. When you are ready, would you like to share their names?
Mel - thinking of you :hug:
Hi to everyone else :grouphug:
:hugs:
Jo i am so sorry its not your month again.:cry: My heart goes out to you.
i know there is nothing i can say, so im not even gonna try, just lots of :grouphug:
and one suggestion......Have a good long cry.
Katxoxo
howdy everyone.
Kat & Lynn- thanks for the support re the dreaded question. i hope someday i can say that i have a son without breaking down. it is so good to be in this community & know i'm not the only one who flounders in this new world. and i agree with Lynn, Kat, your positive attitude is awesome! hopefully it will rub off. . . .
Lynn- how are you feeling? your ticker is going fast (probably not to you, but to me it is). yippee!
Jo- i'm so sorry that this isn't your month. hugs.
i finally looked at Yeti's pictures last night. it was a mixed bag. it made me realize viscerally how much has passed since that day in the hospital, and that it really was us. some days i am sure it must have happened to someone else, that it couldn't have been us. but it also made me start to see Yeti looking so dead. my imagination has turned him into a wee cherub looking down on earth or into a free spirit without a body at all. it is easier to think of him like that. but maybe a sketch . . . a good winter morning to all of you, from a late summer afternoon here.
auntie m - you have to do what you can in each situation and if thats the way you got through it don't beat yourself up about it. i haven't yet been put in such a situation, so i don't know how i would answer. yeti wouldn't hold it against you, he would understand you did what you could and what felt right at the time.
i know what you mean about putting them on a kind of pedestal, i looked at some the other day and felt it hit home too, that she really isn't here and did it really happen to us. like i said i have the sketch but i also picked out the 2 best photos where she just looks like she is sleeping and have them in a frame with her ultrasound in the middle, as thats my memory of her being alive, i don't know that just helps me with how i like to see her. i don't know if that even makes sense, i am rabitting on a bit.
kat - i agree with the ladies your positivity is amazing, like i said to you the other day, i love reading your posts they have such insight and humour its fantastic. after all you've been through you are amazing.
lynn - how is hope going? i hope to get over to the pg thread soon so i can keep reading about her/him
it may be a little longer in getting there though we are having some issues, dp just wants this so much that he is stressing himself out.
sorry mel - how you doing? you were very quiet last night but i could see some of the words affected you quite a bit. i hope your okay today, remember what dh said your ob has a plan and he wouldn't let it get to that stage. make the most of the next few days IYKWIM, i'll be thinking of you .
JO - So sorry AF came, i hope your doing okay
Auntie M - you have a beautiful way with words - picturing your precious Yeti as a cherub or a free spirit........just beautiful and what a wonderful way to remember him. Big hugs to you for looking at Yeti's picture. It is so hard sometimes isn't. We have some pictures framed of Cooper and I love to look at them. They are of his hands and feets as they look so alive. There is also one of DH's hand and Cooper's hand together with is just beautiful. I sometimes look at the photos we have of Cooper's face but it is so hard because it makes me realise that he wouldn't look like that now and I don't know what he would look like and that upsets me. I know what you mean about feeling like this hasn't really happened to you. I remember when I was going to counselling and she said to me that you can remove yourself from your body because the pain is so strong and unbearable, so it feels like you are looking in and watching someone else. That is is exactly how I felt. Thanks for asking how I am - I am going ok. Just having my weekly reassurance scans and so far so good, *Hope* is growing beautifully.
Klee - I am so sorry that you are having some issues. I hope everything turns out ok and remember I am here if you need me :hug:
Jo - thinking of you :hug:
I hope everyone else is going ok.
I am sorry you find yourself here Laura. Welcome to this thread. I am sure you will feel loved and supported as you go about your journey. Sending you lots of love... :hug:
Mel: I hope the move is going okay. Don't believe all you read! I didn't hve ovulatory problems. Clomid basically tricks your body into producing more hormones. I didn't feel any different in my first cycle either. But I still ovulated well. With subsequent cycles I got quite marked pelvic discomfort. Remembering I required 150mgs to conceive Col...
Are you haveing u/s to look at follicular activity? Or are you using opk's??? Oh my love I hope this works and youdon't need ivf after all! I have everything crossed. :hug:
howdy everyone.
Klee- you are right, i shouldn't beat myself up, but that brain is so difficult to wrangle. once it gets started on a downward slope, it just feeds on itself to go further down. but i'm going on an upward slope now. i wish i could give you and dh a magic pill to ease the ttc stress, hugs, m
Lynn- isn't it amazing how much pain we can feel even though sometimes we remove ourselves from it? human beings are truly wonderful creatures to live through pain and continue on with life, and maybe even love life again. quite a hopeful thought. i am so glad you and Hope are well!
it's a quiet day here, both at work and in my mind. shew. sending hugs and smiles to everyone, and lots of luck trying! m