after writing that i read that private adoption is illegal. i suppose it is all the initial shock of everything. I have been thinking a lot and have spent hours talking to my partner and all morning to my amazing mother and I really think that adoption is the right thing for me.
I would feel so much better knowing that I could give a happy couple that desperately wants a child that gift. I feel like its my calling (might sound silly, but I am at peace with that) However I am worried about getting through the next 2 or 3 months.

the crazy thing about this all is, i am apparently about 30 weeks pregnant and I only have the tiniest of tiny little bumps, its almost like i have eaten to much. I didnt feel any movement until yesterday and even then I dont know if it is just my stomach turning because I doesn't feel like anything. Maybe its all denial, i dont know, but i sure as hell dont feel like I am going to have a baby pretty soon. I am going to the doctor again today, getting all the proper blood tests and hopefully a fast tracked scan so I dont have to wait until tomorrow. I am terrified about the scan, i dont want to know anything about it.

Thank you all for caring so much. Reading this blog has made things make more sense.