TTC after Stillbirth/ Recurrent Miscarriage or Loss after 1st Trimester June 07 #2

Hi Guys,

Lynn - Woo hoo on your scan, do you finally believe it now? I booked in for my NT scan today, its in 4 weeks. I hope all goes well tommorrow, I wish I could make it.

Spring -:happybirthday: Happy Birthday!! 21 Today? What did you get?

Mel - How good was crimping? I have really thick hair and back in the day, I used to have it so long that I could sit on it, so imagine it crimped. Yes, there was more hair than gorl I tell you, but I thought I looked gorgeous. I remember my mum laughing at me at the time, I thought she was just happy, lol, but now I know that she really was just laughing at me. How are you doing? Have you tested yet?

Tommysmum - Hmmm, thanks for your confidence that I will be in Bikini's, but I am not so sure, lol. When I was pregnant with DS, I was massive, and I rememeber being at Little Bay in a cossie and people were just staring at me, lol. I am sure somebody was going to call Greenpeace to rescue me.

Dream - My mum swears by Ginger beer too, but I hate the taste of it. I bought a bottle, but the thought of it make me feel even worse. I might try it tomorrow, cos it is starting to get a bit much now. See you on sunday.

Flowerchild - How are you doing? I get a little worried if I start looking ahead too, so I am just following the whole one day at a time mantra, and so far it's working for me, and the last 4 weeks since I got my BFP have gone really fast.

Ho to everyone else too, I hope you are all well.

Not really much to say. Haven't even been out of the house for a while with this Sydney weather. DS and I have had marathon kiddy-flick sessions. Today we watched Shrek - twice, Finding Nemo and The Nightmare before Christmas - My favourite. I was so excited to show it to him, and he wasn't even scared. The ms was a little better today. My brother is a fantastic cook and he came over and made me Thai noodles and chicken satay sticks, and I am telling you, it was just as good as the real thing. Yum!!

Lynn :happyforyou: that is just the most wonderful news about Hope. I understand the emotional exhaustion, it is a long journey but it is worth every step.

Well yes it is my B'day today. TBH, I lost it last night and this morning. I just couldn't stop crying because all I wanted for my birthday was a warm cuddle from my baby boy and instead I got to kiss his urn. I managed to make it to work but I hadn't told anyone it was my birthday so I just felt plain miserable. My eyes are stinging so bad from all the tears. But on a good note, DH made me feel heaps better tonight buy spoiling me rotten with presents and he got me some cup cakes from my favorite cup cake shop.

Oh well, 27 down and I am positive that 28 will be better.

Going to go to sleep because all that crying is exhausting.

Oh, I'll have to update my signature first.

Big love
Spring

Spring :hug: I can totally understand your feelings today. I think we have all felt it on our birthdays since we lost our babies. Harry would have been wishing you a beautiful birthday and he will lay a kiss on your cheek tonight as your head hits the pillow. Have a good sleep, sweet dreams :hugs:

Hey all,

Hope everyone is well :D

Well DH is off to the gp today to see if there could be any problems, I'll fill you all in on what the go is after he's been but i'm :pray: that there is nothing seriously wrong!

Hope you ladies on the east coast aren't getting to much bad weather, if only it would rain just a little bit here :rolleyes:

Jo, how did it go with DH? I hope everything is ok. Thinking of you both :hug:

Hi Everybody ;)

Spring - :happybirthday: for yesterday you sneaky thing you... you should have known you couldnt :hiding: I can sympathise with how hard it was for you, I remember I was a mess on my birthday. I so wish we all had our bubbas here to give those much needed cuddles.

Lynn - YAY FOR HOPE :confetti: How is that m/s going? Are you loving every second of it?

Jo - Gee I hope DH is ok :hug: That's surprising that you cant get the wrist bands, if you want one email me your postal address and I will send you one courtesy of our business, we have heaps.

Deb - I saw in another post that you had an u/s today... how is lil Col going?

Bailey - OMG talk about my dream day, watching kids flicks all day... ya lucky duck! Re your brother are you telling me he is pretty cute AND a good cook? I didnt think those men existed. My DH is pretty cute (well ok I might be bias but...) by he cant cook for ****! Actually he can make a pretty mean baked potato, but lets be honest, its hardly rocket science!

Tommysmum - We ordered the Red Nose Day sales box through their website. I am not sure if they are available for sale to the general public, DH and I have a registered business so we ordered it through the business.

I only worked for a couple of hours today. Dont know what is wrong with me, have had a headache for the last few days and last night I had severe belly cramps and bloating and then today I woke up with these jabbing kind of pains in my lower right pelvic area which were coming and going but were really uncomfortable. So I decided to come home and rest, I have been taking Naprogesic which seems to be helping. Am I a baby or what? LOL

Hello to everyone else, hope you are all well.

Well our Red Nose Day pack arrived today, soooo exciting. We are going to try and sell some stuff to our family (and DHs workmates) but after looking through it, all the stuff is so cool and I want to keep alot of it. DH says that we should try to sell it because not only is it to raise money for S&K but also to increase awareness. Man I hate it when he is right :rolleyes: But I have talked him into letting us keep some of it. I am definitely wearing my wrist band everywhere!

OK thats about all from me, I am sure I will be back later.

Love Mel

Thanks Mel - *Col* waved at me! I can't believe how much they grow in a week. Some gorgeous movements and the wave that has melted my heart! Good heartbeat and growth equal to dates so another milestone down...
Monday is the biggy for me the nuchal scan and uterine artery doppler - it's a biggy. I am stressed because of the age factor, stressed because I don't want any problem with blood supply etc etc. ARRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Anyway, today is over and *Col* is bouncing and I have a smile on my dial...

JO: How is your DH?

Spring: I didn't know it was your birthday my love... :hug: :happybirthday::happybirthday::happybirthday:
I am sorry I missed it - so I am thinking of you now and hoping that yesterday was lovely... :hug:

I am freezing here. It's 6 degrees and I can't thaw out!
I am sure you are all the same... Pop back later...

Oh Deb - that is so wonderful :hug: I will be sending every positive vibe I have in me for great results on Monday :pray: How cool is it that Col waved to his Mummy?!?!?!

Its cold here in Melbourne too, not sure of the temp but its feels like -6... although I am such a wuss in the cold, I hate it - not a day goes by where my hands and feet are not like ice and I just cannot warm up. We have out heating on 25 and I am still cold! :(

Hi girls,

Mel - Um...I think your symptoms sound a little like preggo symptoms....stay off the Napro, you just never know. It sounds just lke what I had.:goodluck: Oh how good are kids movies? Today I joined the video shop up the road and we hired 5 movies, so today we watched Hook and Ninja Turtles 2 : The secret of the Ooze..lol it was a million years old and had Vanilla Ice in it. Tomorrows highlights will be 'Chicken Run' 'Herbie Fullyloaded' and 'Stuart Little' I can't wait til he is a bit older so we can watch The Labyrinth and the Dark Crystal, they are my fave's.

Deb - :confetti: for you and *Col* all sounds good. I know that none of us can ever feel safe until we have those babies screaming in our arms, but I guess each milestone that is reached and passed (with flying colours and a waving baby) is a step closer.

Jo - How did it go today?

Lynn - I am so sorry I missed the meeting today, I really wanted to come, just couls palm the monster off onto anyone lol. We hired more kiddy-flicks today and watched them and ordered pizza, so I still had a good day anyway.

Feeling ok today, morning-sickness wise, but I am starting to get scared now that I have booked in my NT scan. And I have my first hospital appointment in just over 2 weeks. I think on one hand I should feel better when I hear the heartbeat, but on the morning I went into hospital because I wasn't feeling Asha move, the midwife hooked me up to one of those doppler-belt things and said "Theres bubs heartbeat, everythings fine" And for 2 hours I lay there while she continued to tell me it was all ok. It wasn't ok, my baby had died and this idiot was listening to my heartbeat. For two hours!! And she told me she could feel kicks!! She kept rubbing the top of my belly and saying see babies foot kicking?? Well, considering Asha was breech, it was not her foot. Anyway, after that little vent, what I am trying to say is, how do I trust the doppler? How do I take the doctors word for it? I just don't know that I am going to feel any better hearing a heartbeat, I will always doubt it. I guess maybe I should explain that to the doc that the doppler scares me? I don't know. Sorry about that long story, I guess it's something thats been worrying me alot lately.

Bailey - As nice as it would be to think you are right about that I doubt it, I am a few days off AF being due so I think it is just PM symptoms. DH and I didnt really try this month... besides, every month I get something that make me think it could be PG symptoms but they always turn out to be PM symptoms. But thats ok, I will handle it - and then my lap will be next week and hopefully its all uphill from there :)

That's awful what that silly nurse put you through when Asha has passed, how can she call herself a nurse? I think it is perfectly understandable that you are nervous about your scan, but I really hope that Faith is in there kicking about so that you can see with your own eyes that she is ok. She might even follow in Col's footsteps and give Mummy a bit of a wave LOL.

OMG havent thought about good ol' Ice Ice Baby for like a decade but I used to love it - loved the line in the song "Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it" :cryinglaugh: I used to think I was so cool cause I knew all the words, now I just know that I am extremely sad! Although whats even more sad is I think I still know most of them and I havent heard the song for years :redface:

OK now that I have embarrassed myself bigtime I will be off to bed :p

hiya ladies, just wanted to pop in and say hi. have been skimming the messages every few days. thanks for the birthday wishes last week it went well, i didn't tell anyone that it was my birthday here as I didn't want the fuss, those that are important though made a big enough fuss; spring happy belated birthday for monday (sorry if i got the wrong day my days are so confused at the moment). my trip is going well, not much news actually, anyway will be back on board next monday but just wanted to say i hope all the little ones are growing nicely and mel, all that pain sounds promising, and count me in to buy one or two of the s&k's (if you can part with them!). to everyone else hi and i hope you are well.
looking forward to catching up on all the posts and gossip next week, take care

howdy everyone! i've been on a bit of a downside and couldn't manage to jump in the conversation. today i'm no better, but i'm forcing myself to do something.

lynn- yippee on *Hope*'s heartbeat! what a breath of joy.

mel-your posts are too funny. i think you have a line on letting some of the ttc stress out. crimped hair, what a blast. i tried to recapture some of my 80's joy this weekend by dying a stripe of my hair bright blue. i thought it would finally be a good answer to "how are you" -- "kinda blue". made dh laugh, anyway. ikwym, i wasted lots of braincells memorizing lyrics to songs that would be better left unknown.

spring- i hope you get loads of help for your move. also, happy birthday a day late. nothing seems right anymore, but here's hope for the future.

nat- i'm sorry your sister was so insensitive to your pain. sometimes i think it is fear that makes folks say hurtful things. if they can distance themselves from the situation, then they don't have to fear that it could happen to them. hugs for you.

tommysmum- good luck on the house extension and on the sweet babe being in it.

bailey- i wish there were a scan that would make you feel better, less fear. Faith feels your love, that's all i know for sure.

deb- hugs to you, and sending you all the positive thoughts i can. each moment of your time with *Col* is precious, no matter if you are positive or strong or not. he or she feels your love -- that's why *Col* waived at you "hi mom!"

i had a bit of a downward spiral beginning with finding out a good friend is pregnant for five months and told everyone but me months ago. i felt so hurt and alone and like the grim reaper no one wants to let into the party. i know they all held back to try to protect me from my own pain, but they also kept me from the joy of sharing her joy. and they added the loneliness and the fear that i will lose all my friends because i have become this depressed sad person who reminds everyone of death. the next day would have been Yeti's third month birthday, and sunday was so hard for dh and i couldn't help him at all. what a spiral. i'm trying to force myself out of it today, being at work and pretending to care. sorry for the downer. m

Hello girls,

Sorry just a quick one.....midweek rush, havnt been able to get to the computer of a night due to DH working at home so I will get in soon but needed to check on you all and say HI:hello:.

Deb - wonderful wonderful wondeful news on Col. See even a wave! Monday will be fine on day at a time.

AND Spring you tricky thing, a very big belated :happybirthday::happybirthday:. I will see you on sunday.

Looking forward to the catch up oh Lynn did you find a time yet?

will talk soon keep safe

Luv Natxxx

Hey all,

Mel - :cryinglaugh: Vanilla Ice, stop making me feel my age! LOL!

Deb - Great to hear 'Col' is going so well! Even waving to his mummy!

Bailey - all those movies, sounds like the way to spend the day, even with Vanilla Ice :cryinglaugh: (sorry Vanilla Ice just makes me laugh)

Klee - Glad to hear the trip is going well!

AuntieM - What a cruel thing to do, not telling you about your friend being pregnant, I think that would upset me more than her being pregnant! IYKWIM?

Lynn - Hello, how are you feeling?

Well DH went to the doctor today, which was a waste of time IMO, when he told the dr about the problems he was having the dr said it "MIGHT" be retrograde ejeculation (where the semen goes backwards instead of coming out of the penis! TMI, sorry)
or it "MIGHT" be no problem at all that was it, there was no offer of further testing to see how bad the problem may have become, if there is a problem at all.
It is possible that it could be "RE" because DH is a diabetic and the condition is caused by nerve damage......(which is irreversible :() so we still don't know what we are dealing with.

Sorry for the rant, I'm just frustrated!

Jo - how frustrating! Can you go elsewhere and get another opinion? I hope it isn't anything too bad.

Auntie M - I'm sorry that your friend didn't tell you about her pg. Like you said, perhaps she was trying to protect you. I know what you mean about losing friends. I feel like some of my friends have put me in the too hard basket. Some of them are close friends that I thought would stick by me through thick and thin but I guess something like this shows you who your real friends are. Happy 3rd month Birthday to Yeti. I know how hard these dates are and my thoughts are with you and your DH. And remember, don't ever apologise for venting, that is what we are here for :hug:

Mel - we can always rely on you to make us smile :hug: Vanilla Ice - too funny! I know all the words to his song too - how sad! I got a S&K box too. I bought the car magnet but DH won't let me put it on there (ruins the car or something :rolleyes: ) so it is on the fridge!

Bailey - I can understand your fear of the doppler. I am scared of u/s. Perhaps instead of having a doppler reading ask for an u/s this way you will be able to see the heartbeat. I don't know if they can pick up a heartbeat on a doppler this early anyway. I could be wrong, Deb would know ;) When I had my scan (dildo cam!) on Tuesday I wouldn't look at the screen. My FS eventually said it is ok, everything is ok. So I looked and saw my cute little blob with a hearbeat. I burst into tears immediately because I remember seeing Cooper on the screen and it just brought back so many memories. Sounds like your m/s is easing. Mine is just starting. Last night was terrible! But good!!

Klee - great to hear from you. Not long now and you will be home. How did you go last Sunday with Phoebe's 5 month birthday. I was thinking of you and little Phoebe :hug:

Nat - well it is all systems go for the catch up on sunday. I will email all you chicks to let you know the details. Can't wait!

Deb - how are you feeling today? I hope that migrane has gone. I too am stressing about my scan on Monday. Hopefully we will both have great news Monday afternoon.

Well Monday is going to be a big day for me. I have my scan at the hospital on Monday afternon. I am so scared about walking back into that hospital, but I must overcome that fear............one step at a time and I can do it. To keep my mind of things, I am having lunch with Phill Kearns on Monday. For those of you that don't know who he is, he used to play Rugby Union for Australia. My dad won the lunch with him through an auction at the Stillbirth Foundation Ball. My older sister loves him so my dad bid for her. She is coming down from Brisbane this weekend so the three of us will do lunch with Phill - how exciting!

Well I am off to clean the house and do the washing - what fun!

Aunty M - I am so sorry you have been having a rough time (but glad I could put a smile on your dial :) ). I am also sorry your friend didnt tell you about her being pregnant, while I am sure she had the best intentions those things do make you feel like a "lepor". As Lynn said, I often feel like I have been put in the too hard basket, and I think its because people are scared of us - scared of our emotions, our pain and more importantly scared of confronting their own emotions. And finally, you are not a depressed sad person - you are a woman grieving the loss of your son, grief has many ups and downs and different stages and it is completely normal for you to feel everyone of them :hugs:

Klee - Glad to hear you are doing ok. Looking forward to coming home? You can definitely buy some S&K stuff. When are you back? We will have to catch up for a coffee and you can tell me all about your break (when you are over the jet lag and settled in of course).

Jo - LOL I was feeling my age when I thought about it too, that was a whole lifetime ago - hence the reason I feel like such a sad case for remembering the words :redface: That seems pretty poor about DH's visit to the dr, it sounds like they should be doing some tests and making sure they know exactly what the problem is before dismissing it all and sending him on his way, I agree with Lynn get a 2nd opinion. Even if it means you have to travel to the closest major town near you. I dont know what his symptoms are but if doesnt sound like something you just wanna let go. I hope you (and more importantly your DH) can get some answers.

Lynn - Thank you for making me NOT be the only sad case here by also knowing those lyrics (if you can call them that) ;) I will be keeping everything crossed for some great results on Monday :hug: Your lunch date sounds fantastic, and your sis is coming from Brissy for it as well which is just an added bonus. Did you get really excited when you got your S&K box? I did and wondered if I needed to get a life :dunno:

Bailey - How is your movie day with DS going? Hope Faith is being good to Mumma.

Spring - How you feeling? You have been quiet, hope all is ok. I will give you a call later.

Hi to everyone else, hope you are all good.

I have taken a sickie today - just couldnt be bothered going to work, I woke up and felt like I hadnt slept even though I had had 7hrs of sleep. Ended up waking up at 11.30! But I feel really crappy now, bad headache and just in general yuk.

So looks like I am hanging around here for the day!

Must be the weather Mel, I woke up with the flu & feel like yuk too! Oh & I sent you an email about the wristband too.
Lynn - cool about the lunch with Phill Kearns, not a rugby fan myself but I do know who he is!
Just to be a bit clearer about DH's symtoms, (TMI perhaps) when he ejaculates sometimes there is very little semem, or even none at all & it has been getting worse over the last 2 years, It would certainly explain why it took us 14 months to conceive Storm :dunno:

Hey Jo - I got your email, and I replied :)
Surely there is something they can do to help your DH? I mean I know I am not a dr or anything I would think it can be too good for the semen to be going back up the tract instead of out. I guess it would explain why it did take you so long to conceive Storm. Even if it is irreversible though, I wouldnt think that means you cant conceive, I wonder if there is any medical procedure they could to extract the sperm and implant through IUI? I hope that doesnt sound dumb but as I said I no dr. I still think it would be worth getting a second opinion, or if that is too difficult go back to that same clinic and demand they run some tests to find out exactly what is going on. Its all good and well to assume, but following the assumption to the leg work to find out if its right. I do worry about some drs sometimes :rolleyes:

Mel - Cool!

The thing that upset DH the most was that the doctor (&this is our family gp) told him to come back if I wasn't pregnant in 6 mths time cos we hadn't been trying for 12 months yet! As DH said, it could be to late for him then.
The stupidist thing of all was that when we lost Storm this same gp told us that because of DH's diabeties & that it took us 14mths last time to come back in 6MONTHS! Why does he think DH went to see him yesterday!!!!!!Methinks he is so busy that he forgets what he told us!:doh:

But I think we are going to try & see If we can get him to do some tests or something as hubby has to go back in 3 weeks for his diabeties bloods he had done! (by the way since seeing the gp yesterday his sugar levels are all over the place - stress I think!)

Wow, I seem to be talking alot today :rolleyes: or is that whinging :cryinglaugh:

Nah I talk alot all the time - its a free country :p

Your GP may be "too busy" but he still has a duty of care to his patients. I can imagine your DH is stressed, not only are you guys grieving for Storm and at the same time trying to be good parents to your earth kiddies, now you have this to worry about. I really hope you can get some tests done, it may be nothing but you wanna KNOW that not just think it.

Good luck with it all :crossfingers:

Lynn - Just saw your post on Phil Kearns. I believe too his daughter was run over with the family car a couple of years back and amazingly she survived and made a remarkable recovery. I remember seeing her surgeon on TV who actually operated on my DD when she was born - he is an amazing man (PK too !). How exciting !

Mel - hope you are feeling better. Is it cold in Melbourne at the moment? Dont blame you for staying home and why not - just take it easy - you obviously need it.

hi all - just popped in to say hi and let you know that I'm reading your posts everyday and following all the news!
Mel I think I'm ready to get the name of your ob if you don't mind -

I've scanned all my old emails and can't find it. AF arrived on Monday the first proper one since we lost our little Alfie - and the sadness and disappointment arrived back with her!
I keep hearing that Dixie Chicks song with the words "and I'm mad as hell" in the chorus (I have been known to shout it out in the car) - Hope you don't mind me asking again but since the crying myself to sleep has started again I think it's time that I refocused and got some proper advice.
thanks heaps - george

Well how annoying, just wrote my reply to Tommysmum and then lost it :angry:... but thats ok cause now I can reply to Georgie as well LOL

Tommysmum - Its freeeeeeezing here :( Although you might be best to ask someone else (Georgie do you think its as cold as I do?) cause I am ALWAYS cold. About a month ago I said to DH that I wanted us to go away for the weekend to the snow when the heavy snow comes and he just said "you?" and laughed! Anyway we are not going now cause we are saving our money for something else ;)

Georgie - Hey nice to hear from you again :) I am sorry AF arrived, believe me I know the emotions she brings with her. But, now that she has regulated herself I :pray: that its the start of a successful TTC journey for you. I should still have your email addy in my history so I will send you Mark's details now :) Make sure you pop in and let us know how your going, or even email if and when you see him - he is sooooooo lovely, a genuinely nice and caring person.

Actually Georgie I have just gone through my email and I dont think it is there anymore. Email me and I will reply with his details :)

Hi all
Mel - my email address is gstans@bigpond.com. Thanks so much for this...the truth is I just don't know what to do next! All the results have come back with no answers (I know this is common) and my ob said I've already had all the tests he'd recommend - so I thought I may just run this past someone else.
DH says after all these years TTC is a rollercoaster he wants to get off - I understand it from his point of view - ie having to run the business/look after our earth babies/deal with his own grief and THEN deal with my grief has taken its toll - but I just can't bring myself to not try again. If TTC was something I could forget about I would ... but despite the heartache I actually feel like I want it more than ever before.
You're right about the cold it's FREEZING I've been wearing a hat and scarf all day - even in office! I just can't seem to get warm... much love to you...I've got my fingers crossed for you in the next few days. Do you have any good feelings??? Hope so - love george

Hey Georgie - oh der :rolleyes: I did have that email in my history LOL but was looking for one that started with GKS (folks are dumb where I come from)! Will email you now...

Dont have much of a good feeling at all cause DH and I didnt really try this month, not stressing about it though. I gave in a couple of days ago and did a test with a negative and just thought oh well, and I dont think I will do another one. Who knows, I might change my mind in the morning. But then AF is due Saturday so I will know then one way or the other right? The only thing I do :pray: for is that AF will not come a day or 2 late as it has done in the past, I think that will give me false hope which I really dont need or want iykwim.

Re your TTC I will put it all in my email :)

Never say never Mel - i had one negative test with Alfie a couple of days before AF was due! Hope and the belief in a happy ending will keep us going - it just HAS to!!!
Having said that I went to pieces on Monday when AF arrived - perhaps I should listen to my own advice - it's just so easy to say and much harder to do - as we all unfortunately know only too well.
AF better keep her distance ! love George

Hey girls

Sorry if I have been a little less vocal then usual. I am fine, all is ok it is just that I am working crazy hours in the lead up to the end of the financial year. Today DH and I got up a 4.30am so I am shattered by the time I get home.

I promise to do some personals during the weekend.

Hope you are all well.

Lv Spring

PS. Lynn, thanks for your text, I promise, nothing is wrong (well apart from the usualy stuff) but thanks for looking out for me.

Hi everyone
Mel - Thanks so much for your support tonight...some days are just so hard and so, so confusing. Your email was beautiful and I really appreciate your thoughts
Spring - Sorry to hear your working so hard. I'm so pleased to see your ticker flying along!! I know it can't be easy but you're doing a great job!
Jo - Hi Jo - Mel has reminded me that you lost your precious girl at about the same time (18 weeks) as I did - and I see your doctors are giving you the same sort of run around as me. It stinks doesn't it. I'm sorry I'm not up to date but I wondered if you got any answers about your darling girl. I'm hunting for answers at the moment and hoping to TTC soon - I'm really scared but DH is even worse. Physically we've been told it's fine to try again but emotionally is a very different story - We lost our son on 25 April - and it seems to be getting harder and harder to accept.

Hi to everyone else! I know I'm being a bit needy tonight... I just thought that time would take some of the sting out of our loss - but its not. everyone (our family and friends) has moved on but I can't...I still want that little man back in my tummy so badly. :cry: and it's so hard to believe that he's gone ....I know it must sound like "Georgie with the late mail" but if anyone has any tips on acceptance I think I really need them. I've hunted high and low for something physical to have in our home to remember him with - a statue/picture/anything but I haven't found the right thing yet. Mainly because the things I love are the statues of dad/mum & baby - but my DD and DS say "Don't get that one because we're not in it - he was our baby too" which is so true. But I'm starting to feel upset that all the little pressies we were given once we made it to 12weeks are all hidden in a drawer - like our son never really existed. He couldn't be more alive in my heart! Such a confusing time. Well enough sad sack from me - and sincere apologies to those that didn't need a downer msg - Georgie

howdy.

lynn-good luck on monday for the scan. ikwym about the hospital being a scary place. i went into mine last week to drop something off for my brother, and was in tears before i knew it. hugs.

jo- what a piece of work your doc is -- too busy for his own good. hopefully you can find someone more responsive?

mel- hope you feel better soon. i never used to be cold until i was pregnant with Yeti. now i'm cold even though it is summer here (although the mountains are always colder than one would like in the summer).

mel & jo - the "too hard" box is a good way to put it. i'm so in that box for many of my friends. mostly that box is okay, so i don't have to put so much energy out for folks, as long as i can hang onto some of the good friends.

i'm off to visit family this weekend in nebraska -- long trip, but it'll be good to hang for a bit with my big family who talk so much they won't notice if i don't. hugs, m

Hey all,

AuntieM - enjoy your weekend away!

Mel - got the email, thankyou so much!

Georgie - feel free to email me anytime!

hello to everyone, I'll be back later as DS (terrible teen) is home sick & I hate to say it but he is so becoming a typical male when sick! Could be a long day! LOL!

Hi everyone,

Auntie M - Lol, it sounds so weird to have someone in the group say they off to Nebraska for the weekend. It just sounds really exotic, we usually say "Just going up the coast for the weekend etc" Lol. Have a great time.

Gks - I am sorry you are having such a cr@ppy time. I really don't have any advice or tips for you, I am abit useless in that way, but I guess the main thing is to try not to worry about other people getting on with things, the main thing is that you take whatever time you need to deal with it all in whichever way you need. I understand the frustration of wanting to find that perfect symbol of your baby, I did the same thing at christmas time. I was completely obsessed with finding an angel for the Tree for Asha, and it turned into a bit of a desperate search. I did finally find something, but I remember the stress of it. I hope you are feeling a little better today.

Spring - Yes you have been a little quiet in here, but I am sure that you will make up for it on sunday :D Stop working so hard girlfriend!!

Mel - Did you resist the urge?

Lynn - Aren't you a lucky luncher this week? Lunch with us on sunday and then with Phil on Monday :) Thanks for the advice on the doppler-fear. It is just such a scary thought. Usually they do the doppler right at the end of the visit, but I might just ask for it at the beginning, so I can get it over and done with. I think maybe, the idiot that used it just couldn't do it and I have to faith that the doctors I will see this time can. I guess you will have that gasp of air everytime they turn on the ultrasound too. I don't think I will even be able to look at it. I might not look and just get the still shots.

Hello to everyone else too, I hope everyone is good!

Spring - I'm so glad to hear that you are ok. I was starting to get worried because you hadn't posted much and normally you are here all the time! ;) I guess you have DH at home now so I can understand you not spending as much time here. I was going to call but thought I would give you space so I sent the text. Thanks for letting me know that you are ok. I worry about you girls! :hug: I will call you tonight to talk about Sunday.

Mel - this is the type of month that might be your month, you weren't stressed, you weren't really trying. Remember how I fell with Cooper? Well this could be your month. Please don't give up yet. And if that wicked witch shows up at your place, let me know because I will come down there and kick her ar@e. I hope you are feeling better today. How good is a sleep in for half of the day! I have to admit I have had a few of those.

Jo - I really do hope you can get some answers soon. I hope it isn't too painful for your DH. Hey and remember you can talk as much as you want here.

Georgie - so good to see you back here :hug: I'm sorry you have been having a hard time lately. The only thing that I can suggest is talking to us about how you are feeling. I made the mistake once of bottling things up and not talking here for a few days and it was horrible. I felt so alone. I eventually spoke about how I was feeling and the girls here were wonderful in making me feel normal and just being here for me. Unfortuntely this roller-coaster that we are on has many ups and downs and the downs are very difficult to deal with at times. I hope that Mel's ob can help you on the TTC journey. It was really hard for me when I felt that people were moving on. I think that is why coming in here for me is so important because no-one here has forgotten my Cooper. The only way I have dealt with it is by surrounding myself with people that support me and continue to talk about Cooper. I have some very close friends that don't talk about Cooper and don't really contact me anymore. I guess I am just 'too hard'. Your son is so alive in your heart and dreams, so just talk about him. Maybe people don't talk about him because they think they might upset you. I talk about Cooper to everyone and let them know that I am happy to talk about him. Stay strong :hug:

Auntie M - thanks for letting me know about your trip to the hospital. I think there will be tears when I get there on Monday. Wow a trip to Nebraska! How exciting! Like Bailey said we just go 'up the coast'. Enjoy your weekend. I love the way you spoke about your box. It made me realise that I too am happy in my box. If anyone wants to join me then fine, but otherwise this is who I am now.

Bailey - I know I am a busy busy bee. This morning I got up early and went and had breakfast with some people that I used to work with. It was good to catch up. Tomorrow I have lunch for a friends birthday and then lunch with you chicks on Sunday. Then lunch with Phill Kearns. My god I will be the size of a truck by Tuesday!!!! When I go for my scan on Monday they might not be able to see the baby through all the food :lol: I can tell you now, I won't be looking at the screen until they tell me everything is fine.

Well just a bit of news on me............I have decided that I am going back to work. I will just be working part time. I just felt like I needed something. On the TTC journey it was hard planning each day because I didn't know when I would be having a bt or u/s but now I know when I am seeing my ob and when I am having scans. I can only clean the same cupboard so many times!!!! Work has been really good and have said that if there is a day where I just don't feel I can go in then I don't have to and if I work for a few days and decide that the time isn't right, I can leave and start again later. It is just what I need. I will also be a floater so I won't be letting anyone down if I don't go in and it won't be stressful so I can still have 'Lynn crazy time'! So I won't be stalking BB as much! Phew you all sigh!!!

I feel really bat at the moment, didn't know where else to post so I hope you don't mind! I just feel I can let this out here with you girls!
This morning my brother got in his truck at 6am to go to work, he only got 6kms from home when he came round a bend to a tragic site, another truck had run off the road and struck a tree, bursting into flames, as my brother pulled to a stop the poor truckie climbed out of his burning truck & ran onto the road where he dropped to the ground & died :crying:(sorry TMI)
My bro & another truckie that also witnessed this rang 000, it took them 20 minutes and 3 attempts to get help!
I feel for the truck drivers family & wish I could let them know that If my brother could have done something to save their father/brother/son, he would have without hesitation!

I can't help but think that this could have so easily have been my brother, I wish he would stop driving trucks!:(

I am so sorry for posting this here it has just shaken me very badly, sorry!!!

I went to buy some more OPK's today cause I'm due to ovulate and I can't get any anywhere :wall: So I'm just gonna have to guess or BD all weekend!

Oh Jo how awful for your brother to witness something like that. I would assume that he may need someone to talk about this to.

On the OPK front, if you think you are going to O this weekend, just get busy girl

Jo

Your poor brother, what a terrible sight to see. I can understand why he is upset and why you are shaken by it. It would have been a very graphic thing to see, especially if it took so long for help to get there. I agree with Lynn, he may need to debrief about it with a professional to make sure he processes it. Big :hugs: to you and your bro. I hope that your DH is getting some more professional treatment. He deserves to be listened too. Who cares if the Dr is your family Dr, I'd be getting a second opinion from someone who cares a bit.

Bailey: How's that m/s treating you? Are you starting to feel a bit better. I really hope so. Can't wait to see you tomorrow.

Lynn: I think that going back to work sounds like a great idea, especially if your work is understanding and if there are days when it is all too much then don't go. I think that it will help these long weeks pass that little bit quicker.

Mel: How are you feeling hon, I see you ticker but I am just going to wait and cross absolutely everything until you post. I am sorry for being so slack about the call this week. I can't even explain how busy I have been and I know it is no excuse but I promise that I will make time to call next week.

AuntieM: Nebraska, that sounds awesome, I hope you have a wonderful time. I can't wait to hear all about it when you post again.

Georgie: It is darn hard isn't it and I can really sympathsise with what you are going through. There are times when it feels like everyone has forgotten and moved on but this path has no timeframe and you just have to take the days as they come. Just know that you are not alone, most of us have been through the same phase where we fell angry/sad/bitter because it seems the world keeps turning but our world is standing still. Big :hugs:

Well sorry to have been so quiet. I have been super busy, I have a head cold and I have just been in a fowl mood of late. I don't know if it is hormones, exhaustion or just that I am going through an angry phase at the moment. I seem to have such a short fuse but I am trying to relax. By boss said to me the other day 'you look like you are about to blow a valve' and that is exactly how I feel.

Bub has been a bit quiet over the last few days. Still moving constantly but a bit quiet nevertheless. A normal pregnant woman wouldn't even notice but crazy lady here is obsessed as we all know.

Anyway, Dh made me breakfast in bed this morning and has just finished cleaning the house and vacuming. I am so lucky to have such a terrific man and one that can put up with my moods.

I hope all of you other lovely ladies are well.

Big Lv
Spring

Hi there girls

Jo- Your poor brother, to have to be witness to something like that is very hard, I hope he is dealing with it all ok. :hugs:
With your DH I would be asking, now to have some further testing done, its very easy to a sperm test which checks for quantity and quality! this would be my firts resort. If there was a problem they can take the sperm direct from the testies and and do an IVF/iccis treament, which is quiet a big thing for alot of men. Sometimes we need to be rather direct and tell our Drs what WE need!

Bailey, Lynn, Spring and Tommysmum - thank you for the enlightment on the very ....well somewhat distasteful subject of "lotus birthing" I googled it and boy I feel very sorry for baby Ben.......I think I will leave it at that!!!!!! My personal opinion is if you want to do something so much more useful with IT, maybe donate the cord blood so it may save someone else!

I would like to thank you all for a wonderful marathon lunch, with DH in the condition he is in beening out was a good option, only problem comming home to hungary jacks wrapers and mess!!!!!:rolleyes: Spring, thanks for the belly rub!I just wish we could all be there.

Mel - How you going today? Im thinking of you and hoping that a +++ will be heading your way any time now. I hope Vic weather picks up soon, and as for the snow, it a differant type of cold. I have loved the comments on crimmped hair and Vanilla Ice, right up my alley, you would have loved the party last night they even played older stuff with video clips of Sherbet, Chisels and choir boys!!! Now I know im getting old!

Deb - Thinking of you for tomorrow, I know all will be good and Cols going to give you another big wave. Your in the best of hands and I just know that Cols comming home with you.

Aunty M - Hope your having a great weekend. Its great to sometimes be able to sit back and watch it all go down in a big family! Hear all about it soon.

Georgia - Hope your doing ok, it hard to see "Life go on" but as spring said your not alone in here.:hug:

Tess - We will try to arrange to come down to you next time! look forward to meeting you.

Well as I said above, we had a lovely lunch, where WE ALL ate heaps including me so thanks girls I will be at the gym first thing tomorrow!:rolleyes: but it was great to catch up, I think Im so lucky to have wonderful women who know how Ifeel and can truly understand where Im at. We are very blessed.

My mum is comming down to stay for a week so Im putting DS to bed before she gets here, I will try to get back and see whos on.

Luv Natxxx

Hi Everybody,

Jo - OMG how awful for your brother, thank god he was just a couple of seconds behind. That must be an awful image for him to have and I hope he can get some help from somewhere to debrief. How is your DH going btw?

Nat - Glad you had a nice day with the girls, and that party sounds awesome! Vanilla takes the prize over everyone though huh... does anyone remember his hair cut? LOL! Have fun at the gym tomorrow, DH and I are buying a treadmill to try and shift some of the lard that seems to have magically appeared on my a*** and thighs lately, cant wait :)

Spring - You dont need to apologise for being quiet, we all understand how hard this journey is. I have been thinking of you lately and wondering how you are. I can imagine as time is getting closer the fears and anxieties heighten. I just cant wait until you have lil Spring in your arms while s/he screams those little lungs out, you will get there - it just probably feels impossible to you sometimes. And after what we have all been through I can imagine how those kicks can just drive you crazy with worry. Big :hug: for you, I have been thinking of you.

Lynn - Hope you had a good day with the girls too. Congrats on the decision to go back to work, its a big one. It might be just what you need to keep your mind from going crazy on this looooooooong pregnancy train. The work conditions sound fantastic, and all you can do is give it a go and as you said if the time isnt right try again later. When do you start back? How is little Hope doing anyway? You have a scan tomorrow dont you? I will be thinking of you tomorrow and I just know everything is gonna be great. But all the same I will keep everything crossed :hugs:

Deb - Good luck tomorrow, I will be thinking of you and little Col :hug:

Klee - OMG you will be back soon! Hope you had a nice flight and welcome back to the land of oz.

Georgie - How you feeling? I know how important it is to have those special things around you to remind us of our angels, I will keep an eye out for you and if I see anything like what you described I will let you know where from. I hope your weekend has been ok.

Aunty M - Hope your family trip went well. I see your point about the too-hard-basket being like a safe-haven but man it p***es me off!

Bailey - Thanks heaps for the MSN chat, you listened to all my crap - you must be a glutton for punishment, but I really appreciate it :)

Well today was pretty tough one... The nursery has finally gone :( I must admit I didnt do it, I just couldnt so DH (gee I love him so much) did it all by himself while I updated some piccies on Nicholas' website and cried my little heart out, and occasionally went in to see how he was going and cried even more! I dont really understand why I found it so hard, its been almost 10 months and you would think I know he is gone. And I do. But I guess just seeing the cot and change table laying on the floor in pieces and all the things put away and things taken off the wall - it was just so final. He really isnt coming home!!!! Anyway its done now.

And on top of that... AF is officially trying to mess with my head! She was due Friday and didnt show, did a HPT that morning and got BFN. Saturday she didnt show, resisted the urge to test. Sunday didnt show, did HPT this morning and got BFN. So even though I hadnt really tried this month and wasnt stressed about it, the hope creeps in with maybe I am... until about an hour or so ago and who should come to visit!!!!! Oh well, I wont lie - I guess I am a little disappointed but nothing too dramatic and I am not stressed or teary (think I am all cried out today anyway). We have a plan so I will go have my lap on Thursday and hopefully I will have some answers then which will help us proceed to the next step.

Anyway, hi to everyone else. Hope you are all really well.

Love Mel

Mel - sorry to hear that AF came, what a cow! seems our AF's must have swapped, yours being day and a half late, mine being day and a half early. sorry just trying to bring a smile.
back from the trip, we had a great time, will have to have a good catch up on whats been happening, but just wanted to say hi. going to have a bit of a vent actually, wow so not like me.
on the plane home last night there were a few ladies with babies and kids, I watched them, each acknowledged each other with that ceremonious nod and smile, knowing that each knew what each was going through because they were a "mum". I so wanted them to look at me and give that acknowledgement to me, but not one even looked at me. I know they don't know my situation but it was just something i longed for, I am a "mum" too they just can't see it.
As for my trip, it was wonderful spending it with my sister and her girls, although they now have dubbed me "aunty cranky pants" lol, I might just have to start wearing a skirt to get around it.
my sister has 3 girls and I was in envy she knew exactly what to say to each of them and how to handle them, it made me think and i am still thinking it, i don't know what kind of mum I would have been, not sure i would have known what to do etc.
sorry ladies its been a long two weeks