Well here i go...

on the 10th of july 2008 i had no movement from my baby at all!
so i called the hospital to ask if i could come in.. they said come in straight away.. i live about 45mins from the hospital. as we were driving i was feeling really nervous, i wasn't even thinking "hang on my baby could be dead??"
i got to the hospital and the midwives saw me right away they put me on the bed and started trying to find the heart beat.. there was nothing.. the midwife said that the machine was old and they would go get another one. about 5 mins later she came in with a different one, still no heart beat all they could pick up was my H/B, by this stage i was already in tears my boyfriend was looking at me funny like could this be happening?
they then took me to the ultrasound room to confirm her death... yup they were right.. my little girl had passed away... they asked me if i wanted to stay in hospital or go home and think about things... we went home and didnt get much sleep that night.

on the 11th of july... in the morning at 7am i was admitted to hospital i was put in the maternity ward and waited to be seen by a doctor.
she came in an explained that i had to give birth to her. i began to cry and was very scared. an hour later they put something in my cervix to soften it. a few hours later i began to get little cramps..getting more scared as the hours passed by.. at 9pm my waters broke (on its own)...they examined me and i was 4 cm dilated.. my contractions started to get intense after my waters broke... the midwives took me and my boyfriend to the birth room and my man called my dad and his mum to come down (thinking she would be born soon) i then had a million showers that night...i got hooked on the gas and it became my best friend. but the contractions were just getting more intense....
the midwife checked on me about every 20 mins she was a lovely lady. she asked me if i wanted something for the pain. i immediately said yes! she gave me a pethidine shot and it didn't work so about an hour later she gave me another one... that one decided to work.. i was able to go to sleep for 2 hours.. at about 5am i woke up and my contractions had gone.. i sat there and had my breakfast and was acting like nothing was going on.. i was in shock still..
on the 12th of july at 8am a doctor came in and put a drip in my hand to get things started again.. the contractions were a whole lot worse then the night before...they checked me out and i was 7cm dilated. it was taking forever...
the pain got worse and i couldn't bare laying down anymore. i stood up off the bed and told the midwife i needed to push. she said go to the toilet and relief some pressure.. (like i wanna push to do a poo) i didn't want to push on the toilet so i just sat there...
my boyfriend came in to see how i was doing and i looked at him and said "ITS COMING"
the midwife came running in...and i pushed and her head came out..she was just staring at her daddy..one more push and she was out. they cut the cord and i saw her.. she was just adorable.
they took me to the bed so i could get the placenta out. i push for a while and it came out but broke off aswel. they checked if i needed stitches. but thankfully i didnt. i got up
off the bed and walked into the bathroom where my daughter was and started crying saying "my baby my baby please wake up" they put her in a blanket and put her in a cot and put a blanket over her so she could go get some skin samples. we came back to the maternity ward and spent all day with her. the midwives weighed her and took her footprints and hand prints. she weighed at 1pd 3.8oz.. 33cms and her head was 28cm..she started to dry out so they took her to the morgue.. every soring and night up until we went home we saw her to say good morning and goodnight and give her a kiss.. on the Monday we went home and she flew all the way to Sydney for an autopsy.. there are still no results on why she died. and i don't think ill ever no.. her funeral was on the 25th of july. it was beautiful... i got to say my last goodbyes to her..
i no she is watching over her mummy and daddy wishing she could be here
we named her Ryder Angel..

sorry for the long story

xx