We were lucky, we had fallen pregnant very easily - only two months after coming off the pill and getting married. I had a lovely first few weeks - enjoyed not holding my tummy in anymore, couldn't stand wearing tight clothing, enjoyed the little pulls and tugs as my body started stretching. I had just started to feel ravenously hungry every two hours, and had only slight nausea in the afternoons - nothing to complain about.
I had POAS three times - all with faint lines - and tested positive in a blood test taken by my wonderful GP, who called me at ten o'clock that night to give me the good news having rushed the results.
This weekend just gone, I had trouble sleeping on Friday night, and spent a couple of hours in front of the computer. About 4am, I had a low, dull cramp that lasted a few seconds and then passed. When I went to the toilet before going back to bed, there was some blood. I went to sleep though. At 6, another trip to the toilet and more blood. I woke my husband and we had a bit of a cry. I bled over the weekend, but not enough to even justify a pad.
I spoke to my GP who was v reassuring and we spent the weekend trying to stay calm. I can't tell you how much the BB threads on bleeding in pregnancy helped. On Monday morning, following my GPs advice, I went to the early pregnancy assessment service at our nearby hospital. A scan showed no evidence of pregnancy at all. The doctor said it wasn't at all what she was expecting to see, and that she didn't think I was miscarrying. She thought perhaps the dates were out, and I was in fact closer to five weeks. She suggested another scan in two weeks time.
Long story short, however, this morning the bleeding was heavier and by lunchtime I had started cramping. As I sit here typing this, unable to sleep, my darling husband sleeps exhausted.
My first pg happened very easily too. And when I found out I was pg I look back and feel I was so naive. I never thought that a miscarriage would happen to me, it never really crossed my mind. It happened sooner than expected so I naturally just worried about would we survive on one wage for a while. But the thought of being a Mum grew on me overnight and I knew all we'd have to do is sacrifice our luxuries. At 6 weeks I started bleeding, lightly at first but it got heavier. I had an u/s which confirmed a blighted ovum. We were devastated - our hopes and dreams for that baby were shattered.
It is a very tough time for both you and your DH and you might find you will deal with it in very different ways. I'm a very emotional person so I cried and cried, and then just got angry at everyone and everything. Where as my DH didn't really show his emotions like I did, although inside I know he was hurting as much as I was. It's hard to find a way to work through it together but over time you will.
It's good that your GP is so supportive.
I made a nice little garden in my front yard for my two little angels. I still think about them everyday and there will always be a big gap in my heart which could only be filled by my angels. The pain is still there and always will be, over time I have just learnt to cope with my feelings. Listen to your emotions, the worst mistake I made was shutting my emotions out. I had so much pain and anger built up inside it wasn't until 3 months after my first m/c that I really let all of the feelings out.
The ladies in here are wonderful support. I have some wonderful friends in the 'Trying to conceive after miscarriage or loss' thread. They will offer you wonderful support - even if you are not ready to ttc for a while yet they will welcome you with open arms and offer whatever support you need.
Sending you my best wishes and bucket loads of hugs.
It may not seem like it at the moment but the sun will shine again, and if having a baby is your dream then it WILL become a reality. It took me a long time to convince myself that the female body is designed to have a baby not a miscarriage.
by the ocean..my heart goes out to you for your loss, but welcome, this had been a wonderfully supportive place for me, and i hope you find it that way too. nothing prepares us for miscarriage, every pregnancy in our hearts is a baby with a name and a future, and losing one, however far along, is still a loss that we never forget.
BTO. my heart goes out to you. Your story is so similar to me 10 yrs ago. Newly married, fell pg easily but soon miscarried. I was devasted.
Talk to your DH and encourage him to talk to you. Sometimes men dont deal with this grief the same as women do. And that can cause a little extra problem that you really dont need. If he soon seems to be recovered and moving on, its not cos he doesnt care, its more likely that it is because he is trying to help you to recover by putting on a brave face.
This is just what happened in my case, and it took me a long time and a lot of tears to work it out. I may be wrong, and I hope your DH is loving, concerned and a good communicator, but its a trying time for you both, so I hope this helps if the need arises.
Hope my rambling makes sense to you. Take care lovey.
Thanks myson...I am very blessed to have a wonderful - and very emotionally intelligent - husband. We are able to talk about everything, so I feel very supported and hope that he does too. But you are right, that men and women just respond to these things very differently. He is relieved to have other things to focus on and that is helping him through, where as I find it v difficult to focus on work (and moving house, which we are doing this week - horror!).
Thanks, everyone for all your support - so kind! x
We will get back on the wagon after another cycle...so will be regularly haunting the TTC after miscarriage thread til then...
First post, first pregnancy, first miscarriage
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my heart goes out to you.
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