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MD, that's all kinds of wrong and you're totally right - if this was an issue concerning men, there would be an uproar and that bloke would already have been kicked in the nuts for it. It was on the TV again tonight and one woman said that the silicone in them was meant for mattresses! It's completely criminal that they have done it and even worse that there are different levels of implants depending on your income :hug: I imagine the BC support forums are running hot talking about it too :(
Geeze G, that is a tough call. Personally, if it were me, it would suck to have DH away like that. When I had E, DH started working in town to get us through the drought. When the mine started construction, the company he was working for got a big contract out there and they were working 16 hour days on a 13 day fortnight roster and it was hell. I was pg with P at the time and even though the money was fantastic, it really screwed us over in terms of family time and our relationship. It would have been the worst patch we'd ever been through because DH was just pushed to his limit. I know that is not the same as what your situation will be, but the week can be really long if he's away working and you have a bad week with the kids etc. So you will have to be prepared to go through some tough times on your own. Maybe you can work around that by having him home midweek? Then it will make the week go a bit quicker becuase you will see him for a night halfway through the week.
Even with the roster DH works now it can still be tough at times, but I know it's only for 4 days at a time. For DH, it means that sometimes he can be emotionally spent because he's so tired - how do you think your DH will handle the time away from you as well? A plus is that you will have the boys in preschool/school and you can build a new network of support pretty quickly by getting involved in that and there are always BB people floating around too that you can connect with.
Other than that, the situation sounds really good - living in a house cheap will give you an opportunity to get ahead financially. I'm assuming that DH will stay with his parents/brother while he's at work? If he does, that will save money too. Long term, you do things like this for the lifestyle it gives your family. Where we live can be really hard at times, but DH and I both know that the sacrifices are 100% worth it because of the lifestyle we are giving the kids and I think you two are in the same boat. I think you should at least give it a try and see how it goes anyway. Do you have the option of renting your house instead of selling in case you decide to come back?
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G: I reckon the only stick in the mud would be the commute for DH. week in week out. My DH did it for 6 months (admittedly it was super crazy in that he had to fly melb-syd then train to wollongong), so was further away and couldnt get home in a moments notice. it would be a bit hard in that respect ITMS. especially if you are needing to establish yourselves in a new network of friends and support...
THAT said, i am a big big fan of 'adventures'. could you try before you buy (in the sense that could you guys do the move before you sell the house in the hills?). see how it feels on your skin IYKWIM.
what about smaller towns a bit closer to syd? even the 'gong? (which i think is a pretty fab place!).
anyway, those are just my totally preliminary thoughts, i will think more on it tonight a bit more xx
MD: oh, that is super craptacular timing re the car...(not to mention the root canal...eepp!). i have to be honest and say that i am super stoked that there will be no childcare fees for L next year. that is a saving of $900 a month for us...much needed funds...
AFM: we are all pretty OK here. i ate some dodgy chicken in townsville and weirdly it only seems to overcome me every 2 days or so. it is soooo annoying. Marta is good with her arm, but now i am super super paranoid when i hold her hand/pick her up. hopefully this paranoia will wane as it is a bit excessive :lol:
Leila is SUPER excited about the trip to the US. it *might* have to do with the bag of goodies that i am packing for the trip and the promises of a visit to disneyland hahahaha!
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Cass, I forgot about disneyland!! That will be totally awesome!!
MD, bummer about the car :(
G, is there any other option for work for your DH near the smaller town? Any industry? The factories/mills that DH has worked in all have their own electrical staff. If you have cheaper housing could you afford to have a lower income so he is closer? Apart from the work situation the rest sounds fantastic.
I just got a text from my friend, she had a little baby boy this evening :) I will get to see a little newborn in the next couple of days (cluck, cluck...)
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OMG Arte you're not getting cluckish again are you??
If you get pregnant RIGHT NOW you'll be right on schedule for another September baby :rofl:!
Sorry...couldn't resist :p
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MD, if I could order another Erin type baby I would go for it - but there is a 2/3 chance I will get a sleep demon lol. Plus I still have the 'mask of pregnancy' and am not trusting myself with anything until all the baby hormones clear (I also reallllly want a puppy!). I don't think we would go for 4 though, I would like to have some sort of a career eventually.
Erin is back to waking only once :)
Cass, OMG @ $900 per month childcare fees!! People around her are complaining about the $10 per week family contribution at kindy - I think they might need a reality pill!
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arte- what kind of puppy are you gonna get? so cute!
not another september baby?!? how funny would that be?
there is other jobs closer that dh could get but he won't earn anywhere near the money and he's the kind of person that would be really ****ed off by that. he is quite money oriented. wants to buy big boats etc. lol
cass- we couldn't really try before we buy, in that, once we leave melbourne it would be super hard to come back here and reastablish work for dh. he would have to leave his job here. we sort of have to commit to leaving once and for all iykwim? anyways, tbh we both really want to sell this house. its one of the reasons pushing us towards the move iykwim?
yes there are smaller towns closer to sydney, but we have the advantage of living in the parents house there for close to nothing....plus i love it there...and so does L. he cried when we left and he keeps asking me when we are going back. it just feels right there.
$900 a month??? really? that is crazy!
trill- thanks for your thoughts, that is exactly what i worry about. i guess the only good thing is that L will be at school and J at kinder so i would have some time to myself to get stuff done -shopping/hairdressser/gym etc. iykwim? so it wouldn't be as full on as it has been the last couple of years.
yes dh would be staying with either his parents/bro in sydney so he would not be spending any money there. his mum would make him dinner/breakfast do washing etc.
this house is not a good rental property as it is super high maintenance (on an acre/surrounded by bush)- so we really feel that tenants wouldn't look after it. we really are sick of it ourselves now and just want it gone. the problem though is that the market here has turned to **** so we won't be getting a very high price for it by the looks of things.
thanks for all your suggestions. keep em coming!!!!! i need help
had a big chat about it last night to jm and she was really positive. she has been to the area and loved it.
i'll paste a little review on here that i found while doing a search of properties for sale in the area- tell me what you think-
"Long, Languid Summer Days"
Remember when you were young and summers were long and languid? When days were filled with the simple joys of early morning swims in blue seas, friends, bike rides and ice cream? Mum would tell you to be home by dinner time but the rest of the day was your own, exploring in safety with your friends? Callala Beach evokes these memories and is very much a beach community of days-gone-by. When you're there, time seems to stand still. Rustic retro fishing shacks are juxtaposed with sleek architectural beach homes and stand side by side in a nonchalant air of co-existence. The long, long stretch of white sand pristinely frames the clear azure water which beckons you into its depths. Pods of dolphins frolicking is a very common sight, that always delights. I guess some of the locals might be a little cross that I've left this review, and as I write, I'm torn about whether I should click the "Save Review" button, or just delete this. There's a sense that I don't really want to share this place, and already too many people know about it.....
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I reckon your mind is already made up G, now you just need to make the leap of faith to actually do it kwim? Even though I know it will probably be hard for both of you at first, it is still something you need to do otherwise you'll be looking back in another 10 years time and be kicking yourselves that you didn't do it. Once you work through the initial rough patch of getting used to the different schedules and DH being away, you'll be fine and wish you had of done it sooner.
LOL Arte at you ending up with another September baby. I still get clucky as anything around new babies, but it's a different clucky to what it used to be. Its more like OMG I"m holding a newborn/baby but YAY that I can hand it back. In no way whatsoever does it make me crave one of my own. I wanna know what sort of dog you want too. I can totally see your family with a hunting type dog - not the hunting-hunting ones, but the ones they use to go get the ducks once you've shot them. I can't even think what breed they are now. Either that or a cute little Jack Russell/fox terrier.
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G - Callala and that area is GORGEOUS! I think the time away will be hard, i would find that v hard but you would prob get used to it. woiuld it be like that forever though? havibg more time to yourself would be great - i long for that! and the idyllic lifestyle would be great for weekends and the boys growingt up. what are schools like around there? I had to LOL at you thinking of the boys goingto the pub!
you guys will FREAK out when I tell you what I pay for childcare.... J is $107 per day (so close to $2000 a month) and N kinder is close to that too.
craziness.
Arte - i predict Sept 2013. gotta keep the pattern. lol
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MP, A's one day at preschool costs us $28 per day, so not quite $300 per term. Even the childcare that I used for him was only $67 per day. It blows my mind to think that you have to pay that much. I can totally understand why some people can't afford it!
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me too!
I should caveat that that I do send N to kinder at a private school - so i cant complain about that. but the childcare - crazy! i think it just costs that much in my area.
My SIL has much less earning power than me. she is going back to work next week. they will be much worse off. nuts.
I really believe thee are many things that are allowing woment o be discouraged from working - i hate that, i think it should be an option for everyone to dow hat is best for them (not just financially but also emotionally/career etc). and dont even get me started on the disincentives to families where the woman is the better earner....
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MP: yeah i was happy to get out of the childcare fees as they went up to $102 a day...we were paying $98. so yeah, for me, that was crazy loads...and that was a uni one! (used to be student union funded pre Howard lol!)
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and I know its my choice (kind of) but I also have nanny fees on top of that for a couple of pick ups (as the boys do shorts days). so add about $150 a week...
ummmm - def not clucky for #3 now!!!!
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wow! we just honestly could not afford that!
money is probably one of the main reasons we won't have #3. also, my 2 drive me crazy enough as it is! lol
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Far out - I don't think I only earned around $100 a day when I was working! I wouldn't even be able to cover the cost of one kid in daycare let alone three! Do you have rebates for lower income earners over there?
I really don't think we will have another baby. I just love the whole excitement of the pregnancy and the tiny newborn, but not enough to do it again lol
Trill, are you thinking of a german short-haired pointer? DH has considered that but he doesn't have the time to put into a deer dog atm. Or a springer spaniel would be good and good with kids too. My pick would be an English Staffy, they have personality plus and are fantastic around children (not at all like the American staff). But I am not sure I want to listen to DH's bellyaching about the dog for the next 15 years!
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yep us too G. I need to think hard if i Can afford what I want for my kids of there are 3 of them.
but i must say when we were away we were stayingw ith friends and seeingt he gparents with their grown kids and the amazing family dynamics/bond/issues/depth of relationship - BLEW me away and made me want a bigger family. it was a special thing to see.
ETA yep Arte there are subsidies for lower income earners i think. there are 2 rebates - everyone gets one (which is close to 50% of these fees) as long as parents are working/studying and there is also a means tested one. So aside fromt he nanny fees I do get the forst rebate - so it does look worse than it is. the things that is even more upsetting is how little the child vare workers earn for what they do. i give mine a heap of babysitting work at nights (whcih i pay more than market for) as it is great for the boys to know them better PLUS the girls can do with the money. a least at school/kinder they get teacher wages (whcih i still think are low givent he importance of their job - versus mine for instance)
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Ginger! I totally failed to reply to your dilemma. Sorry. Like the others said, it sounds very much like the decision is already made, and you just need time to process what it all means. Having the IL's investment property to live in sounds fantastic, a great way to make the transition. The Sydney commute would be much more manageable if DH can stay with his family. But I'm reading through the lines and it seems like there might be other complicating factors - like the relationship with some of the ILs (cos I know there's been trouble there before). Is this likely to be aggravated if DH is staying with them? And you're living in the house? (because people can start acting like they've got ownership of your life when they're doing you a favour). Does this matter or are you thick-skinned enough by now to let most of it wash over? ALSO (and this is a positive one) - if the $ in Sydney would be better and the housing situation is much of a muchness in the small town, does this give you a way of not having to return to work in the imminent future? Because in my experience, it's much easier to handle having DH's away when you can structure your day the way you want to and not running in and out the door to work, study etc. So, try to think forward about what plans you have re your own working life (or not) and how that could be accommodated in your new situation. When we moved to Canberra it was a blessed relief because it allowed me to get out of the workplace I was in (and loathed) and make the break to fulltime study (because the housing was cheaper so we could afford it) and that led to a much happier career outcome. It also meant the year at home on mat leave was more affordable there than it would've been here. So, if you don't really want to be working, could the move solve that problem as well?
Re DH commuting/working away for part of the week. Tough gig. But probably easier to manage when it's an established part of your weekly routine. When my DH was away frequently for short stints (3-5 days) it was quite disruptive. For starters there was this whole packing/preparation explosion going on at home (which you won't have because your DH can get himself sorted out and keep stuff at his family's house) and plus practically every single trip would eat into our weekends. So I would say, find out in advance what the work expectations will be re DH working weekends or public holidays and think about whether you're happy to share him with The Man on those days. In some ways, weekday absences are easier to handle (cos you usually spend less time together midweek, anyway). I agree with Trill, a trip home midweek if he can manage it could make all the difference, but it's a lot of driving. Friends of ours in Canberra did this, they had over a 3 hour drive. They would leave home on Sunday afternoon, start work v. early on Monday morning, then worked long days so they did the better part of 5 days of work over 4 days, then they'd drive home after work on Thurs, which gave them nearly 3 full days at their block. Not saying this is ideal, but just so you know there could be other ways to divide up the working week. In my personal experience, the hardest thing about having DH working away wasn't having him away, it was all the other crap that goes with workign for the people he works for (like the ****ed up attitudes and aggression that it breeds and the complete failure of the system to value the family unit in any way and the constant changes to dates and times, etc). I know this because there has been times when he's been away (visiting his family, etc) and its totally different at home compared to when he's away for work.
But if you've thought about all that, and the small town is still beckoning, then do it. Life is too short to waste good opportunities by being scared of change. xxx
PS re the childcare, Arte, we get both rebates. After the first (income-assessed one), our childcare runs to over $1000 a month. Luckily you can now have the other 50% of your out-of-pocket ones paid direct to the childcare provider (but they withhold 15% for reconciliation at end of fin year) so I'm paying around $290 in a normal fortnight. I've tried working out ways to rearrange our hours so that it's cheaper but it only ever works out a saving of $40 or so (because of the rebates) for a whole lot of inflexibility and inconvenience so I'll just keep paying it for now.
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thanks for your take md. i appreciate your insight, i really do. you are totally right that the relationship with the ILs does concern me. having said that, the relationship has improved heaps over the last few years. it seems that since we virtually cut them off- they learned a lot and realise that we really hold all the cards now and that they need to work around us iykwim? i don't like the idea of them having power over us- by us living in their house, but I'm hoping that since this is an investment property of theirs (not their pride and joy primary residence) and apparently it is quite run down from tenants- that they are more relaxed about it all. any if they **** us off, we will have a fair bit of $ in the bank from the sale of this property so could always buy a house there or find a different rental iykwim? yes to the not having to return to work. dh has said that i basically would only need to return to work if and when i wanted to- and then only 2-3 days a week. i could basically just wait until i find a really suitable job- no pressure iykwim?
i have exciting news relating to all of this but I'm not sure if i can spill the beans yet......
ozstar..where are you???? ;)
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