as i am typing tears are running down my cheeks..
on wednesday i started spotting.. which continued till friday.. in the afternoon i had cramping and passed some clots.. which im sure = the miscarriage.. as much as i want to believe it wasnt i know it was..

bleeding hasnt been that heavy though so i didnt feel rushing to the dr would be of any benefit.. they would just want to poke and prod at me, not what i feel i need right now..

DP has tried to be supportive but he has said he is not a woman so he cant not fully understand the 'pain' i am feeling right now.. and just reassures me that he loves me and that we will have more children, and tells me its not my fault its something that happens to lots of women and most of the time its for the best as it is natures way of sending angels to heaven who are not ready to be here..

besides DP i dont feel i have anyone to talk to about it all.. ten months ago i had a traumatic experience with the birth of my DS which ended in emergency c-sec and when i needed my friends and family to be there they were all caught up in their busy lives.. amazingly DS at ten months seems to be understanding something is going on and has been very good for me while DP is at work..

part of me feels responsible for it all as i have a chromosome translocation which makes it more likely to miscarry..part of the reason we havnt told people .. i just feel like why is my body letting me down again?!
i know there is nothing i could do different..

sorry this has been such a long blurt

Jassi
DP J
DS Bailey 2/3/2007
8 weeks