Over the last 5yrs we've done so many HPTs that were neg, I had honestly given up on falling pregnant. I had told DH that I didn't want IVF as I'd always wanted to adopt, even when I was a child, so we decided to carry on doing as we were doing. We planned on buying a house and setting ourselves up first.
In January, the week after my grandmother passed away, I realised AF was late and I had some other symptoms so I thought I'd do a HPT. I even did it at work because I knew when it was negative I would have to suck it up and get back to work instead of getting upset like I usually would.
But it wasn't negative. It was a BFP. I did another. It was positive as well. I was shocked. I left work and went straight to my GP. It was confirmed. I was 6 weeks pregnant.
DH and I were over the moon. I was so excited just to get a BFP that I told everyone immediately. I kept saying "It's only early days yet. Anything could happen", but to keep me thinking positively we started talking about what we would have to do and what changes we would have to make.
In the back of my mind I felt like this wouldn't happen. I was focusing only on the 1st trimester. I kept waiting for the rug to be pulled out, but everything was going so well. I didn't have any MS, but I was exhausted, hungry and peeing all the time.
I started to let myself think about the future. About the rest of the pregnancy, about Labour, about our baby. We started to dream.
And now it's gone. It seems like some cruel joke. I tried to do everything right. I immediately stopped smoking. I completely cut caffeine. I was eating well, taking the supplements and generally taking care of myself.
I feel like I've failed my hubby. He's such a wonderful, supportive and loving man, and I like to take care of him and us as best I can, but I feel like I'm failing him as a wife.
I feel like I should be happy just to experience that positive result, and to have been pregnant for that short time.
Feels like my heart is broken
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I have no words for you.
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