I'm a 28 year old who has a healthy happy 3 year old son.. Before June 22nd last year, I thought life was pretty perfect. That was until I had a missed miscarriage.. That day I had booked into the hospital, and got a referral for an ultrasound so that I could finally see my baby..

As I was laying there on the chair and the guy was looking at my baby I knew something was wrong. Last time I was pregnant and I had an ultrasound, they show you the baby.. "look there's the heart beat" "there's the baby's head".. etc etc..

So I asked him, "what's wrong" to which he responded, "You need to speak to your doctor"

After an anxious and long day, I saw my doctor who told me what I was not hoping for.. "it looks like your pregnancy is not viable" So it was off to the hospital for a d&c...

I waited 9 months to try again for a new baby.. I thought I was ready. I had a new job (the promotion I was dreaming for), a clean slate and I was feeling good..

I found out I was pregnant on the 25th March.. I cried... I cried for the baby I had lost last year and I cried for the baby that I had brought into this world. I was so afraid that this would happen again. I went to my doctor and explained to him all my fears.. I realised that I had brushed the emotions from my previous loss under the rug and moved on and this new pregnancy had made me feel those anxieties all over again..

Slowly I pulled myself together and began to be happy.. That was until I went for my first scan.. I was so scared that they would tell me something was wrong.. I was 7 weeks pregnant and I couldn't wait to see that little heart beating.

I didn't get to see that heart just yet.. The lady told me that I was about 5 weeks pregnant.. I was so confused. I cried and cried with the thought that I had lost another little angel..

I was told to wait a week then go and have another ultrasound to see if the pregnancy had progressed. Exactly a week later I went back to get another ultrasound. This time I got great news. I was 5 weeks and 6 days pregnant and I saw the tinest little heartbeat.. I was so excited. I went home on cloud nine... My doctor rang me to say how happy he was and he would see me in a couple of weeks...

It was Friday morning when it all came crashing down.. I got up after sleeping in. My hubby had gotten up with our son and gave me some time to sleep. I kissed them both good morning and went to the toilet.. As I sat down I heard a 'plop' in the toilet.. I looked down and there was blood everywhere.. I called out to my husband to tell him to get our son ready, I needed to go to the hospital.

We got to the hospital and they took me straight in. After some blood tests, two ultrasounds and a lot of waiting.. I was told what I already knew.. I had miscarried again. This time there is no luxury of a d&c... I have to have this one come out naturally..

Each time that I go to the bathroom I am reminded of who I have lost and the life that I will never know.. That was yesterday and I am just devastated...

The doctor suggested I go to see a gyno to see what is wrong but told me to remain positive because I have a healthy child.. To be honest, it's what keeps me strong. I have him to hold and love until I can share that love with another child... hopefully, one day...

I don't know if hearing my story would help anyone, I know it feels good just to write it and to acknowledge that it happened and not sweep it under the rug.

Thanks for reading.. And to all those other woman who have suffered the loss of a little angel.. Keep your heads up high, for our babies were too beautiful for this earth.. We will see them all in our dreams and in our hearts. You are mothers in every sense and you know that one day you will hold them in your arms again. Lots of love to you all..

Mx