I'm very sorry to hear of your loss and frustration. However, there is light at the end of the tunnel, especially if you choose to open your hearts to adoption. You will never be the same. My husband and I adopted our first three kids, then fourth is biological. Sometimes people wonder if it's somehow different the way we love them. It is not. Having done both aodption and birth, I can tell you that adoption is the true miracle of the two. The kids don't seem to notice a difference either, our entire family has, and always will, treat them as though they belong with us..because they do. We are a multi-cultural family and are very open about adoption with our daughters. They are very proud of who they are and how they came to grow in our hearts instead of my belly. Good luck to you as you continue your family-making journey, whichever turn you take.