Wedding presents...

[Mak]

Just wondering how rude it is to give a gift when the couple have requested cash instead?

Also how much would you spend/give as a gift?

We are off to BIL's wedding and an interesting discussion was had about how much money they were expecting to receive as gifts....it was a little more than I had anticipated so was just wanting to gauge others opinions!

Cheers

[Mel A]

I tend to go with $50 Per person going to the wedding. so if it is a couple $100 for a wedding.

I think the rule is you spend on a present what they spend on your food and drink.

[alioops]

It depends on what they have and really need. Like if you know they dont have a lot of linen you could buy linen and just say that you weren't comfortable giving them cash without it being annonymous. If they do plan on having a wishing well though then give what YOU feel comfortable giving. It is rude for them to have an expectation as to what people should give, because a gift is just that and they should be thankful to get anything, especially if you are not in the same position financially that you have been in before.

[Marlene]

It is rude for them to have an expectation as to what people should give, because a gift is just that and they should be thankful to get anything, especially if you are not in the same position financially that you have been in before.

I agree!

[Mak]

Thanks girls! I thought it was a little unusual - they are expecting ~ $150 per head (so $600 from our family....even though we have 2 little people) which gave me a bit of a fright.
I am a little sentimental and would love to buy them something special for their house - rather than a cash deposit into their bank account (which was the direction in the invitation). I am really uncomfortable with the whole money thing especially after the inital conversation.

[~Hestia~]

I don't think it's rude to give a gift instead of cash, but possibly frustrating for the couple. Couples who ask for cash are probably getting something in particular with the money. I DO think it's rude for the couple to expect a certain amount, in your case $150 per head. You probably wouldn't spend $600 on a bought wedding present.
What I spend/give as cash depends on my relationtionship with the couple. The closer they are the more I'd spend/give.
When DH & I got married we had been living together for years & had doubles of everything, triples of some things!! We didn't need anymore things for the house & didn't want people spending money on stuff that would go to waste. We did need a new washing machine so our invitation said if guests wanted to give a gift, we would appreciate giftcards from XXXXXX store. I had no expectations whatsoever as to amounts or even if people would just choose not to give instead. The amounts we received ranged from $30 to $300 & we were able to buy exactly what we needed/wanted. A few people gave presents instead of giftcards & unfortunately we haven't used these household items once. I'm not annoyed they didn't give what we asked for, more regretful that it's being wasted.

[luna moth]

When DH & I got married we had been living together for years & had doubles of everything, triples of some things!! We didn't need anymore things for the house & didn't want people spending money on stuff that would go to waste.

We were in a similar situation, so asked for handmade gifts, handwritten stories, advice, photos, recipesetc. Or donations to charity. We got so many beautiful gifts that came from the heart that I ended up crying at every gift I opened. The best ones:
-A massive folder of marriage advice and recipes from a cousin
-A CD of another cousin's favourite love songs
-A framed photo of the place where we got engaged
-A photo of us on one of our first dates.

We got a platter, some towels, tea towels etc, but they were [excuse this] disappointing after gifts with so much love.

So maybe you could try something like that with a gift, and it would be unforgettable.