I'm not sure how far I will get today, I can barely see throught the tears already....
Ad and I decided after #6, no more bubbas. It took a LONG time for me to get to that point. We went and got a refferal for Ad to get the snip.... but never got around to getting it....
Was feeling ill one night, a very familar feeling, done a test, and it was positive SO fast.... and to be honest, i was pretty pi$$ed... I had just gotten over not having any more.....
But pretty soon i was super excited!!!! Everything was going so well, just the worst morning sickness I had ever had!!!
All scans were normal.
On saturday night, I had some brown discharge. Wasn't too concerned, and took myself to hossy alone. A young doc couldn't find a heartbeat, but said my cervix was high, closed and not actually bleeding. She even laughed and said she never finds the heartbeat, and to come back upo in the morning when an Ob would be on, and have another check.
Sunday, and up we go. Another doc checked, and found a quick flicker of a heartbeat.... massive sigh of releif, and they take us through for a proper scan to check everything else is ok.
No heartbeat, at all....... I was just a mess..... complete mess.... we were told bub had passed at about 13.5 weeks...... was very small, with her little hand resting on her cheek....
im so sorry for your loss, i wish there was some way i could take away the pain sweetheart im thinking about you hun xxx take it easy and know we are all here for you
Will backtrack a little ... the sonographer said she would do the scan, then talk. So I watched while she took all bubs measurements, thinking she wouldn't be doing it if bub had gone. When she looked at me, I knew. She said she was so so sorry, but bub had passed, awhile ago. I broke down. She let me be for awhile, then asked would I like to see bub. I said yes immediatly. Bub was little, with a hand on its cheek, and one up on its head.. it looked perfect....... She said she couldn't tell what bub was, but since i had been certain it was a girl, I'm just going to go with that for now, I just cant keep saying "it"....
We were put back in our room and asked to wait for an Ob to book my D&C... they said I was very obviously not going to go on my own. We waited 5 hours, and I left. 2 hours later the ob rang me at home, asking why I had left the hossy. I said I DID NOT need to be sitting in his hossy with my dead baby for no damn reason... he appologised heaps, and booked me in for first thing Mon morning.
The kids were ok, Za was a mess, poor baby. I stayed in my room, and the kids came and went as they pleased, but were all mainly on my bed with me. It was nice......
Farmed the kids out late that night. Didn't sleep a wink. Looked a mess. My eyes were that swollen I literally could barely open them.
Got to the hossy, had the procedure, and was back with Harmony and Ad within an hour, and they let me home after 6. Didn't cry at all at hossy, but fell apart at home, for a long long time.
I still look a mess, but I am functioning. I have to, 6 kids and hubby still need me, and Ad is there for me late at night, when I just wanna crawl into a hole and never feel like this again......
Oh, Jodie, my heart aches for you in ways I could never imagine. I'm so sure that you're doing a wonderful job to the six that remain on earth, and now with a beautiful angel to guide you.
Little bubba #7.... "Seven"
but never got around to getting it....
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I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss.... I'm so sad for you. 
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