TTC after Stillbirth/ Recurrent Miscarriage or Loss after 1st Trimester June 07 #3

kattie81 my dp and i only had this conversation on saturday when i was really upset and we sat down and talked to one another.i suppose what i got out of it was that he didnt want to confront me about his feelings as i was trying to deal with the loss not only in my mind but my body was too.he didnt want to put more problems on to me.the same with me i didnt want to say anything to him because of how he was trying to deal with it.but at the end of the talk we both felt so much better and it felt good to sit down and just let it all out. when something like this happens you both need to communicate with each other. try sitting him down and making him talk about it show him that you can handle talking about it and you want to talk about it. he might think that you now have the strength to listen to how he feels.if it doesnt work then maybe see a councellar.

lynn thankyou yes i am feeling alot better today i feel that im much more in control of my body which is good.me too am hoping this will be my last one for a long time which i think it might be as i practically just have to look at it and i full pregnant. my dp and i last time concieved the first month we tried.so i didnt think its going to be to hard. its just trying to make it stick this time so fingers crossed.

spring angel im glad to hear you had a good time shopping.and hope you are feeling great only 12 weeks to go chick.wow you are really going good fingers crossed.


a big hi to everyone else hope you all had a great weekend.

love susan

Hi All!!
Hi britkane, i think i will follow your advice, thanx.

Lynn, some days are harder then others. I still think about what it would be like to have a three year old too. The worst really is when i see my nephew, they would be so close in age and every milestone he has i start thinking about Zahra. I think thats why i am abit apprehensive of being preg at the same time as her (my sis) again, i dont want to feel this way about another neice or nephew. I love kids and the only problem is he is a constant reminder. i keep telling myself it will be different as he grows up and isn't this illlusive " Baby" i keep chasing, but only time will tell.
short and sweet
katxo

howdy everyone. back from my trip with dh and his sister and their new baby, who is only 3 weeks older than Yeti. it went pretty well, i only cried a few times when anyone could see -- his cry made me think of how silent Yeti's birth was. i didn't pick up my nephew until it was time to go yesterday, i wasn't sure how i would respond. now my arms seem empty again without Yeti. and to see how proud my brother in law is, i just want that so badly for dh. just before we left (i had almost made it through), my sil asked me if i wanted her travel crib because her wee one had outgrown it. i just stared at her in disbelief. i wanted to tell her that it was too big for Yeti, but i didn't have the ability to speak just then. i mumbled some sort of "thanks" and "how i am glad one of us has hope" and stumbled off into the bathroom to cry. on the way home, dh got a good earful of my pain. how can someone give a baby gift to a mother whose son has just died? she has had her joyous, hopeful dreams fulfilled with her wee one, while i know only too well that those dreams are not always reality. i want to send her a guide book of what not to do . . . number one being not giving baby gifts to a woman who has lost her son and is ttc (and when it was so hard for us to ttc Yeti). she meant well, i know, but it hurts so much to have that final stab in the heart.

Klee- i'm hoping seeing my nephew will open me up to babies too, although today i just feel that Yeti is gone.

Kat- sounds like you are dealing with a similar situation as me. each time my nephew laughs or cries, i think, that should be Yeti. my sil is as compassionate as she can be, but it still hurts and she really doesn't understand (she thinks that a new baby will cure everything). the jealousy is so difficult to feel. re dh, last week we had our first real conversation since Yeti died. it was the first time one or the other of us wasn't deeply depressed or angry or jealous or hurt. we were both on an even keel and could actually communicate. so be patient.

Nat- you are right, a few drinks did help with the sil & nephew. hopefully it helped the ttc too. now for the tww and no drinks to help that along.

Spring & Deb- my heart aches for both of you. i hope the time flies by and worry takes a vacation. hugs.

Lynn- i'm sorry for your hard week, and happy birthday to little Cooper. hugs.

Auntie M :hug: Unfortunately some people just don't get it. I am so sorry that you had to put up with you SIL being so insensitive. There should be a book, that all family and friends receive after we have lost a baby. That way it could spare some of our pain. Maybe we should start to write one! Silence is one of the worst sounds in the world isn't it? I hate it, I just want a chaotic house full of screams and cries - the sound would be bliss instead of this heartbreaking silence.

Kat - I can understand you not wanting to be pg with your sister at the same time. The pg will be so different and you don't need the comparisons. You will be anxious and will have many fears whereas your sister will not. Big big :hug: to you. This journey is so hard and nothing is right or wrong, it is just making the best decisions for us at the time. :hugs:

Sorry ladies, am not going to do personals, I have my "cranky pants" on and am feeling pretty crappy having just come down with a cold.

Warning vent coming, well a vent to my extent:

I popped in to a friends birthday dinner on Saturday night, I didn't know what to expect. I walked in to the place and zoomed in on the friend. I went and sat down and was having a chat, when out of nowhere a baby was kind of popped in my face, trying to stay calm, I tried to laugh it off and sort of say "who's this?", but it felt like it was done to see my reaction. Anyway I didn't stay long, but went and had a little chat around the table, anyway, it seemed that whoever I was talking to would always pass the baby on, I don't know if it makes sense but I kind of got the feeling that they thought I was going to take the baby and run. I mean give me credit I'm not some psycho who's gonna do something like that. Besides people don't realise that all I want is my Phoebe. Anyway I have come to the realisation that I'm not ready to sit down with friends (not family) who don't say anything about what happened, yet I am not ready to see those who want to discuss it either. It’s a strange feeling

Anyway I had another party on Sunday, I was a worker for the day, my sister only meaning well showed a friend of hers a picture of Phoebe. I lost it, I couldn't contain myself, it is so not like me. Her friend actually said to me, express how you feel you are only human. I don't know, I usually can contain my feelings and keep them in check, I know I shouldn't have to, but I actually feel like I am getting worse. I don't know I think it might just have to do with how I feel physically, and having this cold has bought me down. When I am okay physically, I am okay mentally. Does anyone get the same?

Enough of my whinging, sorry ladies

Lynn – can you send me an email with your proper email address, I only have the other one, just want to send you a catch up email

Hi all. Had to poop in and say hi, what a time for us all.

Its so hard isn't it. The last time we went to see my sis, I had had a REALLY bad week. I broke down while i was doing the banking for work, a lady i hadn;t seen since loosing Zahra had seen me a called out, "you lost the bump, where is the baby???" and basically, i had a mental breakdown in the middle of town. I was surrounded by loving older ladies, but it was still abit embarrassing. this was two days before we were goingto see the fam for my sisters birthday. I got there, and i just wasn't ready for cuddles with HAmish, but my sis FiL thrust him into my arms. It was hurting DH to see me holding a baby that wasn't ours, he knew how much it was killing me. When iwent to hand him back, my sisi fil, said. "dont you want to see your nephew, you hardly ever spend anytime with him, i see him everyday. You take him." and he just didn;t get it. He knows we have lost evry child we have tried to bring into this world, and he couldn't understand how much it hurts. As far as he is concerned i should be over it and it shouldn't have any effect on DH. It ended up causing a few probs by the end of the night and we haven't really seen them since. I am not too upset, i dont really get along with my fam. They only seem to care about me if im pregnant. When im not they never call or invite us anywhere, but as soon as im preg and a baby might be here, they all jump on board and want to be our best friends. They drive past my house to visit my other sis and her baby and dont stop to see me and DH. It is abit sad. My mum is fantastic though. She makes up for them. Tahts why this time i dont think i will even tell them for as long as i can.I dont need their fake support.
Well enough from me. I better do some work.

Hi to all!!! Take care, i might be back later!!!
katxo

klee, r u online? want to chat?

hi katti i am online, i don't have messenger though, being at work. aren't our mums the best, i don't know what i'd be like without mine

kattie 81 how did it go with your dh did you guys sit down and have a chat

Hi everybody - sorry been MIA for too long to catch up on everything.

Basically just checking in and letting everyone know that my lap went well, nothing at all wrong (in FS words, as perfect as can be) which still gives no clue as to why we are not getting pregnant. Now I have to start back on the pill on CD1 next cycle for 4-6 weeks to regulate my hormones and my cycle and go through counselling and med check ups and by the time I come off the pill we should be ready for our first IVF cycle... So it seems we have to accept the fact that we will not be getting that BFP before Nicholas' 1st birthday in September.

Hi to everyone, hope you are all well.

Thanks so much to everyone for their texts and emails over the last week, I appreciate that you all care so much :hug: Update on the tonsilitis, seem to be over the worst of it but still have a few days of antibiotics left but it seems I will survive ;)

Special thanks to Spring and her DH for talking me into going to dr in the first place, without starting the antiobiotics that day I would have had little or no chance of having the procedure done :)

Take care all,

Mel

mel1977 im sorry to hear that you have to go back on the pill and having to wait that bit longer tc. its good to hear you are getting over your tonsilitis. i hope everything goes well for you over the next few months.

love susan

Mel: :hugs: you are being incredibly strong through all of this babe. If there is anything at all I can do, you know where I am.

Klee: Big :hugs: for you too babe. I totally know what you mean about family only wanting to know you when you are pregnant. My MIL did not speak a word to me in the six months after losing Harry and then as soon as she found out I was pregnant, she wanted to be MIL of the year. I don't want anything to do with the woman. I am lucky too that my side of the family are so wonderful and supportive that it makes up for the bad. About people thrusting babies on them, don't feel bad if you react in an emotional way. What do they think that by giving you a baby it will suddenly make you *better*. I so understand what you mean about just wanting your baby. I am sorry that you had to go through that.

Big love and hugs to all.
Love Spring

Mel - so good to see you back :hug: I hope that this plans works for you and very soon you will have your bfp. I'm sorry that it won't be before Nicholas' first birthday. I hope you are feeling better soon. Thinking of you always, big :hugs:

Kat - I am sorry that you had a baby thrust into your arms. It really should be up to you whether you want to hold a baby or not. I'm sorry that your family only want to see you when you are pg. Losing a baby is something you will never get over. You have lost 3 precious bubbas and they are always in your thoughts. No-one should expect you to get over it. It will never happen. Big hugs to you babe :hug:

Klee - I hope you have managed to get rid of those cranky pants! How are you feeling tonight? You need to do what is right for you. If you are not ready to be around other babies then that is fine and if you are not ready to sit down with friends, then don't. Just do everything in your own time. You need to look after your emotions first. Take care :hug: This rollercoaster ride that we are on is full of different emotions and they can pop up at any time and sometimes without warning. You are entitled to lose it whenever you want. Sometimes we don't know why we do, but we do and that is ok :hugs:

howdy to everyone.
Lynn- a guide book for family and friends of those grieving a baby's death -- what a great idea. i wonder how it could be distributed. perhaps through the hospitals. if i get one started, i'll send it over to get other ideas. yes, i sooooo want some noise in my house (other than me crying).

Klee-- i get the same feeling with my sil, she came to check on me twice when i was reading alone in the house and my nephew was sleeping in a bedroom and everyone else was outside. she wasn't checking on her son, she was checking on me. i guess because she thinks everything will be healed if i have another baby, she figures i might just replace Yeti with her son. i wish it were so easy to get rid of grief. i also used to be able to keep my feelings in check without even a thought -- i was on an even keel all the time. now i cry in front of people and get angry without any control. it makes others uncomfortable, but that is their problem. i just need to get the feelings out.

Kat- i'm sorry you're missing support from your family. stick with your mom to help you make it through. it is so difficult for others to step past their own concerns to see and feel your pain. i know i am much more compassionate that i used to be . . . .

hi ladies, sorry i just wanted to clear up any confusion, my family and dp's family have been nothing but supportive throughout everything we have gone through. my sister did apologise to me and said she didn't mean to upset me when showing the photo and i know she only meant well. so sorry i have been having a few confusing days, my head is very clouded at the moment.
mel - good to see you back, somewhat healthy, we missed you - even if i have been stalking you by sms lol

I am just flying in as I stillhve my house guests. I am so happy Mel that all is well - I can imagine how hard it is to wait. You have been through so much. We are all here for you and soon that ivf cycle will be starting and you will here the cheers through your monitor!
Sending you lots of love and hugs... :hug:

Hey Gals,

First day back in at work today so first day with a computer. I haven't had a chance to read all posts yet, just wanted to make sure you are all well.

Mel - I know that it must suck having to go on the pill again, but this is going to maximise your chances of getting your BFP. It will be hard having to wait, but now you have a plan to follow and work towards. This will happen, and when it does, it will be fantastic.

My Computer is dead...it cannot be saved :( so I baought a new one yesterday, but I have to wait for it to be delivered, and it could take up to 2 weeks :( . SO I will be sneaking in quick peeks from work to see how you are all going.

mel/bailey - how you ladies doing today? thinking of you both and your families, today, Nicholas' and Asha's anniversaries. hope they are shining down on you both today

Just popping quickly to say hello, I still have a head cold so not feeling all that well!
AF is due tomorrow & I'm not getting any of the usual AF symptoms so fingers crossed it stays away (not gonna hold my breath though)
How is everyone else?

Happy 10th month b'day Nicholas!!!

Happy 8th month b'day Asha!!!

Thinking of you & your mummys & daddys today!

hiya jo, sorry your not feeling well, but i hope you get some good news to help you feel a little better.
i must say its getting a bit quiet in here, I'm so happy so many of you have moved to the pg forum i just wish i could be in there with you.
feeling a little crappy for myself, head cold like you jo, going by the name of snufalufagus cranky pants, people at work can barely understand me, which i don't mind.

Happy 10 month Birthday little Nicholas. I have been thinking of you all day Mel :hug: I hope you got through the day ok.

Happy 8 month Birthday Asha. I hope today was kind to you Bailey :hug:

Jo - it could be a good sign. A few of us were sick just before we got our BFP. My fingers and toes are crossed for you :pray: I hope the cold is worth it and you have some exciting news for us tomorrow. But on the other hand, I hope it goes away so you are feeling a bit better :hug:

Klee - We all wish that we could have graduated to the pg thread together. You will be there very soon :hugs: I hope you are feeling better soon. Take care :hug:

Bailey - no computer!!!!!! OMG! Well you will just have sneak a peak at work. How are you feeling? Hope you are going ok? Hey do you know when the next S&K meeting is? Now that I am a working girl :( I will have to take the day off.

Hi to everyone else - hope you are all well. Thinking of you all :grouphug:

Happy 10 Month Birthday darling little Nicholas. :hugs: to you and DH Mel.

Happy 8 Month Birthday dear little Asha :hugs: to you and DH Bailey.

Lv Spring

Just popped in to say I'm thinking of you Mel and Bailey and your angels tonight :hug: love George

hi there girls

well my af has finally gone away so i have had a proper cycle which is good.my dp and i can start trying again in a week yay. so lets hope this month is my month.

i hope everyone is doing fine and good uck for all of you that are ttc this month fingerscrossed you have good news at the end of it.

hope all the girls with bubs on the way are doing good aswell. you guys are all doing so well to get where you are.well thats bout it from me today


love susan

howdy everyone. went to a fourth of july picnic yesterday and got raked over the coals by the friend who told everyone but me that she's pregnant (5 months). i avoided her during the party, and finally worked up my courage and went up to offer congrats. apparently, my avoiding her was a worse crime than her hiding her pregnancy from me for so long. i don't understand the lack of compassion, but did say i was sorry to have hurt her feelings. funny how she didn't offer the same to me. i really don't understand the world anymore, if i ever did. other than those fun times, i am still in the tww, and trying not to build up my hopes. hugs, m

Hi there eveyone!!!

I finally had my scan and she said everything looks normal. Results are going to specialist and my GP so it all looks good!!! I am on my way!!

Sorry this is so short, i am spending abit too much work time on comp. i will be back for a good session in a few days.

Love to all
Take care
Katxox

Thank you everyone for support about my family. Isnt is strange that even though most of us are virtually strangers, we understand each other in a way only we can. Thank you everyone.

:grouphug: to All

Thank you so much to all of you who thought of us and Nicholas yesterday, it means so much to have your support :hug:

Klee (aka Snufulufagus Cranky Pants) - How you feeling? Hope that cold is easing? Are you feeling a little better or still feeling really down? If you need anything you know how to reach me :)

Lynn - How is work going? Does it feel weird being back?

Bailey - :doh: 2 WEEKS?!?!?!?!? What will we do without you? The other girls are gonna have to try really hard to cotton on to my sick jokes to make up for it ;)

Take care, Mel

Hey all

Just a quick one, no AF yet so hopefully........

How is everyone?

Jo - I have everything crossed for you! :pray: Please let this be the one! Thinking of you today and I hope that the wicked witch stays away for good. :SAAF:

Auntie M - Wow! I don't know what to say. Everything that came to mind would have been censored and I would have got busted! Why are people so insensitive. I am so sorry that you had to put up with that persons insensitive, inappropriate and rude words. Could she not understand how you were feeling?!?!?!? It is amazing how you could find compassion and apologise to her for hurting her feelings but she couldn't say the same back. Big hugs to you :hug: I'm like you, I don't understand the world anymore either and the way some people behave. You wonder how they would behave and react if the situations were reversed (although I would never wish this on anyone).

Mel - work is ok. Working 3 days is good because I get time to do nothing, or everything depending what is on. This week it was pretty quiet so it did drag a bit. The good thing is that it makes the weeks go faster so hopefully it will be November before I know it and finishing work. I know it is bad to wish away half a year but.............
How are you feeling?

Kat - that is wonderful news about your scan :hug: I am so happy for you :confetti:

Susan - I'm glad the wicked witch has left! I hope she never returns (well for the next 9 months anyway :) ) Good luck!

lynn thankyou hun im hoping it will be the last one too.anyways how are you doing???

kate great news about your scan lets hope all goes well

Susan, I'm going ok thanks for asking. Just taking each day as it comes. Some are good, some are ok, some are bad, all for various reasons. Don't get me wrong, I am happy to be pg, I just didn't realise it would be THIS hard. The fear of losing another baby is so strong and I just thank *Hope* each night as I go to bed for still being with me and I ask that she stays the whole time. I am trying to enjoy this pg but I'm anxious as well. So many emotions................

I hope that you and all the other girls are on this journey with me very very soon. The TTC journey is so hard, it's so frustrating, and so emotional. Sometimes I still can't believe that this little miracle is growing inside of me. I know what it took to get it and it truely is a miracle. I guess if we have learnt anything after losing our babies, it is how precious life is, and what a miracle a live, healthy baby is. *Hope* is going to be one spoilt bubba.

lynn

you hang in there its perfectly fine to feel how you are feeling at this time. just stay strong there and all us girls are here for you when ever you need us.
thats exactly right life is very presious and so many ppl in this world like to abuse it.if they only went though what some ppl have to go through then maybe they would understand. we truely dont know what we have got till it has gone and nobody can say they know how we are feeling unless they have been there and done it themselfs.


i am here if you ever need me

love susan

Awww any news JO???? Thinking of you... :hug:

Well 2 days late AF appears to have arrived :crying:

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I hate that witch!!! I am so sorry Jo. I had everything crossed for you and really thought that this was your month. I hope she is being kind to you. I am sure you are just devastated. Big hugs to you babe :hug:

Oh Jo, I am so sorry the witch arrived :hug: It is so frustrating and I wish she would just leave us all alone. Hope you are doing ok.

Oh I am so sorry JO... :hugs: Thinking of you... :hug:

Hey all,
well AF seems to be treating me alright, but i just feel so dissapointed! I told myself I wouldn't get my hopes up, especially with DH's semen problems but I did :wall:
I had no AF symptoms (the usual pimples, cramps etc) and I had the sorest boobs, not usually a af symptom for me!

I feel like giving up :cry: