Friend pregnant with twins - what can I do to help?

[Amity]

A girlfriend of mine has just found out that she is nine weeks pregnant with identical twins.

Apart from directing her here (of course!), I have bought her a couple of pairs of booties, and the book "Double Duty" (yes I do know it's not double duty, I wrote in the book that it was rather doubly blessed) which is about twin pregnancy and birth. It was the only "twin" pregnancy book I could find.

Is there anything else that I can do, apart from being her sounding board, to help her?

Is there anything that any of you would have liked someone to do for you?

Thanks in advance.

[chon]

COngratulations to your friend!! How exciting!

All I can suggest is organise a baby shower, but that is near the end of the pregnancy. Its fairly early days yet.

A big baby shower where people can help stock her cupboards up with nappies, wipes and everything else x 2. I only had one bub but the baby shower my friends organised for me was the best thing ever! I didnt have to buy nappies and stuff for a couple of months, it was wonderful!! That was the best help ever!

My friends did everything, I didnt do a thing, loved it!!

[Danni]

Oh Divvy,,,,you are so kind! How lucky is she to have a friend like you!

if she isnt very financial, remember every little bit helps. So maybe you could make her some homemade gifts? I know Sarah_h is making a lot of things for her pregnant friend.

As long as you are there for her, Im sure she will be very grateful

[justawaiting- brisbane]

I'd recommend getting signed up with AMBA (Aust. multiple birth assoc.) they have meetings for mothers-to-be so she could talk to other moms. The biggest thing is for her to try to gain AS MUCH WEIGHT AS SHE CAN and to start from the beginning. Even if she is a bigger person to begin with she still needs to gain gain gain. The problem is that with twins you are more likely to have morning sickness (potential loss of weight), then the babies take up more room inside your uterus which makes it difficult to just pack away alot of food. (I am 21 weeks and even though I'm visually not that large I can't eat very large meals). Recommend drinking "full cream" milk and protein shakes, even Mc Donald's burgers, really anything to get the food into you. Lots of extra calories.

Also for a stroller you will need to look at something that will fit through a normal doorway, fit into your trunk, and will fully recline back so the infants can sleep. Often people will own two, one for shopping and one for walking. Many people like the Aria stroller since it goes down easy and is compact....

Recommend to swaddle infants and co-sleep them. Cribs like King Parrott which is a Boori where the side rail will go down with one hand. One swing, one bouncer. I also purchased the Bumbos which allows the infants to sit up at 3 months to 12 months.

Well, hope that helped not confused you.... you are a great friend.

Heather

[diva det]

Hi Divvy
Making meals for her when the bubbas are born would be a big help. also getting her to buy nappies from now on when they are on special. We were going through over 150 per week. Someone to come over and look after bubbas for five minutes whilst she can have a shower in peace is also a great thing!!!
Hooking her up with other twin mummas is also priceless - try her local AMBA club.
There is also a great book written by aussies about raising twins. Cant remember what it called, but its pretty popular so not hard to track down-- her local AMBA club usually has a library full of books to borrow for free . They also have ante-natal nights twin specific as well
you are a legend for helping her out - wish i had a friend like you when my twins were born!!
HTH odette

[Mother Goose]

Hi Divvy,

I'm in a similar situation. A good friend of mine is about 14 weeks PG with twins and we are all so excited for her! She's been trying for 10 years. Anyway, I've been thinking about what I can do too and am doing the following;

• Directed her to BB
• Handed on all my pregnancy books
• Made up a box of clothes DD doesn't fit into (well two boxes, one of Unisex and one of Girls clothing - she will get the Unisex one and if she has a girl she will also get the girl box)
• I've bought a Huggies "Starter Pack" (it has nappies, wipes etc)
• I've made offers to clean her house/run errands/do her shopping whilst she is pregnant (she is suffering badly and hardly gets out of bed on weekends).
• Making vouchers for cleaning/shopping.baby sitting for when the twins arrive
• Made meals for her to stick in the freezer now so they don't have to cook (her DH gets home late and she does the cooking - this way she can relax)
• Planning meals to make for when the twins arrive so they can focus on the twins
• Also, I found a book at a store called Volumes in Eltham - I forget the name of the book but it was full of little quotes about having a baby such as things like not to worry if baby doesn't sleep through the night at first - they will eventually etc. I am buying this for my friend as she can be a bit of a worry wort at times.
• I'm also making a basket of things I have found useful once DD was born (sorbolene cream, nappy rash cream, toys that have been a hit, CD's of nursery music etc).

HTH!

MG

[julie26]

As a mother of twins the best thing you can do for your friend without a doubt will be when they are born. Just drop in when you can and give her 5 minutes to have a bath, shave her legs/armpits, let her go to the shop for half an hour just so she can be on her own. Having 2 babies is a big job, and you get some what lost in it. The other thing which my husband did for me is get her a voucher for a massage for after they are born and then maybe grab another friend and look after the babies while she goes and gets it done, also dont forget her.
You sound like a good friend and I would be lost with out my special friends, so just enquiring on what you can do to help is a GREAT start.

I wish her all the best.

Julie

PS Tell her to get all the sleep she can now, and yes I agree swaddling is the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[justawaiting- brisbane]

I just moved here in January and I must say I wish I had friends like both of you !! I've heard twin moms suggest that when visitors come over to "help" that the best way they can "help" is to do some dishes or load of laundry, etc. Bring a meal with you when you come, or see if she needs milk, bread, etc.
During this time it is important for the mom to tend to the babies and get into a routine of how to feed and change them both. I've heard coming over JUST to hold the babies all afternoon isn't helpful. I'm wanting my babies to co-sleep -- meaning they will sleep together and like in the womb be used to being near each other. The reason for this is to feed them and hopefully nap them at the same time. If they are feeding every 2-3 hours especially in the early days it is easier to do them together or I will be doing it every hour on the hour !! Yikes. Be prepared for the babies to be in special care (intensive care) for a couple of weeks -- often they are early and the babies need support. Mentally I think every twin mom needs to be prepared for this.

Heather

[Amity]

Thank you all so much for your helpful suggestions. I will certainly put them into place.

[Kelly W]

My suggestions are
While pregnant if she is exhausted - help with housework, dinners, even just a cuppa and a chat. I started maternity leave when I was 6 month preg with my twins, Lucky I went to 29 weeks and my hubby worked from home. If hubby wasn't here I would have been bored. But I didn't have the energy to clean cupboards, make meals all those things I planned on doing.

Once they are home from hospital, great help would be doing the dishes, vacuum & mopping. hanging out or folding washing. All those things that don't take long but add up when you have to do them all yourself. Also watching the babies while she has a shower or doing some grocery shopping. I know I didn't want to leave my boys with anyone for a couple of reasons, its hard to expect anyone else to cope with twins who were not used to it. Plus also feeding I demand fed my boys so depending on when they woke in the morning they could have been feeding a hour apart so wasn't much time left to go out without them. I did get out and about quite early. A local shopping centre had great parents room so it was easy to do, but having someone to shop with would have been great company

And of course as already mentioned recommend she joins her local Multiple Birth Group.