I am so sorry that you and your daughter are getting this reception. My younger sister is adopted and we had similar reactions from some family members but not always blatantly.
The first thing is to make sure your daughter knows she is loved and wanted. It's kind of obvious, and you probably already know that. If your daughter is starting to recognise it (my sister did), it is important that she knows that you see her as your daughter, and your family members are a bit funny sometimes. Sort of so she knows it is their problem and not hers.
Do you feel that you can question any of your family members about their actions, see how they perceive it? They may not realise what they are doing, and the effect their actions and words are having. Your daughter is the first granddaughter/niece and has been for 6 years, no matter how she came to your family.
Depending on their responses, you then have to question what is best for you, your daughter, and your family.
You may have known about your daughters' disabilities before the adoption. This does not mean you can't feel frustrated by them sometimes, just as other parents with kids with disabilities go through. There is also more to your child than the disability (as you know!), and it can be disheartening when others, especially your family members, don't always see those other parts first.
I think your feelings are justified. Your Dad needs to pull his finger out and SHOULD be buying your daughter a Christmas present, and birthday present every year. Her medical needs are separate and helping you out with getting her wheelchair is not excessive, but should also not be a excuse for not getting her birthday presents.
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