five weeks ago i lost my eleven week old son, Malakhi. he was such a happy healthy baby who hardly cried. he was a baby that loved being around other people and a baby who loved to know what was going on around him. i have a 20 mth old and she is the only thing that is keeping me going atm. i never thoought it would be so hard for me to try and keep going. the last happy thing we did together was go swimming it was his first time.
the funeral was such a blur i dont remember any of it. i never got to hold him one last time all because i couldnt stand up. it hurts so much to have seen a stranger carrie him away from me, knowing he will never come home.
when i found him, i believe that he was already gone and i kick myself each and every day for not telling him how much i loved him more often. i feel as if i cant cry because im scared that if i start i wont be able to stop. i cant sleep at night cos all i think of is ma little boy being so alone. i wish that i held him for that extra five minutes at the hospital, and keep hoping its all a dream. i dont know how to move on or even start to grieve.
im on here tonight because ive realised that nothing is ever going to bring him back and it is so hard to breathe or even think right now. i just wanna scream and yell and have someone to blame other than myself. im at a dead end and dont know how to turn around.
I know no words to express how devistating this must be for you. All I can offer at the moment is and lots more Keep talking and at the moment, nothing is right or wrong, just how you feel and caring for your little girl.
I am so sorry you lost your little boy Malakhi. He felt your love in every cuddle, every feed, everytime you looked into his eyes.
If you want someone to talk to there are 24 hour support phone lines at Bonnie Babes and SIDS and kids. Some of the counsellors at Bonnie Babes have also lost babies.
I"m so very sorry for the loss of your son. I wish there were words I could say to take away your pain. Hold the memories of your precious son close to your heart, he knows your love for him. Please talk to us here on BB, there is so much support here and it helps so much even just to write the words here. I pray that God will give you the strength to get through this very difficult time. My thoughts are with you.
Sorry for your loss!!I could imagine how much pain you feel;I wish I had any words that would take away your pain. I loss my son at 22wks and I was devestated I could believe it....it was the worst thing that ever happen to me so I understand you if you need anyone to talk I'm here..my thoughts are with you.
Last edited by Mimi24; March 4th, 2009 at 07:37 AM.
im so lost
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