TTC after Stillbirth/ Recurrent Miscarriage or Loss after 1st Trimester June 07 #3

spring/auntie m, the castle is a gem, i still find myself laughing at the "hours of serenity", followed by sounds of the mosquito zapper, just the thought gets me!. dp often uses the "tell him his dreamin'", i have to say another one that gets me laughing is in muriels wedding when the mum burns the backyard cause she's sick of waiting for it to get mowed, something i think my mums been close to doing.
nat - wow sounds like a fantastic trip, count it down, sounds like its going to be amazing. I need someone like you at my place, even though its only a small house i can't seem to get anything done
spring - hows it been having dh back home?
auntie m - its going to be a hard time for you to see your nephew, i had the same angst about seeing my niece recently, but now that I got to spend time with her I have found myself different around other babies, cooing like I did before, its kind of strange.
lynn - how was work? must have been exhausting.
jlk - hi babe how you doing? keeping yourself occupied in this tww?
susan - sorry i didn't mean to overlook you, i'm sorry for your loss, you sound amazing looking after 3 sick kiddies (dh incl.). how you feeling otherwise?
mel - good luck today, thinking of you. lol about you looking forward to the lap, psycho, just kidding, hope you get the answers you are looking for.
as for me, asked my accupuncturist for some help last night, she put me on a detox to fix my liver, she said once this has happened she will look at my hormones for conceiving, she also said it might just take the detox to balance them out. so fingers crossed. feeling a bit odd today though, might just be the tablets she gave me.

happy 7 months cooper, look after your mum and guide your little brother or sister safely into her arms.

Hi everyone. My name is Kat, i am newish to bb and i am very close to TTC for the fourth time. i recognise some names from other forums, Hi To You All!
I have been reading through posts here are some personals

Mel : Packing up a nursery has to be one of the hardest things. You will know the right time.
I am such a rambler. Please bear with me i am about to sprout a novel
When i lost Darren i hadn't gotten too much stuff yet, but what i had was all set up and waiting. My house was an open studio type situation with no cupboard to put things in. I did the best i could, i had a box with stuff and other things we collected i gave away just so i wouldn't have to look at them. When i fell preg the second time i mis carried before i had the chance to do anything. With Zahra i waited until i was past 25 weeks. I started getting some things, i still had a few things from Darren and i held off getting more stuff. When i hit 32 weeks i went crazy and started letting myself get a bit prepared (i was nesting) and set up a few things i had my baby shower and i started to get excited. Everything was in a cupboard (we moved) but it was set up and ready.
I was in hospital for a week after i lost Zahra . Shane (DH) asked me if i wanted him to pack up or if i wanted to wait. I asked him if he could please do it.
He spent the night before i got home packing up. He said as sad as it was, he felt really close to her while he was doing it. And after he was done, as he walked into the lounge room, her ultra sound photo fell off the bookshelf.
We have a bit of a shrine for her now. We put alot of her presents in the coffin with her when she was cremated, little toys and things she can have with her.( Plus i put in a few things for her to give to her brother) And we have her ashes in a little moneybox shaped like Noahs Arc with animals. We have her ultrasound photos and a picture my grandmother painted from a photo we have of her. I keep Darrens Box and her Box together on a shelf and we have a picture that was to hang in her room that says Reach for the Stars that i kiss everymorning. At first i was a bit funny having things on display, but i like seeing them everyday. I can feel her precense around them. When i am sad i look to our shelf and i guess i feel better because in a way she is here with me.
I am a bit frustrated because i was supposed to have a scan to see if my uteris wall is strong enough to support another pregnancy and i didn't make it. (Car trouble) So now have to wait until next week, but my pill runs out in two days which means if i am responsible and i take all precautions i should wait until i have the scan to try to get preg which means another month of waiting!!!! I have been so inspired this month to try again and now i need to wait. I guess waiting one month is better than rushing in and then finding out something is wrong that could have been prevented. I need patience. So i will wait. I have other reasons for waiting too.
I recently found out My sister is pregnant again. She had a little boy 3 weeks before i lost Zahra. I am abit mad (or jealous) at her for jumping straight in there and having another baby with out giving me a chance to try again. (a bit selfish of me maybe) I dont know if i want to be preg at the same time as her again. I cant look at my nephew without thinking about Zahra and what she would be like now. I don't want that to happen again. She is about 12 weeks now, so i thought even if i try now there will still be plenty of time difference. She hasn't had any of the same probs i have had. It has all come easy for her. Which makes it harder for me.
So what have i decided? Back on the pill for a month, have the scan and hope for the best. i will travel my own road and not compare it to hers.
Sorry to ramble but once i start talking, i cant seem to stop. Thank you for listening everyone.
Goodnite from Kat

hey klee thats fine chick.it was exhusting thank god everyone is feeling better now. now they have passed the flu on to me.i hate the flu but apart from that i am feeling great with in myself.i cant wait till next week to start ttc again its going to be very exciting for us both as it is my dp first.
gee i never knew a accupunctrust could help in so many ways that is so interesting.i did hear that its really good for morning sickness but have never tried it.lets hope everything works out great for you and hope you find a cure for you

katti81 im so sorry to hear about your losses it must be hard. but dont give up chick things will happen and it would be great to talk to you a bit more. so welcome.


love susan

Happy Birthday little Cooper! Look after your mummy and daddy today.

Happy birthday little Cooper. Give you mummy and daddy a big warm cuddle tonight in the shape of a wonderful dream.

Lv Spring

Happy (little bit belated) birthday Tommy. I hope you saw your mummy showing off her fancy card last night :)

Hi girls,

Lynn - How did you go today? Hope you are doing ok. Last night was hard wasn't it? I'm glad I got to meet your mum, she's lovely.

Tommysmum - My god, my eyes were so swollen from all my sooking last night. It was so hard to be there, but I am so glad I went.

Katti - Welcome to TTC. I hope you get that BFP very soon.

Tommysmum, Lynn and I went to the Sids & Kids Memorial servce last night.It was really touching, but it was hard. I realised it would be pretty much as soon as I walked in the room. I am very glad I went, but i have felt quite drained since. It's sometimes too hard to understand why we must go through this.

Thanks guys :hug: Today was pretty tough. It was supposed to be my second day back at work but I just couldn't go. The thought of leaving Cooper at home on his own today was too much. So I stayed in bed until 1.30pm when my mum came over and dragged me out. I have had a pretty hard week including last nights memorial service.

Bailey - yes last night was tough. It just added to my week! I thought that they had put the night together very well and it was good to see the other girls from our group there too. Yes tommysmum did show off Tommy's picture on the wishing tree didn't see! ;)

Mel - thinking of you babe :hug:

Nat - can I jump in your bag please!!! I loooooove Paris and would love to go back again.

Spring - thanks for the card, you are too sweet! Glad to hear you and lil Spring are doing well.

Klee - welcome back! It is good to have you home :hug: I hope the acupuncture works for you. I did it, not sure if it helped but hey I had to try everything! My fingers and toes are crossed for you.

Jo - I hope you are feeling better soon. How is the 2ww treating you? What day is test day? Are you a junkie like most us and have stocked up on tests?????

Auntie M - you sound like you would fit right in here! It is a big step to see your nephew. Just remember to look after your emotions and make sure you take care of yourself :hug:

Kat - welcome, I hope your stay here is short and sweet. I am so sorry for your losses. The girls here are fantastic and will help support you through this painful journey. I can understand your feelings about your sister - they are all so normal! Take care and I hope you are on the TTC journey soon and you can get to that scan very soon.

Georgie - wouldn't pregnancy/weight loss potion be awesome!!! I wish there was a quick fix for many things. Good luck with your TTC journey.

Susan - welcome to the nuthouse!! No everyone here is very very supportive and have helped me through many dark days. I hope your TTC journey is short and sweet.

Hey all,

Lynn - A late happy b'day to little Cooper!

Mel - hope your well, I got the wristband on wednesday, thankyou so much!

Kat - welcome

Hello to everyone else!

Hi everyone!

Thanks for making me feel welcome!!

Aunty M- The castle is a crack up!! Another good one to see is Cracker Jack its about lawn bowls, you need to see it to beleive it.

Hi to jlk, Bailey99, spring and britkane8 , dream and anyone else i have missed
(i need to keep a notebook and make notes on who said what so when i go to post i am not racing back to posts trying to remember who i am talking to about what!!)

Lynn - Belated Happy birthday to Cooper. It was Zahra's 7 month anniversary on the 17th. We both lost them around the same time, maybe they are up there together having a party. Thank you for understanding my feelings about my sister. I think the worst part is, she wasn't even trying to get pregnant. It just happened. Mind you, she wasn't trying to stop it. BUt still, it comes so easy to her. I am happy for her, of course i am , i wouldn't wish what we go through upon anyone, i just thought it was like a slap in the face, like haha, you cant have one, and i cant stop it if i try.

When i was in hospital everyone would bring magazines and stuff and it was just after Belinda Emmet died, she was in all the mags, tributes etc... i sort of imagined that she was up there and she would look after Zahra for me. Because Belinda knew she was sick and probably couldn't have children, i pictured that she would be happy to look after angel babies. It might have been a silly thought or even morbid, but it helped me feel like Zahra was safe and being cared for. Does anyone else think stuff like that? I am not a religious person, but i am spiritual, and if loosing babies has done anything it makes me wonder about their spirits and things like that. I dont want to get too philisophical, but it does make me think, and would make me smile to think of all our babies spirits playing together somewhere.


I talked with DH last night. Because i was so set to start trying and then everything went qrong with my scan i was a bit discouraged. So we have decided that i will go off the pill, but we will take other precautions until its time. This way i am still doing something towards the road to ttc. It will probably do me good to get a natural cycle going before we start trying anyway. So i am not so disapointed. I am still going off the pill!! The scan is in a week, so if things go well we will start to try. If not it is just a matter of being careful and maybe going back on the pill n e way.

My cycle is a bit messed up anyway. When i was sick i was taking antibiotics and i started to bleed mid cycle for about 2 weeks. it has just stopped a week ago, and now i am due to stop taking the pill i think i will get it again. I started to panic thinking i was mis carrying before i had even started trying, but my doc assured me i wasn't pregnant (i had done a test myself just in case, it came back neg) but it has been abit weird. I haven't really gotten into ovulators and things like that, I don't actually have too much trouble getting pregnant,(sorry anyone who does) its keeping my babies growing healthily that i have trouble with, but maybe it might pay to check myself out.

Goodnight all, i won't be back till MOn I can only use the comp at work. After i have finished all my work i stay back for my now addictive bb fix. DH is waiting at home, he wonders why i am staying back so late. i told him about this site but i dont think he realises how involved it is and how much i like to just sit there and read other peoples stories. He thinks i am down stairs at the pub!! I work in a pub,. but since loosing Zahra i am only in the office. It was hard at first, my little pub was devasted, so many people were cheering me on to have her, and when i didn't the whole town was effected. HOw ever, i discovered once i tried to come back to work just how many people hadn't heard what happened. I had to tell alot of people. We had a private funeral but about two months later i had a memorial ceremony and we planted a Poincietta Tree at the pub and released balloons. I still haven't had to do a bar shift, which has been good.
See, i tried to say goodbye and i keep raving on. I will stop now....

Goodnight all! Take care xox

hi there kattie81

interesting story i am sorry bout your losses. its good to see your not rushing into things and your going to take things as they come. i to find it easy to full pg and i already have 2 children. then i m/c this one and i asked my self why cos i did the same thing during my pregnancy as i did with the other 2. my mum told me that its not what we or our bodies do its just that the baby wasnt ment to be not that paticular one. as much as it hurts all of us to lose a loved one ecspecially a child of our own it does hurt whether it was ment to be or not. i wish you luck with your scan next week and hope everything goes fine. then once you have your results start trying when you are ready dont let anyone push you into it.
i sorta did the same thing like your sister did but it wasnt intentual i didnt mean to upset her by falling pg. she has been trying for a while now and she is now on clomid to help her. then 10 weeks ago i found out i was pg and i didnt really know how to tell her as she was trying so hard to have a baby. its sumthing she really wants. but then a week ago i had to tell her that i wasnt anymore. so now we decided that we will try 2gether and have baby bellys at the same time. thank god she still loves me.
well i will let you go and hope u had a lovely weekend

love susan

Sorry I have left you all a bit in here. I have been on survival mode this week. Feeling better today - but the next few weeks are going to be hellish - so know I am always here Ijust don't always post.

I just want to see how Mel is????? Sending my love.... :hug:

I have a g/friend coming tomorrow for a week - it will be lvoely to see her but to be honest I am jsut not feeling like having someone else in the house the way I am feeling!

Never mind it will help the week go! I sound awful don't I. She is one of my oldest most gorgeous friends who is no trouble. I just feel quite insular at the moment...

Anyway, love to you all and I will be around... :hug:

Hi there girls,

Kat - First of all Im sorry for the loss of your angle babies I do hope that you to can hold your own earth baba soon and that your road is not to long.

Please know that you never need to apologise for rambling, useing bad language (just censor yourself)or venting around here you see this is the "Nuthouse" and we all do it very often! So feel free to do this at anytime. It is very hard to see someone close to you breeze through a pregnancy, Some of us here know that all to well, but we are very special women who are strong and can do anything we put our minds to thanks to our angel babies. I hope when you have your U/S you get some answers. Have you had test done? I look forward to talking with you.

Lynn - How was today? Is Hope giving you anymore m/s? Oh wheres my green light? As for Paris, you can jump on in I would love to have you there!

Mel - How you goin? I hope the opp went alright and your not to sore. Is your mum looking after you well! When will you get some results? Hope you have a good weekend, take it easy.

Deb - All I can say is "Thank you God" each day as it comes. How you headaches going?

Bailey - Im glad to here Wed night went so well, your so right it is hard to understand WHY but look what we have all become and the wonderful friendships we have made....I dont know it would have been better to have our babies and meet but someone/thing has a bigger plan even if it does suck. Are you feeling better? (m/s)

Klee - Oh let me tell you I dont always get the urge to "clean the Fridge" it was more whats that smell!!!!!:lol: But I dont mind cleaning you know a big clean where you home smells so good I always feel so much better after.....maybe call me Martha! I love accp, I always have it done and increase it when TTC and when pregnant, it is so good for you.

Aunty M - Sounds like such fun at chrissy around your way....41! I love the big family thing, I would have loved four kids but hey. And studying in Florance! I will make sure I have lots of red wine with dinner and banana creps in the park for you all!!!! Goodluck with your trip away to DH family, it is hard but you are a good women for do it, and maybe a drink or two might help.....im starting to sound like I like a drink!:rolleyes:

Spring - Maratha.....well far from that but I do fold my fitted sheets the way she does but I was doing that way well before she came on TV. I love winter cause I can cook all those wonderful things that warm you up, self saucing choccie pudding, soups etc. Hows little spring going?

Sussan - Bummer about the flu! Its always the way but hey I bet DP had it worse! Take care of yourself.xx

Jo - How long know to testing? How you feeling:crossfingers: for you.

Wel I have my mum staying at the moment and its been not to bad! School holidays have started so Im looking forward to sleeping in!!!!! :D I hope you all have a good night and if I dont get back a great weekend. I wish i could take you all with me OS but I will eat and drink for you all! A coffe for lynn, a cake for Deb etc ect This is why I need to get rid of that extra 10kilos so I can put it on!

Luv Nat xxx

hey there dream

i am feeling a little better still got the stuffed nose. yes he had it really bad well thats what they say. gee i wish i could get a sleep in i have to get up at 345 every morning for work.

flowerchild i feel a little like you sum times with friends. i try and distance myself cos i just dont feel like the company but if you havent seen her in a while you guys should have a heap of fun and lots to catch up on. i find it hard to talk to someone every day cos its like am what should we talk about today. so how is your little bub doing see you made it past 12 weeks that is excellent. hope all goes well for you.


well hi to everyone else and i hope you all have a lovely weekend.


love susan

Hey Gals,

Deb - I just want to wish you the best for monday. I am positive *Col* will be fine and home with his/her family very soon. I can't imagine how scarey the next few weeks are going to be for you, but the thing I have been trying to do is just take it one day at a time, and I guess each day I get through is a bonus and one step closer to bringing baby home. You have to know that the amount of positive energy you are recieving from all of us here just has to help your little Mira-col in their journey. Enjoy your time with your friend.

Nat - MS is starting to ease a little, well at least it's not ALL day anymore :)

I am going to be a little bit quiet here for the next few days, so if anything exciting happens, Lynn or Mel you have to message me. My computer at home has some iss-ews and is in getting fixed, well hopefully if it's not beyond repair. If it is, I will have NO choice but to get a new one, or wait til work again on thursday. SO stay well everyone and I will speak to ya'll very soon.

hi there girls

well yesturday i got an af for the first time after my d&c.which is good news cos i didnt get one straight after.so lets hope this is the month. i dont know why but maybe you girls could help me but for some reason since i have had my af i have been feeling really depressed. it doesnt matter what i try to do or think i cant over come it. its like im in a trans of depression.why is that????? also another quick question. can you bleed while your ovulating???? i dont know if you can or not so it would be great if you guys could help me with some of these questions. i dont have much more to say i will be back on 2morrow to do sum personals. oh and how was everyones weekend???? hope you all had i good one.


love susan

Susan

I think it is normal to feel a sense of grief when your AF returns, it seems so complete, like the baby is actually gone and your body has moved on. I hope that you start to feel a bit better soon. If you are feeling like this is more than grief and you feel depressed, don't be afraid to seek some professional help. I have and many of us have, just another way to try and get through the days.

Dream: Sleeps ins rule, I just had one myself. I hope having your mumma there is still going well and that DS hasn't got the school holiday boredom yet.

Bailey: Wow, I really hope your puter's iss-ews get sorted quick-smart, we will miss ya too much otherwise. You may have to volunteer to go into work and do some extra hours, just kidding.

Deb: you know that we are with you every step of the way. When you feel up to it, pop in and let us know how tomorrow goes.

Well I am having a tough time at the moment. I really don't know how I am supposed to get through the next two and a bit months. Plenty of tears in this house at the moment. I spoke with the Doula yesterday and we seemed to get along very well over the phone. She has booked me in for September but she wants to meet me face to face just to make sure I am happy with her. Her name is Gwen Teasdale and if you google her name you'll see her site. I feel comfortable talking to her so hopefully it all works out. I am just so afraid of being left alone during labour, I know DH will not leave my side but this is going to be just as hard for him so I we know we need someone else there.

Oh well, we are off to DFO for some retail therapy. Oh and I meant to say we saw Transformers last night and it was AWESOME. I really didn't think I would like it but the computer graphics were unreal. Some cheesy moments but what do you expect and it was really quite funny in parts. I would be careful of taking littlies though, I got scared in parts and I'm 27 (lol)

Anyway, I'll pop in after my shopping fix.

Big love
Lv Spring