why do i feel so guilty

[Pandora]

Im sitting at my desk at work feeling very sad i think Ive reaslised I will have to wean DS2 almost completely and i hate the thought of it.
I feel guilty, but I cant do it anymore. Im getting 4-5 hours sleep most nights at max, not because I have to feed him - he happily goes 10 hours between feeds at night - but becuase of the expressing before bed, then getting up at 5 each day, often ealier if either of the boys need to be resettled.
My job is full time, very technical and often stressful or frantic. Long story short, I cant afford to be tired at work. I cant do it on the sleep Im getting now and if i leep goig i wont have a job to come to.

Ive nearly fallen asleep driving in on more than one occasion, and I get here an feel like I want to be back in bed.

There really is no other option. I need to be getting to bed before midnight, but having to express at 10:30/11pm doesnt leave much room for that, and if i try any earlier that that, it doesnt happen - I dont get a let down.

I know its the best thing for us becuase I will be a lot less tirted, cranky and stressed so why do I feel like the worst mum in the world.

[briggsy's girl]

it's because you are a good mum that you feel so bad.

through your pregnancy, you were determined to make breast feeding work - and you did. and now that it is, and you have to give it up, not because you can't feed, but because of work, you're feeling like crap. it makes sense

BUT, you have to look at the big picture. your return to work was to do what was in the best interests of your entire family long term. yes, it would be fantastic to be able to continue expressing for O, but you've looked at what is going to be best for all of you

it will hurt - you have succeeded this time around where you weren't able to before - and to make a decision to cut the feeding must be heartbreaking after going through so much to achieve your goals

you have done fantastically to get to this point - all i guess i can ask is if it's still going to be possible to feed keep your supply for maybe a first thing in the morning/last thing at night feed - so that you can continue to feed without putting undue pressure on yourself to be expressing for drinks through the day... O would probably be starting solids soon (if he hasn't already) so will start taking n more solids and less milk anyway... maybe it's a compromise if you can get it to work

hugs rayray

BG

[feeb]

Hun you have done a fantastic job to get this far. It doesnt need to be a complete end you could continue BF him before bed and maybe even n morning before you go if you have time. If you wanted to could also express at work and just not worry about late night express.

You are a great mummy and have given him an amazing start.

Hugs good luck you know I am here.

xoox

[Barb Glare]

Hi,

It's a hard gig, going backt o full time work with such a young baby. Made harder by having an active 3 year old. I know, because I went back to work fulltime when my first son was 6 weeks old - and worked fulltime for his whole first year. Sometimes the lack of sleep was crushing. There were many times when I thought I would have to wean - but then something kept kept bringimg me back. Reading and talking to mothers there are many ways of tackling this. Have you considered using formula while you are at work and breastfeeding after work and on weekends? What equiptment are you using to express - you deserve the best - is there any time saving you can make there? In my experience mothers always make decisions in the best interests of themselves and their families - so if you feel you have to wean, please don't feel guilty - but think it over and see if there is a way you cab "have your cake and eat it to"

[Butterfly Child]

Hun you are doing an amazing amazing job!
i havent really got any great advise as you have just recieved great advise already. just wanted to give you some big hgs

[Pandora]

Thanks everyone.

Barb, Im using a medela swing.
Im currently feeding DS2 before work (becuase hes getting up at 5am) expressing twice a day at work, b/f him for his last feed and then expressing once before I go to bed.

So depending how much I manage to express, some days he has 3 ebm feeds and others he has a mix of EBM and formula.

I think its like BG said I just really thought we could b/f longer this time, I had not planned on going back to work this soon and really wanted to b/f for 9-12months

[Fleur]

it's because you are a good mum that you feel so bad.

:yeahthat:

The others have said it all so well... just wanted to lend my support & .. you have to do what works for all of you. And sometimes what works best all round, isn't what we wanted it to be, KWIM?
And yes, breastmilk is great for babies but it's also one aspect of parenting. You've given him a great start, I don't know how you are doing what you are now! As Maz said, you're doing a great job, don't be hard on yourself.

Bekz

[Liz]

How's it going rayray? Hope you've managed to get some extra zzz's and feel better about everything.

[Pandora]

at the moment its still the same, except Im trying to express a little earlier in the evening, 9:30 ish
the car is being repaired so Im getting a lift to work for the next fortnight so at least I can sleep in the car.

[onthefly]

Take care of yourself