TTC after Stillbirth/ Recurrent Miscarriage or Loss after 1st Trimester June 07 #2

Hi everyone,

I’ve just been reading your conversations to see how you are all going. It helps to feel like there is a place that I can go where I can be myself and not feel that I should be acting a certain way. With my family I can’t seem to win. If I act as if everything is ok my in-laws start talking about me doing too well and that obviously I’m going to have a complete breakdown and if I fall apart then my family starts saying that I’m in a downward spiral to depression and I should start to try to get a grip of myself.

Aunty M: I wouldn’t worry about leaving the nursery furniture up, it’s a reminder of how much you loved and wanted Yeti. I have Oliver’s urn, foot prints and teddy bear out and my husband and I had his name engraved on the inside of our wedding rings so we are always wearing a reminder of him.

Spring: I’m a complete needle sook too. When I was told I had to start giving myself clexane injections it took over an hour of coaching from my obstetrician, the midwife and the receptionist, half a box of tissues for my tears and several minutes of dry-retching in a shards bin before I could stick the needle in. Even now I feel nauseous whenever I have to have a blood test etc.

Millie Pillie

Hi Millie Pillie
Welcome to this thread - I am sorry you have suffered a loss recently, I am sure coming in here will help you get through the next few weeks/months.

I don't understand people when they make such awful comments - I wished we could all just be left to grieve and cope in our own ways. I know when my DH went back to work everyone ignored him - as he walked into the lab they went silent and turned away and it took him telling them to grow up for them to start treating him like normal. At my place I had people stop me in the corridor and say "how are you?" I would say fine. And they would persist with comments like "ah well better luck next time" or "you don't seem very sad" or "you got over it quickly thats good". Why don't they just leave you alone and mind there own business if they don't have anything good to say.

Sorry about that - I am getting frustrated at work with people trying to make me cry just so they an tell that yes I am still grieving. That is why I am not telling anyone about this baby and keeping it quiet for as long as possible.

Anyway enough said - welcome Millie.

Sorry duplicate post - see told you I was frustrated. ;)

Tess - I sort of know how you feel. I have complete strangers in town approaching my sister or myself asking if I 'was the girl with the stillborn'. I don't mind when my friends and family ask me because they actually cared when I was pregnant... but I hate knowing that I've become part of the gossip in this tiny town. Whenever I take my daily walks I now always wear headphones with music extremely loud so I don't have to deal with people.

Today has been good, otherwise. I talked it over with my sister, and she says that I can adopt a dog from the local shelter. I'm hoping to find a boxer since they're such nice family dogs. (I'm hoping to TTC by the fall)!

Spring - I was waiting for that post!!! Yes you Queenslanders did deserve to win. NSW played terrible! I was yelling at the TV (poor TV). BTW we are talking about Rugby League for anyone that doesn't know what we are talking about ;) ) I don't think it is silly at all if you want to put a blanket around Harry. It is cute, you are just being a mum and looking out for and protecting your son, like he does for you :hug: I hope you get through your last injection ok today.

Bailey - How exciting you told your mum! I bet she was so excited. I know what you mean about not wanting them to worry. I was the same with my mum. But she does worry, but then that is her job isn't it! No m/s here yet. I am telling myself that I have a little boy bean and therefore not making me sick, just like Cooper. Well he made me a little sick but not bad. I did use sea-sick bands with Cooper and they worked. I am just a sook when it comes to feeling sick. That is so cute that you wrap Asha up. I can just picture it. And your DS is so adorable.

Millie - welcome, I hope you find heaps of support here. The girls here are the best!! Unfortunately unless you have been through something like we have, people just don't understand. I don't even think they can imagine it, it isn't something that you want to. I think this is why people always say the wrong thing, they just don't know what to say. Sometimes it would be nice if they said nothing at all! I hope those needles are going ok :hugs:

Tess - I can't believe some people treated you and your DH like that! What is with some people. You can't win can you. If you are in tears all day, people think you aren't coping and then all think you should be sent off to the nuthouse and to see a shrink. If you don't cry, everyone thinks you aren't sad and that you are 'ok' now. I agree why can't people just back off and let us grieve the way we want to.

Avalanche - that is appaulling that someone would ask that! But I know what you mean about not wanting to deal with people. That is why I don't go out much. I swear people are looking at me, saying that is the one that lost her baby. I think that is a wonderful thing to do, adopting a dog. Boxers are beautiful dogs. I have 2 dogs, well I call them my babies and they have been so good for me over the past 6 months. They give the best cuddles and one of them I swear can detect emotions. Whenever I am upset, she sits at my feet and just puts one paw on my leg. It is like she is saying, it is ok. I love them to bits!

Mel - how did the S&K meeting go?

Jo - how are you going?

Hi Girls,

Aunty M - I am so glad you had a couple of "better" days, you will definitely still have those horrid days but take each "better" day that you can, I am sure they will become more frequent as time goes by. And that is great that you and DH had a nice supper together with just the 2 of you, as long as you guys look after each other you will be ok.

Avalanche - People still surprise me to this day, after 9 months of dealing with insensitive and emotionally crippled people they still do. For people to just walk up to you in the street and ask if you are that girl - how rude!!!!!

Milly - I am sorry I know I shouldnt but I had to chuckle a little at your post, I know how it is to have everyone watching you like you are gonna fall apart any second. Its not a funny thing, but it just shows how much people dont understand the grief we all feel. They dont understand that we can have bad days but not be suicidal, and also have good days and not be "over it". All I can say is... :rolleyes:

Bailey - Hope your M/S isnt too bad today. Too funny, I scared myself with those YouTube vids the other night that I couldnt sleep - what a psycho am I? :cryinglaugh:

Spring - Glad to hear lil Spring is doing so well, but bummer about the BT! And your welcome :D

Lynn - S&K meeting was ok, it was much easier going this time that last cause I didnt feel nervous. Wish Klee was there too but I guess its a long way to travel for a meeting ;) Hope you are feeling ok, and that Hope is looking after his/her Mumma.

Tess - OMG I cant believe people can be so heartless, who the hell says to someone you dont seem very sad?!?!?!?!? (not to mention the other comments). Talk about learn some communication skills buddy! I am so sorry you have to suffer those ignorant people.

Huge HI to everyone else - Deb, have you heard from Michelle? And about how Oscar is doing? I hope she puts a pic on her ticker like heaps of other women do.

Well DH and I decided we are getting a kitten! How is that for an out of the blew statement? LOL! Unfortunately I have cat allergies but apparently they will subside once I get used to living with a cat again - at least I hope so. We are going to move to a bigger house in the next month or 2 though so we will wait until then. I cant wait - I love cats so much (darn allergies :doh:). We saw a little kitten in a pet shop window tonight and both decided (well I persuaded and DH agreed, but it was still mutual LOL).

I just wanted to say something that is probably a little (or alot) corny and stupid but I am gonna say it anyway... I have noticed quite a few ladies have sadly had to join our little (growing) group lately and I know that every time I read a new post about someone losing their much loved bubba I get so teary, call me a sook but I do. But afterwards, to read their posts in the TTC thread about how they feel a little "better" (man I hate that word) now they have found the support that alot of us have been lucky enough to receive from each other gives me so much hope that together one day we will all be "ok". I have been thinking that we are so lucky to have each others support, and I know I feel so proud of us all that we can open up to each other and reach out to both give and receive that support. It makes me wonder how many other women out there going through what we are, are feeling alone and misunderstood - the way each and every one of us felt before we found each other. I am sorry now I am reeeeeeeally being a sook, I am just feeling very emotional today but basically what I am trying to say is that we are all wonderful people - I know I am being pathetic but oh well :redface:

Anyway thats all from me - now that I have embarrassed myself - Ah well!

Love Mel

Klee - :happybirthday: I know it isnt the happy birthday you were hoping for at this point but you still deserve to celebrate... I know Phoebe is there with you, on the other side of the world, helping you blow your candles out .

Love Mel :hug:

Mel you are not being a sook at all. Your post was beautiful and so true. We are all very special women who are fortunate enough to have found each other to help us get through each day. I know that for me I would not have got through the past 6 months without you girls. :grouphug:

:happybirthday: Happy Birthday Klee. I hope you are enjoying your holiday and you find time today to celebrate your birthday. I know it will be bittersweet but Phoebe will help you celebrate :hug:

Hay Lynn, How you feeling today?

Hey Nat,

I'm ok. Just hanging out until Tuesday for my scan. Still don't really feel anything other than constipation! The joys! I just want to see the bubba and then I will feel pg. I have been tired lately, but hey I'm always tired and could sleep all day any time of the year! Especially now when it is soooooooo cold. I went on a big walk this morning with my mum and the girls and they are absolutely filthy! It was so wet out. Looks like DH will be washing them when he gets home tonight.

How are you going? How are you feeling? I know this week has been hard for you and I have been thinking about you all week :hug:

Hi Girls,

Im going out for lunch soon but I needed to pop in and say hi to you all!

Klee A big happy birthday for yesterday :happybirthday:. Try to enjoy, Phoebe will be sending all her love to you Im sure. xxx

Mel - How you going I need to do more reading to catch up. Is your lap next week or week after? The kitten sounds like a good idea, our cat died about a year ago now and we still miss her (by the way we are not great cat lovers but she sort of adopted us! long story) They do keep you company.

Deb - Col sounds like hes doing well, I need to ask you a question.....Im so scared about trying again Im not sure I can go throught it again, how do you stay so strong? It seams as Sept is comming around Im getting cold feet, do you think this is a sign of not too?

Spring - Love the comment! Hows that little girl going in there!;) As for needles, you would be amazed what you could do if you had to! Its just one of those things I still go OMG how did I just inject myself but its not till after I think this.....UHMM maybe a new wing in the nuthouse needed!

Bailey - Im so glad to hear your m/s is there but I do hope it is not to bad.

Tommysmum - How are you feeling, sorrry once again I need to catch up on all the goss.

Avalanche - People are so stuffed up, I think us girls are the only normal ones in life. The dog idea sounds like a good one, dog, cats what ever they are good company. What sort would you like? Lynns babies are soooo cute!

MIlly - I think Mel sumed it up, Keep your chin up and do what you feel you need to do dont worry what they think! and iff all else fails join us in our little "HOUSE" we are going to build:lol:

Tess - Hope today is a little better, People......I dont know just hit them!

Aunty M - I hope each day is a little better, just take small steps forward. xxx

Well look at the time, Im off to luch (anythings better then housework) mind you I need to spend a couple of days and keep this mess back together! I will pop back later.

Keep safe and well and warm if your in NSW.
Luv Natxxx

Tired is good and a sign! and Tuse I cant wait for you to have that scan!!!!

Me well I need about an hours but keeping busy is good so I will be off to lunch!

Nat: I can understand the closer you get to Sep the more nervous you get. Sep is a big month for me too so perhaps we can help each other through. I hope your lunch was a nice distraction and you stuffed yourself silly.

Mel: A puddy cat sounds like a great idea, as long as your allergy can cope. As you know I am a dog person but animals are just the most wonderful companions. They are true friends for life. I had also noticed that sadly we are getting more members. I wish this group never had to exist in the first place IYKWIM. But I also think that all our angels have bought us to this group. I am afraid to think of what would have been left of *me* if I hadn't met you all. I am with Lynn, time for a :grouphug:

Lynn: Only 4 sleeps until your scan. I can wait to hear all about it and see the gorgeous little pictures of Hope growing in there nice and strong. My dogs are filthy too, that mud is just too tempting to stay away from. Oh well, they are curled up on their bed in front of the heater, It's a dogs life for sure.

Avalance: Boxers are just awesome dogs. Their are playful and goofy and I love their big droopy lips. Both my boys are from the RSPCA which is a dog shelter. Although sometimes they are naughty and drive me nuts, they are just the best therapy ever.

MilliePille: Welcome to our group babe. I am so sorry that you find yourself here but you will come to learn quickly that we are a great bunch who will understand exactly how you feel. Big welcoming :hug:.

Klee :happybirthday: the first B'day after losing our angels is very difficult, but you deserve to be spoilt rotten so I hope you have had a lovely day.

Deb: How are you today babe? I hope you are feeling great.

Bailey: How is your mum? Has she recovered from hearing your wonderful news? I am sure she is just over the moon. I also hope you aren't feeling so icky.

Tess: I totally agree with you about the way people 'expect' you to deal with grief. Don't they know that the hardest time is when the tears have dried up. Because no one can see how sad you are but you are broken inside. Just tell them to shove it I say.

Well DH and I had a day out today. We went and got me some new winter warm around the house clothes for me, went to lunch and then saw Shrek 3. We found out today that the owners of the house we are renting definately want to move back in so we have to squeeze a move in before bub is born. Life wasn't meant to be easy was it.

Oh well, it is snuggle weather here at the moment so that is exactly what I am going to do. Hello to all you other wonderful ladies.

Big Love
Spring

Snuggle up spring - i am hogging the heater (whilst drying clothes over it) - i just can't believe how cold it is. DD runs around in a pair of undies and doesn't feel it -she just keeps stripping when i put some clothes on her!!!

Klee - happy birthday honey - hope you had a lovely day.

Mel - i think a kitten would be perfect - they are soooo cute and cuddly - i actually think i would smother one to death by kissing it too much. I love kittens but am allergic too. I am glad BB exists and that we have the opportunity to network like this too. I have heard of so many stillborns occuring in the last few months in my area and i just wonder how these people are coping and what they do for support. I bet only a small percentage come online and chat. Hope you are doing fine - and ok (from the other day) i change my prediction to "9 months" for you to have your baby. Is that better and if so you better put out more girl. LOL
Also - i am glad you wen to the S&K meeting - they are only once a month but i find them useful and i look forward to each one (we have ours next week)...

Hello to everyone else - hope you are doing well

Dream - how are you love ? All is well here - just very busy with house extension/renovations etc. I think i might be able to catch up now (will check the thread and see where we are at with dates etc). Hope you are well.

Where is everybody? Is it just to cold?

Spring - Lunch was a GREAT distraction we sat right under the gas heater and stuffed our faces, I finished with apple struddle! oh and vanillia bean ice cream. Yeah we will be able to get through sept together. Its just my heart has broken so may times know Im not sure how it would hold up to anymore angels?:cry: Your shopping trip with DH sounded very nice, it must be so wonderful to have him home. Oh and if you need a hand with the move as long as its not in sept/oct Im around!

Tommysmum- What is it with kids my DS is the same we have tiles right through the downstairs mind you that are cold underfoot and he tells me that his ugh boots "are way to hot"! just has pj pants and a singlet on WT! me and DH have socks trackies a blanket laying on the lounge and he walks out! How long till the house is finished? sounds like a big job and should be beautiful when done. I havnt posted in the other thread but im pretty ok with dates at the moment just let me know.

Well lunch was great, but I have the story to top the family stuff of all, my sister rings me to find out if im going to see her off at the airport well im going to be now! We got into a heated discussion, to cut a long story short her last comment to me was "you choose to get to pregnant that many times,and lose them thats your choice" WTF. My mum wants to kill her! I think she has to join the line. Im so lucky to have other family around me that support. It couldnt have come at a worse time, my baby was due wednesday just past and things are just tough. Im try so hard to keep it together and the littlest thing can set me off......Oh boy Me thinks A good red and a hot bath will do my good.

Sorry for the downer so I will go and have that bath.

Keep well and warm, talk soon. Luv Natxx:grouphug:

hi everyone,

Dream - What a horrible thing your sister said to you. I have no advice, I think I am too shocked, but just wanted to send you a big massive :hug:

Lynn - Not to long till you get a sneak peek at hope. How exciting!

Mel - Meow, a puddy tat sounds like good fun, heres hoping you don't get too sneezy.

Klee - Happy Birthday for yesterday, I hope you had a great day.

Spring - it sounds like you are really enjoying having hubby home, shopping, luch, movies - what a life :)

Hi to everyone else, I am being a cr@p poster, but I am just still feeling so :ms: I can't believe how bad I feel, it is worse than my other two pregnancies. i got the sea-sick bands, but they really aren't making much difference. So, just trying not to think about it. Have a great weekend everyone.

Dream - i can't believe your sister said that. Just no tact and NO IDEA at all hey ? I have one of those (sisters) sometimes. Make sure she gets on that plane - it will be the best thing. I just can't believe she is so insensitive - i mean what is wrong with wanting and trying to have another baby - some people just dont get it. :hug:

We have extended our house (new living area, office, bathroom, laundry, garage, pool and then renovating the old part of the house (everything). It has taken 1.5 years already. We are doing owner builder however saying that we still got a builder in with starting us off (building the shell). He was very slack and would only turn up when he wanted. So last year we wasted a good 5 months i gthink doing nothing. This year we have wasted probably 3 months - but i guess that would have been normal considering Tommy died - and we just didn't give a sh*t about anything. But now that bubba #3 is coming i really want the house completed (nothing more to do) by December, plus we are having xmas here so it is full steam ahead.

Bailey - sorry to hear you are feeling that way - you poor thing. Hopefully it will settle in a few weeks (ok - days). Just think of it as positive - as much as you can. How is SIL going? Did you tell BIL also?

Hello to everyone - -hope the weather near you is better than it is here. Storms galore here.

Hi Everyone,
Nat: I didn't pop in yesterday as I had a migraine so I didn't see your posts - I am sorry.

Well I am not feeling so strong at the moment my love - I am in a pretty ordinary place - feeling very anxious about the weeks to come so I am probably not the best person to answer you right now... But, I guess I just believe. I believe that I will take a live healthy baby home. I am trying to choose to be positive because when I am negative life is just so hard. I only run into trouble when I look ahead too far. If I just look ahead to next weeks obs visit I am right. Looking ahead to 14 -16 weeks (which I have begun to do!) is the end of me... I don't know how my heart would cope with saying goodbye to another baby - pushing it out and never getting to take it home...

I don't think it's a sign you shouldn't try - I think how you are feeling is so very very normal. You are frightened because it's bloody frighteneing and nothing takes the fear away. You can ease it by those weekly visits that most of us have (and I know Dr S is a big proponent of them), by talking to women like us who really understand, and visualising. I visualise *Col's* birth every day. Not the actual birth but holding her/him right after birth - I cry every time - I can "feel" the emotions that I will feel when I actually do it. I also visualise feeling *Col* kick inside me - I always smile when I do it.
There is no magic formula it's really really really hard (read my post in the preg forum) but we are all here for you Nat. Only you can decide if your heart and soul can take it - I think you have got another go in you my love and all my prayers will be with you for a wonderful outcome... :hug:

Millie PIllie: Welcome to this thread and I am sorry that you have found yourself here. Do you feel you can share your story with us? :hugs:

Mel: Where are you up to in your cycle my love? If you didn't conceive this cycle what cd will you have your laparoscopy? Just a heads up... If you are thinking of getting a cat - ask your obs to do a toxoplasmosis screen - just to check if you have been exposed. It's really not easy to catch but if you are anything like me - you will worry if you don't know your immunity. You catch it from cat faeces, kitty litter trays, digging in the garden without gloves where a cat may have been and raw meat...

I hope you all have a happy weekend... :hug:

Nat: I am so sorry honey, I didn't know that it was your angels due date on Wednesday. Hug sand cuddles coming your way :hugs: Now about your sister, I can't believe how insensitive she was. Doesn't she know that the only reason you continue down this painful path is because the urge to hold and earth baby is so intense? Tell her Spring said to get a grip! I hope you have managed to take that comment for what it its 'just plain mean' and move on. She doesn't deserve such a wonderful person as you as a sister. Thanks for the offer to help with the move, you are just too kind. Thankfully DH has plenty of burly mates who are going to help and his cousin owns a business so he is lending us the trucks. In DH's words I just have to get myself to the shops and come home once it is done. I'll be over 30 weeks so no moving for me.

Tommysmum: You casa sounds just devine but boy that sounds like a massive logistical task. Well Christmas isn't that far away so before you know it you'll have a sparkling new house and a sweet little baby also.

Bailey: It will pass honey, but for the time being I am sending some more sympathy your way. I don't have any suggestions or magical cures, the best thing I found was just vomiting and then I would feel a bit of relief.

Well we are off to a BBQ today. DH is back and I have a social life again. I am going to get all rugged up though, runing around in underwear in these antartic like temperatures is beyond me.

Pop in later on today.

Big Lv
Spring

Deb I am sorry honey, I must have been posting at the same time. I wish my words of comfort could be as soothing as your words of comfort are for me.

The only thin I guess I could say is that I don't think I have *met* a more inspirational woman and a woman who is the epitome of what a mother should be. I feel I have learnt so much from you. Not just the medical stuff, but how to cope with this journey. So if I can do anything to support you like you support each one of us, then I will.

Sending you a big brave :hug: today and hoping that your migraine eases and your heart mends.

Big love
Spring.

Nat - I am so so sorry that you have to deal with people's insensitive comments. It is really hard when it comes from your own flesh and blood (trust me, I know!!!). What she needs to understand is that yes you choose to fall pg all those times, but you didn't choose to lose them. She should be supporting you through this especially at this time, not saying nasty, horrible things to you. I have been thinking about you and your angel all week especially Wednesday, as you know. You are such a strong, wonderful person and you will have another baby in your arms very very soon. Sending you the biggest :hug:

Deb - I am sorry that you aren't feeling very strong at the moment. I guess we will all have these times and we just need to support each other through the down times. I think like you, I believe that *Hope* is coming home and I try to remain positive. Think about one week at a time and when you get through a week, celebrate it. Celebrate your time with *Col* and the concentrate on your next week with *Col*. Deb he/she is doing so beautifully and I know that he/she will be coming home with you.

Bailey - It sounds as though you have been hit pretty hard with the m/s. I hope it eases up on you soon. Will you be ok to come to the S&K meeting on Wednesday?

Tommysmum - Sounds like a big job but worth it in the end. It will be wonderful to have a new house and a new baby by Christmas.

Spring - enjoy your BBQ. I hope your body is recovering well after the needles! I won't laugh, I promise! Rug up and keep warm, it is freezing out there!

Mel - a kitten sounds wonderful for you. Just don't squash it with all the cuddles you give it. I swear my dogs get angry at me from all the cuddles I give them. They are probably saying, you are so embarrassing mum!

Hi to everyone else, hope you are enjoying your weekends.

Hi Girls,

Deb - I am sorry you are having such a rough time, after everything you have been through I think you would be abnormal if you were feeling "at ease" iykwim. I so wish I could say something to help but I cant :( All I can say is that I have a great feeling about Col and I am sure you will be bringing him home to meet his sisters and brother :hug: I have worked out that my lap will be on CD5 of next cycle assuming AF arrives on the right day. And re that kitty I have already given DH the heads up that he will be doing the litter and cleaning up after it if I was pg, even when I was pg with Nicholas he cleaned the birds cages and changed their food and water. Also I have bird allergies so he still does it (yep, call me allergy-girl :rolleyes:). What about the raw meat though? I havent heard that before. Do you mean like if I was cooking with raw meat it could be a risk?

Nat - Your sister should be ashamed of herself! How could anyone be so cold? You have not "chosen" for this to happen to you, all you have done is show courage to keep going after being knocked down so many times. Well when September comes around and you try (and succeed) for that much wanted bubba you give her a big "I TOLD YOU SO!".

Bailey - How you feeling today mate? Ya poor bugger, although maybe Faith is just putting the boots in trying to tell you she is there?

Spring - I bet you are enjoying DH being home, BBQ sounds great although hell yeah to rugging up... I dont think my feet have been warm for what feels like months now (although they are a good torture method for DH in bed LOL). Can your landlord just tell you they want you to move? Dont you have a lease or anything? Although as Nat said to me a while ago, new house - new baby :D

Lynn - LOL @ you embarrassing your dogs... just like my mum did to me when I was in high school, she would make us give her a kiss goodbye and we would be like "oh mum how embarrassing!".

Tommysmum - I can definitely live with 9 months, but its unlikely at this point considering we didnt really try this month. Although bub will be born a little earlier than usual so if IVF worked next month you could be right with the 9 :pray: LOL - DH agrees with about the whole putting out more thing, he keeps saying that I should be giving us the optimum chance of getting pregnant by doing it every day of the month... 10 points for effort!

Well I am doing surprisingly ok, and I have been off my anti-depressants for a week and 3 days now so surely that is a good sign? Until I worked out my cycle days to answer Deb I didnt even really have a clue what CD I am now. To be honest I think I have broken my addiction to HPT and OPKs too LOL - I didnt use OPKs this month, just couldnt be bothered really. And I havent even had the inclination to do a HPT :O And to be honest dont think I will, I am not stressed by TTC at all this month and I keep wondering if it is because we have a plan. I have also gotten my head around the IVF thing in the last couple of days, instead of seeing it as a negative thing because it doesnt make sense and shouldnt be necessary I am now thinking well if that is what it takes, we will do and we will get through and if we come out the other side smiling and with the result we want who cares how it happened? I am starting to see it as a positive thing and that maybe I will get that BFP one day soon :)

Anyway, enough crapping on from me... enjoy the rest of your weekend.

Love Mel

Hey Mel: I am glad to hear that you are feeling a bit better and you never know, taking the stress out of TTC might be just what you need. As you said, if it turns out that IVF is what you need to bring a baby home, then that is what you will do. About our house, our lease is up in September and the owners have been honest the whole way along that they wanted to move back in. They have agreed to let us out of the lease as of late July early August so that way we can settle in a new place before bub arrives. The could have made us pay up to Sept but thankfully they were reasonable.

Deb: Thinking of you today, I hope you are having a better day.

Well the BBQ yesterday was really nice. There was the sweetest little 6 month old there and surprisingly I felt really at ease with him. I think it was because his mother (who I only met yesterday) had heard about Harry and was very kind to me, asked me about him and didn't try to push her baby on me. She seemed to deal really well with the situation and it wasn't until later in the night that I realised that she is a Paliative Care Doctor so she deals with death all the time. I actually ended up having a really nice night and the bub was just so adorable.

Today is chores day around here. DH is very organised and wants to have 5 days of suits and shirts combos ready for the week. He is currently doing his ironing and then we are going to make sure everything is organised for his first day of his new job. I tell you what, if he has learnt anything from the army, it is organisation. Oh and his ironing puts mine to shame.

Hi girls,
I cant believe I have finally worked up the courage to contribute to this forum.
Although I have written my son's birth story I never thought I could actually start writing right here...Call me crazy I know.
I want to say something like I'm glad we can all share our experiences and what not but it shouldnt be this way!
We shouldnt have to bond over the death of our children!
Having a child shouldnt be this hard, why are we the ones who suffer?

Ahh Im sorry Im getting a bit emotional.
Good luck for all the ladies TTC and may God help calm your souls and mend your hearts.
:grouphug:

Thanks everyone - I am feeling better today. I spent some time getting my head space back. I am consciously choosing to look only as far as my next u/s - that is manageable and stressful enough. No more looking ahead!
I had started to think "if this is like the last 3 I will only be pregnant for another 3-4 weeks..." So, no more! Just until Wednesday and that's 3 sleeps away. Indigestion is back and so is constipation so I am feeling better! (how bizarre is that!)

Mel, eating raw or undercooked meat is how you can get toxo - in fact it's easier to contract it that way I believe than from cat faeces. I have seen a couple of cases of toxo and both were from eating raw meat. You should obviously wash you hands well after handling raw meat and if youhave an open cut try not to - but remember women have been preparing meals for millenia too... So, be careful but not paranoid... (I know that's hard :hug:) When is your cd5 my love?

Nat: I meant to say yesterday I am so incredibly sad to hear what your sister said. Tht is just outrageous and I send you a big big hug... :hug:

Hi everyone :hello:

Deb - Sending lots of hugs and positive thoughts up your way. I can't imagine how scary the next few weeks will be for you, but I am positive *Col* is sticking around for a long time yet.

Mel - It's good to hear your new attitude to IVF. Really, who cares how the baby gets here, they can send mine from Mars if they like. Lol, as long as it's not too green. But heres hoping that you don't even need it this month huh.

Spring - Sounds like you are having great fun having DH home. I think having a move will be good right before Lil Spring comes home, everything all new again. Wow, on DH ironing, send him to my place when he is done. Lol, I usually don't buy clothes if they need to be ironed, or I put them in the dryer for 10 mins, thats good enough for me.

Lynn - How are you going? Getting sick yet? Honestly, if you don't start getting soon, I am gonna come and dump mine on your doorstep. It just will not let up! Not complaining of course...much!

Tommysmum - Yeah, get that house finished will ya! Can't wait for summer by the pool, though doubting I will be 'bikini-ready' this summer anyway.

Hello to everybody else out there, hoping you are all well.
Still feeling sick, it is just this lingering yucky feeling, I can't vomit though which is frustrating as that usually makes me feel better instantly. DH keeps joking that it might be twins or triplets and then laughing his stupid head off. I just said to him that the thing I would find most funny would be watching him roll out of the show-room in a 7 seater KIA carnival family car, with no room for surfboards, Lol, that usually shuts him up fast.

Hi there girls,

Deb - You are such an inspiration to me (im sure everybody you come arcoss) thank you so much. I know how dumb that question was to ask you at the moment but I just see you going on each day, so strong and I know you know just how im feeling so in return I think your plan of each scan at a time is a wonderful idea and I to will send lots and lots of prays your way! I think I have a direct line to god now!!Im just glad to know sometimes that im normal....well as good as it gets! Also glad to hear all those pg sym are back see we are normal. My sister well shes another kettle of fish all together.

I know when I have such wonderful friends like you girls I can get through it, I just wish I could give you more Deb.

Mel - thanks for your support. As far as IVF who givesa how that baba gets in your arms and truly once he/she is born it will be just a distant thought, Im glad that you are doing so well, I do think a plan makes it all a little easier to deal with. when are u getting your kitten?

Lynn - We came up your way today, I rang home but nobody thereIm sorry I missed you. How you feeling today? I will call you later anyway.

Spring - It must be so much fun having DH home now and where can I sign my DH up for ironing and organising skills!! Oh and if you need company shopping of some luch on that moving day ......just call! I love food and shopping!

Bailey - LOVE the kia comment! Have you tried ginger or ginger ale I found this helped the other thing was mineral water (sparkling) dont know if it will work but anyting is worth a try.

Tommysmum - Your palace sounds wonderful! I hope its all done by the time baby gets here! and christmas are you mad .....good on you. as for the sister, im canceling here return ticket! that will fix her little red wagon.

Englishrose - Its not how it should be, and Im glad you have posted. We can maybe just look at it as our angels brought us together for a reason why I cant answer that but at least we have each other. xxx

Well I have not spoken nor texted my sister and of course the whole family now know, but I will take DS to the airport to say f$#@ oh I mean "see you later have a great time and dont come back to soon", but this is what happens when you have never had to be responsible in your life. She is choosing not to have children, Im not against this please dont get me wrong and for her I think its the best thing as she is so very selfish but she makes me see how much I want to be a mum again and give all my love to another person so I should thank her in a way....not that I will. Thank you girls for your support and kind words yes I could have been a little emotional but. By the way that glass of red and a bath was wonderful also a little Barry White playing in the background hit the spot and while I lay there I had a couple of sips for all you pg girls!;)

Well im going to get dinner going, as school is tomorrow and an early night would be nice. Hi to anyone I have missed and talk soon.

Luv Nat xxx

Mel - :hug: to you babe. I was the same. I couldn't believe that I had to inject myself to fall pg. But I eventually realised that it doesn't matter how you fall pg as long as you get a healthy baby in the end. I mean who is going to ask when you give birth, how did you fall pg?!?!?! I joke all the time to DH saying that he wasn't even there when I feel pg but as Nat says it takes a while for the :sperm: and :egg: to meet so by the time they did I was at home with DH anyway!! Keep positive and that bfp will come your way very very soon.

Bailey - LOL at the Kia Carnival. Let's see if we can get a 2 for 1 offer!!! Every time we see a van, DH always says thats what we will need for our litter! Only 2 more sleeps and I will know for sure. m/s started yesterday. I was loving it for a day! Today hasn't been too bad, just trying to keep busy. I want the days to go really fast so that Tuesday 11am is here. I hope the m/s eases up for you soon.

Spring - I'll book your DH in for ironing as well! You could make heaps of money out of him! LOL! Glad to hear you had a nice BBQ. It must have been hard around the bub but it sounds like you handled it well.

Nat - OMG! I can't believe I missed you today! I kicked myself when I saw your post :wall: We went to the movies and then to my mums. I never go out and when I do look what happens. That's it, I'm not going out again! Your bath sounds wonderful and just what you needed. I listen to Luther Vandros when I am down. Although most of the time it makes me worse because his songs are so emotional.

Deb - I am so happy that you are feeling better today. Take care and rest up, you deserve it!

EnglishRose - welcome. I hope your TTC journey is short and sweet.

Jo - haven't heard from you in a while. How are you going?

Hi Girls,

Deb - Glad to hear you are feeling a smidge better, I am so positive your scan will be great but I will keep my fingers crossed for you all the same. I am not a big meat fan to be honest, DH is lucky to get red meat (like he did tonight) so I dont handle it all that often and I am practically vego so IF I eat meat it soooo cooked that there is nothing surviving in there LOL. CD5 is Thurs 28th June. S&K have a rememberance day at a church in the city on Fri 29th June (Red Nose Day) and I reeeeeeally want to go but I am not sure if I will be ok. FS said that a lap is only a little surgery which I know is true so I imagine shouldnt cause too much pain but apparently they insufflate the abdo which makes you really uncomfy. Anyway you might know if it will go down in time for the next morning...?

Lynn - Cant wait for your scan. Congrats on the M/S setting in :dance: (people reading these threads must think we are weirdos!). OMG almost 7 weeks and it feels like I only just gave you the WOOHOO on the 6 weeks - getting a little greedy arent we ;)

Spring - Wow that must have been hard with the bub, its funny how we have those "strong" days though huh? Some days I am fine with it all and other days just the site of a baby sets my tears flowing.

EnglishRose - So glad you found the strength to post here :hug: The first post is the hardest, afterwards you wont look back. Looking forward to seeing you around more.

Bailey - OMG another thing in common... the ironing :cryinglaugh: - my black work pants SHOULD be ironed before wearing but I just chuck em in the dryer while I have a shower (mind you they say do not tumble dry) and as an added bonus they warm up my buns as well! And yeah pretty much 95% of my wardrobe wash and wear stuff - I am soooo lazy!

Nat - How nice are you STILL going to the airport to see your sis off? You are a better person than me that's for sure! Although if she has made your mind up about TTC she might have done you a favour, but yeah I dont think a thanks is at all necessary. We are hoping to move house in a couple of months (our lease is up on 12th Aug) and get a 4 b/r house so we will wait until we have moved and it can be our house warming pressie.

Well not much happening here - went shopping with Mum today and bought a new top to wear to a pub on Fri night. DHs bro has started playing geeeeetar in a band so I am braving the pub scene for the 1st time since Nicholas - god I hope they arent allowed to smoke in pubs here anymore, really cant stand smoke... says the old woman :p (even though up until 3 years ago I had been a smoker for 12 years!). And the bad bit is I bought a new pair of jeans and had to buy a bigger size :crying: But - I am not stupid I know I have put on weight, just didnt think that much! Admittedly they are more low riders than I usually wear so I am telling myself that my hips would still be wide from pregnancy (9 and 1/2 months after childbirth - good one!). Then after that crimped my 5yo Step-DD's hair - does anyone remember having crimped hair as a kid? OMG it brought back so many memories LOL... the raa raa skirt and balloon skirt always went well with the crimped hair!

Oh well, hi to everyone else - hope you all have a good night.

Love Mel

Hey all,
how is everyone doing?
Haven't been on at all this weekend so I have to go back & read all the posts! (LOL, probably should have done that first!)

Mel - LMAO about the crimped hair! I used to love the crimped hair. What about the banana clip - did you have one of those? How tragic but great memories! Good on you for going to the pub. I have not been out since Cooper was born. The most I have done is a restaurant and that was bad enough! I'm such a hermit. I just feel like people are starring at me, which I'm sure there not but that is how I feel. Wow do you think my weeks are going fast??? I don't. Although I have been hanging out for tomorrow for ages and now it is only 1 more sleep. I'm not feeling very good today but I'm not sure if it is the m/s or the worry about tomorrow. Pretty please *Hope* let there be a hearbeat :pray: I bought a S&K wrist band today and I have it on. I hope you can get the service on the 29.

Jo - hey there! How are you? Haven't seen you round the traps for a while. Hope you are well.

Hi to everyone else, hope you are all enjoying your Monday :hug:

BTW - does anyone know when Klee is back? Mel?

Lynn - good luck for tomorrow! I'll be thinking of you, hope the m/s is kicking in good now! IYKWIM! It's funny how before i would never have wished m/s on anyone! LOL!

Well DH is off to the GP on wednesday to get himself checked out, we think there may be a few problems with him, perhaps some nerve damage due to his diabeties!

Hope everyone else is well!

Thanks Jo :hug: I hope everything is ok with your DH. Thinking of you guys :hugs:

Mel: I loved crimped hair - I was the crimped hair queen!!! :cryinglaugh:
I am glad you are going up but I hear you sister on the smoke - I can't STAND it when people smoke around me. I get very agitated - I think it's rude. It's illegal though now isn't it in pubs - I haven't been to a pub in a very very very looooong time!

Jo: It's great that your DH is getting checked out - I hope all is well - let us know...

Hi to everyone else - I hope you are having a beautiful Monday... :Hug:

Hi girls, I have read all your posts but I just don't have a chance to respond at the moment.

I just wanted to pop in and wish Lynn all the best for tomorrows scan. I know how nervous you must be feeling but I know in my heart that little Hope will be in there beating away.

Tomorrow will be a wonderful day.

Lv Spring

Hi gals,

Lynn - OMG I do remember the banana clips - I had a few different colours so that they could match my outfits :cryinglaugh: Yeah I do think time has flown, all of you girls are zooming along... I mean look at Spring!!! But yes I understand it is must quicker to for me as I am not the one experiencing it. When I am pg I know I will be saying how slow its going, even pg with Nicholas I felt like it took forever to grow him. But then once I had him I looked back it and felt like I only just found out I was pg... And that was without the stresses that this next journey brings. I will be thinking of you tomorrow, if you feel up to it text me to let me know how you go (I will be working so cant check BB for an update). I just know everything will be fine and Hope's little :heartbeat: will be thumping away.

Deb - :lol: @ the crimped hair queen - I reckon I would come a close runner up! I was quite surprised you can still get them. My step-DD has the thinnest, limpest, straightest hair you have ever seen and the crimping made her hair look so thick - she loved it! I know that smoking anywhere (incl pubs) in qld is illegal but I am not sure if that law has come into effect in vic yet. Well if not, it could be an early night. After being a smoker for so long I now end up with a really sore throat if I am exposed to it too much. I think the rudest smokers are the ones who smoke in their car (worse still the ones who have their kiddies in there at the same time) and then throw their butts out the window :angry: I have been known to report those people to the EPA - even when I was a smoker I always threw my butts in the bin or put them in the ashtray of my car.

Spring - Hope everything is ok and you are just busy.

Hi to everyone else. Poor Bailey must still be plagued by M/S :(

Speaking of Red Nose Day wrist bands... DH and I bought a sales box of merchandise which we are going to talk our loved ones into buying in honour of Nicholas. I cant wait for the wrist bands, I really want to wear one and I am going to buy one for step-DD too. And the added bonus is that my favourite colour is RED! The whole box was only $134 and DH and I thought that after everything S&K have done for us over the last month the least we can do is spend some money for Red Nose Day - especially when it is focused on stillbirth this year. I started back at the path place today and a lady at work was wearing one of the wrist bands and it was really nice to see.

Anyway, hope you have a nice night - I hate Melbourne, its freezing here and I just cant get warm. This typing isnt helping either!

Mel :)

Bugger - just typed out a bloomin story and it all disappeared ! Hmmm

Mel - I get the impression you are doing fine. Your posts set the tone and i think having a break from TTC is probably a good idea. But only you and DH will know what is best - all will be fine and when you get UTD soon we will all be here barracking for you each and every day and your ticker will fly by !

That is very nice that you are selling the S&K bands - was this offered to you via S&K group or did you enquire about it ?

Dream - yes our palace will (better be) ready by xmas. We have been going for a year and a half now - with breaks of 3 months here and there. We have not been able to use our front and backyards for this entire time ! It will just be nice to sit out the back on the deck and then go for a dip in our pool. I can't wait. Having this baby has pushed us to get back into it. Saying that, Tommy was going to be in our room until we finished (which we would have done if he would have survived). But we didn't do anything for months after he died. Now we have another reason. Hope you are doing well and looking forward to Sunday.

Bailey - you will be fine in your skimpy bikini showing off your baby belly this summer - no problem. I think a pregnant belly in a bikini is beautiful ! Hope you are feeling better. Can your brother mind DS tomorrow for the meeting ?

Hello to eveyrone else - hope you are having a wonderful week.

Hey all,
Tommysmum - hopefully you'll be sitting in your back yard soon, once it warms up I mean! LOL!

Mel - what a good idea to buy a box of merchandise, I have brought a teddy bear & a pen (that the kids keep wanting to pinch) but the two places I have been haven't had the wristbands :dunno:

Deb & spring, hope your both well!

Lynn - thinking of you today!

well I was never one for crimping my hair, but my god did I own some banana clips :lol:

*Hope* has a :heartbeat: and is measuring exactly 7 weeks. There is just one *Hope* in there. I was relieved for a little bit but I am completely emotionally exhausted, I don't know what I feel. Just seeing that heartbeat on the screen was so hard for me because the last baby I saw on the screen was Coop and his little heart wasn't going. It has just brought up so many emotions for me and I think this pg is going to be a lot harder than I thought.

:happybirthday: :happybirthday: :happybirthday: Happy Birthday Spring, hope you are have a fantastic day :hug:

:hugs: To you Lynn (I posted in the other thread too) I guess it's normal for you to feel like you do, but it's also good to know that all is well with "Hope". (YKWIM)

But I have to put these in here for "Hope" :happyforyou: (Been wanting to use those! LOL!)

Is it Springs b'day? If so "HAPPY B"DAY"

Hope everyone else is well