Well, I am feeling very emotional today...

After a HUGE battle, I am down to the last feed for DS2, which I will be stopping tonight.

DS2 took to BF like a duck to water, a perfect little booby man, and has been so for the past 5 months. I have had so much joy feeding him, and knowing that I have given him a great start to life. From the first feed, to the last, he grunts and wiggles with pleasure, and feeding him has been an absolute joy. The way he rests his little hand on my chest, or pops off and smiles up at me...

However, due to my medical issues, I have had to force (gently help) him to wean. He had no end of trouble taking to a cup/bottle, and after some help we have finally gently helped him into drinking from the sippy cup and only have the 3am feed left to let go of.

I will be doing that tonight, and wanted to post here, as it is a bitter sweet moment for me. So many emotions attached to this. Joy, sadness, excitement, guilt, regret ... We will not be having any more children, so this is it for BF for me. I am so pleased I have been able to give this to my kids, even for the short time they both had. Yet, I feel regret for them, that I have had to "cut off" that special feeling they get when feeding. But it has forced me to find other special ways to keep that closeness with the boys, which I may not have done otherwise.

And then there is the feeling of excitement I get thinking that I can get my body back, just for me. And that I could, if I wanted, leave the boys, and know that they are going to be able to be nourished.

Dunno how to end this... I an holding onto this last feed for as long as possible, yet know it has to go, and last night, there really was not enough milk left for DS, and I had to top up with a bottle which he took quite easily... ...

Oh well, about to head out to my ABA playgroup and watch all the other mummies bf while I give him a bottle... But I am wearing one of my favourite tops out that I have not worn for ages as it is not feeding friendly... as I said bittersweet.