Oh hun, I'm so sorry for your loss
What you are feeling and thinking are all very normal things - 2 years later, I still wonder some days 'where' my baby is...
It's hard when you feel like your whole world has ended but people around you carry on just the same. As mothers, we feel the grief the worst, but I'm sure your husband is grieving too. I thought the same thing about my husband, but much later down the track he told me he felt he had to be strong for the family's sake, because if he lost it too, then where would that have left us? I guess he's right, but it was hard at the time.
One thing I always suggest though is counselling - I left it waaaaaay too late and wish I'd been to see someone much, much earlier than I did because it really did help to get some of these thoughts and feelings out, some of which were very painful to talk about and things I never would have said to family or friends. You have been through a very traumatic experience, there's no shame in getting some help to process that. I was pretty stubborn about it, I figured I should just 'get over it' and move on. But when that hadn't happened after 6 months, I got some help. I didn't stick with it though, and stopped going because I didn't think anything would ever make it go away. But with the birth of my son, it all came bubbling back up so I went back and this time I kept going. It might not be for everyone, but for me it really helped.
I know it doesn't seem like it now, but eventually, this will get better and you'll find a way to move on.
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